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so yes, i am scared of becoming psychotic again. although i am doing everything im supposed to be in terms of my mental health theres that doubt in my head that im going to enter another psychotic episode either because of stress. sleep deprivation or both. its because i have mock exams in less than a month because for some odd reason i have exams earlier in the year than sixth form students, and even they have mock exams, whilst we have the real thing in january. and on top of that i have mock exams in less than a month and i have no idea how im going to pass that because my business book hasnt even arrived yet and its been three weeks. i dont have anywhere where i can revise from other than maybe the powerpoints that they sent us on teams. but even thats not enough. so essentially im fucked.

Hi @Redemption

How are you feeling today? Are you still feeling quite stressed and overwhelmed?

Firstly it is completely valid to feel like a job is not right for you, and respecting that feeling is not something you should shame yourself for. Not every career is going to be right for you. But I do wonder after being able to think about it for a day or 2 where do you stand now. Do you think maybe being a cleaner is something you could try for a bit, or is it definitely not for you?

If you do decide that cleaning is actually something you want to try, there is no harm in calling them back and seeing if this opportunity is still available.

Also it sounds like other people's opinions about the career seemed to make you feel more stressed about whether to accept the cleaning job- please correct me if I have misunderstood.

If you do think that this is the case and you decide you don't want that to impact your decision as much next time - it may help to think about what you would say to a friend who was unsure about a job. You might find that your own advice you would give to a friend helps you make a better informed decision on what you actually want to do.

Please remember you are enough and that your worth is not defined by whether you have a job or what that job is.

Really not prepared for this busy day. Even if the things at court are going well, It is still hard. Going to court and fighting, it really shouldn't be that hard.
I have been going to court and stuff for this reason for quite a long while but I have never spoken about it till recently only because it was like a fresh thing, and I was also having deep conversations with my fiance about whether she would be okay with me doing it, and if I was making the right choice, she was always telling me how my choice is the best thing for the kid and she would be happy to be a parent even though we didn't plan on having any kids.
Since her passing I am finding the court a lot harder, because I am going to be a single parent, and my fiance is missing out on what would of been a start to a family.

The kid knew my fiance so I am still going to keep her in the picture as I really can't just erase her out of our family.
At the end of this month if everything goes to plan then I will be a parent.

After court today, I am then going to speak to some people in London to hopefully get my fiancé's funeral service accepted to be in her home country.

@Redemption , it sounds like things have been heavy lately, and you've been carrying a lot of guilt. That sounds so hard - that feeling of going to bed slightly dreading the next day, and not being able to get any relief from the sadness you're feeling. Would it feel helpful to share some more about what you're feeling guilty for at the moment, and where that sadness is coming from? We're here for you and we're listening.

@Sian321 i have a bad headache but I’ve not eaten all day so it could be from that, I’m going out for dinner soon and yeah my mum is home

Last night was rough, low, and when getting up it was like I was waking up back to misery but it's not been too bad today. It was just I had a nice dream then it was like it wasn't real then what was real to waking up to guilt and sadness