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Verity wrote: »

Hey @Lottie5433 I'm really sorry this was said to you, that can't have been easy to hear when you are already struggling. It's understandable that this has taken a toll on you over the years. Being the bigger person can be hard, but it can also alow you to set boundries if a realtionship is causing you distress. I wonder if you've spoken to you sister about how these words can affect/hurt you, what comes to mind when you think of this conversation?

I really wish the best for you with your appraisel and I hope you get the outcome that you want, is there anything in particular that you are worried about that you feel comfortable sharing? it's completely understandable to feel this way about your wellbeing call, and the other things you are worried about I'm sure are not helping, but in a way, the wellbeing call could be another way to explain all of the bullet points you mentioned. I'm sure they will be there to listen as are we.

Hi @Verity, thank you again I appreciate your words.
I’ve never spoke to my sister about how her words hurt or affect me, I know if I did she wouldn’t care or she’d go tell my mum what I’ve said. Either way no one ever gets how I’m affected by it all - funnily enough not even my therapist I had understood just said “your eating disorder is a result of comments made by other in your childhood” didn’t really help with it or anything really.

I wouldn’t say there is anything I’m worried about with the appraisal it’s just the thought of talking about my performance and the expectations for next year. But I’m kinda feeling okay going into next year because I know my general manager is supportive and I now work alongside my boyfriend and we will be taking things on as a team - like dealing with a certain employee.

So I didn’t get a wellbeing call, I did email CEDT and they just said they look forward to seeing me in the new year and just to let them know ow if I was coming to session or not - guess that’s do they can do a wellbeing call if needed.

The missed call I had from ICMHT was about me meeting with one of their workers to see if starting DBT now is a good thing or not. We have arranged that in January I am to meet them in person to discuss all this just waiting to find out the date which is a bit daunting because like I don’t know what to expect but I also need to get my rota done for work so my team know what they are doing. I also want to know so I can let my general manager know as I’ll need set days off and that has to work around my contracted hours and the opening times based on the season we are in etc

So there is a lot currently but thank you for the message

@Sian321
I have had such a busy day today so far, and I still have a few more things to do today this is literally the only short breather I have had today so far.

I have absolutely no support in person at the moment.
And as for parenting, I will say I am doing a better job than I thought I would be. He is struggling quite a bit but his treatment seems to be doing the trick, he has been really exhausted lately though and spending a lot of time sleeping. It will be his first Christmas not in hospital so that is exciting, he is looking forward to Christmas, I am feeling rather overwhelmed about it so I will try and make it a wonderful experience for him while also taking it easy.

Sian321 wrote: »

It really is, isn't it @eylah ! What's your favourite way to stay warm?

blankets and hot water bottles! and my teddy bears 🫂

It really is, isn't it @eylah ! What's your favourite way to stay warm?

I’m starting induction next week for a domestic role. I didn’t want to do it at first, but I decided to start widening my options because things were dragging me down too much. Another Christmas was coming, and it felt like I had failed, but it’s not a job that’s completely unsuitable for me. The hours are every day, but just a couple of hours in the morning, which suits me since I prefer working during the day rather than evenings. I didn’t want to be too picky, and I’ve tried to be flexible. I’ve overthought the stigma around domestic jobs, but it’s a simple job and harder to mess up. I wouldn’t want to do it for life, but it doesn’t have to be forever, and it’s an important job. People should never look down on it.

I tend to focus more on the cons than the pros, even though multiple people have said I should be proud of myself, maybe even some who doubted me. I’ve struggled to feel positive about it and I’m scared of messing something up. I’ve been venting about this for ages, yet I still feel conflicted. It seems like part of me doesn’t want it, but I do. I think I’m slowly becoming more positive that I have a job, though I’m scared of failing. Previously, I’ve had negative experiences one after another, which makes it hard to feel optimistic, but I think getting into the routine will help. The job is only a couple of hours a day, seven days a week, so I’ll need to adjust to getting up earlier, but the short hours are constructive and give me a sense of accomplishment.

Living at home, I don’t have many bills, just my car, a bit of housekeeping, and my phone bill, which I’m trying to reduce. If I’m sensible with money, which I think I can be, I can treat myself occasionally but only buy what I can afford. I hope this marks the start of an uphill journey, and it should make it easier to get other jobs from here. I’ve done well by taking this role despite hesitations, ignoring the stigma, completing the online ID verification, and persevering through doubts, dark thoughts, and setbacks. I just want to do well and focus on the positives.



Also wanted to say a massive massive thank you, to you all for being with me during my journey and you're going with during this too, you all absolutely incredible, I mean it ❤️.

Nathan wrote: »

Nemuritai wrote: »

Morning

morning @Nemuritai how are you today? (spam block stopped me posting earlier)

Hey there @Nathan, good to see you I'm doing good! I've been reading lots in japanese in preparation for the readathon on sunday, and I think I've been improving a lot! Here are the first couple of novels just in case you want to see:

Anyways how are you?