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sorry-you dont sound nasty-i was really stupid-hope your all ok
I'm not being flippant, its a genuine question. Why are you so scared of going to speak to your counsellor? Don't hide behind convenient labels like "stupid" and "weak" (you're neither), but honestly answer the question to yourself.
Are you scared of actually getting better? It's easy to stay depressed because its what you know, but being healthy and enjoying life? That's new, that's terrifying. Getting better scared the shit out of me, anyway.
im scared of losing my coping mechanism-its been there for four years-its what i know-im scared that without it im gonna fall and fail-thats stupid i know-im sorry
It's OK to be terrified of the unknown- I was- but you need to be honest about what you are terrified of if you ever want to move on. It's not stupid to be shit-scared of the unknown, and being happy is the unknown for people who've spent most of their life struggling with depression. But if you want to get around the fear, and actually get better, you need to know what you are frightened of.
One thing you aren't is stupid or pathetic for being scared. It's a natural human reaction. But you need to learn how to deal with the reaction healthily. Your counsellor, unless they are a complete tool, will know exactly why you cancelled. My therapist always knew.
im rubbish and should have gone to counsellor today-i have been in touch with her-just some things i cant bring myself tosay to her yet-i know i should be able to but i cant sorry
Don't be sorry and don't wallow in self-pity.
Hope you're ok xx
update on me: Saw Dr this morning to get more AD's, he's given me 2 months supply, and wants me to come back when I've finished them, depending on how well I am- I might be able to go from 10mg to 5mg, then hopefully- again depending how I am, they may be able to wean me off of them over summer. I can actually see the light people It feels good, I've managed to start going swimming at peak times, so more people may see scars- which I used to be paranoid about, but now I'm not- it's in my past, I've learnt from it, and I'm now better Yes, they may not look nice, but their mine
It feels good to feel so positive, I could never see myself getting here.
Just want to stop feeling like this. I hate myself so much. Im planning on taking my brother off my mum, and its killing me. Will she ever forgive me?
I hate living like this, id rather be dead, and with my dad than live this way. Don't think i can hold out much longer.
Im so pleased for you. Keep it going. You seem so determined, i admire you so much.
well done and good luck
andy that is balls, seriously. you are a top bloke and you deserve to be happy and to recognise how awesome you are for yourself.
who is to say that you can't conquer your self-destructive streak? why give whatever it is in your head the satisfaction? i haven't conquered mine yet, and i'm certainly in some ways more self-destructive than you are, but does that mean i will never break free?
give yourself a break sweetie, you don't have to be a mediocrity and to me you never will be.
xxx
Thankyou, that means a lot to me.
As for admiration, I admire a lot of people on this thread, won't name names
I don't really know why I feel so determined, I just don't want to go back to how things were.
That's good to hear.:)
Cheers Sofie. Hope you're ok xx
I'm alright thanks.
Is there any reason why one minute I'm in a right crappy mood and all I want to do is SH and the next, I'm happy?
I'm fine now, just really confused about this.
i dont the reason but i know what that feels like-just feelings confusing us-you ok now?
No: crying is beneficial, its a good way of letting your emotions out without harming yourself. Pity I've lost all ability to do it. There is nothing wrong with venting on here, people will read and will try to help however they can. Your not going to get judged.
im not allowed to cry-thats what ive always been told-that i donthave the right to express my emotions cos they mean nothing