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Redemption wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

btw @Redemption you can talk to me. im here for you you mean so much to me.

Thank you @eylah , its just been tougher than usual the past few days but we are all here for each other here.

DonnerKebab wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

im here crying my eyes out my bf couldn’t give two shits.

@eylah Im so so sorry you're upset but we all care so much about you Im so sorry you feel like that. A massive hug from me.

hugs 🫂. just the fact that ive got so much going on rn and he is ignoring me. telling me im overreatcing for feeling what i do. etc and tonight im sad and he doesn’t give a shit. he’s even said he wants to break up with me and couldn’t care if he does. i just want to be loved.

i think i just need to sleep but i physically can’t.

@eylah I'm sorry i haven't been on here anywhere near as much as i used to be, and i really do miss our awesome chats on here, but i just wanted to pop in and let you know that not at single thing you've done is overreacting. You have perfectly normal and valid concerns. There isn't a single person out there who wouldn't feel the way you do given everything that's happened. Being ignored, gaslit into thinking it's just an overreaction (which it isn't) and then, and i don't want to jump the barrel here, but possibly emotionally blackmailed with a breakup and the fear of loneliness isn't right. It's not okay eylah for anybody to be treated like this, least of all you, the kindest soul on here. You are right that he doesn't deserve you.

And i've said this before, and i'll happily say it again, you'll always have someone to speak to on here, even if it's just an online stranger. I'm sending you two virtual hugs today (one for getting through the anniversary which took enormous strength, and the second for all your going through right now).

And for little it's worth, you really are loved by everybody on here.

Redemption wrote: »

DonnerKebab wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

DonnerKebab wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

DonnerKebab wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

@DonnerKebab are you free to talk, bro?

@Redemption hey bro, sorry i've been a while, yeah, course i am

@DonnerKebab nah thats ok, Im grateful you chat, thsnk you so much I hope it's not an issue supporting me. I had some of the food I was on about earlier and I couldn’t eat it, I didn't like it at all.

@Redemption you shouldn't feel like you have to force yourself to eat food you don't like. It's madness. If you don't enjoy it, it's no different than eating an MRE pack. Your whole situation, being surrounded by people who are trying guilt you into eating it all isn't good, and it's no wonder you've been struggling.

And it isn't an issue at all offering you what support i can. You damn well deserve support bro. I'm not as active as i used to be admittedly, and i've had times on here where i've gone full support mode for a week, and other times, i've stepped away for a bit for a week here and there. My supports been really inconsistent, but i'm always happy to try and help you where i can mate.

@DonnerKebab I didn't have to finish it luckily, chucked it away, after taste is there though, I normally like this food but I don't like this, it stunk, didn't look the best and didn't taste the best, I was just gagging through i but its gone now. It's not even my low mood i just honestly don't like it.

I really appreciate it. I have been having a bit of down day, been irratable, tired, been a tough week, been a tough time long term but times are tougher than others. I got really heavy on Thursdays chat. It's been tough since that time, after that chat I shortly went to bed, tough night and I think I cried, its ok to cry. I cried during that chat, I want to say a massive thank you to you and the people who supported me in that chat, thank you so much and the incredible mods, y'all amazing and youre a top lad. Im learning and reflecting. I have a meeting with this guy who had that opportunity and going to talk to him about what I want to do, Ill be wider. Can't dwell on that opportunity because its done with.

@Redemption that's good bro. Sounds like the food was gone of by the sounds of it. Nasty food is nasty food regardless. And I'm really glad you opened up on Thursday as well. It takes a huge amount of bravery to be admit that, and you should be proud of yourself for opening up. We're all proud of you. As you said yourself, it is okay to cry. We aren't robots, we're people. People feel things, they have low points and high points. It's probably stranger not to cry if i'm honest. And it is true as your experiencing at the moment some low points really are painful and at times, it might be difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel when your going through it, but having been there myself, i can tell you that the light is still there, it's just hard to see during those low patches. All storms eventually pass, it's just about holding on until it does.

And you are right. An opportunity passed isn't something you can fix unless you have a time machine. I've mentioned this once before, but all you can do is whatever is in your power currently. You can't change the past, you can't go back and change decisions made, all you can do is work on yourself, learn from it all and move forward, and that is what you are doing. Not dwelling on it, but pursuing more opportunities. So well done to you bro. Your breakthrough will come in time. You're still fighting on, so well done.

Thank you so much @DonnerKebab so kind. Also what Im worried about is it might seem like Im not wanting to work but I am. It just was certain stuff but I need to maybe cut some leeway a bit. I worry about what people here think about not taking the opportunity any further. It's been tough just getting over it, just was so irratable at the thing. If you meant food gone as in out off, it wasn't off, it was just how that place was, a lot of people probably like it but I wasn't a fan unfortunately. I'm still healing from everything. Going to keep applying and keep going, keep going to my course, see this guy on Wednesday and hopefully he'll be in contact with more opportunities. I really appreciate the positivity and encouragement. Im so so glad I've got here. The watch party was a good distraction for it. I love this community so so much.

Sian321 wrote: »

Hi @Redemption , thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you're coping with some really painful thoughts and feelings right now, and you've done so well to post here and reach out for support. I can hear just how heavy all of this pain, stress, and guilt is feeling - it's been building up, and up, and it's getting to a point where you're feeling like you shouldn't have existed in the first place. I hear you. Can I ask, what is practically helping to keep you safe right now? And would you feel able to share more about that guilt you're feeling - what would it say if it could speak?

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Can I ask why you want your meds lowered? Is it the side effects or something else?