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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    theres noone,noone who cares or wants to listen or understands or around

    i hope your ok
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( You could talk to someone (it's like Instant Messenger) on www.recoveryourlife.com or email them?

    I'm alright now; just really confused.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just want to die-just want to stop feeling so used and hurt-nothing can take the feeling away-it hurts so much-im so unable to cope-im so rubbish
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VERY angry. Getting sick of 2 of my course teachers. Fucking 2 faced bitches.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gave in and harmed howe stupid am i-im such a failure-ive let everyone down
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    don't beat yourself up, you're not a failure. Its only a slip up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gave in and harmed howe stupid am i-im such a failure-ive let everyone down

    You're not stupid or a failure. In the three months that I've stopped cutting I've given in twice- it's just how you see it.

    Update on me- counsellor decided that she doesn't want to see me again, because of the amount of progress I've made. Which is good. I know I still have black moments, but I've shown myself I can get through them. In the process of being seen by my local young persons counselling service though. Still on the AD's, no idea how long they'll keep me on the bloody things, but from what my Dr was saying it won't be until the summer at least. Which is shite tbh. Hey-ho :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am a failure and i always have been and appears i always will be
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Update on me- counsellor decided that she doesn't want to see me again, because of the amount of progress I've made. Which is good. I know I still have black moments, but I've shown myself I can get through them. In the process of being seen by my local young persons counselling service though. Still on the AD's, no idea how long they'll keep me on the bloody things, but from what my Dr was saying it won't be until the summer at least. Which is shite tbh. Hey-ho :)
    Your getting there with things really well. Staying on the AD's for a few more months wont hurt, yes the side effects are shitty sometimes but they do help a lot. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am a failure and i always have been and appears i always will be

    I know it's easier said than done- but try to be positive about it. For example, was the self harm justified? Are you under stress/pressure/having a hard time etc?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats great news yourbabe congrats :)

    hyperperson: theres no need to say things like that, your NOT a failure.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your getting there with things really well. Staying on the AD's for a few more months wont hurt, yes the side effects are shitty sometimes but they do help a lot. :)

    It feels good that I'm finally in control, and tihngs are going how I want them. This is the first I've felt like this in a long, long time. How are you? xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats great news yourbabe congrats :)


    Cheers :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    It feels good that I'm finally in control, and tihngs are going how I want them. This is the first I've felt like this in a long, long time. How are you? xx

    I'm okay, had a couple of slips ups last couple of weeks. Going away is getting my though the dullness of work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just cant cope anymore-im sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm okay, had a couple of slips ups last couple of weeks. Going away is getting my though the dullness of work.

    I'm glad that you're ok. How long is it til u go away on your holiday now? Bet it's exciting!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just cant cope anymore-im sorry

    Don't be sorry :) You can get through this. Have you ever tried making a list of distractions for when you get urges? It's just you sound quite negative about slipping up, so guessing that you're trying to stop, I find this metohd quite handy xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    I'm glad that you're ok. How long is it til u go away on your holiday now? Bet it's exciting!

    I'm seeing the travel agents next weekend, so hopefully if resiging goes okay (which it wont), I'll be going end of April. Back end of May. Just me, a racksuck, and an inter-rail ticket. I'm getting really excited now. Also bricking it as I will be on my own and will have bugger all contact with everyone at home when I'm away.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Don't be sorry :) You can get through this. Have you ever tried making a list of distractions for when you get urges? It's just you sound quite negative about slipping up, so guessing that you're trying to stop, I find this metohd quite handy xx

    i am trying to stop-i just dont feel ready to-my mate pushed me into seeing counsellor-i feel bad if i do cos im letting her down-i just want to harm all the time-tried some distractions but sometimes gets too much-im really sorry-know other people have problems and im being selfish as per usual
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am trying to stop-i just dont feel ready to-my mate pushed me into seeing counsellor-i feel bad if i do cos im letting her down-i just want to harm all the time-tried some distractions but sometimes gets too much-im really sorry-know other people have problems and im being selfish as per usual

    If you don't feel ready to, then in my experience it may be harder to give up. As for your friend- you shouldn't have been pushed into it- if you're not willing to go, then you won't be willing to try to change to stop.

    If I can i'll post some distractions on here, and hope that they'll work for you too.

    Don't apologise though, there is no need :) You're not being selfish :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm seeing the travel agents next weekend, so hopefully if resiging goes okay (which it wont), I'll be going end of April. Back end of May. Just me, a racksuck, and an inter-rail ticket. I'm getting really excited now. Also bricking it as I will be on my own and will have bugger all contact with everyone at home when I'm away.

    Oooo, that sounds good :) I hope that the resigning goes as well as it can :)
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    i am trying to stop-i just dont feel ready to-my mate pushed me into seeing counsellor-i feel bad if i do cos im letting her down-i just want to harm all the time-tried some distractions but sometimes gets too much-im really sorry-know other people have problems and im being selfish as per usual


    The thing is, unless you feel the need to, or want to, see a counsellor, the sessions will just be a waste of time for both you and the counsellor. You have to *want* to get better. And, from being in that position, it can be quite difficult as it would mean accepting that there is a problem.

    You are not being selfish at all. Your issues are important to you. This thread is here for discussing your issues and helping you to get through.

    Well done for having some distractions. Even if they don't all work all the time, it is still a good first step to have these distractions in place. And that they are being useful. It's a good first step.

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    Oooo, that sounds good :) I hope that the resigning goes as well as it can :)

    Well seeing as we're moving offices next week, we have the busiest part of the year coming up and work think I'm happy there, its going to be intresting. But I need to do this for me, and I need to have a serious think about my career as well. Not that I dont want to do accounts any more, but what I want to train to do next.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have to go-im hurting to many people if i carry on harming-its the only place i have control and even thats being taken away-im not allowed to cope because my method "isnt right"-because i dont understand there are people worse off than me-because im stupid and pathetic and a failure and not worth anything
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    i have to go-im hurting to many people if i carry on harming-its the only place i have control and even thats being taken away-im not allowed to cope because my method "isnt right"-because i dont understand there are people worse off than me-because im stupid and pathetic and a failure and not worth anything

    The difference is, though, that you need to go for *you*. Nobody else.

    First step, I reckon, is to find a different coping method. Ways that I found helped me were: instead of using a razor, use a red felt tip pen; or crunch up some ice in your hand; shout and scream in a pillow; go for a run or some sort of intense exercise.

    Has anyone said that you are 'stupid and pathetic and a failure and not worth anything'? If not, then don't think about what you believe other people perceive you as. If they have, then I don't think they are the sort of people you should be around when this vulnerable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The difference is, though, that you need to go for *you*. Nobody else.

    First step, I reckon, is to find a different coping method. Ways that I found helped me were: instead of using a razor, use a red felt tip pen; or crunch up some ice in your hand; shout and scream in a pillow; go for a run or some sort of intense exercise.

    Has anyone said that you are 'stupid and pathetic and a failure and not worth anything'? If not, then don't think about what you believe other people perceive you as. If they have, then I don't think they are the sort of people you should be around when this vulnerable.

    noone said that lately-just sticks with you-ive had someone in the pass tell me i should just kill myself and get out of everyones way-probably true i should do that-i hate myself so much-i dont see anything worth caring about and not harming-its all i deserve is to hurt
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here's the list of distractions:

    *Use icecubes where you want to harm.
    *Flick a hair band around your wrist.
    *Read a book.
    *Listen to music.
    *Watch a DVD.
    *Write.
    *Go for a walk, or a cycle.
    *Chat to or text someone.
    *Play with cats.
    *Sleep!
    *Do work if at school/college/uni.
    *Draw in a red felt tip where you want to harm.
    *Have a hug with someone!
    *Read over texts which make you happy.
    *Send emails out to friends, even if it's just saying you're thinking of them, how are they etc.
    *Write in a journal
    *Write poetry or a story.
    *Take a cold shower.
    *Have a 'safey zone' where you promise yourself you won't harm- mine was my bedroom.
    *Take a bath, dim the lights, and relax!
    *Snuggle up in bed with a hot water bottle.
    *Cooking something.
    *Look for quotations or song lyrics that you find inspiring or nice on the internet, and then write them down somewhere if you wish. I have a book full of them! For example, 'How far we travel in life matters far less than those we meet along the way'.
    *Punch pillows.
    *Blow up balloons and jump on them.
    *Experiment with your hair and makeup.
    *Write yourself a 'I love you because...' letter.
    *The 15 minute game- say ot yourself that you won't cut for 15 minutes, then after that 15 imnutes is up, if you still feel the need to harm, try going another 10 or 15 minutes, and repeat until urges have gone.
    *Hug yourself whilst looking in the mirror. Sounds mad, but is great fun!
    *Eat chocolate!
    *Rip paper into tiny pieces!
    *Fold paper into tiny pieces!
    *Go on to support websites, for example recoveryourlife, is fantastic.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    noone said that lately-just sticks with you-ive had someone in the pass tell me i should just kill myself and get out of everyones way-probably true i should do that-i hate myself so much-i dont see anything worth caring about and not harming-its all i deserve is to hurt

    Just a question. Is there nothing you wish to live for? I mean the only reason I can continue sometimes is because there is still someone i'd like to meet and i dont know how it would be explained to my grandparents if i did do it. I hope you feel better soon.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you-sorry for the very strong opinions at the moment
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    Firefly-86 wrote: »
    Just a question. Is there nothing you wish to live for? I mean the only reason I can continue sometimes is because there is still someone i'd like to meet and i dont know how it would be explained to my grandparents if i did do it. I hope you feel better soon.


    :yes:

    Whenever I felt low, I would write a list of things I wanted to do before I died. For example, I want to do a bungee jump, see my brother married etc. Things that can't be achieved overnight.
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