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Best Of
Re: TW suicidal thoughts Lingering anti-depressant effects & nothing feels real
Hey @Jack25 first I just want to check how you're feeling today? I'm hearing that yesterday you were unsure how you would get through the evening, and whilst you were physically safe, your head was buzzing and you felt like you couldn't take it anymore.
It sounds like you're going through a really overwhelming time right now and you've done really well to reach out here and tell us how this has all been feeling for you. It sounds like you've been fighting so hard for so long, and when it feels like nothing is shifting, it can make everything feel really hopeless and exhausting.
I'm hearing that you're wanting to look into private therapy and it sounds like despite everything, you're still fighting hard to find a way forward, even when things are feeling unbearable. That takes real strength Jack, especially when your mind and body might be feeling a little out of sync since your medication changes. What your feeling sounds really intense, but it doesn't have to be permanent. You deserve support around this, and you're doing so well to continue reaching out. Have you been able to look into what options you have for private therapy?
You mentioned that you were physically safe yesterday, which is super important and we appreciate you letting us know, however what you're describing here sounds like you deserve more support right now to help you through this. If things get worse, or you feel like you can't keep yourself safe, we would urge you to call the emergency services on 999, or go to your local A&E department to explain your intentions to them, so that they can support you. You don't have to wait until it becomes too much, and they will be there to help.
For now, I wonder if you could let us know how you're feeling today? Our Community is here for you Jack. We will also be running a Support Thread here on the boards 11am-12:30pm if you fancied coming along. We will be there to listen and support you.
It sounds like you're going through a really overwhelming time right now and you've done really well to reach out here and tell us how this has all been feeling for you. It sounds like you've been fighting so hard for so long, and when it feels like nothing is shifting, it can make everything feel really hopeless and exhausting.
I'm hearing that you're wanting to look into private therapy and it sounds like despite everything, you're still fighting hard to find a way forward, even when things are feeling unbearable. That takes real strength Jack, especially when your mind and body might be feeling a little out of sync since your medication changes. What your feeling sounds really intense, but it doesn't have to be permanent. You deserve support around this, and you're doing so well to continue reaching out. Have you been able to look into what options you have for private therapy?
You mentioned that you were physically safe yesterday, which is super important and we appreciate you letting us know, however what you're describing here sounds like you deserve more support right now to help you through this. If things get worse, or you feel like you can't keep yourself safe, we would urge you to call the emergency services on 999, or go to your local A&E department to explain your intentions to them, so that they can support you. You don't have to wait until it becomes too much, and they will be there to help.
For now, I wonder if you could let us know how you're feeling today? Our Community is here for you Jack. We will also be running a Support Thread here on the boards 11am-12:30pm if you fancied coming along. We will be there to listen and support you.
Katie
2
Re: Signpost Shoutouts
This sounds really interesting, I'll definitely be giving it a try.
Re: November 2025 achievements!
Thank you so much @kaii for these posts every month - they make me really happy and I look forward to them a lot. Here are mine for this month:
- I started reading my first ever novel in Japanese (it's my neighbour totoro hehe) with the help of a dictionary, and that's been going really well! I've also ordered a Japanese light novel series which is arriving next month, I'm super excited to start reading that.
- I also started drawing this month which I'm proud of, and it's been really therapeutic and relaxing, especially with music on in the background.
- I finished watching the anime series 'the fragrant flower blooms with dignity' entirely in Japanese, that was really exciting as I've never watched a whole series in the language before!
- I made more of an effort to be kind to myself this month
- I started reading my first ever novel in Japanese (it's my neighbour totoro hehe) with the help of a dictionary, and that's been going really well! I've also ordered a Japanese light novel series which is arriving next month, I'm super excited to start reading that.
- I also started drawing this month which I'm proud of, and it's been really therapeutic and relaxing, especially with music on in the background.
- I finished watching the anime series 'the fragrant flower blooms with dignity' entirely in Japanese, that was really exciting as I've never watched a whole series in the language before!
- I made more of an effort to be kind to myself this month
Re: Just don't want to be here anymore
Hi @Invisible_me , it sounds like things are feeling extremely hard and exhausting right now, and I hear you when you say that you don't want to be here anymore. We're listening, and we take what you're sharing seriously. You've doing so well to share this and to reach out, and I hear how frightening it feels to think of everything falling apart.
Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself safe at the moment? The staff team will be reaching out to you via DM to check in further.
I wonder if there might have been something that's triggered the fear that everything could fall apart? Or perhaps it has been more of a general feeling?
We're here for you @Invisible_me , and thank you so much for your trust in sharing this.
Hi @Sian321
Thank you for message.
Everything just feels too hard, like things aren't going to get easier and I jyst feeling like I haven't got the strength to so this.... tge thought of trying to get through December, Christmas is hard! All the change, sensory overload!, work was goung well and now all of a sudden it feels like ive failed probation and im in the brink of losing it sunless Har decide to offer me further extension ( i so hopr so!).. the thoygh of losing it is terrifying as much anxiety it caused!!
My mum wasnt too good either, , dad os battling with long illnesses although well at moment so....
Im trying hard and hace kept myself safe..I've got no plans hust all feels so dark!
Re: Just don't want to be here anymore
Redemption wrote: »Are you safe @Invisible_me ? Please remember you matter, you're needed, the world is a better place with you here.
Ive put some services below if you need
https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
https://www.google.com/search?q=samaritans&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sca_esv=56cc1d46b226e482&source=android-home&sxsrf=AE3TifNCigGoaf5mu5U_Vg5f4uVR9WmMTQ:1764341540609&source=hp&ei=JLcpadaHI_yHhbIPk7HbsQU&oq=sam&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocBoCGAMiA3NhbSoCCAAyGRAjGIAEGNIDGKYDGCcY-AUYqAMYigUYiwMyDRAAGNIDGAMYqAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBBAuGAMyEBAuGAMYqAMYmgMYiwMYmwMyBxAAGAMYiwNI4hVQpAlYrA1wAXgAkAEAmAGrAaAB7AKqAQMyLjG4AQHIAQD4AQGYAgSgAqUEqAItwgINECMYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICExAuGIAEGMcBGCcYigUY6gIYrwHCAgcQIxgnGOoCwgIQECMY8AUYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICEBAAGAMYtAIY6gIYjwHYAQHCAhAQLhgDGLQCGOoCGI8B2AEBwgIQEC4YgAQY0QMYxwEYJxiKBcICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgQQABgDwgIWECMYgAQYpgMYJxj4BRioAxiKBRiLA5gDQfEF-334u7-hLiS6BgQIARgKkgcDMS4zoAe2H7IHAzAuM7gH4wPCBwczLTEuMS4yyAe1AQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp
Opens at 5pm till 12am
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Thanks @Redemption . Im safe. I managed to keep myself, guess I had to!
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 24.11.25
@Redemption It sounds like things have been feeling really heavy and overwhelming for you lately. I can understand how exhausting it is when activities feel stressful or hard to face. I don’t think it says anything negative about you at all. It’s okay to allow yourself time and space to breathe and go at your own speed. You don’t have to force yourself to go to places or do things you’re not ready for or that feel too much right now. Taking care of yourself and your needs is important and matters as well. I hope you can feel a little support from knowing that you’re not alone here.
Ech0
2
Re: Can't help but cry (TW: suicidal ideation, mention of abuse, trauma)
Hi again, to anyone reading this...
I'm still going through a lot. I can't say it gets any easier to cope. I've been trying to share how I'm feeling with others where I can and allow myself to accept their reassurance (which is much easier said than done because of how often and deeply I feel like a burden and am worried about inconveniencing others).
The tears aren't as often. I can't tell if it's progress or part of me suppressing my emotions because of how intense and unbearable they've been. Am I rejecting a part of myself? I don't know.
My trauma is so intertwined with my identity and sense of self it's hard to know where one stops and the other begins. And I know, it's not "good". I wish it didn't have such an impact on me. I wish I didn't go through what I did in my formative years and have it shape and mould me so profoundly. I wish I wasn't stuck with CPTSD which feels like a living hell I can't escape.
So what now? I'm not sure. Trauma therapy is really expensive and I'm not well enough to work to be able to afford it long term. The NHS has failed me, even my GP doesn't know what to do. Whenever I come across any mentions of a one year or five year plan as many people seem to have, I draw a blank. I can't visualise my future or anything meaningful to look forward to. I can't say what I'll be capable of achieving when my body is working against me to the point where I'm stuck with constant pain. Where all I can do some days is lie down in bed and the slightest movement hurts.
It's hard. So hard. There's no cure for my health issues and it feels naive to hinge my entire existence on holding out hope for one when it might never happen. And the complex trauma is unbearably difficult to live with, day in day out. I've been looking into self-help resources but my energy levels either fall too short of being able to implement them or they don't work as intended. And I just feel so lost. I don't have anything to look forward to. I don't have any friends who come visit me when I'm housebound as I have been these past 5 months so the loneliness doesn't help.
I cried a bit today, before writing all this. I mignt cry again after. I guess what I'm feeling is a sense of helplessness, and just a huge amount of frustration that there are so many things actively working against me. Maybe if it were just the physical or mental health issues in isolation, things would be more manageable. It'd feel like there's a way out. But both? Has been a huge weight to carry, with no clear solutions or end in sight.
I didn't realise this until I received responses that tried to put a positive spin on things and tell me maybe my health issues will miraculously get better on their own somehow (which felt invalidating to my situation), but...I think what I need is for someone to sit with me in my grief. To meet me where I am, emotionally. Not to try to insist on some abstract level of hope that I can't realistically believe in right now, like "the universe is going to start to work in your favour". That doesn't feel helpful.
Maybe I identify with my pain so strongly, with how it's been all I've ever known, that I perceive attempts like that at making me feel better to be self-erasure. And I know there's a slippery slope of identifying with your pain, with suffering, and struggling to recognise that it's ultimately not the entirety of you. Maybe one part of you; I can't change the fact that the trauma has affected me to the extent that it has. But there are other facets and attributes and parts of you that exist outside of it too and deserve equal recognition.
I just don't know what that looks like for me, and it's really discouraging that I don't have the physical means of finding out (i.e., experiencing new things, engaging in hobbies) in the same ways others do. I've tried to think of ways I can still do some of those things at home but when my symptoms affect me so severely to the point where I experience finger swelling, to the point where I'm not always well enough to be able to type like I am right now or have any energy...It's hard to think of anything. It doesn't help that I can't always focus on distractions too well either with what my internal landscape has been like.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Part of me is still fighting the urge to go on about how I hope someone feels seen reading all this and apologising that they relate to begin with...It feels like I have to constantly think of others even when I'm talking about my own mental health issues. And it's hard to fully believe I deserve acceptance without any kind of conditions I have to meet first, like going out of my way to help others. But I do want acceptance. Even if nothing else changes maybe it'll help me feel a bit better. So I'm going to put this out into the world. Maybe I will be accepted, and not shamed for not trying hard enough or struggling in the ways I am as if I chose this. Maybe I will be seen.
I'm still going through a lot. I can't say it gets any easier to cope. I've been trying to share how I'm feeling with others where I can and allow myself to accept their reassurance (which is much easier said than done because of how often and deeply I feel like a burden and am worried about inconveniencing others).
The tears aren't as often. I can't tell if it's progress or part of me suppressing my emotions because of how intense and unbearable they've been. Am I rejecting a part of myself? I don't know.
My trauma is so intertwined with my identity and sense of self it's hard to know where one stops and the other begins. And I know, it's not "good". I wish it didn't have such an impact on me. I wish I didn't go through what I did in my formative years and have it shape and mould me so profoundly. I wish I wasn't stuck with CPTSD which feels like a living hell I can't escape.
So what now? I'm not sure. Trauma therapy is really expensive and I'm not well enough to work to be able to afford it long term. The NHS has failed me, even my GP doesn't know what to do. Whenever I come across any mentions of a one year or five year plan as many people seem to have, I draw a blank. I can't visualise my future or anything meaningful to look forward to. I can't say what I'll be capable of achieving when my body is working against me to the point where I'm stuck with constant pain. Where all I can do some days is lie down in bed and the slightest movement hurts.
It's hard. So hard. There's no cure for my health issues and it feels naive to hinge my entire existence on holding out hope for one when it might never happen. And the complex trauma is unbearably difficult to live with, day in day out. I've been looking into self-help resources but my energy levels either fall too short of being able to implement them or they don't work as intended. And I just feel so lost. I don't have anything to look forward to. I don't have any friends who come visit me when I'm housebound as I have been these past 5 months so the loneliness doesn't help.
I cried a bit today, before writing all this. I mignt cry again after. I guess what I'm feeling is a sense of helplessness, and just a huge amount of frustration that there are so many things actively working against me. Maybe if it were just the physical or mental health issues in isolation, things would be more manageable. It'd feel like there's a way out. But both? Has been a huge weight to carry, with no clear solutions or end in sight.
I didn't realise this until I received responses that tried to put a positive spin on things and tell me maybe my health issues will miraculously get better on their own somehow (which felt invalidating to my situation), but...I think what I need is for someone to sit with me in my grief. To meet me where I am, emotionally. Not to try to insist on some abstract level of hope that I can't realistically believe in right now, like "the universe is going to start to work in your favour". That doesn't feel helpful.
Maybe I identify with my pain so strongly, with how it's been all I've ever known, that I perceive attempts like that at making me feel better to be self-erasure. And I know there's a slippery slope of identifying with your pain, with suffering, and struggling to recognise that it's ultimately not the entirety of you. Maybe one part of you; I can't change the fact that the trauma has affected me to the extent that it has. But there are other facets and attributes and parts of you that exist outside of it too and deserve equal recognition.
I just don't know what that looks like for me, and it's really discouraging that I don't have the physical means of finding out (i.e., experiencing new things, engaging in hobbies) in the same ways others do. I've tried to think of ways I can still do some of those things at home but when my symptoms affect me so severely to the point where I experience finger swelling, to the point where I'm not always well enough to be able to type like I am right now or have any energy...It's hard to think of anything. It doesn't help that I can't always focus on distractions too well either with what my internal landscape has been like.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Part of me is still fighting the urge to go on about how I hope someone feels seen reading all this and apologising that they relate to begin with...It feels like I have to constantly think of others even when I'm talking about my own mental health issues. And it's hard to fully believe I deserve acceptance without any kind of conditions I have to meet first, like going out of my way to help others. But I do want acceptance. Even if nothing else changes maybe it'll help me feel a bit better. So I'm going to put this out into the world. Maybe I will be accepted, and not shamed for not trying hard enough or struggling in the ways I am as if I chose this. Maybe I will be seen.
Roselite
2
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 24.11.25
Ive been thinking about stuff because Ive not been wanting to do anything, not want to go on holiday, go pub or football, football group get togethers if its something causing this, and these things it felt a bit dreadful getting up and having to go football or having to go on airport for a flight like the airport is overwhelming
