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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to get any help yet. Why can't anyone understand this?:(

    Thats what I mean by all in good time. Tell your tutor you're not ready :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck it all. I couldnt give a shit anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im feeling the need to cut bad at the minute, and need a distraction.

    I've tried doing work, having a shower, tidying my room, watching tv, but all i can think about is cutting.

    What do you guys do to stop yourself?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, there's always hyper's suggestion about the elastic band and pinging it around your wrist. That way you get the pain without the blood and all the rest of it.

    I used to find something that I could scratch myself with but that wasn't really sharp enough to cut. I'd go over and over the same part of my skin with it - cut words into my legs sometimes - so that it hurt and I could see the results of my efforts (at the time and then each time I got into the shower for about a week) but it didn't leave any real lasting damage. Just like cutting though, you do need to keep the minor wound clean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not tried it, I'm sure it has been mentioned here that ice cubes work?

    If I actually told my tutor what's wrong (I doubt I will, especially after what she said yesterday) does she have some sort of duty/right to tell my parents what's going on?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    feel so down-want to cry so much-im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Sigh*

    here I am again.

    do you ever get those days when you just feel out of place, like it doesn't matter what you do, you just can't feel satisfied, like theres something missing? I mean I never know where I stand anymore.

    hyperperson, sofie, marie and anyone else who posts in here: I hope you all get better. alot of you are a big asset to this place and really appreciate your input. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Sigh*

    here I am again.

    do you ever get those days when you just feel out of place, like it doesn't matter what you do, you just can't feel satisfied, like theres something missing? I mean I never know where I stand anymore.

    hyperperson, sofie, marie and anyone else who posts in here: I hope you all get better. alot of you are a big asset to this place and really appreciate your input. :)


    i hope you feel better soon-i know what you mean-feeling very odd at the moment-hows everyone doing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Johnny.

    Hyper Person - I'm not doing too well, atm. I'm being made to do stuff that I don't really want to do and I'm dreading tomorrow.:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    Thanks Johnny.

    Hyper Person - I'm not doing too well, atm. I'm being made to do stuff that I don't really want to do and I'm dreading tomorrow.:(

    whats happening tomorrow-sorry if ive missed something in the posts not totally with it-please dont feel forced-it should be your choice-i know what its like to be pressured-it really doesnt help and thats part the reason im in such a mess-you going to be ok?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My tutor knows that I'm having some problems and just won't let it go. She tried forcing it out of me yesterday before I cried. She then finally let me go home...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    My tutor knows that I'm having some problems and just won't let it go. She tried forcing it out of me yesterday before I cried. She then finally let me go home...

    that is so wrong but yeah ive had a teacher force about my harming out before-its not good but luckily nothing came of it-wish in some ways it had but yeah-she shouldnt force you i mean how old are you because if your over sixteen it would make no difference to her whether she knew or not because she cant really do anything unless your likely to kill yourself-hope your ok
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 17. When I say 'she forced it out of me', she was just asking me questions, which would basically make me tell her what's wrong. There's no way I was going to tell her anyway because of the reactions I've had off some people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I'm 17. When I say 'she forced it out of me', she was just asking me questions, which would basically make me tell her what's wrong. There's no way I was going to tell her anyway because of the reactions I've had off some people.

    i know how you feel-although when my teacher found out i was 14 so she was meant to tell people but didnt cos i promised i wouldnt do it agian even though id already been doing it for a year-she said she'd arrange support and didnt so three years on and here i am-im not saying you should tell her but maybe it would help to talk to someone who can give you support and help you but only when your ready
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Sigh*

    here I am again.

    do you ever get those days when you just feel out of place, like it doesn't matter what you do, you just can't feel satisfied, like theres something missing? I mean I never know where I stand anymore.

    Thanks. I know how you feel John, I've managed to completly detach myself from everything at the moment otherwise I wouldnt be coping one little bit. Its bad enough I've slipped up for the first time in a while, and I doubt its going to be a one off. :( Bollocks.

    And remember its just a rough patch.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been in quite a destructive cycle for about a week, i wonder how long it will last.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're not ready to tell anyone then you shouldn't feel forced to tell anyone, but letting people know generally helps you get to terms with things. Some people have bad reactions but I don't think most people do. Maybe I was just lucky, all my tutors understood and my doctor taught me how to keep my wounds clean, but I think most people will be able to give you more support than you give them credit for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Kermit. I am already getting some support from someone from another board (non-SI) and she will listen to me and answer any questions I've had.

    I've only had one bad reaction, but I think alot of the time people react badly because they don't understand and just jump to conclusions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    make it go away make it go away just make it fucking go away

    please

    i want to forget. i don't want people to judge me for my past

    make it fucking go away please

    :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    make it go away make it go away just make it fucking go away

    please

    i want to forget. i don't want people to judge me for my past

    make it fucking go away please

    :crying:
    What's wrong Stacey? :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, how embarassing :o I didn't realise I'd posted in here. I was a little drunk when I posted that above.

    I just got rather upset last night about my past. It came up into conversation and I just ended up having a mini breakdown :o Just wish sometimes that it was possible to forget what you've seen and been through. Its always going to be there though. The memories aren't magically going to go away. I just wish someone understood what I've been through tbh and how hard it is to deal with the fact you lost your childhood and you can't get it back (well, I say childhood but I'm talking about when I was 12-17). Nobody who hasn't been through it themselves seems to understand though, they just say "move on and forget about it". Its hard though when I'm constantly reminded of it. I just wish I had a better way of coping and dealing with my past tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry your feeling so bad Stacy, I can relate to the wanting to forget your past stuff and not be viewed/judged on that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    feeling so down-dont know why just dont want to be here anymore-im just a waste of space-i have to harm just to get through a couple of hours-to feel slightly human-im so sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Switch my brain off someone please. I just want it to leave me the hell alone for once. Why does every one think I cope when it should be blantley obvious sometimes that I'm not?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I. Cannot. Go. On.

    I feel physically sick at the thought of being alive this week.

    Self-harm used to myself get me through each day. Well, it did for 2 years until a short-sleeved uniform put a stop to it.
    So i resorted to starving myself. A year of that and its not enough, im not good enough at it, so i cut underneath an armband aswell. If i eat when i shouldnt i throw it up.
    now ive started with drugs.
    I have to get to tuesday, doctors appointment booked. Then what? nobody can help me. Im shit at explaining this. They think im ok. I'll pretend to be until its too late.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God , im feeling low at the minute.

    Im struggling so much, but because i put on a front, nobody realises.

    My mum rang me yesterday, and had a go at me. Said im drinking way too much, wasting my money and need to get a job. Pot calling kettle if you ask me.

    Thing is, I would like to reduce my drinking and manage my money better, and id like to get a job, but i just can't seem to at the minute. Im struggling to get out of bed in the mornings, never mind working. I know i should, and i feel so lazy for not but i physically can't do it at the minute.

    God i wish the world would just let me die, Im too much of a wimp to do it myself. I hate this
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have nothing left to lose, Im all alone yet Im sat in the same room as my mother and I dont feel any connection with her. She doesnt even know. All I have is some people online who I can talk to, theres no-one in real life that I can kind of grab onto for support no-one I can really turn to. No one knows.

    Im sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I hope you find what your looking for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firefly-86 wrote: »
    I have nothing left to lose, Im all alone yet Im sat in the same room as my mother and I dont feel any connection with her. She doesnt even know. All I have is some people online who I can talk to, theres no-one in real life that I can kind of grab onto for support no-one I can really turn to. No one knows.

    Im sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I hope you find what your looking for.

    In a way, i really can relate to what you are saying. I feel no connection towards my mother (just an incredible amount of guilt for not being connected). She too is unaware, either unaware or in denial to how far we have drifted apart.

    I hope things get better for you soon
    x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how come depression and self harm are in the same thread?

    obviously, most of the time people who self-harm are depressed, but wouldn't it be better if there were separate depression and self harm threads?

    for example, i feel depressed at the moment, but some of the posts in this thread are just "whoa!" i was gonna post in here asking for advice, but the self harm posts have really put me off tbh.

    i've nothing against people who do it, or why they do it. it's just not something i want to read about. if you understand.
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