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Post of The Month (Jan & Feb speed vote!)

JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,336 Part of The Furniture
edited March 2021 in General Chat
Thanks so much for your nominations for January & February. You might have noticed we didn't post one of these last month, so we're doing a January & Feb vote all in one to catch up. :)

Voting on this will close in the first week of April, so get yours in quick!

Here are the nominations!

(Some of the formatting hasn't copied over very well because they were written before BBCode was added to the community, so I'd recommend clicking the links to see them in all their glory.)

1. @Starlight - I'm fine. Well mostly but not fully.
I couldn’t sleep last night so thought I would try and write out how was I feeling but I ended up with this, so I thought I would share:

I’m fine. Well mostly but not fully. See I thought I was fine, then a piece fell away, and I realised the bandage was only temporary.

I’m fine. The world might have come to a standstill, no one really knowing which way to turn next. But I’m fine, we’re all fine.

But maybe we’re not. Maybe we just say we are fine when really, we have lost all meaning to this life we’re supposed to be creating. All our lifelong goals and aspirations waiting for us to return to a world we’re we can finally see them again. But when? No one knows.

See that’s the problem, endless questions with no answers flooding our brains, we’re getting nowhere.

Overload, we reach a point too far down the line to turn back but with no end in sight, we give up. The bandage holding us together begins to slip away piece by piece until nothing remains but you and I. Alone yet somehow surrounded by everyone, we are all falling, we are falling together, yet our struggles seem so vastly different, we remain alone.

But we do have one thing in common, the world we share, the world that has let us down, the world that has left us to suffer, alone.

See really, we are the opposite of alone so why can’t we see that? More questions with no answers, this is hopeless.

But is it really? See another question, somehow the world becomes a question, everything that exists becomes a question. Yet somehow, we manage to survive. Maybe questions aren’t the problem. So, what is?

I’m fine. I may not know all the answers right now, but I’m fine. I trust it will work out. I pick up the fallen piece and press it back into place. Silence. No more questions. I’m fine.

(I’m not the best with words so this might not all make sense but I didn’t want to just delete it so thought I’d post it here, hope you have a lovely day!! <3 )

2. @coc0mac - How do you know you are ready for a relationship?
Hi @GreenTea,

Okay, so I'm actually still coping with a breakup at the moment, so I can't share advice about how I knew I was ready - because I'm not. However, I will share what I think I am aiming for to feel 'ready', just incase that helps in some way! And then I hope somebody who has been through this will be able to share more advice too :heart:

The way you're feeling doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like you are missing a bunch of aspects of a relationship, which seems like a good sign that you would quite like to find somebody again. For me, I want to get to a point where I am sure of myself, who I am and what I want in life. Where I'm not still thinking about my ex, and I'm ready to share my memories with somebody else. When I don't 'need' somebody to do life with me, but I 'want' somebody by my side.

Now, you mention that you've had some tough experiences in the past, so it's totally understandable to worry whether you're ready for that again. It really is okay to just dip your toes into the water a little bit. Start talking to people, super chilled, just to really pay attention on how it makes you feel. If you discover that, actually, you aren't quite ready, that's totally fine!

I think take it one step at a time. The right person will understand that you've had difficult experiences before, so you may need a little support through this whole thing. They'll understand and you'll feel comfortable to be supported by them :smile:

3. @Laine - Self-care super thread
(Stitch sat in the sand turning himself into a sand castle. saying: Woo Self-care)

Hey folks hope you are well! I thought I’d make a post about self care.

I know it can feel a bit cringe or you may not even think it works but we all could do with some self-care in our daily life and the best part is, there’s so many options to suit everyone! 👍

Here I’m going list some, as well as how to fit some into your daily schedule! :)

Some of the core benefits include:
- Prevents stress.
- Influences emotional health.
- Helps you take care of others.
- Allows you to be alone.
- Soothing.
- Helps you be productive.
- Helps improve your immune system.
- Improves physical health
- Helps self-esteem.
- Increases self-knowledge.

All sounds great! 💛 But how do we fit self-care into our lives? It’s easier than you think and you may even be doing it without noticing!

Here’s some (reminder: There are many more just have a google!)
- Journal about you day.
- Make a list of things to help you calm down when overwhelmed.
- Slow. Down.
- Spend time in nature.
- Start your day by reminding yourself what you are grateful for.
- Have healthy sleep schedule.
- Dedicate time to your relationships and improving social skills.
- Relax by doing something fun, relaxing or unproductive.
- Challenge toxic thoughts and beliefs.
- Get in something comfy.
- Try new things and expand comfort zone.
- Take social media and internet breaks.
- Get creative, draw, colour in, write poems etc.
- DO: Take responsibility for what you are responsible for, and aim to meet those.
- DON’T: Take responsibility for what you aren’t responsible for.
- Learn a new skill or hobby.
- Learn to say NO.
- Make an emergency self-care pack. (Find a nice bag or decorate a box to put It in. fill it with things that relax and comforts you, that encourages you, makes you smile, and to pamper you.

You can find more tips as well some don’ts here: https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2020/06/self-care-mental-health#4

Immediate self care. 💙

- Text SHOUT to 85258 (Or THEMIX to the same number)
- Ring Samaritans on 116 123
- Contact the Mix helpline at 0808 808 4994
- Childine at 0800 1111 or online.
- Use that emergency self-care pack I mentioned earlier.

Take away: Self-care is easy to do and it’s cool! We can all find some time in our daily lives to implement it. Be kind to yourselves! ❤️

If you have any tips offer em below!

4. @Aidan & @Liam - Cmon bois get help init
Hello there! I’m Aidan, I’ve been on The Mix for about FOUR YEARS (time flies...) I volunteer here now, but I started here when I didn’t think things could get worse so I might as well start talking about my cringe feelings and gag problems with strangers on the internet!

Helloo, my name is Liam. I joined The Mix in March 2020, just before the first lockdown. I joined The Mix mostly because I was worried about feeling lonely during quarantine but I stuck around because I met some of the coolest people on here (but also because we’re still in quarantine).

We’re a man (Liam) and a boy (Aidan) who understand that being fellas, we don’t want to talk about our problems. It’s just not cool init. If you’re a lad who’s lurking the Mix and thinking about whether to join or not (we’re all guilty of it!) you might be a bit put off that there aren’t many lads on here compared to the lasses (as nice as some of them are!). We understand the feeling of not wanting to be the odd ones out.

Fellas are important too, and we wanted to make this thread to tell you a few things:

You’re not any less of a fella for getting help, because WE’RE NOT

This community has been very nice to us lads, otherwise we wouldn’t still be here

If you’re not a fella, there’s a bit at the end just for you about how you can still help :wink:

Male mental health IS important

Male mental health IS important. Mental health is important no matter who you are! I don’t know how to word this tbh cos it’s like honking my own goose, being a male with mental health- so I’ll let the statistics speak for themselves:

3 in 4 suicides are male

6 in 7 rough sleepers are male

Only 1 in 3 referrals to NHS psychological therapies are male

A male visits their GP half as often as a female (Aidan hasn’t been in 4 years!)

A male is 2x more likely to become addicted to drugs than a female

Us lads are three times more likely to end our lives as them lasses, yet (or maybe, because) us lads are only half as likely to get help- mad, that!

Just a thought

This isn’t something unique to men at all- but do you treat your mental health the same as your physical health, and why not? Your mental health is just as, if not even more, important!

If you’d take a painkiller for a headache, would you take a self-care day for your stress?

If you’d take medication for a physical condition, would you take medication for a psychiatric condition?

If you’d go to the gym and exercise your body- would you go through a self-help workbook and exercise your mind?

If you’d talk to a doctor, would you talk to a counsellor?

If you would wait until things can't get any worse before you seek help for your mental health, would you wait until your final day to treat a deadly illness?

If you’d look after the rest of your body, why wouldn’t you look after your head too?

Our excuses (maybe yours too) and why they're BS

We've both gotten help... in the end. But we didn't half make a load of excuses to put it off first. Sometimes a reason is valid, and you'll know that when you try to pick it apart and it still sticks. But other times, an reason is unhelpful, untrue, and holds you back- and when it falls apart under level-headed logic, that's when it's an excuse.

Imagine what you could achieve without your excuses!

I don’t want to be a burden
Asking for help when things are getting difficult doesn’t make you a burden. If you were trying to lift something but it was too heavy to lift alone, you’d ask for help, right? (for health and safety reasons I hope you said yes) Mental health is no different. When your thoughts and feelings are getting too heavy to carry alone, it’s okay to share some of that weight with others.

Us lads don’t talk about our feelings
Try looking at it a different way, by talking about your problems you are unconsciously giving other men permission to do the same. If your male friend was suffering with their mental health, would you judge them for coming to you to talk about it? No, and folk won’t judge you for talking about your mental health either.

It’s not that bad, I can deal with it alone
This might be true however if you have been trying to deal with your mental health alone and it doesn’t seem to be getting better perhaps it’s time to consider reaching out to someone who can help. Mental Health is just as important as your physical health, if your injury wasn’t healing on its own, you’d go to see the doctor. If your mental health isn’t improving, you should seek professional support. If you’re unsure about seeking professional help you could also talk to friends, family, your partner or colleague. I know that talking feels cringe but I promise that the more you do it, the easier it will feel.

It’ll make me look weak
‘Weak’ fellas such as Tyson Fury and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson have publicly opened up about their mental health, They’re proper weak, right? But I wouldn’t want a scrap with them. Talking about your mental health isn’t weak. Mental health can be just like any sickness or disease... it can possibly mean that something in your body isn’t working quite as it should. If you’re here reading this, it probably means that you’re taking the first steps to get help for what’s going on and that is a sign of strength, not weakness.

I’m scared my friends will find out
What's the worst that can happen? If you have good friends, they’d be there to support you through this. If they’re unsupportive, they’re not good friends. Bin em. A good way to look at it is - what would you do if you found out that your friend was suffering with their mental health? Would you support them, or would you judge them? You might even help your friends talk about their own mental health because if you're doing it and you’re not being judged for it... maybe they won't be either.

I have more important things to deal with right now
Maybe so but Mental health is a tricky thing and when something is wrong, it keeps coming back until it’s acknowledged. Try and schedule a little time to take care of your mental health and it will save you a lot of time in the long run. It’s best to deal with mental health issues in their early stages.

I should just man up
What does this even mean? And how do you ‘man up’ ? To step up to our responsibilities?, to be strong?, to show less emotion? It’s OKAY for men to have feelings, we’re not robots. The term ‘man up’ is suggesting that men can’t be honest or vulnerable. Having mental health issues doesn’t make you less of a man, it makes you human. To say that one should man up is basically saying that men should ignore their issues but for a problem to be fixed, it needs to be acknowledged.

I don’t know how to start the conversation
Talking about mental health is difficult for everyone. Everyone else here found it hard to start that conversation too, but everyone else helped them along. You don’t have to know what to talk about, and that’s okay. Here, you have plenty of time, and plenty of support, to help you figure it out. We've all been through this same hurdle of figuring out what to say and how to say it, we won't bite yer head off we promise.


This community

I have to pinch a bit from another thread here because I can't say it any better, and I think I may have written it anyway but I can't remember :lol:

The Mix community might be a place - but it is the people who make it. We all have someone’s back, knowing somebody else has ours. When we’re at our lowest, we know we have a group of fans rooting for us on the climb back up.
The words we send one another have an impact.

Beyond doubt, some of those words have saved a life.

Oi you, yes you, how YOU can help

If you’re a lass, we’re not saying you have it easy, that your mental health is not valid, or isn’t difficult to deal with. Mental health is important for everyone, and it is difficult for everyone to reach out about.

If you look around The Mix and compare the amount of lads to lasses though, you can see that lads do just have it harder when it comes to speaking out about it. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard for you to talk about- everyone needs a hand with their mental health, but lads might need it a little bit more and here’s a picture that’ll hopefully show what we mean a lot better than our words can.

What you can do- as a community member- to help a lad out:

In chat, try not to ask if any men are in the room

This can make a fella feel like he doesn’t belong in chat, chat is there for *everyone* to use

Anyone in chat could be a fella, and you just don’t know it, so if there is something you are uncomfortable discussing in front of a lad it might be better to share outside of chat like any 1-2-1 services

Try not to make negative generalisations about all fellas

We understand some of you might have had a negative experience with a fella, and that is very valid and you deserve support for that too, but not every lad is like that

You wouldn’t like it if a fella said bad things about lasses because of his bad experience with one either, so let’s all leave our untrue biases and conditioned opinions about either gender behind us and be there to support each other

Start a conversation

It’s hard for everyone to reach out about mental health, but it can be harder for a lad sometimes

If you can, try to reach out to him first and see if it helps him open up. Don’t worry about saying the ‘wrong’ thing, he probably hasn’t got a clue about the ‘right’ thing to say in the first place either, and it could really help him!

How to help the bruvas out IRL

Reach out to them, normalise talking about feelings and ask how they’re really doing

Avoid saying things like ‘Man up’ or ‘Suck it up’ and try and validate their thoughts and feelings

When suffering with their mental health, it can be difficult for your pal to find the motivation to go out and do things- so if your friend turns down an invitation one time, ask him again next time anyway. It reminds him that he's not alone, that you’re there and that you care!

Remember to check in on your ‘happy’ friend, they may be hiding behind a mask of happiness

Show your appreciation, if you’re grateful for yer pal, make sure to tell them from time to time

Thank yous, and cute animal pics!
Thank you for reading x ~Liam
What he said^, FANX ~Aidan

Cute animal pics!!

The truth resists simplicity.

Post of The Month (Jan & Feb speed vote!) 13 votes

Starlight - I'm fine. Well mostly but not fully.
15% 2 votes
coc0mac - How do you know you are ready for a relationship?
0% 0 votes
Laine - Self-care super thread
30% 4 votes
Aidan - Cmon bois get help init
53% 7 votes


  • Options
    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,336 Part of The Furniture
    Aidan wrote: »
    @Aidan and @Liam *cough*

    Some great posts!!! Thanks for the nom! :heart:
    Serves me right for rushing! Fixed. ;)
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Ah, thanks SO much for the nom. That post was so fun to write with Aidan

    There's some great posts here, as always :)
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Laine's post was great :)
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,667 Legendary Poster
    Some lovely posts nominated!! Well done everyone <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,914 Extreme Poster
    Well done for all those nominated! I've been having some technical issues on my end so wasn't able to post this unfortunately - really sorry that I wasn't able to do this for you all! <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    StarlightStarlight Posts: 1,436 Wise Owl
    Whoa haven’t been on here in a while, thank you so much for the nomination, was not expecting that. Well done everyone for the amazing posts also!
    “I got you, moonlight, you're my starlight
    I need you all night, come on, dance with me”

    * Shine like the star you are! *
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,914 Extreme Poster
    Aaaaand that's a wrap! Well done to all those nominated! @Aidan and @Liam , you win this round of POTM - congratulations! <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    Emma_Emma_ Community Manager Posts: 601 Incredible Poster
    Well done both! Badges have been given :star:
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