Best Of

hello.
I'll try keep this short.
On way to work (,ice made a thread before re this work) Have to catch 2 buses. I have autism, got on 2nd bus, bus was very busy, had my sunflower lanyard on and asked a woman to see if I cam sit down (she was sitting on thr buggy area but no buggy) showed lanyard that says has muscle condition and therefore need a seat, she said "no your young", no one else around even offered so just dealt with standing. Muscle condition was making this tricky.
Bus git really busy and crowded and was late so couldn't get off. Stayed.
Got off bus at stop. Had a bad overload! In rough area as well. Sat in pavement.crying shaking, hyperventilating, covering etc.
This man came ovrr, offered me water and like in my head I was like how I can trust that water hasn't hlgot added stupid stuff). I trued to drink some but had no swallowing ability so it came gushing oyt anyway.
Then another man came over (man 2) and he was like do we neex to call an ambulance, someone etc..they kept saying ill call you parents but they domt understand my autism and they'll trll me pff for having am overload so refused to gibe their number just said theyre not picking up. Besring in mind I'm also unable to speak much as well. Man 2, sae my lanyard so said hell call the doctors but then je said theyre to long and far they won't do anything. Then this lady came over. And they said its not safe here its a rough area so lets get you somewherewhereyou can sit and be safe and like there was a car garage there so they were going to tskr me there. I was however struggling to move and my legs couldn’t take any weight. It was horrible. Then the first man decided to attempt to lift me by putting 1 arm under my upper legs and other arm over my body i was obviously uncomfortable with this and yanked my arm towards him and said no stop. The 2nd man and female said don't do that. And i judt cried. And all 3 kf thrm were like its olay don't get upset. Then the lady was like to the other 2 men let me help her and was able to get up with support of her.
Man 2 held my bags and got me to garage
Got he water in a sucky thing so coikd swall it and was like phone mum to get pick up. The lady stayed with me. She tried phoning my support worker from uni (i gave her the number no answer). But obvs i had to go work so just garage saying i really need to go work otherwise I'll get fired. It's not safe for me to have these overloads in the roads! What can I do!?? Support is non existent!

Went into work an hour late. The manager on shift, she came down to check in with me and took me upstairs where it's quiet and stayed up there for 3hrs with her and she said i coild do someadmin forher (createexcel spreadsheet), but because I was there I couldn't do the work I'm meant to be doing likr really I'm meant to be downstairs in the room with music on carrying out mentoring sessions.
My line manager in leave, but I don't know whether he'll be told, etc.. should I tell him but st the same time I don't want to because like I'm uncomfortable around him anyway!!

yeah. maybe i shouldnt have had a break from the mix but at the same time i needed it. and even before i took a break i was overthinking as well. but that was a year back when my psychosis was beginning and part of psychosis is being paranoid. i think everyone overthinks at some point, especially online. some people just have it worse than others.

shannon_164 wrote: »

hey @TheNightmare 🙂

that is a really big step, and i am really proud of you for making it. it takes a lot of courage to recognise what you need and to push yourself toward getting more support, even when it feels uncertain. i completely get why this place has been so important to you, it’s hard to find spaces where you feel truly safe and understood, and it makes sense that you’d worry about what happens after this.

remember, you’re not starting from nothing. the fact that this community has helped you means you can find support that works for you. therapy or counselling might feel like a big change, but it’s another way to keep building on what you’ve already found here, and even if some uncertainty or negativity still creeps in, that doesn’t mean you’re not making progress, it just means your mind is adjusting to something new.

you are doing the right thing for yourself, and i hope you give yourself credit for that! you deserve support, and i really believe this step will help.

we are always here, and we are rooting for you

Thanks so much @shannon_164 ❤️ what more can I really say, you're so amazing to me every time. I've not done anything yet towards therapy but I think this is the most serious I've been about it and the closest I've been to getting on it, I'm hoping soon to be on the waiting list. Hopefully I get into work soon too and get some therapy and it gives me that push to feel even better and deal with things especially with all your support. Hope you're keeping OK too ❤️.

eylah wrote: »

sending you hugs 🫂. im always here if you ever need someone to talk to. your a rly inspiring person and i do look up to you bc even though when things dont go your way your still going. keep going bc brighter things are coming your way

Thanks eylah despite your own situation you still leave an amazing comment here, shows how incredible you really are ❤️. Please keep strong yourself like you are ❤️.