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HELPP😭😭

24

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie Yay! I'm so happy for you!

    How are you feeling now? 😊
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    That's awesome news so happy for you Shaunie! ❤️
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks but tbh I have felt worse knowing that😭😭😭suprisingly. I guess because I was thinking can always get a new appointment and wouldn’t wait that long.  But now all I feel is dread for tomorrow as kinda was preparing for it to be cancelled. and I guess the LonGer wait the longer I have hope like no news is good news sort of thing. (The not knowing)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    I’m really glad to hear the appointment is still on, the confusion of that must have been stressful.

    I do understand what you mean about not knowing sometimes being better, the worry about what will happen is sometimes worse than the worry about the problem itself. But I know how long this has been going on for you and I all you can do is hope the outcome will be positive, which I’m sure it will. The specialists know a lot more about this stuff than GP’s do and I know I’ve found specialists much more helpful when I’ve seen them in the past for a few different things. 

    I wanted to say good luck for tomorrow too, I really do hope it goes well. Is there anything you can do to help yourself to relax and feel less anxious about it tonight?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie just stopping by to send you hugs. I really hope the appointment tomorrow goes well for you. Please will you let us know how you get on? 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank guys!

    im actually really hopeful for this appointment now. The spots are the most visible they have ever been rn. So if it stays like this good chance they will help
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    They have gone again😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Appointment in 50 mins😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • ItaliaItalia Posts: 238 Trailblazer
    edited November 2020
    You've got this Shaunie :star:

    “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.”
    -     Brene Brown

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2020
    Thank you Italia!

    i saw someone but they sent me back to the waiting room as they haven’t got gp documents. And waiting for it. Like great my gp documents probably say it’s in my head. 

    Anyway.  Not to worry cause I haven’t brang anything out with me today to harm myself or threaten them. Though I will still maybe threaten them with words. Which probably wouldn’t be ah empty threat either 

    but they should be able to help me hopefully:/
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    LShaunie said:
    Thank you Italia!

    i saw someone but they sent me back to the waiting room as they haven’t got gp documents. And waiting for it. Like great my gp documents probably say it’s in my head. 

    Anyway.  Not to worry cause I haven’t brang anything out with me today to harm myself or threaten them. Though I will still maybe threaten them with words. Which probably wouldn’t be ah empty threat either 

    but they should be able to help me hopefully:/
    Let us know how it goes please 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Finished now. 

    He isn’t the surgeon to know if they will remove them out or not ughh. 
    So he has referred me urgently to the surgeon.fuck knows how long that will take. 

    Anyway looked at my tonsils for a split second. And didn’t say anything about it. 
    Said because of my personality disorder I will be making whatever it is a more of thing than someone else. I hate it when they involve my mental illness. Said removing my tonsils won’t nessically make me feel any better. He said nearly everyone can get food or debris stuck in their tonsils as there is gaps in them but because of anxiety and disorder would make it feel to intense for me. But that’s bullshit.
    But he ain’t the surgeon 

    I asked how likely will the surgeon agree it needs removing. He said “unlikely”. So I burst into tears lol. Still keep crying on and off on the bus now lol. I asked if they said no - would private treatment remove them. He said he has no idea but could ask when I see the surgeon as some of them work in private

    Anyway I started crying and struggling to breath. once I could finally breath I said  TRIGGERING WARNING

    “if they do not remove them I’m going to kill myself”. 😭

    He said don’t do that. I said 100% will.

    Afterwards the I left and the woman followed me (was a man speaking to me but women in the background) was asking me if I knoww of numbers to cal if I feel really bad  and what else she was saying I don’t really know because I was still crying and was too busy focusing on trying to stop crying


    Anyway I am safe  just on bus which i don’t know where is going but I can’t be bothered to get up anytime soon lol  still keep feeling choked and crying 😭


    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    Sending big hugs @Shaunie, I’m sorry it didn’t go so well <3
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    That’s a horrible experience and a horrible doctor by the sound of things just remember that you aren’t everyone else you are unique in your own ways and there’s always a good side of you 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie

    Just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know we care about you and we are here for you :heart:

    The Mix Crisis Messenger is here for you if you do need some support :heart: 

    Hope you are okay Shaunie :heart:


  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    thanks guys <3 tired now. But I guess I’ll have to wait for the next appointment. I just don’t understand why he only looked for a split second. Like literally I don’t think it was even a second. Can’t even look at one tonsil in that time let alone two. 

    i think I had a panic attack. I don’t know I don’t get them. Either that or it’s just extreme crying where you can’t breath lol. Embarrassing anyway
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    How are you doing today @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Really bad today woke up really suicidal i don’t know what to do anymore. Don’t want to live
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    😭😭😭😭😭 really violent thought on hurting myself
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie sending hugs ❤️ Do you feel safe at the moment?

    Always here for a chat❤️
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah I’ll be safe thanks
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    I’m really glad to hear you’re safe <3 is anything specific triggering these thoughts today? Anything particular on your mind that you wanna talk about?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    How are you feeling today @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank yous for caring. I’m badly hung over today
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Can’t breath 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Does anyone want to speak to me. Just about anything I’m really sad. 😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    thank you. How are you errin?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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