Best Of

today i have an appointment and to get there, the best bus for me to take due to timings is a bus i’ve never got on before - it’s the same route more or less as the usual bus i take, it just goes down the motorway rather than the other road. i was walking to the bus stop and went to buy the ticket on the app, and the way the translink app works is you select if it’s ulsterbus, goldline, metro, airport express etc then specific routes within those, so i selected the one i needed and noticed that it gives options for every bus number but the one i need. i started to panic and then messaged translink on whatsapp to see which bus ticket i should buy on the app for the bus i need, they replied asking silly questions as always and weren’t at all helpful. the bus then came and i was still unsure of what ticket to get. i then asked the bus driver which ticket do i buy on the app as there’s no option for this bus and he then told me which one it is i need to get. i then tried to add it to my basket and the app then logged me out. i literally started crying because i was so overwhelmed as we had a super heavy session on mental health in class this morning then also anxious about the appointment and now the whole issue with the bus ticket. i feel so so silly for it.

in the end, the driver told me its ok, go sit down and sort myself out and just show him when i get off the bus - im glad he has been understanding though as its made the situation easier. i just feel really silly though:/

I just wanted to say i'm proud of you for all you've achieved over the past couple of years. whilst it may seem like slow progress to yourself, you're still moving in the right direction and that is something you can be proud of. not to be all cheesy quotes on you but i saw something the other say which said "its not about the speed, but the direction you go in" and i feel it kinda applies here to you.

you haven't given up and i think we all see the determination and motivation you have yo get yourself into a routine/job/lifestyle you are happier with. you have done things to grow as a person and better yourself to give yourself the best chances at reaching your goals. and i know hard it can be to see these achievements from your own perspective, as i feel we are often more critical of ourselves than we are of others. but from an outsiders perspective - you have so much you can be proud of. i know it can be disheartening but try not to be too hard on yourself. your time will come i promise

For some reason when I age regress I start twitching and vision goes weird

I’ve been thinking earlier about my first post here. Back then, I hadn’t found my feet, and I still haven’t yet now, even though I’ve improved in some ways. I’ve just been trying a lot for quite some time now to get where I want to be, but it’s hard not being there yet. I know I’ve been really repetitive, and I feel like a broken record now, but it’s just because I keep experiencing the same feelings regularly, and it’s tough to break out of it. I've been finding things really hard lately, and it feels like this struggle has been ongoing for the past few years. Despite trying to improve, I’ve faced setbacks like failing a training course, not securing a stable job, and it’s made everything feel never-ending. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a quarter-life crisis, especially after finishing college. Back then, at 19-20, I already felt behind, thinking I should’ve been working or doing an apprenticeship instead, and now being at home most days without progress has only intensified those feelings.

I’ve tried to push myself by doing training courses, work placements, and volunteering, but despite my efforts, none of it has led to securing a job, which makes me feel stuck and disheartened. It’s hard not to take rejections personally, especially when I see others moving forward in life while I’m still unproductive and unfulfilled. Volunteering has also been tough, especially after being told I wasn’t suitable for tills despite only trying twice, and since then, I’ve dreaded going in, sometimes even crying in the car beforehand. I keep hoping it’ll lead to something, but the uncertainty of how long this will take is overwhelming, and past failures have made me prone to overthinking even small things. Life definitely feels overwhelming and hard at times, like there’s so many different parts of it piling up all at once. Whether it’s struggling with job progress, feeling behind in life, or even the constant overthinking, it all just feels like too much sometimes, and it’s hard to keep myself positive through it all. It’s just been really hard not to move forward or be so hard on myself about everything. I know I’m trying, but when things don’t work out, it’s tough not to blame myself or feel like I’m failing.

On top of that, I’ve also been experiencing other personal issues too, and it’s just been fucking tough. Like everything feels like it’s hitting me at once. Life not moving forward, personal problems, feeling left behind, and just mentally exhausting myself overthinking it all. It’s like no matter how hard I try, things don’t seem to change, and it’s hard not to let it get to me. What’s made it even harder is how much I’ve valued the community over the past year. It’s become something really important to me. It’s been a safe place where I’ve felt comfortable discussing heavy topics without judgment or shame, even when I repeated myself. I’ve formed strong bonds with people there, and seeing some of them leave has been especially hard. Sometimes it feels like the community is all I have, and the changes have made it even harder to cope. Knowing that one day I’ll have to leave the community myself already causes me anxiety, and with slow progress in my life and the fear of losing that support, it’s made everything feel even more overwhelming.

On top of all this, I really want to move forward with the things I want in life. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and I want to find the right woman, have a meaningful relationship, and eventually settle down. I also want to get a new car, and ultimately, I dream of buying my own house and making a home with the right person. There’s so much I want to do in life, and it’s tough feeling like I’m stuck right now, unable to make that progress. Life is definitely overwhelming and hard at times, with so many different parts of it weighing down on me. It’s like there’s always something. Whether it’s career struggles, personal setbacks, or feeling left behind, it just makes everything feel so heavy. I really want things to change, but it’s hard when it feels like nothing is moving forward. It’s also been tough not to constantly be hard on myself or feel like I’m failing when progress is slow. I know I’m trying, but it’s hard not to beat myself up about it sometimes. And with these personal issues happening on top of it all, it’s just been fucking tough to deal with everything at once. But think it is clear now, I’m not just sitting around complaining or doing nothing. As I’ve said plenty of times, I am making efforts, and no one can say I’m not. I’ve done training, work placements, volunteering, I’ve been pushing myself to get somewhere. It’s just been a really slow process, and the uncertainty of how long it’ll take really gets to me. That’s what’s making it so hard, not knowing when things will finally change or fall into place, I just hope it happens soon because I've been struggling like this for so long as you probably know from all my posts.

@shannon_164 thank you. It means a lot. It’s nice to hear someone thinks I actually am worth something. I appreciate it so much

@Keira i hear you, and i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to see the good in yourself when all you seem to hear is the bad, but i promise you, the negative voices, whether they’re from others or from your own thoughts, are not the full picture of who you are. you do deserve kindness, support, and help, even if it’s hard to believe right now.

i get why you feel like giving up on asking for help. when you keep being let down, it just reinforces the feeling that you’re not worth the effort, but that’s not true. you shouldn’t have to beg for help, and i hate that the mh team isn’t following through on what they’ve said. that’s not a reflection of you or what you deserve, it’s a failure on their part. you’re not asking for too much, and you’re not less deserving than anyone else.

i know you’re exhausted, and i don’t blame you for feeling this way, but i don’t think it’s a sign to stop asking for help, i think it’s proof that the system needs to do better for you, and i really hope you don’t let their failings convince you that you’re not worth the support, because you are.

i’m here, always. you don’t have to go through this alone - you’ve got this

thankyou @shannon_164

had 1 hour of sleep bc ive struggled to get to sleep and stay asleep. but i reached out to samaritans last night and the lady was so lovely. her name was jenny and she was rly kind. but i spoke to out of hours and spoke to someone called shannon but they didn’t rly seem to care abt me so that hurt but im dreading today bc it’s my hip mri scan and im having needles into my hips. it was 111 option 2.

@shannon_164 thank you. It’s just so hard to see the good in myself when all I’m hearing is the bad all the time.

I just don’t feel I deserve it and there’s other people who deserve the help more than me tbh.

I see a mental health team but they aren’t doing anything and they keep telling me they’re going to do things for me and then don’t do them so I’m just getting let down and maybe it’s just a sign to stop asking for help. It’s too tiring waiting around and begging for help when I’m not getting any