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Post of the Month - November!

AzzimanAzziman The Mix convertPosts: 954 Part of The Mix Family
edited December 2020 in Anything Goes
Hey everyone! :)

It's December already?? 2020 has flown by! So, Lockdown the Sequel is over - this, along with the upcoming Christmas holidays, really help us to appreciate the value of family, community and friendship. Make sure you're aware of your local tiered restrictions, but let's all make an effort to see our loved ones, and help one another to regain some of that human connection that we've dearly missed recently. 

Looking back on this year, it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. Who'd have thought that this year would turn out like this? It's been a really difficult year for us all, and it's awesome to see the love and support that everyone has shown during these difficult times. The Mix isn't just a website - it's a community of lovely, caring people, and every one of you helps to make it that way. As we go into 2021, let's all keep doing our part to make this place the wonderful place it is. Let's lend an ear to those who need it, celebrate one another's successes despite the circumstances, and support each other for the last month of 2020. 

Special mentions go to all those who worked on the Anti-Bullying Week content (some of which features here) for your amazing work - awesome work guys!x

And of course, let's keep nominating the awesome posts that our lovely members post here so we can celebrate them here. Without further ado, let's get into the last POTM of the year!


What is Post of the Month?

For those of you who aren't familiar with Post of the Month, each month you can nominate threads and replies you've seen on the boards. We then put up a poll and the reply with the most votes wins Post of the Month.

You can nominate a post by flagging it, selecting Report, and then choosing 'Post of the Month nomination' as the reason. It can really make someone's day to know that their comment was so appreciated that they're considered for this, so if you see a post that was particularly helpful, inspiring, moving etc., be sure to nominate it and spread that love around! <3


Before we share the nominations for this vote, we again want to acknowledge how brave each and every one of you is for reaching out for support. This takes so much courage and we're so proud of you all - this place wouldn't be the same with you <3


The Nominees!

Lots of nominees this month! Congratulations to @Emoji246, @Liam, @Kasa2103, @Eleanor, @Aidan, @Laine and @GreenTea for all winning nominations for this round - great effort all around!

With 4 nominations, @Eleanor has also received the most nominations we've ever had in one round, so really well done on breaking that record :)


1. Emoji246 - Dealing with Unhappiness

If you are struggling with your happiness - I am here to try and help you realise that you are loved. 

The reason I believe we are unhappy is because we do not enjoy the little moments of life. We spend so much time out and about, going around the world and then there is the risk of getting lost in the world.

Have you ever felt lost in life? Have you felt that the world was going against you? Do you get bullied?

If you answered yes to these questions, then I believe that you are amazing - I believe that the fact you can admit to these makes you amazing. 

If you feel down, then please know that you are not always alone - I was once feeling the similiar emotions as you were. In fact, I believe you realising that you are loved is so powerful. So are you ready to try?

First of all, I think that responsibility and ambition are both useless. To me, responsibility is about reflecting on what you did in the past, and ambition is about chasing the future - I find both of these can be problematic because they may take you away from the now, and they might stop you from enjoying this second. 

Try saying the following with me:
"Thank you, universe, for giving me the ability to love, as love is who I am."
"Thank you, universe, for giving me the breath of life - as life is who I am."
"I am love and I am light - no circumstance can take away my love of life, for I am both love and life."

Sometimes in school, we are taught to set our goals high and chase success in the future. We are taught to work so hard to make money. But I believe that all you need is a moment to appreciate the moment, the truth - that you are full of love.

The reason you are struggling with your happiness might be because you are so full of love, that I believe your mind can't fathom it. So please, I kindly ask you, whenever you feel down - to just stop what you are doing and realise that you are loved, you are cared for (even if it doesn't seem like it) because the reason you exist, is because you are worthy of existing.

Peace, and much love - I hope this raises your vibes. 😆 😆


2. Liam - Supporting someone with Trauma

Anchor,
I just want to start by saying that i am SO proud of you for opening up. I know that this was difficult for you but you have done amazingly and explained everything so very clearly. 
I understand that these past few weeks have been tough for you but you have taken so many steps to try and beat this down feeling that you have and it's admiring to watch.

I feel like we can relate to each other somewhat, we have been through similar things and have both experienced the care system which at times (most of the time) has been poor. It's a shame and I hate to say it but you're not alone with that, so many people have had bad experiences with social workers and the system in general. I know that you are in touch with Whocares? Scotland so i do really hope that they are able to help you work through your social files and to seek extra support regarding THEIR neglect.

What happened with Mam is awful but you were not to blame, not at all so please try not to think that you were. Mam had issues that she really needed to seek help with but this was her responsibility and she didn't seek that help. She was the adult and you were the child... HER child. She should've made sure that you had a tidy home, food and a parent that you felt able to trust and open up to. Not one that you were afraid one. 

I am so sorry that you had to experience what you had. I just wish that i had the words to make it all better for you. If i did, i'd use them in a heart beat. It just seems like all of the adults in your life managed to let you down. Dad wasn't around, Mam was abusive, Social services didn't do anything formally and the fact that they left you with Mam because your grandparents were away is shocking. Seriously, where is the sense in that?

I've told you before but i do truly mean it, you deserved more. You deserved so, so , so much more and after everything you've been through, it's understandable for you to be hurting right now but i'm glad that you're being so open about it so that people can help you and so that you can help yourself.

Have you managed to get in touch with the GP re. counselling? I don't know much about counselling but I think that they would be able to put you in touch a counsellor and I don't think they have set amount of sessions? I'm not sure though. I do think that it would be easier to keep seeing the same counsellor though so that you can build that trust to finally start opening up.

Granted, not ideal but there's also the route of going private. You'd get to pick your own counsellor then and there's no set sessions because you're paying them.

I don't have much advice for dealing with memories but I think that counselling with help you to deal with the bad memories, you know? Talking about them, understanding them and then laying them to rest. You could also try some grounding techniques when it comes to the flashbacks, if you notice yourself having a flashback you could try to think about the 54321 method

Say out loud or in your head :   
  • 5 things you can see
  • 4 things you can feel
  • 3 things you can hear
  • 2 things you can smell
  • 1 thing you can taste
It might also help to notice what your triggers are. If you find yourself having a flashback or just thinking about the bad memories, try to notice what made you feel the way that you do, were you doing anything in particular? My doctor told me to do this but also warned me that anything can trigger memories. Smells, sounds, sights.. anything. It's good to know though so that you can avoid these triggers for in the future or even just prepare yourself.


Keep going, you're doing well, my friend. Know that I am always here for you.

Big hugs 

<3

3. Kasa2103 & Eleanor - Advice on Countering Bullying

Me and @Eleanor have worked together to create today's discussion for Anti-Bullying Week and today we have combined together 2 different aspects of Anti-Bullying Week content. I have written about What To Do If You See Bullying and @Eleanor has written about Supporting Someone Who Is Being Bullied. We hope that this discussion is helpful and that you enjoy reading it. Stay safe and be kind. :)<3

What To Do If You See Bullying

Being a witness of bullying can be really distressing to watch whether you are being targeted or if you are just a bystander. It is very important to not just watch someone being bullied and not do anything. You need to try and take action to stop the bullying from going on and to help the victim/s. Someone who just watches bullying without taking action is doing something just as bad as actually bullying someone.

There are many reasons as to why someone might not want to take action if they see someone being bullied and this includes not wanting to get involved in someone else's business or worrying about getting hurt by the bully or bullies. These are valid worries but it does not justify not trying to take action.

If you see bullying, it is very important to keep yourself safe whilst also protecting the victim or victims. You should try and speak to a responsible adult who can take action and help stop the bullying. You should also try and be kind to the victim or victims so they do not feel threatened around you or scared of you which might discourage them from truthfully speaking up about what has been happening to them. 

It is also important to get support for yourself afterwards if it has been a triggering situation for you or if you end up being a target of bullying as well. Remember to stand up and speak out!

Supporting Someone Who Is Being Bullied

You may be in a position where your friend or someone you know is being bullied and you're not sure how to support them. Bullying can have a huge impact on someone so it's important to consider how the bullying has affected them and to support them through this tough time.

Let them know they don't deserve it

When comments or names are constantly thrown at us, it becomes easy for us to take them on board even if they aren't true. If someone told you that you were ugly ten times a week, you might start to believe despite the fact you're not! Be sure to let your friend know that they don't deserve to be bullied, no one deserves to be treated poorly like that. Reassure them that they deserve the same right to safety as everyone else does and that what is happening to them is wrong.

Be there for them

Sometimes bullies find it easier to attack their victims when they are alone, so make sure your friend knows you're there for them and stick by their side when the bullies are around. Let them know that you're also there if they want to talk about it, it can often help to tell a friend what is happening so they can help (or even just to vent!). Let them know they're not alone.

Treat them with kindness

When a friend is being bullied, they may become used to hearing negative comments or possible even physical as well as emotional pain. Try not to replicate this for them, even if you're just joking. It is likely that your friend trusts you and these comments or actions may be triggering for them and cause further emotional pain.

Further Support

Here I have linked some organisations with some tips for supporting someone who is being bullied!

https://www.bullying.co.uk/general-advice/how-to-help-someone-being-bullied/

https://www.skillsyouneed.com/parent/help-someone-cope-with-bullying.html

https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/bullying/

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/friendship/beat-bullying-6285.html

4. Eleanor, Liam, Aidan and Laine - A Guide to Loneliness

Hey Everyone! (Spoilers removed for compatibility)

So with there being another lockdown in England as well as many other places in the UK, we thought a guide to loneliness would be a great sequel to @Liam and I's guide on positivity! This time we had some help from the fabulous @Aidan and @Laine! We have all been working on this for a few days and we hope you find it useful! 

I appreciate it's rather long but feel free to skip to any headings that you think may be helpful! :)

What is Loneliness? 

Loneliness is a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship, which happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of the social relationships that we have, and those that we want (Perlman and Peplau, 1981). 

In more simpler terms, loneliness is the feeling of ‘emptiness’ in our social life. We can experience loneliness even if we do have social relationships! There are different types of loneliness:

What if you feel lonely, but you're not alone? 

Although it is commonly shown in the media that the only lonely people are those who are old or have lost loved ones, anyone can be lonely! There is no ‘qualifying ground’ to be lonely, it is an emotion and everyone has the right to feel it just like you have the right to feel happy or sad. 

It is definitely possible to spend all day with a group of people and to still feel lonely, you may feel as though you don’t have an emotional connection with anyone and hence, your social interaction feels like a lonely one. Check out our tips to beat loneliness below!


How to beat loneliness

Practice Self Kindness

Focus on the Present Moment 

Connect in Real Life

Rethink How you Spend your Time

Do More Things With People 

Talk to Others Who May Also Feel Lonely 

Be Active Alone 

Stop Negative Though Cycles 

Be Nice to Yourself! 

How to feel less lonely when you're alone? 

Whilst some people get enjoyment out of being alone, for others the lack of social interaction can be an emotional struggle and have a negative impact on their mental health. It is important to know that it is totally normal to feel lonely if you're alone or even if you are with people but there are ways to make that lonely feeling go away. It is possible to enjoy your own company, just look at Mr Bean! It can be scary to be alone but with the tools and the correct mindset, you'll be just fine.

Adjust your Sails 

Make a Plan 

Redecorate/Rearrange your Room/ Deep Clean

Get Creative 

Make the Most Out of the Internet 

Learn New Skills 

Pets 

Self-Care 

Remember it's Okay to Feel Lonely!  


Loneliness and grieving 

Grief isn’t half complicated. We all deal with it at some point in our lives, and we all deal with it in our own ways and at our own speeds- and that’s okay. I could talk about ways to try to deal with grief, but what works for me (or for Dr Google) might not work for you, and it’d be a verrrryyyyy long guide.  

If you lose someone close to you- family, a mate, a pet, anybody you love really- it’s normal to struggle with feelings of loneliness afterwards. You might have spent a lot of time with them and made a lot of memories-and be left feeling like you’ve got nobody now they’re gone.  

A loved one you lose can never be replaced. That doesn’t mean you can’t make connections with new people, or spend more time with people you knew already. It can help not to feel lonely as it can help your grieving process- but don’t forget to make time for yourself if you need it. Only go as fast as you’re comfortable with in overcoming the loneliness that comes in the wake of grief.


Support

Here we have included some organisations that address loneliness in young people, these are definitely worth taking a look at! 


Hope you find this helpful and remember you're not alone <3

(For making it to the end, have some of our doggo pics) 

5. GreenTea - Dealing with Bullies

Advice if you are being bullied.


Being bullied is a difficult thing, it can happen to anyone and is extremely common for those under 24. Bullying can happen anyway, in school, on the internet, at home or work. Understandably, it can have a massive impact on how we feel physically and emotionally, it may cause upset and stress and physical injuries can hurt. 
This thread is about advice for those being bullied. Below I'm going to post my advice. You are more then welcome to add your advice on the thread, advice you've been given, or ask for advice! 

First of all, it's brave to want to take a step against those bullying you. It's not an easy thing to do.my first bit of advice it talk, talk to someone you trust, for example, a family member, teacher, youth worker, friend. Speaking out may sound very scary and stressful, but just know it's extremely brave to speak up. When talking to someone, include what's happening, when it's happening and who's doing it. This will ensure the person you are telling, can help you with the situation. If you are too worried to speak to someone, try writing a letter, send a text, write an email, or speak to someone from a safe space first such as childline or the mix.

If bullying is happening online, during online games, in group chats or on social media, don't be afraid to ignore and block people! I suggest scrrenshooting what's going on if you can, and pass it on to someone safe when you talk to them. Online bullying is becoming more common as more and more young people are gaining access to the internet. It may be worth looking at your privacy settings too, ensure your accounts are secure so certain people can see your posts
As difficult as it can be, don't react! Reacting may not help the situation. If you are called a name, try to think positive and just walk away. By positive I mean, think about something you are looking forward to and remind yourself you are being the bigger person by not reacting!

Bullying can happen to adults too, it can happen in a work environment. If this is happening, speak to someone higher up, such as your boss. If your boss is bullying you, go above them and report it. This way it can be looked into and a solution can be found. Even as an adult, speaking up can feel daunting and that's ok! There's other things you can do such are send a letter or email, or ask a work colleague you trust to come with you! 

During secondary school, I was bullied to the point I tried to pull sickies to avoid them, this made it worse for me. I was bullied for being the new kid, I was seen as an outsider which their response was to name call, spread rumors and at one point, physically attack me ( my brother witnessed and dragged me away) I didn't have the confidence to speak up, I would hide in the crowd of my brother's friends, until the point I was attacked in which my brother took me to speak to a teacher, the main bully was isolated for a period of time and I was given a lot of support from teachers. I was scared to speak up, but when I did, things started to change and got better. 

Last off from me is, remember bullying is NOT your fault. It's not ok to hurt someone's feeling or hurt them physically. If you are being bullied, you are brave, you are strong and you stand tall 💕

There are some places you can go to talk about being bullied,  here's some places:

Childline -
Helpline - 0800 1111

BullyingUK - 
Helpline - 08088002222

Anti bullying alliance -


The mix is always here for you too, weather that's the one to one chat, support chat, helpline or posting on the boards. We are here for you.

Please if you have any advice or stories about how you dealt with bullying, post them below and let's help each other out

6. Eleanor - Recovery

Some one pretty great *cough* @Aidan *cough* send me this post to remind me of a few things. Today's been a pretty shitty day and it's easy to let yourself believe the things your mental illness tells you, having this post has allowed me to reflect on my own believes so thank you Aidan for reminding me of it

Reminding myself of my values and morals has really helped me today so if anyone else is struggling, perhaps have a little read or create a post of your own for you to read when you're struggling <3 

7. Eleanor - Fighting Trolls with Kindness

@One-in-a-million You're an amazing person! If you saw the comment that was posted above before it was removed please ignore it and know that you you're a wonderful person! <3 




Get voting!

~ Azziman <3



Post of the Month - November! 17 votes

Emoji246 - Dealing with Unhappiness
5% 1 vote
Liam - Supporting someone with Trauma
23% 4 votes
Kasa2103 & Eleanor - Advice on Countering Bullying
11% 2 votes
Eleanor, Aidan and Laine - A Guide to Loneliness
35% 6 votes
GreenTea - Dealing with Bullies
17% 3 votes
Eleanor - Recovery
0% 0 votes
Eleanor - Fighting Trolls with Kindness
5% 1 vote
Post edited by Aidan on
ZenPast UserAidan

Comments

  • ZenZen Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,948 Extreme Poster
    Thank you for the nominations guys ♥️ Whoever keeps nominating me 🤣
    Alis propriis volat 
    Aidan
  • DancerDancer Bog Off Justine! Posts: 5,400 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for nominating me. This is the first time that I have ever been nominated for Post of The Month. :D
    I'm a fruit loop. 🍊➰

    There's a part of me I can't get back.  A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same.
    Aidan
  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Posts: 942 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you to the one person that voted for me ❤️
    Aidan
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 954 Part of The Mix Family
    Thanks all for your votes - lots of great entries! @Eleanor, @Aidan and @Laine, congratulations on winning this POTM - what a great joint effort <3
    Anch0r33Aidan
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,983 Boards Guru
    Woo thank you guys!

    And a pleasure stealing the credit for your work again, @Eleanor @Liam @Laine :lol:

    Some great nominations this month!!
    but idk tho
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    Woohoo, Thank you for the votes, really enjoyed writing that post with those clever guys😁
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    edited January 2
    Woop thanks for the vote guys! 🥰
    Though it appears you may have forgotten @Liam , he did a thicc section so if it's possible it would be great if he could be included! :)

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
    Past UserZenAnch0r33Azziman
  • ZenZen Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,948 Extreme Poster
    Ah thanks guys! <3 I'm blessed to be able to work with such wonderful people @Aidan @Laine @Liam :3
    Alis propriis volat 
    Past User
  • DancerDancer Bog Off Justine! Posts: 5,400 Part of The Furniture
    edited January 2
    Well done @Aidan @Laine @Liam and @Eleanor for winning. Well done to everyone who got nominated 
    I'm a fruit loop. 🍊➰

    There's a part of me I can't get back.  A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same.
    Past User
  • ZenZen Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,948 Extreme Poster
    And @Liam!
    Alis propriis volat 
    Past UserLaine
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 915 Part of The Mix Family
    Well done my guys! Such an awesome post. 

    I'll admit I voted for Liam's post to me as he helped me so much but if I had two votes I know where it was going :)

    Keep being awesome @Liam @Aidan @Laine @Eleanor
    👁️👄👁️
    Past User
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,408 Community Manager
    edited January 2
    Nice one folks! Well deserved. Badges coming your way if you don't have them already, and the announcement has been updated. :3

    Also, absolutely loving the amount of nominations we had for this month!
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 954 Part of The Mix Family
    Apologies @Liam! Wasn't sure if you had worked on this one - but well done and congratulations to you too :)
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 1,998 Extreme Poster
    Thanks a bunch, no need to apologise @Azziman
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide County Durham Posts: 655 Incredible Poster
    Do you know who run in December 
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 954 Part of The Mix Family
    edited January 15
    Do you know who run in December 
    Sure! New post was a little later than planned this time around, but here is the link: 
    https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3598219/post-of-the-month-december/p1?new=1
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