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Self harm awareness day: Experts online from 9-10pm to answer your questions
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Hey cakeisamazeballs - welcome to TheSite and well done for reaching out tonight (love your username btw
It's a common myth that self harm is just a 'phase' or that it's 'attention seeking'. I'm sorry that you're not feeling heard by your mum, your friends and the other people that are there to support you. On the positive side it's great that you've been able to talk about your self harm and get some help, that's really brave.
You might find it useful to show your mum or your friends this article on TheSite about myths around self harm: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-myths-5695.html
Our experts will reply soon
I used to self harm because I was being bullied and it got to me so much. I still have feelings of self harming every day but I can finally over haul these by keeping my mind busy and having a locked cupboard. in this cupboard I keep all my self harm implements in the box and my family and friends are very supportive and I now support people who are going through the same situations
Hi Ar16, It sounds like you find it hard to talk to people about how you're feeling and I understand that's not always something easy to do. It also seems like it really upsets you that your parents maybe don't understand your self-harming. Self-harming can be addictive and it can be hard to find ways to stop and find different ways to cope. Different people can find different things help them to break that cycle, like writing down or drawing how they feel, listening to music, spending time with friends. Talking to someone about how you're feeling can be really important to help you find ways to change some of these really difficult thoughts that you're having.
It sounds like you maybe feel really down on yourself at times, that could be maybe something that would be worth talking to someone about what's making you feel so down on you. You can always talk to a ChildLine Counsellor confidentially on 0800 1111(all calls are free and don't show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 instant messenger on the ChildLine website. Maybe too you could have a think about things that you do like about you or maybe that you're good at, or nice ways your friends might describe you, to perhaps make you feel better at these times.
I guess just trusting the fact that she is going to get support for this, and letting her know that you are there for her.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Just wanted to share our self-harm myths article with you that you might find helpful to share with your loved-ones to explain what's going on: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-myths-5695.html
Hey BethanyRea,
7 DAYS IS BRILLIANT!!!
It sounds as if you've taken the biggest step, which is to make a decision to stop. Stopping without any kind of support from professionals or a strong support network can be really tough so the most important bit of advice I can give you is to seek help from others. Maybe you could have a chat with your local GP, teacher or family member. Having said that, there are some amazing online services that can give you regular support such as the site and selfharm.co.uk.
Well done on taking the decision to make a change. I hope this has helped. Keep going :-)
I've been clean now for several weeks. But every time when something bad happens I feel that I am close to relapse. What should I do to stay? What should I do when I feel like I am going to relapse? No one knows about it so I can't just talk to my parents or friends.
It depends on the person, everybody is individual. I guess following your interests is a good start, there is a range of distractions out there for people who self harm. Things like drawing, writing, going to the gym, baking, cooking, swimming, flicking an elastic band on your wrist, and also having a cold shower. Those are just a few but like I say it depends on the individual, something that has helped me in the past is just sticking my ipod on and just going on a walk, gives me time to clear my head.
There is a cool article on thesite about distractions here http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harmcoping-tips-and-distractions-5696.html
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Hey there Chloe
It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate at home at the moment, and I can only imagine how stressful it must be for you! It can often be difficult to pass across a message, when your parents are arguing, however, your brother really shouldn't be hitting you, if he older than you?
Going a week without self harming however, is amazing, I've very proud of you, and it's great to see you looking in to ways of dealing with it now, rather than in the moment, have you looked into TheSite.org coping tips and distractions article? Which offers a vast majority of things you can do to calm yourself down etc. Or even calling a friend of a helpline to talk it over can also be helpful, for example ChildLine, or Samaritans! Have you thought about approaching a school nurse or mentor about your self harm, so you have more regular support in place?
Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart
Well done on booking that appointment, it's a really brave move and it's a really important step in your journey. Have you tried writing your feelings down? There's an online tool called Doc Ready that has been created to help people talk about mental health issues with a doctor, but could just as easily be used with a counsellor - http://www.docready.org/static/client/index.html#/home
TheSite also has a counselling FAQ that you might find helpful: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/mental-health-treatments/counselling-faq-5839.html
Wish you the best of luck - as I said, this is a really important step and you should be proud for taking it.
Also, if you need some advice or someone to talk to, I'm no expert, but I suffer from depression and I've recently stopped self harming; clean since the 31st of December. I'm here if you need me
Stay strong beautiful people
DBT is a therapy specifically designed for borderline patients, and it can be offered through the NHS, by your doctor, which will involve you in group work, and 1-2-1. Exploring coping techniques when things feel a bit neurotic. Mindfulness offers a variety of things, bringing yourself back to the current moment, etc. Have you ever tried any Mindfulness? There's also an amazing DBT app called DBT911 you can get on Android, etc...That has a variety of coping tools you can use in the moment, and will always have with you!
My best friend recently drunkenly confessed to a mutual friend that she self harms. She swore the mutual friend to secrecy but the mutual friend told me about it anyway because she knows that I would want to help her and that I should know. When the mutual friend asked why my best friend hadn't told me yet it was because she thought I'd be angry with her. I don't know why she would think I would be angry but how can I make her want to tell me because I'm not supposed to know and I don't want to get our mutual friend in trouble as she wasn't supposed to tell me about it. How can I approach the situation in a way that will make her want to talk to me about it? I just want to help her and I don't know what to do because I don't want her to go through this alone.
Hi cakeisamazeballs, It sounds like you're finding things really difficult at the moment and also that it's hard to talk to someone about how you're feeling. I can hear that maybe you're feeling upset that your mum and friends don't seem to understand how you're feeling and what you're doing putting it down to either trying to attract attention or a phase. I understand that you're not doing this for these reasons, sometimes people who care about you may find it hard to understand these urges to self-harm, but you've done really well to try talking to them.
It also sounds like you're tried reaching out to other places through websites and cha- lines to get help, but haven't got the support you were hoping for. Maybe you could try talking to a counsellor at ChildLine on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don't show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 instant messenger on the ChildLine website - www.childline.org.uk. You can talk about what you're doing and what's making you feel like this at the moment. There is always someone there for you to talk, especially if there are times when you're worried about being able to keep stay safe.
i self harm most night i get lonly i have no one to turn too all my friends live so far away from me i need to get away from my family they are the cause of me self harming anyone got any advice?
Thanks for reaching out.
I think the first thing to do is to try and figure out why you turn to self-harm. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. There's no quick way of understanding why one feels the need to self-harm. I'd highly recommend having a chat to some professionals who would be able to help you work through it.
When it comes to other people, it can be really difficult to help them totally understand why you feel you need to harm, especially if they are really close to you. Maybe you can create a log. I'd highly recommend keeping a little book that you can use to help you communicate with your family members. If this doesn't work for you, maybe you can get creative and come up with some other techniques of communicating with the loved ones around you.
Hope this helps.
Hey there and well done for reaching out tonight
It's really brave to tell people about your self harm but sometimes it can feel like you have to try and stop for other people and then that can lead to putting quite a lot of pressure on yourself. It sounds like you're really worried about letting people know just how hard things really are and that you're feeling really down about yourself. It sounds like harming is a relief for some of your negative emotions?
Our article on confiding in someone might prepare you to reach out again: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/telling-someone-you-self-harm-5682.html
You're not alone and there is support out there - remember you can always call Childline to talk to someone in confidence about what's going on too: https://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx
*hug*
Hi blackstar, thanks for posting, this is a really good question. The coping method that works for you will probably link to the emotion you're feeling when you want to self harm - do you feel able to recognise what your emotions are - for example do you feel high levels of anxiety, or perhaps anger or loneliness? TheSite has a factsheet with coping tips and distractions that were compiled from help with young people that you might find helpful - but feel free to start a new thread on TheSite and the community will be happy to share ideas
http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harmcoping-tips-and-distractions-5696.html
This is really lovely to hear - thanks so much for sharing
Hey, really sorry to have kept you waiting - we've been flat out here tonight! Lindsey is just typing a reply to you now - thanks for hanging in there with us.
Thanks for writing Elliedaveyy,
This situation sounds really complex and unfortunately there's no quick answer.
The best bit of advice I can give you is to let your friend come to you when she's ready. Why not just let her know that you're there to help. Rather than sitting your friend down and demanding her to tell you everything (not that you're doing this), why not just remind her that you want to help and when she's ready, you'll be there for her. I can't stress enough how important it is to let your friend come to you on her terms rather than yours. If you'd like more help about how you can support your friend, why not get in touch with Childline, the site or selfharm.co.uk.
Hope this helps :-)
Hi FinalFantasyAerith, It sounds like there's been a lot going on for you and you're struggling to break this urge to self-harm. I understand that it can feel like an addiction and not something that you can just stop and no longer have these urges. It sounds like the impact of the bullying and the miscarriage that you've suffered are really affecting you at the moment and it might be an idea to consider talking to someone about how you're feeling. I can hear that you're worried about talking to your doctor, they shouldn't judge if you did decide to share with them how you're feeling and you certainly have the right to say no to any medication, they might be able to put you in touch with local counselling services if you did feel that you'd like to talk to someone and did feel able to approach your GP.
Some other organisations that may be able to offer you some support with how you're feeling could be www.cruse.org.uk,who work to support people with loss and bereavement. I'm not sure how old you are but if you're under 19, you can also speak to ChildLine on 0800 1111 or through the 1-2-1 chat instant messenger on their website www.childline.org.uk and if you're an adult, Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.
You can also get tips on alternative ways to cope on the ChildLine website or at www.selfharm.co.uk.
Absolutely and thanks for all your awesome support! Shaun is just typing you a reply now.
Also to people who self harm, recovery is possible, yeah there may be some relapses along the way but don't give up.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Hey there FinalFantasyAerith,
It sounds like you've been through a lot over the past few years, but you've taken a step by reaching out to online support, which is amazing, if not anything else! - Often when we start self harming, it can feel like an addiction, as it's how we've learnt to cope, and we know it will help us in the moment, however, in the long run. Have you looking in to alternative coping tips and distractions to allow yourself to get through the moment? I know baking helps me at times!
Often stopping is something you really have to do at your own pace, and you don't always have to stop by reaching out for offline support, their are amazing resources online to.. However, your GP wouldn't judge you, and nor would he give you pills straight hand, you'll probably be offered a form of therapy like CBT, which can allow you to explore what started the behaviour, etc. Which is a rather successful therapy for many.
Or maybe considering online counselling?
Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart