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Giving up.

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    ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    Have you got anything you can do to distract yourself? Maybe stick on a film or TV show enjoy?
    Alis propriis volat 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I just want casaul chat but even then I don't exist anymore. I can't focus long enough on anything. I have to cook soon but I all have is urges to hurt myself
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    ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    Course you exist <3 Make sure you keep yourself safe night, is anyone at home with you?
    Alis propriis volat 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Got my housemates home
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I just feel exhausted and fed up and I just feel like things are so repetitive. I've been off meds since February and I don't want to end up back on them
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    ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    Ahh well remember they're there too if you feel you need face to face support <3 That's great you have been off of meds since February! But don't use that as a reason to not take them again if you need to and if it might help you :)
    Alis propriis volat 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I don't want to end up back on them. I don't want to be seen as a failure
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hurting
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Would anyone even miss me..
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Of course we would miss you @GreenTea!! 

    Just so you know, being on meds does not make you a failure! Those are there to help you and if they do, there's absolutely no shame in taking them - if you can cope without them that's great but if you can't it's absolutely ok to take them again and not a thing which means you are failing at coping yourself.

    Sending you all the hugs in the world :heart: 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited June 2020
    I don't deserve support. 
    I'm broken. Too broken for help 
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    You're absolutely not too broken for help, you deserve support so much! Everybody does, do not let anyboda tell you otherwise. You matter so much and you deserve to feel better. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    If I'm dead I can't be a burden. I can't be triggering. I can't be a problem.. I won't be in pain
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Feel sick from crying. Maybe it's the alcohol too. I don't know. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I feel so stressed and panicked that I'm triggering..am I triggering? Sorry if I am. I'm sorry. I just want to matter and be ok and just want support
    Sorry. Sorry
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Stop apologising. You don't need to apologise for wanting and needing support. That's ok. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you. Sorry..
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Had the worst night. Barely slept, crying a lot. Feel so sick this morning. Can't find the motivation to get out of bed. I just cannot this
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    Jade09Jade09 Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hey there @GreenTea I can hear how difficult things are for you at the moment but we are all here for you.  :)

    Sorry to hear that you had a bad night last night, especially with hardly sleeping I imagine that isn't making things any better. Sometimes rest is what our body needs to heal, did you manage to get out of bed? if not, its completely okay its important to listen to your body and what it needs.  <3
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    JayJJayJ Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Hi @GreenTea

    Sending love, I hope you're feeling a little better this evening. I know you're having a really tough time right now and feel like its hard to get help. Just want to pop up to say; you're not a burden, you're not hated, you're not undeserving, and you're not broken. Right now, it's tough and it hurts and you're struggling, but that's okay. You're not some broken thing that's a burden and no one thinks that, I promise. 

    I know you've said you had a bad experience with 1-2-1 services, and while they're probably the best thing rn, if you're not comfortable its okay not to use them. It's not the best solution but there are some online guides to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques that you can do on yourself - there's youtube videos to help too. Maybe try some of these? It can be as simple as filling out a worksheet or making a list, but it can help. 

    I hope you're doing a bit better atm and I have faith that this will pass (hopefully soon). We're all here for you, sending hugs <3 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you @JayJ and @Jade09

    I barely got out of bed. I really struggled today. I constantly have people telling me to ring helplines and stuff and it isn't helpful. I can say different stuff and still get the same response and it just feels like they have a one size fits all approach.
    Never really thought about CBT through YouTube, didn't know it was a thing? I know CBT is etc but didn't know it's on YouTube
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    JayJJayJ Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Hey, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. You can get CBT workbooks that you can work through yourself. CBT is always most effective with a therapist but if you're not comfortable with that/can't access that rn, I dont think trying some CBT on your own would hurt - it might even help! 

    Definitely don't stop asking for help from your GP and other services, but maybe this will be helpful right now. Let me know how you get on  :)
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I don't have a GP currently after being let down multiple times
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Nothing is worse than feeling how I do and having nobody by my side.
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Given myself a headache
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    GreenTea said:
    Thank you @JayJ and @Jade09

    I barely got out of bed. I really struggled today. I constantly have people telling me to ring helplines and stuff and it isn't helpful. I can say different stuff and still get the same response and it just feels like they have a one size fits all approach.
    Never really thought about CBT through YouTube, didn't know it was a thing? I know CBT is etc but didn't know it's on YouTube
    hey @GreenTea, I hear you on the help line front, I think they are helpful for a lot of people which is why they keep being recommended. 

    Just thinking about what else you can do - CBT Via YouTube sounds amazing, do you think it’s something you could try? It sounds like a good pressure free way of self help. 

    Are you making an effort to take care of yourself? Doing anything you enjoy / getting fresh air / talking things through with someone you feel comfortable with? Know it sounds really basic but when my mood starts to slip I find I don’t bother to focus on myself at all which only starts a cycle of feeling worse.

    Sending hugs. We’re always here for you and hope we can help 💜
    - Lucy 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    @Lucy307 thank you.
    Not really looking after me, barely eating, barely sleep, never little motivation. I go to work and just sit around doing very little and I feel guilty because everyone else is doing so much aorund me and I just can't do my part. I don't enjoy anything. I go to work, I come home and don't leave my bed... Just..there's nothing left in me anymore. 
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I am really struggling to keep up this happy positive front.. on the chitchat thread, around friends. It just feels harder and hard to put on a front and hide how deflated and exhausted and fed up I feel
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I can't do it. I can't. I feel fake sending laughing and joking comments when I'm sat in tears wanting to hurt myself..I can't do it
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Forget it. I give.up. don't deserve support or love. I'm just a burden. Always am always will be. Thanks everyone for caring though..
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