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SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
edited July 2018 in Health & Wellbeing
No one cares i tried to kill myself no one has asked me why. Only got told what happened, never asked why. No oen cares. It actually hurts. Im safe right now and not actively suicidal. Just really sad and alone
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
Post edited by Siena on
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    PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Budding Regular
    Hi @Shaunie

    I'm sorry to hear that your going through a really difficult time. 
    How are you feeling now? 

    We care, I see a lot of your posts and you always offer great support to others on the boards. I'm always impressed by how you make everyone know that your listening to them, and considering their feelings. It makes a difference to a lot of people, and you should be proud. 

    But, we're also listening to you, and we're here to help, would you like to talk through some of what you are going through? 

    We're glad your safe, take care.
    We're here, you're not alone. 

    - Puffin Ethics
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie,

    Really sorry to hear what your going through at the minute. :heart:

    I was just checking in to see how your feeling today, 

    Sending you hugs. 
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018

    I feel like my family literally told me off. Like wtf. Far from supportive. Was really upsetting. My dad was like “you cant ever get like that or do that again” um say it like im a kid who went out and just got overly drunk. I wanted to fuckin die. Not even gunna ask me how i am feeling now. Or atleast pretend to care


    Im not feeling much better. Really sad and wish i died. 

    Just really stressed and cant handle life at all :’(

    But thank you both

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit

    im really stressed. Minute my life gets a tiny bit stressful i think about killin myself. :/. And im like always stressed and suicidal cause cant cope with life and im weak & i think thats why my family are angry at me

    Im seeing my ISVA with my care co oridinator on Thursday. They thought would be good to meet altogether as they advise me different things when it comes to reporting sexual abuse. And basically my ISVA Wants to tell my care co orinator to stop speaking about reporting it as its her job. 

    & I like my ISVA. But Ive not really been getting along with her recently ://// 

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    My life is hell. Omg. Someone shot me:’(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Still no one has asked me how i am or why did it. Apart from here. (thank you)
    but Not even any mental health professional. Not that i can remember anything in hopsital tho. 

    End up in resus and no one even gives a fuck.

     Loneliess ive ever felt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭not even depression talking. - No one cares
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    Shaunie said:
    Still no one has asked me how i am or why did it. Apart from here. (thank you)
    but Not even any mental health professional. Not that i can remember anything in hopsital tho. 

    End up in resus and no one even gives a fuck.

     Loneliess ive ever felt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭not even depression talking. - No one cares
    Atleast if someone cared would be a reason not to end my life. But dont think anyone truley does. Saddd
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    Sounds like you have had a lot going on these last few days, can really hear the pain you have been experiencing, hope you are doing okay. 

    Hope the meeting has gone well with your ISVA and your care-coordinator. It sounds as though they want to try and understand how best they can work together to support you right now, do you have any thoughts on what that could look like? I can appreciate it may be hard to ask for what you need, but ultimately, their one role when working with you is to support you as best they can, and so they will appreciate you sharing these thoughts if you can. Perhaps it could help to write these down and give them a list of what could help?

    It sounds as though the way your dad responded wasn't particularly helpful for you. We know these things can be something that those close to us don't know what to say and sometimes they can react and come across in ways they don't mean, and which aren't helpful. Sometimes giving them resources that helps them understand their role can help too, Papyrus have a fair amount of info on things to do, particularly the A.L.E.R.T system they have in this section: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/help-advice/im-worried-about-someone 

    One thing you could think about doing is having a think about what would be the best thing someone could do or say to help you when you are feeling like this and writing them up a guide. This could actually be something that helps take your mind off your feelings whilst also building a more helpful support network. 

    To start, what would be the 3 most helpful things people could say/do when you are feeling low? I wonder if others on the community also have ideas of what people say/do to help when they are feeling low?

    Try to remember the resilience you are showing by seeking support and talking to us here, it can take real strength to reach out. We have a Crisis Messenger that is a great option to use when you are feeling in crisis. You can reach them by texting 'The Mix' to 85258. More details are here: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

    Keep talking on here too if it is helpful, whilst we aren't specialists, we do care and want to support you as best we can. We are here for you. 

    Take care,

    Ed
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018

    Thank you v much for replying and listening and help @Edward8
     

    appointment today with my ISVA and CC. Went so badly😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    i started cryin til i couldnt breath,type of cry so that in its self was so embarrassing.

     I felt like they was putting me down because i either dont ring when ive hurt myself or get help once too late. Then they even guilt tripped me on how makes others feel. Um crisis lines fucking job.

    I was straight with them & everything i was thinking, so i hope i didnt come rude. 

      My isva has basically discharged me too and said i have support and dont want to get in way😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭and said i need to focus on myself.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    i not sure what someone could say or do. When i feel so shit eevn thimgs like distractions dont help because my mind gets too overwhelmed so anything anyone says is way too much. So not too sure 

    thank you again

    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    Literally so sad now. Want to kill myself 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    feel sick from crying so much
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Shaunie said:
    Literally so sad now. Want to kill myself 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    feel sick from crying so much
    Didnt mean want to kil myself now.  Just sad & suicidal. But am safe
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    L100L100 Posts: 128 The Mix Convert
    edited July 2018
    I understand Shaunie,   

    I've felt the same sometimes, i just live my mum and it feels like my Older brother has forgotten about me ever since he moved out but killing yourself is not an option as their will be people that will miss you even if it doesn't feel like it especially people on this forum. Ever since i've had problems with youths and when my bike got stolen which made things worse and i hate most days. Even though the police know about those things. I still get scared every time i go outside even if it's just going to corner shop. The one thing i do is distract myself from what i'm thinking about. Have you tried distracting yourself away from your thinkings? 

    ps  back in 2015 things got so bad at school i ended up trying to kill myself and i regret doing that. No one even knows i did it as i'm too afraid to admit it.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks

    But think im near to another crisis eposide. 😭😭😭😭😭They told me to notice what happens to my body when i feel going to crisis before i do anything like hurting myself and i can notice my breathing is different and everything today. I feel more distressed than depressed and more anger & hate on myself. They then told me that would be the sort of time i ring them, before i get worse & start making plans to kil myself. Um i aint ringing the people who made me feel like shit

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    I feel awful😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Shaunie said:
    They told me to notice what happens to my body when i feel going to crisis before i do anything like hurting myself and i can notice my breathing is different and everything today.
    This is so positive, @Shaunie! Being able to recognise when something is about to happen, like going into crisis or having a panic attack, can be really useful in learning to manage those feelings. It also takes a lot to gain that level of self-awareness, so really well done.

    Even if you're not keen on ringing them right now, do you think that's something you can still make use of? When you feel those moments coming on, is there something you can do if you catch it early to lessen those feelings?

    We're with you and you're doing really well. Keep us posted. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    Thank you Mike

    i think i have managed to help myself a lil today. And was texting Samaratians. I feel slightly better. 

     told them soemthing that affects me a lot and why i hate myself so much(eventho Loads of other reasons). But i would still never shared with anyone else.  But feel tiny bit lighter for sharing it. And they told me i was under a lot of stress from sereve trauma and what i did was response from trauma & extreme stress, so i should be kinder to myself & not hate myself & defintly dont deserve to die. I dont really completly agree with it. Then told me to excuse myself from it as can be seen as understandable and to focus on future not past.

    - i mean easier said than done. Theres no justifying it. Felt like slightly minised it. Theres making mistakes and theres being a complete fuck up. And its unlikely they was going to give me a negative respone and make me feel bad even if they did see it as bad. 

    But generally feel less alone with it
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie

    Just wanted to say hello and that I'm really happy to see that you were feeling slightly better yesterday. How are you feeling today? Are you still in contact with Samaritans? Sounds like you got something big off your chest and it's good to hear that was a little relief  :) 

    I've just got back from holiday so am catching up on posts and have seen so many lovely comments on here from you supporting others. Just wanted to say we are lucky to have you on the boards and we all care about you too here. Please try and save a bit of that kindness for yourself, too <3

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you lucy. Hope you enjoyed your hoilday!

    But Feel really bad today. Totally hating myself and someone basically agreed i should be shot so i guess im not overdramatic & should hate myself. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Want to die so much 😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    I feel awful omg help. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    If there is a hell After death. I do pray i root there 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    Do people just reply to me for shake of a post that needs replying to or

    does anyone care? 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit

    Shaunie said:


    does anyone care?

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    I dont even deserve support so fuck knows why saying this lol soz

    Im so disgusting
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    @Shaunie - just dropping in to say that with the boards (and probably most forums), they're not generally not the place to get fast support. It's fairly standard to get a reply within a day or two rather than minutes/hours. If you do need something more instant, a helpline or live webchat would be a safer bet. :)
    Shaunie said:
    Thank you Mike

    i think i have managed to help myself a lil today. And was texting Samaratians. I feel slightly better. 

     told them soemthing that affects me a lot and why i hate myself so much(eventho Loads of other reasons). But i would still never shared with anyone else.  But feel tiny bit lighter for sharing it. And they told me i was under a lot of stress from sereve trauma and what i did was response from trauma & extreme stress, so i should be kinder to myself & not hate myself & defintly dont deserve to die. I dont really completly agree with it. Then told me to excuse myself from it as can be seen as understandable and to focus on future not past.

    - i mean easier said than done. Theres no justifying it. Felt like slightly minised it. Theres making mistakes and theres being a complete fuck up. And its unlikely they was going to give me a negative respone and make me feel bad even if they did see it as bad. 

    But generally feel less alone with it
    This is so good to hear. :)

    We might not always agree with what a support service says and that's part of our own thought processes and for us to reflect on. It sounds like talking to them helped overall, though - is that fair to say?

    It's really positive that you reached out to them when you weren't initially feeling up to it. Sometimes just saying these thoughts outloud to another person can do the world of good. Like you said - feeling a tiny bit lighter. :)

    Given what you've said above, do you think talking to Samaritans might be an option for you again at the moment? Is that something that might help? We're here to listen as well of course, just keen to make sure you've got the support you need in this moment.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    Mike said:
    @Shaunie - just dropping in to say that with the boards (and probably most forums), they're not generally not the place to get fast support. 



    @Mike  totally understand. I meant ; i generally feel people dont care. - not because no one was reply in mins. Just how i feel sometimes, intensely. Then Just get sad & spam like an attention seeker- should really send as one message -sorry! Embarassing. Ah. 

    Generally knowing someone read it, did help; no matter what the response is
    I did send samaratians message them yesterday-kinda helped. But i feel i need too much reassurance im not a bad person, but then disagree when someone says it so kinda confused


    But now im feelin better & a lot calmer now today.  😊
    Thank you

    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    omg i hate myself so much. Had shower every morning and i still feel like dirt. - alll the time- because its me who is disgusting horrible bad person and deserve to die.

    I don’t know what wrongs with me😭😭😭😭feels like hell
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited July 2018
    I cant do this anymore 😭. So sad. 
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey there Shaunie.

    Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time at the moment, I'll repeat what others have said in this thread and say we all care about you and hope you feel better soon, we're all rooting for you!

    Is there anything specific you'd like to talk about? You said you're feeling particularly sad today so if you want to talk then feel free. You also mentioned earlier in the thread that messaging Samaritans helps you so it might be worth trying that again today. If there's anything we on the boards can do to help then just let us know. <3

    - Riley
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks but not feeling any better. Really want to die :(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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