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HELPPšŸ˜­šŸ˜­

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  • ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie Yay! I'm so happy for you!

    How are you feeling now? šŸ˜Š
    Alis propriis volatĀ 
  • LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    That's awesome news so happy for you Shaunie! ā¤ļø

    šŸŒˆPositive thoughtsšŸŒˆ

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks but tbh I have felt worse knowing thatšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­suprisingly. I guess because I was thinking can always get a new appointment and wouldnā€™t wait that long. Ā But now all I feel is dread for tomorrow as kinda was preparing for it to be cancelled. and I guess the LonGer wait the longer I have hope like no news is good news sort of thing. (The not knowing)
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,610 Legendary Poster
    Iā€™m really glad to hear the appointment is still on, the confusion of that must have been stressful.

    I do understand what you mean about not knowing sometimes being better, the worry about what will happen is sometimes worse than the worry about the problem itself. But I know how long this has been going on for you and I all you can do is hope the outcome will be positive, which Iā€™m sure it will. The specialists know a lot more about this stuff than GPā€™s do and I know Iā€™ve found specialists much more helpful when Iā€™ve seen them in the past for a few different things.Ā 

    I wanted to say good luck for tomorrow too, I really do hope it goes well. Is there anything you can do to help yourself to relax and feel less anxious about it tonight?
    ā€œSometimes the people around you wonā€™t understand your journey. They donā€™t need to, itā€™s not for them.ā€
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie just stopping by to send you hugs. I really hope the appointment tomorrow goes well for you. Please will you let us know how you get on?Ā 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Thank guys!

    im actually really hopeful for this appointment now. The spots are the most visible they have ever been rn. So if it stays like this good chance they will help
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    They have gone againšŸ˜­
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Appointment in 50 minsšŸ˜­
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • ItaliaItalia Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    edited November 2020
    You've got this Shaunie :star:

    ā€œPeople who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.ā€
    -
    Brene Brown

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2020
    Thank you Italia!

    i saw someone but they sent me back to the waiting room as they havenā€™t got gp documents. And waiting for it. Like great my gp documents probably say itā€™s in my head.Ā 

    Anyway. Ā Not to worry cause I havenā€™t brang anything out with me today to harm myself or threaten them. Though I will still maybe threaten them with words. Which probably wouldnā€™t be ah empty threat eitherĀ 

    but they should be able to help me hopefully:/
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    LShaunie said:
    Thank you Italia!

    i saw someone but they sent me back to the waiting room as they havenā€™t got gp documents. And waiting for it. Like great my gp documents probably say itā€™s in my head.Ā 

    Anyway. Ā Not to worry cause I havenā€™t brang anything out with me today to harm myself or threaten them. Though I will still maybe threaten them with words. Which probably wouldnā€™t be ah empty threat eitherĀ 

    but they should be able to help me hopefully:/
    Let us know how it goes pleaseĀ 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Finished now.Ā 

    He isnā€™t the surgeon to know if they will remove them out or not ughh.Ā 
    So he has referred me urgently to the surgeon.fuck knows how long that will take.Ā 

    Anyway looked at my tonsils for a split second. And didnā€™t say anything about it.Ā 
    Said because of my personality disorder I will be making whatever it is a more of thing than someone else. I hate it when they involve my mental illness. Said removing my tonsils wonā€™t nessically make me feel any better. He said nearly everyone can get food or debris stuck in their tonsils as there is gaps in them but because of anxiety and disorder would make it feel to intense for me. But thatā€™s bullshit.
    But he ainā€™t the surgeonĀ 

    I asked how likely will the surgeon agree it needs removing. He said ā€œunlikelyā€. So I burst into tears lol. Still keep crying on and off on the bus now lol. I asked if they said no - would private treatment remove them. He said he has no idea but could ask when I see the surgeon as some of them work in private

    Anyway I started crying and struggling to breath. once I could finally breath I said Ā TRIGGERING WARNING

    ā€œif they do not remove them Iā€™m going to kill myselfā€. šŸ˜­

    He said donā€™t do that. I said 100% will.

    Afterwards the I left and the woman followed me (was a man speaking to me but women in the background) was asking me if I knoww of numbers to cal if I feel really bad Ā and what else she was saying I donā€™t really know because I was still crying and was too busy focusing on trying to stop crying


    Anyway I am safe Ā just on bus which i donā€™t know where is going but I canā€™t be bothered to get up anytime soon lol Ā still keep feeling choked and crying šŸ˜­


    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,610 Legendary Poster
    Sending big hugs @Shaunie, Iā€™m sorry it didnā€™t go so well <3
    ā€œSometimes the people around you wonā€™t understand your journey. They donā€™t need to, itā€™s not for them.ā€
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    Thatā€™s a horrible experience and a horrible doctor by the sound of things just remember that you arenā€™t everyone else you are unique in your own ways and thereā€™s always a good side of youĀ 
  • StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,083 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie

    Just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know we care about you and we are here for you :heart:

    The Mix Crisis Messenger is here for you if you do need some support :heart:Ā 

    Hope you are okay Shaunie :heart:


    Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus DumbledoreĀ 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    thanks guys <3 tired now. But I guess Iā€™ll have to wait for the next appointment. I just donā€™t understand why he only looked for a split second. Like literally I donā€™t think it was even a second. Canā€™t even look at one tonsil in that time let alone two.Ā 

    i think I had a panic attack. I donā€™t know I donā€™t get them. Either that or itā€™s just extreme crying where you canā€™t breath lol. Embarrassing anyway
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    How are you doing today @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Really bad today woke up really suicidal i donā€™t know what to do anymore. Donā€™t want to live
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ really violent thought on hurting myself
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie sending hugs ā¤ļø Do you feel safe at the moment?

    Always here for a chatā¤ļø
    Alis propriis volatĀ 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah Iā€™ll be safe thanks
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,610 Legendary Poster
    Iā€™m really glad to hear youā€™re safe <3 is anything specific triggering these thoughts today? Anything particular on your mind that you wanna talk about?
    ā€œSometimes the people around you wonā€™t understand your journey. They donā€™t need to, itā€™s not for them.ā€
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,225 Wise Owl
    How are you feeling today @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Thank yous for caring. Iā€™m badly hung over today
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Canā€™t breathĀ 
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Does anyone want to speak to me. Just about anythingĀ Iā€™m really sad.Ā šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    thank you. How are you errin?
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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