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Best Of
(TW suicidal thoughts) I was doing so well and now I’m spiralling again
The main thing that’s motivating me to not kill myself is the fact that I’m waiting for a response for an apprentice application which I’ve applied for. I don’t wanna kill myself when I’ve suddenly got the job.
For the past few weeks, ive been doing so great. I haven’t been feeling so depressed or suicidal. I acknowledge that there are people who like me and I’ve been more socialable.
But for some fucking reason, I’ve got into another low episode where I feel so ugly, unlovable and unworthy of staying alive. Literally nothing bad happened. I just woke up like it.
And even though I try to reassure myself of others positive comments of me, I still feel like that ugly child that others have mistreated. I still feel disgusting. I still feel unlovable. I still feel bitter and jealous of other women who get treated decently by men because of their good looks.
I’ve been upset all day yesterday and cried myself to sleep.
I hope I can snap out of this episode randomly. Because anytime I try to snap myself out of these types of episodes, it never works. Going to the gym doesn’t work. Listening to music doesn’t work. Socialising with people I like doesn’t work. Nothing works for shit.
For the past few weeks, ive been doing so great. I haven’t been feeling so depressed or suicidal. I acknowledge that there are people who like me and I’ve been more socialable.
But for some fucking reason, I’ve got into another low episode where I feel so ugly, unlovable and unworthy of staying alive. Literally nothing bad happened. I just woke up like it.
And even though I try to reassure myself of others positive comments of me, I still feel like that ugly child that others have mistreated. I still feel disgusting. I still feel unlovable. I still feel bitter and jealous of other women who get treated decently by men because of their good looks.
I’ve been upset all day yesterday and cried myself to sleep.
I hope I can snap out of this episode randomly. Because anytime I try to snap myself out of these types of episodes, it never works. Going to the gym doesn’t work. Listening to music doesn’t work. Socialising with people I like doesn’t work. Nothing works for shit.
