Best Of

I don't want to go to my volunteering role on Monday. I've been feeling demotivated with it lately, especially because I’ve been trying to push myself to go, but it’s been tough. I feel like I’m expected to do more, but I’m struggling to even manage a couple of hours. They’ve told me I’m not suitable for the tills after only two attempts, and I just feel let down by that. I know I could have improved if I had more chances, but they didn’t give me that opportunity. It’s frustrating because I was really hoping to gain that experience. I’m still willing to do other tasks, but it’s just not what I wanted. It’s not that my motivation is low, but I’m starting to feel a bit stuck and uncertain about whether I want to keep going with it. I feel like I should go, but I just don’t know if I can keep pushing myself for something that doesn’t feel right.

I know I should be in paid employment, and that’s where I want to be soon. But sometimes, I just feel like things aren’t moving fast enough. Like college wasn’t ideal, then I did other things that didn’t quite work out, and now this volunteering role isn’t ideal either. On top of that, I’ve faced job rejections. I’ve had a few interviews, which is good, but I’m still not where I want to be. I’ve been trying to get into work for a while now, and I do think it’s realistic to get paid employment soon. But when I look at how long it’s taking, it can make me doubt myself. It’s hard not to compare myself to others, and sometimes I feel behind. Not literally everyone is getting paid, but it feels like everyone else is moving forward while I’m stuck.

I think with paid work, I know it will be more structured, with more days and more responsibility, and that’s exactly what I want. The added bonus is that I’ll be paid, which I’m really looking forward to. But right now, it’s hard because I don’t have that, and it’s exactly what I was worried about when volunteering was suggested to me. I pushed myself to volunteer to get closer to paid work, but it’s just not quite what I imagined. Still, I do feel more hopeful now. There was a time when I wasn’t ready for work, mainly because of my confidence, but I really think that’s behind me now. I feel ready for the next step. A lot of my self-confidence has come from this community all the kind comments, no judgment, just amazing support, and that’s been huge for me. There are also potential opportunities, which help keep me hopeful. Getting that paid job that works for me is what I’m aiming for, and that will keep me motivated and in a good place mentally. Right now, I’m just overwhelmed, despite the support, but I do want to move forward. I’m just not 100 percent just yet. I'm sorry to keep posting this repetitive shit. I do truly appreciate everything though for sure.