Best Of

TThe Youtuber in question rang me via telegram, but I didn't pick up bc the world has taught tht ppl r scary

I'd thought I would update you all on the internship that I have been doing. It's been going very well. So for those who don't know I'm currently doing a supported internship with a college and a local company in my area. It's for those who identify or have a diagnosis of autism or are neurodivergent.

I love what I do as I am currently working within the marketing department but the things I find hard is the early starts and that it is a full time course Monday to Friday.

To be honest I haven't had any time to relax or even do hobbies eventhough I have been doing more adhd friendly crafts and I did actually draw again which seems like such a long time ago since I have done my art.

I just feel like I'm always exhausted and it's not to do with my bedtime routine because my routine is perfectly fine and normal, I go to bed at 10 maybe sometimes 11. But I just feel this constant feeling of tiredness.

Not to mention that one of our tutors who was previously our tutor also left to do the other course which was a massive change. We were only told last minute so for someone with autism that was really great to deal with (actually not). But I'm aware that people come and go and that's part of life I guess. I shouldn't be too attached to people but I do, I guess it's to do with my empathetic nature or something honestly I don't even know.

After old tutor left we got a new one and she is so lovely, supportive and I say more understanding. Because at times while my previous tutor was great I don't think he really understood neurodivergent people to be fair. Then again my job coach is kind of similar because a lot of the classwork we have been doing seems to be more designed towards younger people rather than adults. However we are getting to ready to learn more proper life skills such as finding employment etc etc. Which is much more better and up my street than just learning stuff I would have learnt in primary school.

I don't know if it's me but sometimes I feel autistic folk tend to get patronised or spoken to like kids rather than genuine adults.

Also not to mention the whole attendance thing which I get punctuality is important but they get thingy about us having sick days or days off. Apparently on the college website it said my attendance was very high yet my job coach I had two sick days so I haven't have high attendance. Yet I always came in early every single day in the morning, put out the laptops and do the lights in the room before even my tutor and job coach enter the building!. Yet they were always late at times.

Again sorry for the long rant I don't really rant as much as I normally do in general. Wow that was a lot, I could go on but we would be here forever to be fair lol.

I’ve kinda just given up with work and I don’t know if it’s because there is too much change happening or if I just don’t like the place anymore.
I don’t know how I can carry on it’s affecting my mh too but I don’t want to tell my general manager about it. Like she’s supportive and will want to help me but with all this change in policy etc I don’t know what she’d do.
If I speak to my gp they will just ask if I want to be signed off - I denied this last time because works like one of the only things that helps me stay safe.

I want to tell N about all this but I don’t even know what to say

hi @amibee7 that was so brave of you to post! And I understand where you are coming from I am a post grad uni student now and the same thing happened to me in my third year I reached a point where I questioned so much and trust me I know how hard it is to reach out for that support but it is incredible what you are doing so far be proud of yourself for that! I know it’s challenging but take it from someone who has been in your position it does get easier I promise and I am here for you if you want to talk ☺️🤗

Hi @Lottie5433 thanks for sharing this. It sounds like you've had a lot of bad experiences with therapists in the past, and though you were not wanting to attend the session, it sounds like N has surprised you by creating space and actively listening to you. You deserve to have support that actively involves you and listens. I know you're concerned about how N may possibly react to suicidal thoughts, but seeing the way N has reacted before by giving you space, do you think this topic is something you could bring up in future sessions? I know it can make you feel incredibly vulnerable to open up, and it's exhausting having to fight for the support you deserve but you do deserve to heard out.

.

I will also be sending you a DM so please do look out for that.

thank you @Sabah, N did surprise me with the the way she created space and didn’t push me to talk. It will probably be a topic I have to talk about anyways as it’s on my RIO record that I have suicidal thoughts and have acted on them in the past without getting medical attention. So N is likely going to want to discuss it she already wants to look at my reckless driving so yeah