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Mate, if i could offer you some advice, maybe not the best advice, but this would be it. You can only try you're hardest. There's nothing more you can do than that. And as hard as it seems, you have to drill it into yourself that so much of you're situation is not you're fault at all. There are people graduating university with medical degree's who are unemployed in this market despite being trained doctors. People with nursing degree's unable to get work as nurses. I finished a computer science degree, and I'm in a lot of student debt, unable to get a job of any kind right now. It's insane the state of the job market in the UK. There is only so much you can do when the situation is what it is, and is out of you're hands. I mean, i was even thinking of trying to save and go on a working holiday to Australia to escape this job market for a year, but even that seems distant to me now. The point is, the state of the Job market isn't you're fault, you have to drill that fact in. And this won't make the feeling of being behind go away, but you might be able to ease it a bit if that makes sense. I'm in the same boat as you are. Heck, my older brother (not my severely autistic younger one), he mocks me every day now for not having a job 8 months out of uni rather ruthlessly. It's not easy, but, please understand, It isn't you're fault. 20 years ago, you'd have smooth sailing by now into a career. Heck a little over 25% of people aged 18-25 are in the same boat we are now, and it's rapidly rising. The entry level job market is a barren wasteland. So please don't feel alone, or like you've failed, cause you haven't. The system has failed people like us. And eventually, they're gonna have to take action to sort this with the NEET levels rising as high as they are, if for nothing else, then for future tax income when boomers retire in coming years. So, perhaps not the best advice, but it's all i can say right now mate. You're a warrior for holding on, and there's always hope things will get better in future.

Hey, this might be completely the wrong recommendation but have you considered looking at a completely different field of work. I know you are mainly talking about making friends but it sounds like getting a job is a big concern for you as well. I believe there are quite a lot of jobs as companions and helpers to the elderly or disabled. They can be short rides to the hospital or assistance with shopping, doing art activities etc... there is a huge range of jobs and you would be well qualified with your experiance. They can also be small jobs and you could pick up as many or as little as you need and you can pick when you do them so you can still get home to your mum and sibling. It might also help you to feel more sociable. When I started care I was so quiet and had no social skills. Being around people made me really anxious. I'm still anxious and I wouldn't say my social skills are amazing but it did really help me to come out of my shell and I feel a lot more confident. There are loads of advertisements for these types of jobs online and there is a huge need for carers so I don't think you would struggle to get a job.

Does your area have any clubs, sport events or gyms? Most of my friends have been made from church or work and I really don't have many even then. So I'm not sure how to find friends elsewhere really but you might find some friends at clubs especially if the ones you are joining are for things you enjoy doing, that way you already have a conversation starter and something in common.

I’m so confused what’s wrong with me. I’m happier on fluoxetine and most things are better, but I’m a terrible student now. I don’t have the same drive to work hard and do well as I always used to. I dont know if it’s something to do with fluoxetine affecting my dopamine in some kind of way. I’ve got no idea. Just guessing things. It’s hard to get stuff done and I’m scared I’m gonna fail uni, but I wouldn’t be able to be here if it wasn’t for the fluoxetine in the first place. I dont know what to do. I don’t want to try a different medication because I’m scared of the withdrawal from this, side effects from other stuff, and I’m afraid nothing will ever work again.

I just don’t get why my motivation went away. I don’t feel like doing anything but I don’t feel low, I just feel… kind of alright.

Is this normal?

A close mutual of mine is having a party for her 21st birthday and she’s invited my family and I.

My mum doesn’t want to go because of the types of friends she has.

Some of the people that are attending includes old classmates who have bullied me and a lot of men. I wasn’t attractive growing up, and the bullying I’ve faced has left a massive inner wound which I struggle to heal.

I want to respect my mother’s decision in regards to not going to the party. And I understand the party is about my mutual, not me.

But I feel really down about the fact that I won’t be able to prove to my old bullies that I can be pretty, social and finally mean something in this world. It would heal my inner child to be called pretty by my old bullies. I hate the fact that they are forever stuck with the image of me that is ugly.

I want finally mean something in this world and receive validation. Those people have took away my self respect, and the only way to earn it back is to earn their respect.

Not to mention finally being able to get approval from men. I want to be lusted by a man so fucking badly so then I could finally have worth in life.

But because I am unable to prove myself, I will forever be remembered as that fat, ugly, autistic, weird, girl.

And if I’m unable to prove myself or receive validation from my old bullies or men in general, I am unable to make connections. I am unable to find love. And I will end up alone when I’m older. And I would be better off killing myself