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Cmon bois get help init

AidanAidan Clever idiotPosts: 2,982 Boards Guru
edited January 6 in Health and Wellbeing

Hello there! I’m Aidan, I’ve been on The Mix for about FOUR YEARS (time flies...) I volunteer here now, but I started here when I didn’t think things could get worse so I might as well start talking about my cringe feelings and gag problems with strangers on the internet! 


Helloo, my name is Liam. I joined The Mix in March 2020, just before the first lockdown. I joined The Mix mostly because I was worried about feeling lonely during quarantine but I stuck around because I met some of the coolest people on here (but also because we’re still in quarantine).        


We’re a man (Liam) and a boy (Aidan) who understand that being fellas, we don’t want to talk about our problems. It’s just not cool init. If you’re a lad who’s lurking the Mix and thinking about whether to join or not (we’re all guilty of it!) you might be a bit put off that there aren’t many lads on here compared to the lasses (as nice as some of them are!). We understand the feeling of not wanting to be the odd ones out. 


Fellas are important too, and we wanted to make this thread to tell you a few things: 

  • You’re not any less of a fella for getting help, because WE’RE NOT 

  • This community has been very nice to us lads, otherwise we wouldn’t still be here 

  • If you’re not a fella, there’s a bit at the end just for you about how you can still help :wink:

Male mental health IS important

Male mental health IS important. Mental health is important no matter who you are! I don’t know how to word this tbh cos it’s like honking my own goose, being a male with mental health- so I’ll let the statistics speak for themselves: 

  • 3 in 4 suicides are male 

  • 6 in 7 rough sleepers are male 

  • Only 1 in 3 referrals to NHS psychological therapies are male 

  • A male visits their GP half as often as a female (Aidan hasn’t been in 4 years!) 

  • A male is 2x more likely to become addicted to drugs than a female 

Us lads are three times more likely to end our lives as them lasses, yet (or maybe, because) us lads are only half as likely to get help- mad, that! 

Just a thought

This isn’t something unique to men at all- but do you treat your mental health the same as your physical health, and why not? Your mental health is just as, if not even more, important! 

  • If you’d take a painkiller for a headache, would you take a self-care day for your stress? 

  • If you’d take medication for a physical condition, would you take medication for a psychiatric condition? 

  • If you’d go to the gym and exercise your body- would you go through a self-help workbook and exercise your mind? 

  • If you’d talk to a doctor, would you talk to a counsellor? 

  • If you would wait until things can't get any worse before you seek help for your mental health, would you wait until your final day to treat a deadly illness?

If you’d look after the rest of your body, why wouldn’t you look after your head too? 

Our excuses (maybe yours too) and why they're BS

We've both gotten help... in the end. But we didn't half make a load of excuses to put it off first. Sometimes a reason is valid, and you'll know that when you try to pick it apart and it still sticks. But other times, an reason is unhelpful, untrue, and holds you back- and when it falls apart under level-headed logic, that's when it's an excuse.

Imagine what you could achieve without your excuses!

I don’t want to be a burden

Asking for help when things are getting difficult doesn’t make you a burden. If you were trying to lift something but it was too heavy to lift alone, you’d ask for help, right? (for health and safety reasons I hope you said yes) Mental health is no different. When your thoughts and feelings are getting too heavy to carry alone, it’s okay to share some of that weight with others.  


Us lads don’t talk about our feelings

Try looking at it a different way, by talking about your problems you are unconsciously giving other men permission to do the same. If your male friend was suffering with their mental health, would you judge them for coming to you to talk about it? No, and folk won’t judge you for talking about your mental health either. 


It’s not that bad, I can deal with it alone

This might be true however if you have been trying to deal with your mental health alone and it doesn’t seem to be getting better perhaps it’s time to consider reaching out to someone who can help. Mental Health is just as important as your physical health, if your injury wasn’t healing on its own, you’d go to see the doctor. If your mental health isn’t improving, you should seek professional support. If you’re unsure about seeking professional help you could also talk to friends, family, your partner or colleague. I know that talking feels cringe but I promise that the more you do it, the easier it will feel.  


It’ll make me look weak

‘Weak’ fellas such as Tyson Fury and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson have publicly opened up about their mental health, They’re proper weak, right? But I wouldn’t want a scrap with them. Talking about your mental health isn’t weak. Mental health can be just like any sickness or disease... it can possibly mean that something in your body isn’t working quite as it should. If you’re here reading this, it probably means that you’re taking the first steps to get help for what’s going on and that is a sign of strength, not weakness.  


I’m scared my friends will find out

What's the worst that can happen? If you have good friends, they’d be there to support you through this. If they’re unsupportive, they’re not good friends. Bin em.  A good way to look at it is - what would you do if you found out that your friend was suffering with their mental health? Would you support them, or would you judge them? You might even help your friends talk about their own mental health because if you're doing it and you’re not being judged for it... maybe they won't be either. 


I have more important things to deal with right now

Maybe so but Mental health is a tricky thing and when something is wrong, it keeps coming back until it’s acknowledged. Try and schedule a little time to take care of your mental health and it will save you a lot of time in the long run. It’s best to deal with mental health issues in their early stages. 

I should just man up

What does this even mean? And how do you ‘man up’ ? To step up to our responsibilities?, to be strong?, to show less emotion?  It’s OKAY for men to have feelings, we’re not robots. The term ‘man up’ is suggesting that men can’t be honest or vulnerable. Having mental health issues doesn’t make you less of a man, it makes you human. To say that one should man up is basically saying that men should ignore their issues but for a problem to be fixed, it needs to be acknowledged. 

I don’t know how to start the conversation

Talking about mental health is difficult for everyone. Everyone else here found it hard to start that conversation too, but everyone else helped them along. You don’t have to know what to talk about, and that’s okay. Here, you have plenty of time, and plenty of support, to help you figure it out. We've all been through this same hurdle of figuring out what to say and how to say it, we won't bite yer head off we promise.


This community


I have to pinch a bit from another thread here because I can't say it any better, and I think I may have written it anyway but I can't remember :lol:

The Mix community might be a place - but it is the people who make it. We all have someone’s back, knowing somebody else has ours. When we’re at our lowest, we know we have a group of fans rooting for us on the climb back up. 
The words we send one another have an impact.

Beyond doubt, some of those words have saved a life.

Oi you, yes you, how YOU can help

If you’re a lass, we’re not saying you have it easy, that your mental health is not valid, or isn’t difficult to deal with. Mental health is important for everyone, and it is difficult for everyone to reach out about.  

If you look around The Mix and compare the amount of lads to lasses though, you can see that lads do just have it harder when it comes to speaking out about it. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard for you to talk about- everyone needs a hand with their mental health, but lads might need it a little bit more and here’s a picture that’ll hopefully show what we mean a lot better than our words can. 

What you can do- as a community member- to help a lad out: 

  • In chat, try not to ask if any men are in the room 

  • This can make a fella feel like he doesn’t belong in chat, chat is there for *everyone* to use 

  • Anyone in chat could be a fella, and you just don’t know it, so if there is something you are uncomfortable discussing in front of a lad it might be better to share outside of chat like any 1-2-1 services 

  • Try not to make negative generalisations about all fellas 

  • We understand some of you might have had a negative experience with a fella, and that is very valid and you deserve support for that too, but not every lad is like that 

  • You wouldn’t like it if a fella said bad things about lasses because of his bad experience with one either, so let’s all leave our untrue biases and conditioned opinions about either gender behind us and be there to support each other 

  • Start a conversation 

  • It’s hard for everyone to reach out about mental health, but it can be harder for a lad sometimes

  • If you can, try to reach out to him first and see if it helps him open up. Don’t worry about saying the ‘wrong’ thing, he probably hasn’t got a clue about the ‘right’ thing to say in the first place either, and it could really help him! 

How to help the bruvas out IRL

  • Reach out to them, normalise talking about feelings and ask how they’re really doing 

  • Avoid saying things like ‘Man up’ or ‘Suck it up’ and try and validate their thoughts and feelings 

  • When suffering with their mental health, it can be difficult for your pal to find the motivation to go out and do things- so if your friend turns down an invitation one time, ask him again next time anyway. It reminds him that he's not alone, that you’re there and that you care! 

  • Remember to check in on your ‘happy’ friend, they may be hiding behind a mask of happiness

  • Show your appreciation, if you’re grateful for yer pal, make sure to tell them from time to time

Thank yous, and cute animal pics!

Thank you for reading x ~Liam
What he said^, FANX ~Aidan

Cute animal pics!!

but idk tho
Past UserAnch0r33Past Userindependent_SneakylilmochaJordanDandelionMaisyZenMikecoc0macLucy307SciFi_456Emma_


  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,982 Boards Guru
    It was great working on this with you @Liam !
    I have to give him the credit for the idea :lol:
    but idk tho
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster

    Thanks for coming to our Ted Talk
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 915 Part of The Mix Family
    Guys this is amazing. The work two have put into this is nothing short of brilliant. 

    Those stats are terrifying and it hurts me to know that people are suffering alone. 

    Thank you for sharing this - it's so insightful, and just amazing work. 

    Top work guys! 
    AidanPast UserSneakylilmochaPast User
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 6,245 Master Poster
    This is just fantastic!! Well done to both of you, this post is incredibly important. 

    I agree that the stats are terrifying, and I think women have a part to play too by encouraging the men in our lives to talk about how they’re feeling. If one of our female friends spoke about a problem she wouldn’t be told to just deal with it so why should our male friends?

    Thank you for making this post <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    LaineSneakylilmochaAidanPast UserAnch0r33
  • StarlightStarlight 💃danceaholic🩰 Posts: 1,428 Wise Owl
    This is super informative and I really hope it can encourage more boys/men to reach out! It’s so important that we all try our best to make everyone feel accepted and heard, it’s so so important, so thank you for putting this out there and I hope the people that need to see this see it and hopefully it helps to take a step in the right direction. 
    “I got you, moonlight, you're my starlight
    I need you all night, come on, dance with me”

    * Shine like the star you are! *
    AidanPast UserAnch0r33
  • Emma_Emma_ 🥦🌻🌿 Vibing with plants and vegan food Posts: 275 Community Manager
    This post is amazing and so so needed!

    It's always so important to remind guys to speak up and reach out, now more than ever. I hope you're both very proud of yourselves, we are very lucky to have you both advocating here with us :star: 
    AidanSciFi_456Past UserAnch0r33
  • JordanJordan Posts: 311 Super Moderator
    Well Done @Aidan and @Liam! This post is incredibly useful and is clearly very well researched and put together. 
    Past UserAidanAnch0r33
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 257 Super Moderator
    Big respect to @Aidan and @Liam for this! love it <3333 showing our own vulnerabilities strengthens the individual who shares their weakness and empowers all others to find support for their vulnerabilities 💪 #manpower 🥰
    Past UserAidanAnch0r33
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    Thanks everyone for giving it a wee read 😄
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 1,269 Wise Owl
    Gonna throw in a well done too!

    Thank youuuuuuu for spreading awareness and doing something to help out da Bois!!!  ❤️
    Anch0r33Past UserAidan
  • ShaunieShaunie 🌸 Posts: 12,486 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited January 9
    That is great. 

    Well done for making this. @Aidan and @Liam  
    And most importantly Well done for reaching out for help by using this site <3 
    Past UserAidan
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 838 Part of The Mix Family
    I am absolutely in LOVE with this post! Really brilliant job, this will help a lot of people. So important to do, thank you both! :heart:
    AidanPast User
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,982 Boards Guru
    Thanks everyone for the great response to this thread, honestly wasn't expecting it!! :heart:
    but idk tho
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 915 Part of The Mix Family
    edited January 12
    This post is honestly crucial and it needs to be taken into consideration every message that's made. 

    Think - who might I offend if I say this? 
    Think - if I was this person, would it offend me? If not, think if it would offend them. 
    Think - if this was switched to race (or any other sort of discrimination) would it be socially acceptable or okay for me to say it? 

    If there's any doubt do the best thing and simply dont say it. Follow the general rule of if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

    Don't - say that boys or men do not need support. 
    Don't - be fake. Come on. Support them like your peers (because they ARE your peers) not just because you feel sorry for them. 

    If someone opens up to you, no matter what gender, be genuine, be honest and support them. Commend their bravery. 

    I stand with males. Do you? 
    Past UserAidanGreenTeaLaineSneakylilmochaindependent_
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    edited January 12
    Anch0r33 said:
     If you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

    Preach that. Kindness always, regardless of who you're talking to. You never know what someone might be going through. Your kindness might be what gets them through the day.

    AidanAnch0r33LainePast UserSneakylilmochaindependent_
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,761 Boards Guru
    Bit late to the comment show I thought I did haha 

    Love this everyone should be able to call this a space to get support. And the easiest thing anyone can do to help is checking your words. Think would you be offended if someone said this to you?
    Good application for not just this situation but for any. Would you say that to a friend? Is something I took from counselling years ago and kept :) 

     Love the bit on how we can help! I think patience is a good one. Sometimes I have been guilty about asking once and moving on. But don't be afraid to ask again sometimes, like is there something in your mind? Some people take a bit longer to open up, we all work at different paces.  

    Especially love generalizing. We all have negative experiences but focus on the feelings around that individual. Rather than the whole sex that could upset a user who's just come in, you would never want someone to feel attacked! ❤️

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
    Anch0r33AidanPast UserSneakylilmochaindependent_
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