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Inpatient, PICU, not happy - TW

13

Comments

  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Is all that is on my mind now am I going home tomorrow or not. 
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    edited July 2019
    It seems as though your presence there will be beneficial for you, and will help reaffirm to them that you're okay to go home. You can also defend yourself that way, if certain issues are raised. Those are all good. But you would need to accept that if you do get really angry like you said that you might, you will in all likelihood make things much worse for yourself.

    As unfortunate as it sounds, your release is not something they are likely to allow you to rush. If it's the case that they don't want to let you leave, you would need to do your best to stay calm, so that you can follow it up another day. If it makes any sense, don't give them any reasons to keep you there.
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Sorry if that's blunt or doesn't help much, it's not a situation I'm really familiar with :s either way I hope it goes well for you
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited July 2019
    I'm really fucking angry and pissed off that doctors contact my mum when I am sectioned so then she finds out what ward I'm on and today she has called up and spoke to a nurse and I don't know what she said obviously. We arent speaking so I cant ask her. If she has done anything to jepordise me coming out tomorrow I won't forgive her. It's playing on my mind what she said.
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Wish me luck for this morning🤞
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Best of luck ^^
  • davcr0ckdavcr0ck Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Lubna said:
    Wish me luck for this morning🤞
    Best of luck dude 
    Love is love and everyone is accepting and can share their issues with no judge from me and I try to help 
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited July 2019
    .
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    may I ask why you're frightened?
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello,

    Just come to send massive hugs  <3
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Frightened of what could happen next or where I'll be. Frightened of tomorrow. Frightened of the people inside and outside of my body. Just some things I am frightened of.
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited July 2019
    I've been discharged but I have no idea why. I'm so confused. It's what I wanted though.
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited July 2019
    I've been an inpatient for 6 weeks and only been out of the hospital for 15minutes for one day last week and today I have been discharged so everything is'nt seeming real and overwhelming. I feel emotionally numb and confused I got a taxi to my friends when I could finally leave at 7pm although I waited all day (I was told I was discharged this morning) because they told me I had to wait for my meds evan though I don't take them anyway they said the meds was going to be delivered to the hospital between 5pm and 6pm but they wasent by 7pm so they let me come out then. I've smoked something in a pipe tonight (I don't feel affected by it just a bit sleepy now) and stopping on a friends couch tonight because I will harm myself if I go back home. Idk what tomorrow will bring but goodnight. People have all said I have injuries on my body and I'm still suicidal so they said they wouldnt of discharged me and the people in my body and outside of my body was too powerful in my 117 meeting today so I didnt admit how suicidal I am and ofc I had to get out so it's all got to stay a secret that's what there telling me.

    [Edited by moderator to remove description of self-harm]
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello,

    It sounds as though you aren’t feeling confused and undecided about your feelings regarding leaving hospital. I know that it can’t be difficult, if you still feel like you need the help, but I also understand hospital isn't a nice place to be 💗 It’s good that you have gone to stay at your friendship to keep yourself safe, that shows really strength so well done 😊

    Is there anyone’s else that you could be honest with about how you are really feeling? It probably seems like honesty isn’t the best thing right now but even just telling your friend may help.

    Remember that you can use the mix crisis messenger and Samaritans, along with other services if you feel like you aren’t coping and keep talking to us 💗

    Butterfly x
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    No I am feeling confused and I am decided about leaving that hospital. I hated it there and not just because it's a hospital and everyone hates it in hospital. The way that I was treated there.

    It was only to keep myself safe for one night. I also have the strength in me to harm myself. I've told my friend that's why she said stay here lastnight.

    Nope there is no-one else who I could be more honest too. I text the Samaritans but I didnt find them anymore helpful than I have before.
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Lubna

    Sounds like a tough couple of days for you in particular, hope you are doing okay :3 You did really well to recognise that you would struggle to keep yourself safe last night and to tell your friend about it. Do you think there are similar things that you can do to keep yourself safe over the next few days?

    As Butterfly said, there are a number of services out there that can provide support during a crisis, in particular you may find the following helpful:

    Stay strong Lubna, we are all here for you :3

    Ed
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  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited July 2019
    The goverment is watching me, can hear me and has sent savaliance camera's to watch me outside my home. The doctor and home treatment team said lastnight after I tried to end my life again that they was going to send someone around to do a mental health act assesment again but I ran away but I've just seen a second doctor and he is reccomending I get sent back to hospital so there going to find me a bed again. I'm not going back into hospital I've only just come out so I'm going to runaway again now because I think the savaliance cameras might of gone.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    The government watches everyone to some degree I think - cause cameras in places and stuff. But they don't put everyone under surveillance unless they have real massive reason to & I doubt they'd have much reason to use money to watch you. Can you see a camera outside your house? I Guess it just would be the governments waste of time & wouldn't have much to watch, since they're busy looking out for terrorism. 

    Im glad you're reaching out for support on here when you're feeling so bad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Been put back on a section 2. I didnt get to the ward until 1:30am and I'm on a ward 2 hours away from home because there are no beds in the area I live in so been placed 2 hours away from home until there's a bed in the area that I live in. I don't know why they've re-admitted me. Hospital's arent helpful to me. I only got discharged 2 days ago.
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    The staff are rude already😥 if I was informal I would of left by now and I don't evan know where I am.
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey, how are you getting on today @Lubna ?

    Sorry to hear you have been put in a ward 2 hours away from home, that sounds tough. Do you know when they will move you closer to home? 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I don't know I was told they was going to move me closer to home yesterday or today but that hasent happened. The manager called bed management today and was going to come and tell me what they said at 5pm before she was leaving but I was asleep so she left me asleep so I won't know what they said until tomorrow😔 the manager said they asked for my "progress notes" and they was going to review it she said that's a good sign and they said they'de phone back that's why the manager was going to come back and see me at 5pm to feedback what they have said now I've got to go overnight without knowing which is annoying me.

    This is how I am getting on today.. like a dairy😂
    I had to take one tablet today otherwise they said they would of injected me and took my courtyard leave off me so I pretended to swallow it and they think I have😂 I don't need an antipsychotic 1)I'm not psychotic and 2)the tablets are poision.
    And
    I havent eaten all day because I don't trust the meals or staff on the ward. I ordered a pizza and it said it was delivered 3hours ago but I havent had it so I havent eaten today and I cant phone them because they can hear me.

  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I'm so pissed off. The manager is'nt in until Monday now. So I won't know what was said yesterday and this man thinks he can take my courtyard leave off me for harming myself...they want to watch what happens to this ward if they do that😡 another ward I've never been to and another ward that dosent know what they are doing. I've always been a self harmer and smoked they both help so they want to take something of me that helps...I don't think so.

    My pizza never came lastnight so I have eaten now since Monday but I'll try to order again later and put the hospital's number down.

    I've evan emailed and text my regions bed placement specialist but she hasent replied yet😥
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Hey Lubna, hows it going? hope you're okay <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I just wish I was in a bed in my area😥
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Lubna said:
    I just wish I was in a bed in my area😥
    Have you heard anything about a transfer? I know how you feel, I was hundreds of miles away too 🙁  are your family able to visit? 
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    No won't hear anything until tomorrow😥 family said they wouldnt come this far to visit now😥
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I'm being transferred to a bed closer to home just waiting for transport now.
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    That's really good to hear,I hope that it helps a little bit  <3
  • LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I got a tribunal in the morning so hopefully will be going home tomorrow 🙂
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