Best Of

I’ve been feeling this way for a long time, but the past couple of years have been especially tough. I feel stuck in a rut and unhappy with where I’m at, often doubting myself wI'm really sorry you're going through this. You've been through so much, and it's completely understandable to feel drained. Just take it one step at a time you're stronger than you think. You’re not alone, and you deserve support. Keep holding on. I'm really sorry you're going through this. You've been through so much, and it's completely understandable to feel drained. Just take it one step at a time you're stronger than you think. You’re not alone, and you deserve support. Keep holding on.

I know many people feel this way at some point and tend to be too hard on themselves, but for me, it feels different. I don’t have a job, I’m not where I should be, and I feel like I haven’t achieved anything yet. I’ve tried a few things over the last two years, hoping they would lead somewhere, but they didn’t work out, and I ended up finishing both years without a job, which really gets to me. I have some things coming up that could lead to something, but they aren’t guaranteed, and I can’t help but worry they’ll flop or won’t turn out as I hoped, just like before. It’s frustrating because I don’t want to keep ending up in the same place, feeling like I’ve wasted more time. Still, I want to break this cycle, push through, and make the most of things.

Another kinda update with this whole situation: it isn't even to do with the GP appointment as im done with them just waiting for my next one in about 3 weeks (need to book it tbh though).

But I had my old ED therapist message me today about having a chat to see how I am with my wellbeing etc. I was a little reluctant to message back and agree to it just coz it was at work and felt abit uncomfy. Anyway I did end up having a chat with him on a video call whilst sat in my car.
He was definitely told by the health nurse what had been going on recently as he didnt focus on anything to do with my ED at all not till the last 5 minutes. However, he was concerned with the frequency of my suicidal thoughts and how i have acted on these and not recieved help recently * im safe now though *. He breifly said that it seems I've lost basically everything and have no fear of death or anything like that.
We did discuss my thoughts a little bit and talk about my safety etc - tbh I'm surprised I was honest coz im not always honest about my thoughts and will pretend im fine.
My old therapist has agreed to provide kinda weekly wellbeing calls. I have one next Wednesday with him at like 12pm (noon) and then he's on annual leave begining of March so idk what's happening then. Not looking forward to next one though coz we are going to talk abit more about my eating habits because since leaving therapy (well getting discharged) things have been all over the place - he doesn't want to go over things we already did in the past therapy session but I feel like we will. I know everything already that i should be doing and what I need to do but its just hard.

Still not heard back from CMHT with this phone call - idk if I phone them again to find out or wait and see if they contact me. Like in my head I want to find out why they phoned me but then the anxiety makes it difficult to even attempt to make a call.

I just dont know what to do.
There's too many things happening all at once too much uncertainty in a way.

Im exhausted with everything- but then that's coz I'll mask constantly

@eylah Unfortunately, I struggled to sleep last night and I still feel low. But I know that I will feel better once I’ve finished all my shifts this week.

When I’m not at work, I’m a lot more confident and happy.

Thank you for checking in on me

had a rly rough few days been in hospital bc of reactions and a mini seziure i had few days ago but was in hospital when i had it. but was bc i was rly stressed. but im trying my best to keep going but had a rly awful experience with police today which im sad abt bc the first two officers were rly nice but then two came along and were horrible. they was not supportive at all . im so drained i just wanna sleep and cry but can do neither of them. wish coming out of hospital ( psych ) was easy but it’s going to shits it rly is and im sad abt it. bc its not easy it’s getting rly hard . seen a dr abt the seziure and im doing better this was few days ago

@eylah Unfortunately, I still feel horrible. I’m not extremely anxious anymore, thankfully. And nothing bad has happened, so atleast I survived today 🎉

All carers r behaving now, but we still hav email tht says I'm a bad person. My mums heartbroken it didn't work. N bc of tht I'm sad. Am I to blame or the management? If it was a different manager it would have worked? I caught a carers attention by self harming I did it infront of the manager office but he was out tht day. N I sed to ppl previously tht I didn't want to be here
I'm gd now, as I'm with mum I've been looking at the last few years and it makes me sad. I feel I let ppl down
I'm looking to the future 😊 I'm gd now. I'm happyhappy