Best Of

@Lottie5433 , thank you for sharing what you have. It sounds like the last few months especially have been really overwhelming, and I hear that self-blame and regret you're feeling right now. You said you feel like you need to punish yourself. We're listening and we're all here for you.

What has it been like to begin journalling?

And how do you feel about your bf reading? You deserve to be able to hold boundaries over whether your journal is private or not, especially as I remember you saying that in the past you'd felt upset when your journals were read by other people.

How are you practically keeping safe at the moment in between your work shifts?

Popping some options below for 1:1 support if you are struggling with distressing thoughts and feelings:

You're doing so well to talk about this, especially when you're feeling as though you've 'screwed up'. That can take a lot of courage and feel daunting. And that part of you that's afraid you've messed things up just deserves so much space and time right now to be listened to.

@Sian321 a month ago, wen I brought it up they brought up a situation which painted me as a bad person coz they turned it round, I walked away tht day instead of making my point. We told the advocate everything 😊
Somedays i feel emotions all at once, would tht make u freeze on the spot? Everything's gd atm. But wen something is sed I think to much

@Redemption I play Xbox, just playing the older COD's. I've got all of them from COD 4 - Black Ops 6. Bo2, Bo3 zombies, Infinite Warfare, Advanced Warfare, Cod 4 remastered and World at War are my favourites so i tend to go back to them a lot rather than play this modern Bo6 crap.

And yeah, once that happens though, then it's just deciding what then. Do I let it go and move on, or pursue it?

@River I don't know what exactly happened, or what the situation is, but you are not guilty of anything. You are not a filthy disgusting freak, I promise. Whatever it is, authorities have been informed by you, and authorities know the situation. And whatever it is, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

People miss things, there are signs that don't get spotted all the time. Heck, when my uncle took me out and ended up selling me at age 4, he was 2 months out the nut house and had more red flags than the red army had in WW2, off his meds and shaking for a drink. And that was missed by my mum and my gran. People miss things, which is why having people like Anna to double check stuff sounds like a good idea in future for you. I'm glad you've been able to get things off your chest to her, and I'm glad you've got support from her and authorities are sorting things.

But you are not a filthy disgusting freak, you are the same kind hearted person you've always been River.

River wrote: »

If I have to tell the staff tomorrow the situation I’m gonna be so humiliated, I’d tell them and ask them to delete my account 😭

Sorry for rambling, I’m here if you want to vent or anything however you know where to find me if you don’t feel comfy on here @DonnerKebab

@River It's understandable. If it's any consolation, there's a chance I'm gonna have counter terror crawling over every aspect of my life soon enough, from internet history to possibly interviewing family just to rule out radicalism, if they take the crap claims seriously which they most likely won't. By the looks of it though for you, just showing it's been reported via that screenshot River is all they'll need to know, but i understand if it's too embarrassing to stay after, if they want more info.

And don't ever apologise for venting about things. You've listened and supported me venting enough times friend. And thank you River, you really are the greatest

It was hard enough showing Anna and I trust her with my life, I feel disgusting like how did I not know that it was wrong I’m a filthy disgusting freak I hate myself so much

I’m not gonna be able to tell the staff I’m so ashamed, they may still have to risk safety even tho it’s sorted but idk I’m so scared, literally set my alarm for 9:30 so I’m awake before the mix is online just incase because I don’t trust that it won’t be reported

If I have to tell the staff tomorrow the situation I’m gonna be so humiliated, I’d tell them and ask them to delete my account 😭

Sorry for rambling, I’m here if you want to vent or anything however you know where to find me if you don’t feel comfy on here @DonnerKebab