Best Of

@Rose113 I can hear that you're struggling and you're doing so well to reach out for support- you're definitely not a bother. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way right now. It must be really tough to go through something like this, especially when it feels harder to speak up or share what’s going on inside. I want you to know that it’s okay to not have all the words or energy right now. Your mental health matters, and sometimes, it’s about taking small steps or even just acknowledging that things are hard. You don’t have to go through this alone—there are people who care about you and want to support you, even if it feels hard to reach out. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard when you’re ready.

Thanks for your post i dont really want to dive too deep into the relationship with the guy. We were friends online for about 2 months and after about a month he ghosted me for a week, he didn't say why,but after that I was a little more reserved and less friendly, because I had just found out from one of my other friend's sisters that the reason her sister ghosted me was that I was too clingy I guess, just texting too much. So yah after I the guy i was texting too ghosted me well thought that i had ruined another relationship. He didn't like how reserved and not so friendly i was, but it often felt like when we text I was just trying to make him feel better about himself. Anyway yah on Thanksgiving he was like I dont like how you text me anymore I dont want to be friends anymore

Today I decided i would contact my GP surgery to look at booking an appointment with my Primary physician, I decided today because I was working in a nursery and knew I wouldn't be able to answer my phone if the rang - which they did. Oops.

I filled out their online form about what I was experiencing, how long for and any like concerning factors (SH or SI thoughts/actions/intent) etc. So i did that and at the end I made a comment of how I feel like I hide this too much and and worried about various things: medication change or increase, other treatment options and Camp America. Also that i have previously been referred to CMHT but couldn't get any further treatment from them 😒

Because I missed the call, they left a text message for me to book the appointment online as "routine" meaning my appointment would be anywhere from 5-7 weeks away. However I don't understand this as on my NHS app my form has been triaged as "Emergency" but yet they are getting me to book and appointment in 5 weeks time.

Im so confused by all this and now i don't know if I want to follow through with the actual appointment 😩.
Like is it an "Emergency" - what classes it as an emergency? Or is it more "Routine". Ive never had this issue and usually get an appointment the following day 🤷🏽‍♀️

Maybe ill just give up and leave it and wait to see if they phone me again or email/text me about booking in.

On a different note
When I saw the eating disorder physical health nurse yesterday and she was my SH - we had a conversation about my safety and my thoughts as well as when my therapy is (even though ive finished that now)
She was concerned that I'd basically been dropped by all around me and given no follow up or support etc since the end of my therapy. Because all all that i disclosed to her she was looking at bring my case back up with the team to see where my referral is to CEDT and was looking into getting someone to do weekly wellbeing checks whilst I wait for this.

The only reason I mention this is because im worried she may have Emailed my GP raising concerns about my SH mainly and what if that's what's made my appointment an "Emergency?

I also worried that she going to ask me lots of questions again when I next see her as she's booked me in for another appointment but also what if she bring in someone else?
Maybe i just won't go to the appointment and say I can't make it - it's only really for blood test again with potential physical health tests (BP, HR, Wt, and O2 sats) as well - I can miss that right? It's not that important anymore? Basically "cured" from my Eating Disorder

You don’t deserve pain or to feel like this from what I’ve seen your really kind plus your not alone you’ve got the mix🫶🏻

I’m not sure why, but I find in the past few months/year I’ve started to really dislike meeting new people and talking to people I don’t know. It’s because I constantly feel drained afterwards because I feel I’ve had to put on an act and every time I do, I feel fake and like I’m not being genuine. I only really do this because I want people to like me so badly and don’t want them to think I’m weird or dumb because I’ve accidentally said something wrong or out of line.

I don’t know why I feel this way or whether it’s actually normal or not, but I really want to fix it and feel better about myself because as a result of this problem, I’ve kinda struggled to make friends and feel even more lonely than normal.

It also doesn’t help that my uni is catered and I feel I have to have someone to eat dinner or breakfast with in the dining hall, and if I don’t I just eat in my room by myself 😭

just ordered some snacks to my ward but got rly anxious bc i hate things being late or me not getting the order etc but i managed to get my order.
also did baking today in the ot group on the ward had to mix with other ppl but felt anxious at first but got involved and made chocolate chip flapjacks. also went on escorted walk today to without running of which was rly gd of me three huge wins today.

ooo if you do decide to go on a date with this guy - i hope it goes well for you, as you deserve it