Post of the Month - November!
It's December already?? 2020 has flown by! So, Lockdown the Sequel is over - this, along with the upcoming Christmas holidays, really help us to appreciate the value of family, community and friendship. Make sure you're aware of your local tiered restrictions, but let's all make an effort to see our loved ones, and help one another to regain some of that human connection that we've dearly missed recently.
Looking back on this year, it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. Who'd have thought that this year would turn out like this? It's been a really difficult year for us all, and it's awesome to see the love and support that everyone has shown during these difficult times. The Mix isn't just a website - it's a community of lovely, caring people, and every one of you helps to make it that way. As we go into 2021, let's all keep doing our part to make this place the wonderful place it is. Let's lend an ear to those who need it, celebrate one another's successes despite the circumstances, and support each other for the last month of 2020.
Special mentions go to all those who worked on the Anti-Bullying Week content (some of which features here) for your amazing work - awesome work guys!x
And of course, let's keep nominating the awesome posts that our lovely members post here so we can celebrate them here. Without further ado, let's get into the last POTM of the year!
What is Post of the Month?
For those of you who aren't familiar with Post of the Month, each month you can nominate threads and replies you've seen on the boards. We then put up a poll and the reply with the most votes wins Post of the Month.
You can nominate a post by flagging it, selecting Report, and then choosing 'Post of the Month nomination' as the reason. It can really make someone's day to know that their comment was so appreciated that they're considered for this, so if you see a post that was particularly helpful, inspiring, moving etc., be sure to nominate it and spread that love around!
Before we share the nominations for this vote, we again want to acknowledge how brave each and every one of you is for reaching out for support. This takes so much courage and we're so proud of you all - this place wouldn't be the same with you
Lots of nominees this month! Congratulations to @Emoji246, @Liam, @Kasa2103, @Eleanor, @Aidan, @Laine and @GreenTea for all winning nominations for this round - great effort all around!
With 4 nominations, @Eleanor has also received the most nominations we've ever had in one round, so really well done on breaking that record
1. Emoji246 - Dealing with Unhappiness
If you are struggling with your happiness - I am here to try and help you realise that you are loved.
The reason I believe we are unhappy is because we do not enjoy the little moments of life. We spend so much time out and about, going around the world and then there is the risk of getting lost in the world.
Have you ever felt lost in life? Have you felt that the world was going against you? Do you get bullied?
If you answered yes to these questions, then I believe that you are amazing - I believe that the fact you can admit to these makes you amazing.
If you feel down, then please know that you are not always alone - I was once feeling the similiar emotions as you were. In fact, I believe you realising that you are loved is so powerful. So are you ready to try?
First of all, I think that responsibility and ambition are both useless. To me, responsibility is about reflecting on what you did in the past, and ambition is about chasing the future - I find both of these can be problematic because they may take you away from the now, and they might stop you from enjoying this second.
Try saying the following with me:
"Thank you, universe, for giving me the ability to love, as love is who I am."
"Thank you, universe, for giving me the breath of life - as life is who I am."
"I am love and I am light - no circumstance can take away my love of life, for I am both love and life."
Sometimes in school, we are taught to set our goals high and chase success in the future. We are taught to work so hard to make money. But I believe that all you need is a moment to appreciate the moment, the truth - that you are full of love.
The reason you are struggling with your happiness might be because you are so full of love, that I believe your mind can't fathom it. So please, I kindly ask you, whenever you feel down - to just stop what you are doing and realise that you are loved, you are cared for (even if it doesn't seem like it) because the reason you exist, is because you are worthy of existing.
Peace, and much love - I hope this raises your vibes. 😆 😆
2. Liam - Supporting someone with Trauma
I just want to start by saying that i am SO proud of you for opening up. I know that this was difficult for you but you have done amazingly and explained everything so very clearly.
I understand that these past few weeks have been tough for you but you have taken so many steps to try and beat this down feeling that you have and it's admiring to watch.
I feel like we can relate to each other somewhat, we have been through similar things and have both experienced the care system which at times (most of the time) has been poor. It's a shame and I hate to say it but you're not alone with that, so many people have had bad experiences with social workers and the system in general. I know that you are in touch with Whocares? Scotland so i do really hope that they are able to help you work through your social files and to seek extra support regarding THEIR neglect.
What happened with Mam is awful but you were not to blame, not at all so please try not to think that you were. Mam had issues that she really needed to seek help with but this was her responsibility and she didn't seek that help. She was the adult and you were the child... HER child. She should've made sure that you had a tidy home, food and a parent that you felt able to trust and open up to. Not one that you were afraid one.
I am so sorry that you had to experience what you had. I just wish that i had the words to make it all better for you. If i did, i'd use them in a heart beat. It just seems like all of the adults in your life managed to let you down. Dad wasn't around, Mam was abusive, Social services didn't do anything formally and the fact that they left you with Mam because your grandparents were away is shocking. Seriously, where is the sense in that?
I've told you before but i do truly mean it, you deserved more. You deserved so, so , so much more and after everything you've been through, it's understandable for you to be hurting right now but i'm glad that you're being so open about it so that people can help you and so that you can help yourself.
Have you managed to get in touch with the GP re. counselling? I don't know much about counselling but I think that they would be able to put you in touch a counsellor and I don't think they have set amount of sessions? I'm not sure though. I do think that it would be easier to keep seeing the same counsellor though so that you can build that trust to finally start opening up.
Granted, not ideal but there's also the route of going private. You'd get to pick your own counsellor then and there's no set sessions because you're paying them.
I don't have much advice for dealing with memories but I think that counselling with help you to deal with the bad memories, you know? Talking about them, understanding them and then laying them to rest. You could also try some grounding techniques when it comes to the flashbacks, if you notice yourself having a flashback you could try to think about the 54321 method
Say out loud or in your head :
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Keep going, you're doing well, my friend. Know that I am always here for you.
3. Kasa2103 & Eleanor - Advice on Countering Bullying
What To Do If You See Bullying
Being a witness of bullying can be really distressing to watch whether you are being targeted or if you are just a bystander. It is very important to not just watch someone being bullied and not do anything. You need to try and take action to stop the bullying from going on and to help the victim/s. Someone who just watches bullying without taking action is doing something just as bad as actually bullying someone.
There are many reasons as to why someone might not want to take action if they see someone being bullied and this includes not wanting to get involved in someone else's business or worrying about getting hurt by the bully or bullies. These are valid worries but it does not justify not trying to take action.
If you see bullying, it is very important to keep yourself safe whilst also protecting the victim or victims. You should try and speak to a responsible adult who can take action and help stop the bullying. You should also try and be kind to the victim or victims so they do not feel threatened around you or scared of you which might discourage them from truthfully speaking up about what has been happening to them.
It is also important to get support for yourself afterwards if it has been a triggering situation for you or if you end up being a target of bullying as well. Remember to stand up and speak out!
Supporting Someone Who Is Being Bullied
You may be in a position where your friend or someone you know is being bullied and you're not sure how to support them. Bullying can have a huge impact on someone so it's important to consider how the bullying has affected them and to support them through this tough time.
Let them know they don't deserve it
When comments or names are constantly thrown at us, it becomes easy for us to take them on board even if they aren't true. If someone told you that you were ugly ten times a week, you might start to believe despite the fact you're not! Be sure to let your friend know that they don't deserve to be bullied, no one deserves to be treated poorly like that. Reassure them that they deserve the same right to safety as everyone else does and that what is happening to them is wrong.
Be there for them
Sometimes bullies find it easier to attack their victims when they are alone, so make sure your friend knows you're there for them and stick by their side when the bullies are around. Let them know that you're also there if they want to talk about it, it can often help to tell a friend what is happening so they can help (or even just to vent!). Let them know they're not alone.
Treat them with kindness
When a friend is being bullied, they may become used to hearing negative comments or possible even physical as well as emotional pain. Try not to replicate this for them, even if you're just joking. It is likely that your friend trusts you and these comments or actions may be triggering for them and cause further emotional pain.
Here I have linked some organisations with some tips for supporting someone who is being bullied!
4. Eleanor, Liam, Aidan and Laine - A Guide to Loneliness
So with there being another lockdown in England as well as many other places in the UK, we thought a guide to loneliness would be a great sequel to @Liam and I's guide on positivity! This time we had some help from the fabulous @Aidan and @Laine! We have all been working on this for a few days and we hope you find it useful!
I appreciate it's rather long but feel free to skip to any headings that you think may be helpful!
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship, which happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want (Perlman and Peplau, 1981).In more simpler terms, loneliness is the feeling of ‘emptiness’ in our social life. We can experience loneliness even if we do have social relationships! There are different types of loneliness:
What if you feel lonely, but you're not alone?
Although it is commonly shown in the media that the only lonely people are those who are old or have lost loved ones, anyone can be lonely! There is no ‘qualifying ground’ to be lonely, it is an emotion and everyone has the right to feel it just like you have the right to feel happy or sad.
It is definitely possible to spend all day with a group of people and to still feel lonely, you may feel as though you don’t have an emotional connection with anyone and hence, your social interaction feels like a lonely one. Check out our tips to beat loneliness below!
How to beat loneliness
Practice Self Kindness
Focus on the Present Moment
Connect in Real Life
Rethink How you Spend your Time
Do More Things With People
Talk to Others Who May Also Feel Lonely
Be Active Alone
Stop Negative Though Cycles
Be Nice to Yourself!
How to feel less lonely when you're alone?
Whilst some people get enjoyment out of being alone, for others the lack of social interaction can be an emotional struggle and have a negative impact on their mental health. It is important to know that it is totally normal to feel lonely if you're alone or even if you are with people but there are ways to make that lonely feeling go away. It is possible to enjoy your own company, just look at Mr Bean! It can be scary to be alone but with the tools and the correct mindset, you'll be just fine.
Adjust your Sails
Make a Plan
Redecorate/Rearrange your Room/ Deep Clean
Make the Most Out of the Internet
Learn New Skills
Remember it's Okay to Feel Lonely!
Loneliness and grieving
Grief isn’t half complicated. We all deal with it at some point in our lives, and we all deal with it in our own ways and at our own speeds- and that’s okay. I could talk about ways to try to deal with grief, but what works for me (or for Dr Google) might not work for you, and it’d be a verrrryyyyy long guide.
If you lose someone close to you- family, a mate, a pet, anybody you love really- it’s normal to struggle with feelings of loneliness afterwards. You might have spent a lot of time with them and made a lot of memories-and be left feeling like you’ve got nobody now they’re gone.
A loved one you lose can never be replaced. That doesn’t mean you can’t make connections with new people, or spend more time with people you knew already. It can help not to feel lonely as it can help your grieving process- but don’t forget to make time for yourself if you need it. Only go as fast as you’re comfortable with in overcoming the loneliness that comes in the wake of grief.
Here we have included some organisations that address loneliness in young people, these are definitely worth taking a look at!
Hope you find this helpful and remember you're not alone
(For making it to the end, have some of our doggo pics)
5. GreenTea - Dealing with Bullies
6. Eleanor - Recovery
Reminding myself of my values and morals has really helped me today so if anyone else is struggling, perhaps have a little read or create a post of your own for you to read when you're struggling
7. Eleanor - Fighting Trolls with Kindness