If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Best Of

Re: Months later I'm still volunteering and I love it

toffuna101 wrote: »

Redemption wrote: »

toffuna101 wrote: »

im glad you enjoy volunteering. i applied to a virtual counsellor volunteering role online (wont say what the charity is on here) which has the minimum age of 16 and im 16. they ask you to do so many checks which is in my opinion bizzare for a 16 year old. like two references dating back 5 years? 5 years ago i was 11. i understand that they need to do the checks for everyone no matter their age is but the fact that you have to do an IT test and have three pieces of ID is just strange to me. i also understand needing to have one piece of ID but three? like i want to volunteer for this charity and help out children and young people such as myself but theyre making it almost impossible for me to start volunteering. oh and you need a headset too. and a work headset costs like £100.

furthermore i applied for another charity. i believe it was like a cashier position. yeah, they never got back to me. i was showed the place around and submitted all of my references too. i never ended up calling them as well because im socially awkward and i dont want to put myself in a predicament. i just feel like i lost a very good volunteering opportunity all because the charity failed to contact me back. the least they could do is tell me that i didnt get it because of lack of availability or something. and also the assistant manager who showed me around told me that because of my disability i always need someone to supervise me all the time like a carer and what not. like how am i supposed to get a carer? i dont understand. my social worker cant even get me the 117 aftercare from when i was in hospital a year ago so how is she supposed to get me a carer?

now, i didnt just apply to these two. i applied to multiple volunteering positions. yes, multiple. but i never got anything back from them. i was just ghosted. its good when you start to volunteer somewhere, however to get there its very hard. its like trying to find a needle in a haystack. sorry for ranting, i just needed to get this off my chest since this seemed like a very fitting post to do so. now i feel a bit guilty for wanting to rant to such a positive thread because i dont want to bring anyone down, i just wanted to share my experiences with trying to volunteer. mods feel free to delete this if you feel that this reply is inappropriate.

That sounds really frustrating, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for venting about it. Volunteering should be accessible, and it’s disappointing when unnecessary barriers make it so difficult. You’re doing your best, and it’s unfair that charities aren’t even responding. Keep trying there are places out there that will appreciate your willingness to help. Hope you find something soon. I know we were talking about it earlier but echoing what I said then it all seems a bit overkilled just for a volunteering role like myself I don't even think I have 3 sets of ID, just driving licence, passport and im a bit older than you so probably unlikely someone your age will have it. I would have thought 1 set of ID is enough then your set. Then other stuff then life experience and £100 headset. Life experience I maybe can understand a little bit like it can help but if you can support people that's good enough and a work headset, if anything they should provide that. Anyway the fact you're trying and looking to do these roles I amazing you want to help people which is incredible.

thanks @Redemption i talked with my dad about it yesterday and he said that i also have a birth certificate that i could use for my second ID. in terms of my third set of ID im not sure, but ill sort that out eventually. i hope i find something too. and for a headset i found something really cheap online for like £35 so im going to get my dad to get me a £50 amazon giftcard so that i can buy a headset if i get the volunteering role. im going to try and go through the application process if its not too hard. and btw they didnt ask me explicitly for life experience but they made it seem like i needed it because of the bizzare steps you need to do in order to get there. yeah i want to help young people but these charities are making it extremely hard to do so.

That all sounds good @toffuna101 birth certificate is a good idea if it works, I thought they were looking at photo ID but great if birth certificate is OK. Yh £35 is dirt cheap, I hope all that goes well for you.

Redemption

If I turn out right and actually have petulant BPD, then I’m fucked

If I’m right, then one benefit would be that I atleast have an answer for my unhinged behaviour and mindset.

But the obvious downfall is that it’s incurable, and if others find out, they’re likely to want to stay away from you.

The concept of being diagnosed with BPD makes me feel like a fucking monster. And I’m trying not to cry since I’m about to head in my shift in a few minutes.

But right now, I just want to cry. I want someone to reassure me that I’m not a monster, and that as long as I work on improving myself, then there’s hope for me.

There’s also a lot of people with BPD who end up abusive, and I’m terrified that I’m gonna end up that route.

I’ve already done a lot of horrible things like snap at people, talk shit about those who’ve hurt me to get back at them, said horrible insults to hurt those who’ve hurt me.

I’m terrified of becoming worse.

I’m still on the waiting list, but I’m gonna bring this up with my therapist to see if I could get tested for this disorder.

bignosegirly0

Re: (Mentions of suicide and self harm) Do I have petulant BPD?

Another point I wasn’t too sure too add was a difficulty in expressing emotions. My emotions are very intense and complicated because they’re built from a subset of negative experiences. And whenever I express my negative emotions, I always don’t feel satisfied because I either feel I missed important points or I haven’t expressed myself properly.

As an example, when I was called out for my behaviour through a text, I spent hours writing my response because I didn’t want to be misunderstood. It was long to the point where he got impatient and snappy with me.

bignosegirly0

Re: Months later I'm still volunteering and I love it

toffuna101 wrote: »

im glad you enjoy volunteering. i applied to a virtual counsellor volunteering role online (wont say what the charity is on here) which has the minimum age of 16 and im 16. they ask you to do so many checks which is in my opinion bizzare for a 16 year old. like two references dating back 5 years? 5 years ago i was 11. i understand that they need to do the checks for everyone no matter their age is but the fact that you have to do an IT test and have three pieces of ID is just strange to me. i also understand needing to have one piece of ID but three? like i want to volunteer for this charity and help out children and young people such as myself but theyre making it almost impossible for me to start volunteering. oh and you need a headset too. and a work headset costs like £100.

furthermore i applied for another charity. i believe it was like a cashier position. yeah, they never got back to me. i was showed the place around and submitted all of my references too. i never ended up calling them as well because im socially awkward and i dont want to put myself in a predicament. i just feel like i lost a very good volunteering opportunity all because the charity failed to contact me back. the least they could do is tell me that i didnt get it because of lack of availability or something. and also the assistant manager who showed me around told me that because of my disability i always need someone to supervise me all the time like a carer and what not. like how am i supposed to get a carer? i dont understand. my social worker cant even get me the 117 aftercare from when i was in hospital a year ago so how is she supposed to get me a carer?

now, i didnt just apply to these two. i applied to multiple volunteering positions. yes, multiple. but i never got anything back from them. i was just ghosted. its good when you start to volunteer somewhere, however to get there its very hard. its like trying to find a needle in a haystack. sorry for ranting, i just needed to get this off my chest since this seemed like a very fitting post to do so. now i feel a bit guilty for wanting to rant to such a positive thread because i dont want to bring anyone down, i just wanted to share my experiences with trying to volunteer. mods feel free to delete this if you feel that this reply is inappropriate.

That sounds really frustrating, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for venting about it. Volunteering should be accessible, and it’s disappointing when unnecessary barriers make it so difficult. You’re doing your best, and it’s unfair that charities aren’t even responding. Keep trying there are places out there that will appreciate your willingness to help. Hope you find something soon. I know we were talking about it earlier but echoing what I said then it all seems a bit overkilled just for a volunteering role like myself I don't even think I have 3 sets of ID, just driving licence, passport and im a bit older than you so probably unlikely someone your age will have it. I would have thought 1 set of ID is enough then your set. Then other stuff then life experience and £100 headset. Life experience I maybe can understand a little bit like it can help but if you can support people that's good enough and a work headset, if anything they should provide that. Anyway the fact you're trying and looking to do these roles I amazing you want to help people which is incredible.

Redemption

Re: Months later I'm still volunteering and I love it

im glad you enjoy volunteering. i applied to a virtual counsellor volunteering role online (wont say what the charity is on here) which has the minimum age of 16 and im 16. they ask you to do so many checks which is in my opinion bizzare for a 16 year old. like two references dating back 5 years? 5 years ago i was 11. i understand that they need to do the checks for everyone no matter their age is but the fact that you have to do an IT test and have three pieces of ID is just strange to me. i also understand needing to have one piece of ID but three? like i want to volunteer for this charity and help out children and young people such as myself but theyre making it almost impossible for me to start volunteering. oh and you need a headset too. and a work headset costs like £100.

furthermore i applied for another charity. i believe it was like a cashier position. yeah, they never got back to me. i was showed the place around and submitted all of my references too. i never ended up calling them as well because im socially awkward and i dont want to put myself in a predicament. i just feel like i lost a very good volunteering opportunity all because the charity failed to contact me back. the least they could do is tell me that i didnt get it because of lack of availability or something. and also the assistant manager who showed me around told me that because of my disability i always need someone to supervise me all the time like a carer and what not. like how am i supposed to get a carer? i dont understand. my social worker cant even get me the 117 aftercare from when i was in hospital a year ago so how is she supposed to get me a carer?

now, i didnt just apply to these two. i applied to multiple volunteering positions. yes, multiple. but i never got anything back from them. i was just ghosted. its good when you start to volunteer somewhere, however to get there its very hard. its like trying to find a needle in a haystack. sorry for ranting, i just needed to get this off my chest since this seemed like a very fitting post to do so. now i feel a bit guilty for wanting to rant to such a positive thread because i dont want to bring anyone down, i just wanted to share my experiences with trying to volunteer. mods feel free to delete this if you feel that this reply is inappropriate.

toffuna101

(Mentions of suicide and self harm) Do I have petulant BPD?

Although I knew I was already a horrible person, I thought deeply about how much of a monster I’ve become over the last two years.

And whilst I’m on a waiting list, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. In the past, I suspected I have BPD but brushed it aside.

But I was thinking about asking my therapist about it, just incase I do.

This is the website I’ve used as a reference for symptoms I relate to:

https://thriveworks.com/help-with/disorders/petulant-borderline-personality-disorder/

Evidence that proves I might have petulant bpd:

•I often feel unlovable, worthless, bitter and jealous

•I experience intense mood swings, which includes lashing out and crying

•I have an extreme mindset, either I view someone as “all good” or “all bad”. In addition, during moments where I overthink, the ending thought is “I should kill myself.”

• I’m an impulsive person who often doesn’t think and make regrettable decisions.

• I overshare personal information, including issues with my mental health to coworkers

• I am hypersensitive to rejection / humiliation

•I have poor emotional regulation skills

•I have a negative view of myself, leading to pessimism and a cynical outlook to the world

• I’m emotionally hypersensitive

• Although I haven’t relapse / attempted to end my life, I have a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts / plans / attempts

• I am very defensive and assume the world is out to get me

• this isn’t a symptom on the website, but I’d thought I’d include it. I am very obsessive over those who’ve hurt me. As an example, when a guy has hurt me four years ago, I spent the next four years obsessing 24/7 over how much I hate him, constantly talk about how much I hate him to others (to the point where it becomes bullying) how I’m jealous of his gf, how I want to look like his gf, and obsessively stalk their social media accounts (atleast 20 or more times a day) I’m unsure whether this is a symptom, but it’s definitely not normal.

•In order to protect myself from those who I think are out to get me, I take it to the extreme end and purposely say hurtful and offensive things

Evidence that proves I might not have petulant bpd:

•my issues may be caused by my autism. People with BPD and autism happen to struggle with similar issues, such as intense emotions and poor emotional regulation.

•I don’t have a fear of abandonment. Although I do worry about the fact I might be tricking people into thinking I’m a good person, I don’t beg for them to stay in my life. If anything, I abandon them out of guilt.

Does this sound like petulant BPD or am I wrong?

bignosegirly0

Re: plushie/teddy thread

ive been thinking about getting a squishmallow and a plushie dreadful, especially the plushie dreadfuls because i need to get a cerebral palsy one. however if i buy the squishmallow it will probably be laying around in my bed doing nothing since its like a pillow. if you dont know what dreadful plushies are basically they have plushies for every health condition, physical and mental along with LGBTQ+ plushies and even zodiac plushies. i signed myself up for the cerebral palsy one because they havent made it yet but they will eventually because they need enough people to be interested in it. and yes i could get a plushie dreadful for my mental health conditions but i havent been given proper official documents for my diagnoses. they kind of just gave me a leaflet and medication for psychosis and medication for depression and thats it.

toffuna101