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dear alad or the sergery,
i am 13, a girl and i selfharm. my mum and my friends think i'm trying to atteract attention but i always cover up my scars and wounds. i would tell my dad but he is portugese and would not understand. i have been on many websites and chat lines, even to my counceler! But they all say that its a phase.....i know its not and i know i need help!! please help me alad as i feel as no one will listen and the only time they did for about an hour was when i tried to hang myself aged 11 x
That is true cos everybody is individual. What works for one person may not work for the next person.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Hey there Shaun and Lindsay, it's great to see you on the TS boards! Looking forward to reading your posts! Just wanted to respond to the above myself, and have my question follow it!
It's difficult to stop self harming, straight away, and part of recovery is relapses, which can often make us feel like failure, but I know for a fact, that's not true, you've taken steps to want to recover, and you will, however, stopping alone can be exceptionally difficult, do you currently have any support around you that you could potentially reach out to? For example your doctor? But with self harm, it's really about taking it one step at a time!
I've found with self harm, I won't stop, unless I'm determined to recover from it, but I'm not sure how to cope it moments where things get neurotic? I tend to use self soothing, but it varies on my frame of mind, etc. Allowing myself to calm down just won't get me anywhere! What do you suggest? If you get where I'm coming from? Just wondering, are we aloud to offer support to each otherrr? Silly question moment? :P
I want to stop.
How?
(I've told my doctor)
Hi Becky, firstly really well done for messaging. It sounds like you'd really like to get some help with this to stop. There are a whole range of different people who may be able to give you some support. I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe have a think about whether there are any adults in your life who you feel able to trust and talk to, maybe a parent or carer, teacher, who you feel might listen and offer you some support. Your GP, or someone like a school or college counsellor or school nurse, could be other options. There are also charities like ChildLine and selfharm.co.uk, who you might like to talk to.
Thanks e1998,
The first thing I'd like to highlight that it's totally normal to be upset when you see another friend harm. The best bit of advice I can give you is to listen to your friend. It must've been a big deal for them to speak up. I'd also ask them how you can help them. I can't stress enough that seeking professional help could really help your friend.
Hope that helps :-)
It sounds very difficult. Have you got any distractions that help. It is good that you recognise your triggers, I know avoiding stress isn't always an option but maybe doing something kind for yourself when you are feeling stressed, going for a walk, listening to music, having a bath, anything that helps you.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
anyway deep down we all know its wrong , we all think we cant stop but we can , yeah were gonna relapse , but look theres always going to be someone around and theres always going to be a better way through the dark times as a Liverpool fan our anthems really close to me ''walk on walk on with hope in your heart cause youll never walk alone '' the anthems so true
Often when we're craving self harm, we don't really look into alternative coping techniques, as we've set our mind on wanting that, and needing it, as we've pretty much used it to cope through difficult times. You mentioned you told your doctor however, how did they respond? You might also want to consider mindfulness, as a way to let yourself breath, and take a moment, to relax yourself when you feel yourself building up, have you ever tried Mindfulness?
I also want to help you find some of the advice we have in articles on TheSite - a few of you have asked about supporting a friend and we have an article that's called 'Coping with their self-harm' here: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/coping-with-self-harm-5692.html
There's also been a question about scars and treatments:
http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/body-image-and-self-esteem/scars-and-treatments-5947.html
And here's a page with a range of support groups and websites:
http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-support-groups-and-websites-5699.html
If you need help with finding further content, just let me know
My name is becky and I'm 14. I have been self harming for just over a year, my mum thinks that I stopped ages ago but I continued just in less obvious places. A few of my closest friends know and they seem to support me but I don't think they actually know how bad the problem is. I hate myself a lot and I don't see anything good in myself and by self harming I feel that all the awful things going on inside are muted just for a short time whilst I self harm. I think that this is why I find it so addictive. I feel like maybe I should get some help but I don't think I can stop, I've tried before and just went back to it. I'm very insecure and I feel that I couldn't really tell anyone. I know that I'm fat and now every time I eat I self harm on my stomach which is something I don't think I can stop. Is there any advice you can give me? Thank you.
Hey Ar16, welcome to TheSite.org and well done for reaching out tonight - while our experts are replying I just wanted to give you a link to our information on first aid for cuts: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/general-first-aid-6282.html
We've also got some information on scars and treatments that you might find useful: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/body-image-and-self-esteem/scars-and-treatments-5947.html
*hug*
Thanks for writing Lawlife,
This is a very difficult situation. Maybe you could just let her know that you are there and that you'll willing too help. It's important that you allow your friend know that you're there to help. If she's not ready to talk to you, maybe you can give her some information about where she can get help. There are lot of amazing places out there such as Childline, the site.org and selfharm.co.uk.
Hope that helps.
Hi Cocopops, It sounds like you're trying really hard not to self-harm, so really well done for that. I can hear that you're feeling really worried about these thoughts that you're getting. I understand that you're maybe feeling worried about telling anyone about these thoughts, perhaps if you wanted to talk to someone confidentially about these feelings you could contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 (all calls and free and don't show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 instant messenger chat on the ChildLine website www.childline.org.uk.
There are also a whole range of different coping strategies that people sometimes use to deal with difficult feelings that they're having, doing something you enjoy to take your mind off these feelings, spending time with friends or family and exercise can help and boost endorphins, the body's happy hormones.
Talking online is somehow easier than speaking offline, but once you take that step it does help. Unfortunately cos of the stigma around mental health and self harm is there, but slowly it is going and people are opening up about self harm and mental health. The fear of being told you are doing it for attention is horrible, but finding that person you can trust to talk to will help.
TheSite have an article on opening up about self harm to others, it could help you.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
i self harm because i feel like my family dont like me we argue everyday and dont feel its normal my brothers hit me hard and i dont know what to do about it i have only told one person about this and i need some advice on how to stop self harming the last time i done it was last week. im 14 and i sarted last year.
81199
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Hey thanks for your post, it sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. Shaun is typing a reply for you now, but also just wanted to let you know about beat - a charity that supports people struggling with an eating disorder - you might want to get some advice from them on supporting a friend, but also could be a place to direct your friend to? They have a youthline:
0845 634 7650 and a live chat that you might find helpful. Take good care of yourself.
Hey Alltimegrace,
Thanks for writing, I know it can be tough.
This sounds like a really complicated situation. It sounds like this situation is affecting you and i'd highly suggest trying to be aware of your feelings. It sounds like you've done so well with reducing your harming. If you feel that you are able to help your friend that's great but it's really important to remind yourself that you are just as important. If this situation is becoming too much for you, why not try and take a back seat. If that's hard, why not just try and point your friend to a place that can help such as your local GP or some other services such as childline, the site and selfharm.co.uk.
Hope that helps.
She has gone through counselling, and stopped for a while, but recently confessed she's done it again. She's trying other methods, but I'm worried about whether she's still harming herself. I find it difficult bringing it up as I don't want to make either of us feel uncomfortable.
Hey there Rose,
It's often easier to open up to people on the internet than it is to people in real life, however, you've opened up to someone, which is great. Often judgements like being called an attention seeker can worry us all, and we really don't know how we would want to respond to it, and often those who do say it, haven't really been in your shoes to judge whether you are an attention seeker or not. Has being able to open up to people online helped at all? - I know I struggled with reaching out, and I came across a site that offered online counselling Mindfull.org, which has trained specilist counsellors dealing with a variety of mental health issues, it's more about having regular support, before you get the courage to reach out for support offline! Worth looking it to it though, however, varies on your age!
Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart