Best Of

i am back at home and feel much better. had a warm shower and now im of to bed.

Thanks so much for the support here for real everyone, I didn't think I'd get any responses , I will be forever grateful for the support I get ❤️ I can't thank you enough.

Invisible_me wrote: »

TheNightmare wrote: »

Invisible_me wrote: »

@TheNightmare how did it go?

@Invisible_me I was dreading going to it on the morning and obviously last night too but it went a bit better better than last week, I did a different task than what I usually did too and they seemed more positive. Thanks so much for asking hope you're keeping good ❤️

Well done for going! And I'm so glad to hear that it went well. Sometimes doinga different task ca help and uts good that team were positive... hold onto this positive!

Really appreciate it fr

Thank you @shannon_164 i appreciate that. It’s just so frustrating when the woman who is meant to love you the most is so negative about you.

She has her own struggles and I try my best for her but it should be my brothers 30th birthday tomorrow and it’s getting to us both so I’m trying not to take things she says too seriously but I can’t help it.

I appreciate your reply a lot. I feel like I’m just annoying everyone when I open up. I know I’ve got to keep trying to get through this but I’m just so tired of fighting but I am trying my best

hey @Keira 🙂

first of all, i just want to say i’m really glad you reached out. you’re absolutely not annoying anyone here, and you’re definitely not a burden. i can see how much you’ve been carrying on your own, and im really sorry things have been so overwhelming for you lately. you don’t deserve to feel this way, and you definitely don’t have to go through it alone.

it sounds like you’ve been trying so hard to manage everything, taking care of your mum, keeping up with college, and just trying to get through each day. that’s a lot, and the fact that you’re still pushing through, even while feeling this low, shows how strong you actually are, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. i know it must be painful to not feel appreciated for everything you do, especially when you’re already struggling yourself. that doesn’t mean your efforts don’t matter, though. you’re doing more than enough, even if others don’t always acknowledge it.

i know that relapsing has probably brought up a lot of guilt, but i hope you can be kind to yourself about it. you’re not failing, and you’re not broken, you’re just going through something really difficult, and self-harm was your way of coping in that moment. that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to get through this. you deserve support and understanding, just like anyone else would in your situation.

i know it’s hard to see the point of things when you’re feeling this low, but i promise you that you matter. this feeling isn’t permanent, and you’re not alone in it. we’re all here, and we all care about you. you don’t have to pretend you’re okay or keep everything bottled up. you’re allowed to feel how you feel, and you deserve to be supported through it.

please don’t apologise for reaching out. we would rather you shared your feelings here (if you’re comfy with that ofc) than struggle in silence.

i’m so proud of you for sharing how you’re feeling and for managing so much! you’ve got this, we believe in you

Um in dont really know what to write really.

Today whilst at work i recieved an email from CEDT with an appointment date for my assessment with them. I am seeing them on the 22nd April at 10am, the only good thing about this is that it's online and I can do it from the comfort of my own house/bedroom. But I'm anxious and nervous about it I'm not sure why I am though.

Ive already had 2 mental health assessments, 1 eating disorder assessments and an assessment with CEDT (denied though) - so im not really sure why I'd be anxious or nervous about it. It not like im not unfamiliar with them.

I guess what im really nervous about is what will be said or spoken about. Like from what my first one was about it was about my self harm, suicidal thoughts and actions and then more about my safety, like what helps me keeps safe: to which a safety plan was created.
But this one just feels slightly more anxiety inducing - like just based on what's on my RIO notes (from what ive heard that my therapist has wrote about) i just feel like i won't be able to answer their questions or that i won't beable to explain/articulate what has gone on or lead to some of my behaviours.

Im also worried that they might give me another diagnosis as that's what has been discussed previously. Im not sure how I feel about it: there was talks that I could have a personality disorder and I dont know what this will really mean.

Then there is the whole thing that all this is happening a month before I'm supposed to fly out to America. I'm worried this my affect me going out or affect the treatment options. Initially I was told that I could have an assessment and then it could be a few months before I actually start treatment and in the meantime I'd have wellbeing calls from their team etc. But what if I get treatment through sooner , Like if I have therapy it means I'd be without it for 3 months which seems pointless in even starting it if that is the case. But then if I have to wait i feel like I might not go back or will be further down their list for treatment.

I just really don't know how I feel about it all.

Ive been waiting for 6 months for something to happen with this

I guess in just anxious, nervous and scared for this to happen

Tbh i don't know why I made this post
I guess i just wanted to off load all my thoughts about this whole situation

I feel a bit uneasy writing this but I’m realty struggling just now and wanted to offload. I hope thats okay!

I’ve been struggling a lot recently with my mental health in general but it’s just getting worse. I feel like I’m being a burden to everyone if I talk about it and like I’m annoying everyone.

My mum doesn’t keep well so I look after her and am practically her carer. But she doesn’t appreciate what I do for her. It’s never enough. She always tells me what I do wrong but never takes notice to what I’m doing right. And I’ve heard her talking about me recently about how hard it is to live with me etc. I’m also trying to juggle this with college and I’m so behind in college but I really don’t want to have to drop out. Honestly I’m just so lost right now and struggling to see the point of anything.

I feel like people think I’m just being crazy and I’m just making everything up. I don’t even feel worthy of writing this and think I’m annoying you all so I’m sorry.

shannon_164 wrote: »

hey @TheNightmare 🙂

that all sounds really tough, and i completely get why you’re feeling this way. it’s so frustrating when you’re putting in the effort, trying to gain experience, and then not being given a fair shot, especially when you know you’re capable of more. two tries on the tills isn’t nearly enough to judge whether you were suitable, and it’s completely understandable that it knocked your confidence. it’s not that you weren’t good enough, its that they didn’t give you a real opportunity to improve. that is on them, not you.

i also hear you about feeling stuck. when it feels like you keep hitting roadblocks, college, the training course, and now this, it’s so easy to start questioning yourself, but honestly, none of those setbacks define what you’re actually capable of. you are ready for a paid job, for more structure, and for real responsibility. the fact that you’re still pushing yourself despite all this proves that. it’s just frustrating when the opportunities don’t seem to line up the way you need them.

please don’t feel bad for talking about it. you’re dealing with a lot, and you’re allowed to be upset. crying it out sounds like a solid plan, sometimes you just need to release all that frustration before you can reset. but just know that this situation doesn’t define you, and it won’t last forever. you are getting there, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now - i’m so proud of you

@shannon_164 Again thank you so much, honestly. I really appreciate every bit of what you said, especially not making me feel bad for posting about this a lot. It means so much that you’re so understanding and never make me feel like a burden. Hearing you say you’re proud of me and even hearing it from others here too really lifts me up more than you know. I honestly couldn’t appreciate it anymore if I tried. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the setbacks and feel like I’m not getting anywhere but having you and others here remind me that I’m still pushing through really helps. Thank you for always being so kind and encouraging, it genuinely means the world to me. I won't ever stop appreciating your support ❤️.