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Best Of
hate me
'Cause you could fucking hate me and I would say I love you
---
Gertrude appears in my reflection of the mirror saying, "Everyone hates you ED."
I sigh, meeting her so-called gaze where the bandages covered her eyes and I would reply, "I know. And I hate myself too. But I love you."
"Why do you love me?" She asks, confused.
A twisted smile creeps up my face, "Because you made me feel powerful. But now that I'm taking my meds you don't write that world for me anymore. And now I'm no one."
Silence fills the room. It was almost as if she was thinking about something. Finally, she speaks, "You knew."
My smirk drops just as she says that, "You always say that. Knew what?"
There's no reply.
But still, I love her regardless of what she says. Because in truth, she's my only real life friend.
---
You could act just like that, I'm right here
---
"I'm right here Gertrude if you need me," I continue before going to sleep.
---
You could fucking hate me and I would say I love you
---
"We all hate you ED," Gertrude says the next night, glaring at me through the bandages as she uncovers them. The same green eyes that I have lingered on me.
---
You could act just like that, I'm not scared
---
But despite that, I wasn't scared. In fact, I felt comforted that someone took the effort to be pissed off at me like that.
---
You could fucking hate me and I would say I love you
---
"You're dead," Gertrude says, "You went to hell."
I smile, "I love you Gertrude."
"Fuck off," She snaps.
---
You could act just like that, I'm right here
---
I shrug, acting so casually about this whole situation when in reality this was serious.
---
You can try to break me and I would say I love you
---
One day, Gertrude would shout slurs at me, "You (slur)!"
"It's fine, I've been exposed to worse," I say, pretending to not act bothered by it.
---
I know I'm fucking broken, I'm right here
---
I hold my head with the palm of my hands, curled up on the bed as I try to get rid of Gertrude. As much as I tried to kill her with kindness, she always came back.
---
as i was writing this gertrude told me to fuck off. geez, i guess she didnt like me writing this.
---
Gertrude appears in my reflection of the mirror saying, "Everyone hates you ED."
I sigh, meeting her so-called gaze where the bandages covered her eyes and I would reply, "I know. And I hate myself too. But I love you."
"Why do you love me?" She asks, confused.
A twisted smile creeps up my face, "Because you made me feel powerful. But now that I'm taking my meds you don't write that world for me anymore. And now I'm no one."
Silence fills the room. It was almost as if she was thinking about something. Finally, she speaks, "You knew."
My smirk drops just as she says that, "You always say that. Knew what?"
There's no reply.
But still, I love her regardless of what she says. Because in truth, she's my only real life friend.
---
You could act just like that, I'm right here
---
"I'm right here Gertrude if you need me," I continue before going to sleep.
---
You could fucking hate me and I would say I love you
---
"We all hate you ED," Gertrude says the next night, glaring at me through the bandages as she uncovers them. The same green eyes that I have lingered on me.
---
You could act just like that, I'm not scared
---
But despite that, I wasn't scared. In fact, I felt comforted that someone took the effort to be pissed off at me like that.
---
You could fucking hate me and I would say I love you
---
"You're dead," Gertrude says, "You went to hell."
I smile, "I love you Gertrude."
"Fuck off," She snaps.
---
You could act just like that, I'm right here
---
I shrug, acting so casually about this whole situation when in reality this was serious.
---
You can try to break me and I would say I love you
---
One day, Gertrude would shout slurs at me, "You (slur)!"
"It's fine, I've been exposed to worse," I say, pretending to not act bothered by it.
---
I know I'm fucking broken, I'm right here
---
I hold my head with the palm of my hands, curled up on the bed as I try to get rid of Gertrude. As much as I tried to kill her with kindness, she always came back.
---
as i was writing this gertrude told me to fuck off. geez, i guess she didnt like me writing this.
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything?
@eylah Yeah. They did an x-ray, saw it was a clean fracture, and had to realign it because it was a bit out, and then they plastered it all. I've got to go and get it checked on every now and then, until it's healed up, so that sucks, but the pain relief helps a lot 😂.
Even got called an idiot by the A&E doctor for leaving it for a few days though, which i think we can all agree on. I've done some impressively stupid things, but hopping around for a whole day with an unchecked broken leg takes the crown 😂😂😂.
And how are you doing my favourite twat?
Re: Spoke to my dr this morning
Thank you @AnonymousToe thats really helpful to know
The propranolol I have to take when I’m feeling anxious up to 3 times a day. Then the fluoxetine I have to take daily.
I have a follow up on the 16th to see how they are going, I was going to be put on sleep medication again but the one I tried in the past I reacted to and so the others aren’t appropriate for me at the moment
The propranolol I have to take when I’m feeling anxious up to 3 times a day. Then the fluoxetine I have to take daily.
I have a follow up on the 16th to see how they are going, I was going to be put on sleep medication again but the one I tried in the past I reacted to and so the others aren’t appropriate for me at the moment
River
1
Re: Men's Support Chats in June!
Hey folks - we've just announced our second chat with the JD Foundation!
We'll be running Support Chats every Monday in July 8pm-9:30pm where you can chat about all things work, retail, fashion, sport and more - no topics are off limits and it's open to everyone!
Check out our post about it here!
We'll be running Support Chats every Monday in July 8pm-9:30pm where you can chat about all things work, retail, fashion, sport and more - no topics are off limits and it's open to everyone!
Check out our post about it here!
Katie
2
I feel horrible.
I feel horrible. I keep avoiding people, especially relatives because of social anxiety, trauma and self consciousness, but I know this isn't good and feel like a bad person
Fathima
9
Re: Spoke to my dr this morning
Hey..
I'm glad you spoke to a doctor.
I'm.a slight trio as well..🤣.
I was on fluoxetine for like 3 years but I got taken off them because they were like its shown the effect it needed and me being in them any longer wasn't doing anything. It helped in my mood, but prob did make things worse initially but I wasn't good at taking it. But then I came off it and had more panic attacks/sensory meltdowns!
I'm on propananol very low dose. I think it helps, more so heart rate and the tummy feeling so jist calms you physically.
Hope it works well for you!
I'm glad you spoke to a doctor.
I'm.a slight trio as well..🤣.
I was on fluoxetine for like 3 years but I got taken off them because they were like its shown the effect it needed and me being in them any longer wasn't doing anything. It helped in my mood, but prob did make things worse initially but I wasn't good at taking it. But then I came off it and had more panic attacks/sensory meltdowns!
I'm on propananol very low dose. I think it helps, more so heart rate and the tummy feeling so jist calms you physically.
Hope it works well for you!
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything?
i must be in someone’s good books as i managed to escape boarding the dalaman flight today lol but i just had passengers arrive for their flight tomorrow afternoon - at least they arrived a day early rather than a day late🤣🤣
