Best Of

Sorry to hear this SVT, I hope it's not started again since posting

Family are getting into arguments again. It has stopped for the time being, but I wouldn't be surprised if it starts again.

Hi @SopSHJ546, thank you for your kind words, it’s nice to know that somebody has been through a similar situation and made it through:) At the moment, I guess i’m just struggling to see how everything gets easier, I can’t seem to see past these current issues and it’s so demotivating. How did you manage when things were tough in uni? :)

Dacia's official Instagram page messaged me which is pretty cool no bigger but kinda cool

so I keep relapsing with everything and now I have to hide it all which is going to be harder since me and my partner are starting to go gym again.

I also don’t want N to see or find out about any more SH because I can never say why I did it or what caused it etc.

then it’s like my ED voice is loud and has been triggered a lot by the food I’ve been eating. Like all the food is healthy but it’s doing something internally which makes me purge it, I don’t want to start that all again because it caused a lot of health issues but I don’t know if I can stop, from last night I’ve started fasting and I know if I eat tonight it won’t stay down for long seen as that’s what’s happened the last 2 days now, but also if I fall asleep I won’t eat anyway. I don’t want to tell anyone this because it will worry them but also I don’t want to potentially risk having to choose between 2 different therapies. Like if my ED gets bad again they might say I have to go back to CBT therapy for that which means I’d have to give up the DBT which I don’t want to do. But then it’s the whole thing of if I tell anyone like my gp or the Ed team they’d want me to come in for monthly/weekly blood tests and monthly ecg which I don’t want because with the new policy at work with appointments I won’t ever be able to take holiday for an actual holiday or I’ll have to continually work more than what I’m contracted for.
if I bring this up to N I’m not sure what she will say as it’s likely linked to my emotions and how I can’t safely or properly express them but then she might talk to the team as well as both CEDT and ED work together. Or they might try and work it all together as instead of CBT for the ED they can of DBT which is what N is doing with me at the moment.

I know I should also contact my gp or N about me not taking my medication and that but then I don’t want to either. I can’t tell my partner that I’m not on my medication because he will say “I’ll tell M then, she will talk to you about taking them” (M is my general manager)

also going back to the ED the voice will like it in about 2 weeks because I go away for work (mentioned this before) but because I can’t go to the evening meals apart from Tuesday night, I’m likely not going to want to eat anything seen as I’ll be alone and means I won’t likely eat all day too

I just don’t know what to do from here my head can’t make anything seem plausible to do

I purposely and accidentally hovered my arm over steam, I looked n it made a mark I ran it under cold water, I left it for carers to notice, i no they r shite, The one I get on with did. They took me to the main building to another person, they got a meds meds kit out. They wiped it and squirted with stuff n sent me on my way. I asked them about going to urgent care n they refused.

Wat should they hav done? I've gd now. I went to the pharmacy instead. I'm away frm where I live atm 😀

TThe Youtuber in question rang me via telegram, but I didn't pick up bc the world has taught tht ppl r scary

I'd thought I would update you all on the internship that I have been doing. It's been going very well. So for those who don't know I'm currently doing a supported internship with a college and a local company in my area. It's for those who identify or have a diagnosis of autism or are neurodivergent.

I love what I do as I am currently working within the marketing department but the things I find hard is the early starts and that it is a full time course Monday to Friday.

To be honest I haven't had any time to relax or even do hobbies eventhough I have been doing more adhd friendly crafts and I did actually draw again which seems like such a long time ago since I have done my art.

I just feel like I'm always exhausted and it's not to do with my bedtime routine because my routine is perfectly fine and normal, I go to bed at 10 maybe sometimes 11. But I just feel this constant feeling of tiredness.

Not to mention that one of our tutors who was previously our tutor also left to do the other course which was a massive change. We were only told last minute so for someone with autism that was really great to deal with (actually not). But I'm aware that people come and go and that's part of life I guess. I shouldn't be too attached to people but I do, I guess it's to do with my empathetic nature or something honestly I don't even know.

After old tutor left we got a new one and she is so lovely, supportive and I say more understanding. Because at times while my previous tutor was great I don't think he really understood neurodivergent people to be fair. Then again my job coach is kind of similar because a lot of the classwork we have been doing seems to be more designed towards younger people rather than adults. However we are getting to ready to learn more proper life skills such as finding employment etc etc. Which is much more better and up my street than just learning stuff I would have learnt in primary school.

I don't know if it's me but sometimes I feel autistic folk tend to get patronised or spoken to like kids rather than genuine adults.

Also not to mention the whole attendance thing which I get punctuality is important but they get thingy about us having sick days or days off. Apparently on the college website it said my attendance was very high yet my job coach I had two sick days so I haven't have high attendance. Yet I always came in early every single day in the morning, put out the laptops and do the lights in the room before even my tutor and job coach enter the building!. Yet they were always late at times.

Again sorry for the long rant I don't really rant as much as I normally do in general. Wow that was a lot, I could go on but we would be here forever to be fair lol.

I’ve kinda just given up with work and I don’t know if it’s because there is too much change happening or if I just don’t like the place anymore.
I don’t know how I can carry on it’s affecting my mh too but I don’t want to tell my general manager about it. Like she’s supportive and will want to help me but with all this change in policy etc I don’t know what she’d do.
If I speak to my gp they will just ask if I want to be signed off - I denied this last time because works like one of the only things that helps me stay safe.

I want to tell N about all this but I don’t even know what to say