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Self harm awareness day: Experts online from 9-10pm to answer your questions

24

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in other words no one can give you an out right permenant solution its something you have to work out for yourself ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    selfharm

    dear alad or the sergery,
    i am 13, a girl and i selfharm. my mum and my friends think i'm trying to atteract attention but i always cover up my scars and wounds. i would tell my dad but he is portugese and would not understand. i have been on many websites and chat lines, even to my counceler! But they all say that its a phase.....i know its not and i know i need help!! please help me alad as i feel as no one will listen and the only time they did for about an hour was when i tried to hang myself aged 11 x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I have self harmed for about two years now and it has been on and off I guess but lately I am struggling with not doing it because I have this friend. She has an eating disorder and it is affecting my friends and I really badly as we have no idea what to do to help her. She is purging in the school toilets every single day and she won't accept help so we are really struggling. I have been trying so hard to not self harm whilst enduring this but I'm getting closer and closer to breaking and I don't know what to do anymore. I kinds just feel sad all the time and I can't be happy. The whole thing has caused me to be having panic attacks almost every single day and I'm not coping.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Bailey98 wrote: »
    in other words no one can give you an out right permenant solution its something you have to work out for yourself ?

    That is true cos everybody is individual. What works for one person may not work for the next person.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Bailey98 wrote: »
    can anyone actually tell you how to permenantly stop harming?


    Hey there Shaun and Lindsay, it's great to see you on the TS boards! Looking forward to reading your posts! Just wanted to respond to the above myself, and have my question follow it!

    It's difficult to stop self harming, straight away, and part of recovery is relapses, which can often make us feel like failure, but I know for a fact, that's not true, you've taken steps to want to recover, and you will, however, stopping alone can be exceptionally difficult, do you currently have any support around you that you could potentially reach out to? For example your doctor? But with self harm, it's really about taking it one step at a time!

    I've found with self harm, I won't stop, unless I'm determined to recover from it, but I'm not sure how to cope it moments where things get neurotic? I tend to use self soothing, but it varies on my frame of mind, etc. Allowing myself to calm down just won't get me anywhere! What do you suggest? :) If you get where I'm coming from? Just wondering, are we aloud to offer support to each otherrr? Silly question moment? :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I crave self harm all day. I literally get headaches and tremble if I don't. Any type of stress triggers it. And sometimes, I just want to.

    I want to stop.

    How?

    (I've told my doctor)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been self harming for about 1 year, and I wish to stop and get help. Who would you recommend I go to first in order to get said help? -becky

    Hi Becky, firstly really well done for messaging. It sounds like you'd really like to get some help with this to stop. There are a whole range of different people who may be able to give you some support. I'm not sure how old you are, but maybe have a think about whether there are any adults in your life who you feel able to trust and talk to, maybe a parent or carer, teacher, who you feel might listen and offer you some support. Your GP, or someone like a school or college counsellor or school nurse, could be other options. There are also charities like ChildLine and selfharm.co.uk, who you might like to talk to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    e1998 wrote: »
    My best friend self-harms, and it upsets me because she's upset. I feel kind of selfish for feeling upset when it's not her fault, and I have no idea how to help her. What can I do to help her get through it?

    Thanks e1998,

    The first thing I'd like to highlight that it's totally normal to be upset when you see another friend harm. The best bit of advice I can give you is to listen to your friend. It must've been a big deal for them to speak up. I'd also ask them how you can help them. I can't stress enough that seeking professional help could really help your friend.

    Hope that helps :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've been self harming for a year and nobody know's apart from people from the internet and i don't know what to do. There is just so much pain, i can't deal with it. I'm scared of talking to people, because they might think im doing it for attention.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    softoreo wrote: »
    I crave self harm all day. I literally get headaches and tremble if I don't. Any type of stress triggers it. And sometimes, I just want to.

    I want to stop.

    How?

    (I've told my doctor)

    It sounds very difficult. Have you got any distractions that help. It is good that you recognise your triggers, I know avoiding stress isn't always an option but maybe doing something kind for yourself when you are feeling stressed, going for a walk, listening to music, having a bath, anything that helps you.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dear alad, im 13, a girl and i self harm. my mum and friends wont listen as they think i am just doing it for attention. i cant talk to dad about it because he is portugese and wont understand. i have talked to many helplines and councilers but they just say its a phase.....i know its not. the only time anybody would listen was when i tried to take my own life when i was 11 years old, and they only listened for about 10 minuates and then told me i was pathetic and needed to get a life. please help me alad.......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as an ex self harmer I do know how hard it can be but I was just wondering if there was something I had missed , a lot of things have happened for me and for me I found self harm a release - kind of turned my emotional pain into physical pain which for me was 10x easier to cope with it was almost me saying your not the only one that can hurt me if you get that? It genuinely felt like it was helping and I didn't realise how wrong it actually was because hurt was something that came naturally to me yeah it became addictive but I don't know ... not even sure why im writing this or if theres a point too it .
    anyway deep down we all know its wrong , we all think we cant stop but we can , yeah were gonna relapse , but look theres always going to be someone around and theres always going to be a better way through the dark times as a Liverpool fan our anthems really close to me ''walk on walk on with hope in your heart cause youll never walk alone '' the anthems so true
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    softoreo wrote: »
    I crave self harm all day. I literally get headaches and tremble if I don't. Any type of stress triggers it. And sometimes, I just want to.

    I want to stop.

    How?

    (I've told my doctor)

    Often when we're craving self harm, we don't really look into alternative coping techniques, as we've set our mind on wanting that, and needing it, as we've pretty much used it to cope through difficult times. You mentioned you told your doctor however, how did they respond? You might also want to consider mindfulness, as a way to let yourself breath, and take a moment, to relax yourself when you feel yourself building up, have you ever tried Mindfulness?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey guys, thanks for all your questions, Lindsey and Shaun are working quick-time to make sure you all get a reply - and don't forget to read the advice they're giving to others as you may find it's relevant to you too.

    I also want to help you find some of the advice we have in articles on TheSite - a few of you have asked about supporting a friend and we have an article that's called 'Coping with their self-harm' here: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/coping-with-self-harm-5692.html

    There's also been a question about scars and treatments:
    http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/body-image-and-self-esteem/scars-and-treatments-5947.html

    And here's a page with a range of support groups and websites:
    http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-support-groups-and-websites-5699.html

    If you need help with finding further content, just let me know :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there anything I can do?

    My name is becky and I'm 14. I have been self harming for just over a year, my mum thinks that I stopped ages ago but I continued just in less obvious places. A few of my closest friends know and they seem to support me but I don't think they actually know how bad the problem is. I hate myself a lot and I don't see anything good in myself and by self harming I feel that all the awful things going on inside are muted just for a short time whilst I self harm. I think that this is why I find it so addictive. I feel like maybe I should get some help but I don't think I can stop, I've tried before and just went back to it. I'm very insecure and I feel that I couldn't really tell anyone. I know that I'm fat and now every time I eat I self harm on my stomach which is something I don't think I can stop. Is there any advice you can give me? Thank you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ar16 wrote: »
    Hello, I am bipolar and it's tuning my life, I push the people I love away and I can't tell my friends because I don't want them to judge me. My parents think my self harm is pathetic but I can't help it it's addictive and I feel like I have to do it because it's like there's someone In my head telling me I'm a bad person.

    Also I have some very deep cuts and I think I need stitches what should I do and in the summer I don't know how to hide my deep scars please help :(

    Hey Ar16, welcome to TheSite.org and well done for reaching out tonight - while our experts are replying I just wanted to give you a link to our information on first aid for cuts: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/general-first-aid-6282.html

    We've also got some information on scars and treatments that you might find useful: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/body-image-and-self-esteem/scars-and-treatments-5947.html

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lawlife wrote: »
    Hi, I have a friend who is self harming, she tells me that its ok and that she doesnt want me to get close (friendship wise) with her becuase she doesnt want this to hurt me. Please help

    Thanks for writing Lawlife,

    This is a very difficult situation. Maybe you could just let her know that you are there and that you'll willing too help. It's important that you allow your friend know that you're there to help. If she's not ready to talk to you, maybe you can give her some information about where she can get help. There are lot of amazing places out there such as Childline, the site.org and selfharm.co.uk.

    Hope that helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cocopops wrote: »
    I'm 15 and trying to get better but now I am not self harming if get thoughts which are worst how can I cope with it without telling anyone

    Hi Cocopops, It sounds like you're trying really hard not to self-harm, so really well done for that. I can hear that you're feeling really worried about these thoughts that you're getting. I understand that you're maybe feeling worried about telling anyone about these thoughts, perhaps if you wanted to talk to someone confidentially about these feelings you could contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 (all calls and free and don't show up on the bill) or use the 1-2-1 instant messenger chat on the ChildLine website www.childline.org.uk.

    There are also a whole range of different coping strategies that people sometimes use to deal with difficult feelings that they're having, doing something you enjoy to take your mind off these feelings, spending time with friends or family and exercise can help and boost endorphins, the body's happy hormones.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    rose19 wrote: »
    i've been self harming for a year and nobody know's apart from people from the internet and i don't know what to do. There is just so much pain, i can't deal with it. I'm scared of talking to people, because they might think im doing it for attention.

    Talking online is somehow easier than speaking offline, but once you take that step it does help. Unfortunately cos of the stigma around mental health and self harm is there, but slowly it is going and people are opening up about self harm and mental health. The fear of being told you are doing it for attention is horrible, but finding that person you can trust to talk to will help.

    TheSite have an article on opening up about self harm to others, it could help you.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    anyone know the number to text in ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i self harm.

    i self harm because i feel like my family dont like me we argue everyday and dont feel its normal my brothers hit me hard and i dont know what to do about it i have only told one person about this and i need some advice on how to stop self harming the last time i done it was last week. im 14 and i sarted last year.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Bailey98 wrote: »
    anyone know the number to text in ?

    81199
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi, I have self harmed for about two years now and it has been on and off I guess but lately I am struggling with not doing it because I have this friend. She has an eating disorder and it is affecting my friends and I really badly as we have no idea what to do to help her. She is purging in the school toilets every single day and she won't accept help so we are really struggling. I have been trying so hard to not self harm whilst enduring this but I'm getting closer and closer to breaking and I don't know what to do anymore. I kinds just feel sad all the time and I can't be happy. The whole thing has caused me to be having panic attacks almost every single day and I'm not coping.

    Hey thanks for your post, it sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. Shaun is typing a reply for you now, but also just wanted to let you know about beat - a charity that supports people struggling with an eating disorder - you might want to get some advice from them on supporting a friend, but also could be a place to direct your friend to? They have a youthline:
    0845 634 7650 and a live chat that you might find helpful. Take good care of yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My best friend recently drunkenly confessed to a mutual friend that she self harms. She swore the mutual friend to secrecy but the mutual friend told me about it anyway because she knows that I would want to help her and that I should know. When the mutual friend asked why my best friend hadn't told me yet it was because she thought I'd be angry with her. I don't know why she would think I would be angry but how can I make her want to tell me because I'm not supposed to know and I don't want to get our mutual friend in trouble as she wasn't supposed to tell me about it. How can I approach the situation in a way that will make her want to talk to me about it? I just want to help her and I don't know what to do because I don't want her to go through this alone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    81199 :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I have self harmed for about two years now and it has been on and off I guess but lately I am struggling with not doing it because I have this friend. She has an eating disorder and it is affecting my friends and I really badly as we have no idea what to do to help her. She is purging in the school toilets every single day and she won't accept help so we are really struggling. I have been trying so hard to not self harm whilst enduring this but I'm getting closer and closer to breaking and I don't know what to do anymore. I kinds just feel sad all the time and I can't be happy. The whole thing has caused me to be having panic attacks almost every single day and I'm not coping.

    Hey Alltimegrace,

    Thanks for writing, I know it can be tough.

    This sounds like a really complicated situation. It sounds like this situation is affecting you and i'd highly suggest trying to be aware of your feelings. It sounds like you've done so well with reducing your harming. If you feel that you are able to help your friend that's great but it's really important to remind yourself that you are just as important. If this situation is becoming too much for you, why not try and take a back seat. If that's hard, why not just try and point your friend to a place that can help such as your local GP or some other services such as childline, the site and selfharm.co.uk.

    Hope that helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Shaun :)

    She has gone through counselling, and stopped for a while, but recently confessed she's done it again. She's trying other methods, but I'm worried about whether she's still harming herself. I find it difficult bringing it up as I don't want to make either of us feel uncomfortable.
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    rose19 wrote: »
    i've been self harming for a year and nobody know's apart from people from the internet and i don't know what to do. There is just so much pain, i can't deal with it. I'm scared of talking to people, because they might think im doing it for attention.

    Hey there Rose,

    It's often easier to open up to people on the internet than it is to people in real life, however, you've opened up to someone, which is great. Often judgements like being called an attention seeker can worry us all, and we really don't know how we would want to respond to it, and often those who do say it, haven't really been in your shoes to judge whether you are an attention seeker or not. Has being able to open up to people online helped at all? :) - I know I struggled with reaching out, and I came across a site that offered online counselling Mindfull.org, which has trained specilist counsellors dealing with a variety of mental health issues, it's more about having regular support, before you get the courage to reach out for support offline! Worth looking it to it though, however, varies on your age!

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Thanks for sharing and supporting each other guys - it's really positive :)
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