Best Of

thankyou @shannon_164

had 1 hour of sleep bc ive struggled to get to sleep and stay asleep. but i reached out to samaritans last night and the lady was so lovely. her name was jenny and she was rly kind. but i spoke to out of hours and spoke to someone called shannon but they didn’t rly seem to care abt me so that hurt but im dreading today bc it’s my hip mri scan and im having needles into my hips. it was 111 option 2.

@shannon_164 thank you. It’s just so hard to see the good in myself when all I’m hearing is the bad all the time.

I just don’t feel I deserve it and there’s other people who deserve the help more than me tbh.

I see a mental health team but they aren’t doing anything and they keep telling me they’re going to do things for me and then don’t do them so I’m just getting let down and maybe it’s just a sign to stop asking for help. It’s too tiring waiting around and begging for help when I’m not getting any

mh team dont care police dont care. i give up with calling ppl for help. tried contacting helplines but they dont care. im safe im just tired lol i just need to sleep. ill feel better in morning.

i am back at home and feel much better. had a warm shower and now im of to bed.

Thanks so much for the support here for real everyone, I didn't think I'd get any responses , I will be forever grateful for the support I get ❤️ I can't thank you enough.

Invisible_me wrote: »

TheNightmare wrote: »

Invisible_me wrote: »

@TheNightmare how did it go?

@Invisible_me I was dreading going to it on the morning and obviously last night too but it went a bit better better than last week, I did a different task than what I usually did too and they seemed more positive. Thanks so much for asking hope you're keeping good ❤️

Well done for going! And I'm so glad to hear that it went well. Sometimes doinga different task ca help and uts good that team were positive... hold onto this positive!

Really appreciate it fr

Thank you @shannon_164 i appreciate that. It’s just so frustrating when the woman who is meant to love you the most is so negative about you.

She has her own struggles and I try my best for her but it should be my brothers 30th birthday tomorrow and it’s getting to us both so I’m trying not to take things she says too seriously but I can’t help it.

I appreciate your reply a lot. I feel like I’m just annoying everyone when I open up. I know I’ve got to keep trying to get through this but I’m just so tired of fighting but I am trying my best

hey @Keira 🙂

first of all, i just want to say i’m really glad you reached out. you’re absolutely not annoying anyone here, and you’re definitely not a burden. i can see how much you’ve been carrying on your own, and im really sorry things have been so overwhelming for you lately. you don’t deserve to feel this way, and you definitely don’t have to go through it alone.

it sounds like you’ve been trying so hard to manage everything, taking care of your mum, keeping up with college, and just trying to get through each day. that’s a lot, and the fact that you’re still pushing through, even while feeling this low, shows how strong you actually are, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. i know it must be painful to not feel appreciated for everything you do, especially when you’re already struggling yourself. that doesn’t mean your efforts don’t matter, though. you’re doing more than enough, even if others don’t always acknowledge it.

i know that relapsing has probably brought up a lot of guilt, but i hope you can be kind to yourself about it. you’re not failing, and you’re not broken, you’re just going through something really difficult, and self-harm was your way of coping in that moment. that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to get through this. you deserve support and understanding, just like anyone else would in your situation.

i know it’s hard to see the point of things when you’re feeling this low, but i promise you that you matter. this feeling isn’t permanent, and you’re not alone in it. we’re all here, and we all care about you. you don’t have to pretend you’re okay or keep everything bottled up. you’re allowed to feel how you feel, and you deserve to be supported through it.

please don’t apologise for reaching out. we would rather you shared your feelings here (if you’re comfy with that ofc) than struggle in silence.

i’m so proud of you for sharing how you’re feeling and for managing so much! you’ve got this, we believe in you

Um in dont really know what to write really.

Today whilst at work i recieved an email from CEDT with an appointment date for my assessment with them. I am seeing them on the 22nd April at 10am, the only good thing about this is that it's online and I can do it from the comfort of my own house/bedroom. But I'm anxious and nervous about it I'm not sure why I am though.

Ive already had 2 mental health assessments, 1 eating disorder assessments and an assessment with CEDT (denied though) - so im not really sure why I'd be anxious or nervous about it. It not like im not unfamiliar with them.

I guess what im really nervous about is what will be said or spoken about. Like from what my first one was about it was about my self harm, suicidal thoughts and actions and then more about my safety, like what helps me keeps safe: to which a safety plan was created.
But this one just feels slightly more anxiety inducing - like just based on what's on my RIO notes (from what ive heard that my therapist has wrote about) i just feel like i won't be able to answer their questions or that i won't beable to explain/articulate what has gone on or lead to some of my behaviours.

Im also worried that they might give me another diagnosis as that's what has been discussed previously. Im not sure how I feel about it: there was talks that I could have a personality disorder and I dont know what this will really mean.

Then there is the whole thing that all this is happening a month before I'm supposed to fly out to America. I'm worried this my affect me going out or affect the treatment options. Initially I was told that I could have an assessment and then it could be a few months before I actually start treatment and in the meantime I'd have wellbeing calls from their team etc. But what if I get treatment through sooner , Like if I have therapy it means I'd be without it for 3 months which seems pointless in even starting it if that is the case. But then if I have to wait i feel like I might not go back or will be further down their list for treatment.

I just really don't know how I feel about it all.

Ive been waiting for 6 months for something to happen with this

I guess in just anxious, nervous and scared for this to happen

Tbh i don't know why I made this post
I guess i just wanted to off load all my thoughts about this whole situation