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[OLD] The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting :)

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    AbigailAbigail Posts: 818 Part of The Mix Family
    Why can't I be open about how i feel? Just screaming for help inside but can never follow the conversation out to the end. 
    Some people think I am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 2019

    Im soo sad & really hate myself & dont want to be in this body. Keep thinking about what death is like. Really want to know but only one way to find out.:(Although all options seem better/more peaceful than this life,even hell. 

    Feel like killing my self so can be reincarnated into someone more worthy of breathing

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    No one will ever understand so just no point saying really - just embarrassing but i have no one else to say to. i feel triggered & very disgusting everytime i go for a wee. What sort of shit life is this. I hate myself 😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Really stressed and anxious about going to CAMHS my sister is coming to pick me up at 11 and the thoughts of nothing is wrong is running through my head again 😩
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hugs guys <3<3<3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 2019
    Omgg I'm scared

    I think something is wrong with Teddy

    he was sick this morning which happens sometimes and is normally yellow foam (sorry for graphics aha) which normally just means bile
    But it was white and wasn't foam and he didn't gag and was dribblinng sort and i don’t know he seemed really sad. And then before I left he was sick again but didn't seem like sick and then he gave a sad look like "please help" but I had to leave because I really need to get my dad a birthday present.

     Now on bus and feel like should go back home. But my dad was home so not like I left him alone. But still stressed. I don’t know what to do if I think somethin is wrong with him caus I took him to the vets before for diareha and they said nothing wrong but give meds incase and that was like £80 and the next day and days after he was fine even though didn't even take it so that was a waste of money really and don't have money to use ah

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie aw :( He might just have an upset stomach or something? Just make sure he's kept an eye on, and if he keeps doing that more or shows other symptoms perhaps see about a vet. He's probs fine though. xo
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 2019
    kathleen0172 said:
    @Shaunie aw :( He might just have an upset stomach or something? Just make sure he's kept an eye on, and if he keeps doing that more or shows other symptoms perhaps see about a vet. He's probs fine though. xo
    He seems completly fine now thanks !

    i feel ill now though ah
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Shaunie said:
    kathleen0172 said:
    @Shaunie aw :( He might just have an upset stomach or something? Just make sure he's kept an eye on, and if he keeps doing that more or shows other symptoms perhaps see about a vet. He's probs fine though. xo
    He seems completly fine now thanks !

    i feel ill now though ah
    Really good he seems fine now, though I'm sorry you're feeling ill now! <3
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I just want these thoughts about my guinea pig to stop. I can't stop being scared she's in some form of danger, I can't stop feeling like I'm a failure to her. Basically I keep having thoughts and more thoughts about her dying and me reflecting back on her life and all sorts of horrible things.

    We had a vet come see her this morning and they said if the pawing at mouth and stuff thing gets worse or anything, she'll have to go to the vet surgery to be put under anesthetic while they have a look at/treat her. And it's made the thoughts worse. Thoughts that we only have a short time left and I've just failed her. I feel like I'm preparing for her death even though there's nothing to suggest she's going to die any time soon.

    I'm trying to keep looking after her and showering her with love but I'm breaking down. It's even hard to be around her cause I have a fear that she'll choke and die right in front of me or something. I'm trying to push past it and I'm keeping calm and nice on the outside but on the inside I'm just so scared. I'm crying as I'm writing this - idek what's wrong with me.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Oh my the flashbacks about nan are coming back again , no no no , I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this
     I’m  all agitated and shakey and panic breathing and doing the whole pushing out out of my seat with my hands - I still haven’t peoperly calmed down from the last lot just fuck Off 😥
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm not sure if I'll ever be having small animals again, I certainly won't be if this phobia doesn't heal. :'( Why do I feel like such a failure to her? I can list a good amount of reasons to suggest I'm actually giving her the best life possible:
    • I spend time with her, fuss her, talk to her with affection about how much I love her and stuff.
    • I keep the hutch clean.
    • I'll treat her to new toys, grass from the garden, homemade entertainment (I sometimes do stuff like crumple up a piece of newspaper and stuff it with hay and a lil bit of veg).
    • I try to keep her diet healthy (I feed her timothy hay and meadow hay, carrot and cucumber, make sure she always has fresh water, and so forth).
    • On areas where she's not confident (like being groomed), I try my best to get a balance between say, keeping her groomed but also not stressing her out too much.
    • I love her and think I show that.
    • Though I may be paranoid as fuck, at least it means I care about her wellbeing and I'm on the look out for any problems.
    And the reasons to feel like a failure:
    • Despite my efforts, as I don't wanna stress her out grooming is hard, so she ends up with some matts and tangles.
    • I had a spell (think in 2018) where though I was still seeing her, I wasn't seeing her an ideal amount and was missing a fair few days. But that's fixed now.
    • I haven't been able to prevent every single bit of stress for her ever cause that's just impossible.
    • Right now she's not going to the upstairs of her hutch which is making me feel really bad. But I'm sure I can coax her back up with hay and veggies and stuff.
    I mean, looking back on that, I don't really see a reason that I'm a failure to her? Think it sounds like I love her deeply, and am always trying my best for her? I mean, I guess if it were someone else saying that about their guinea pig to me, I'd think exactly that.

    But anyways regardless of whether I'm a failure or not. I'm so anxious and upset and scared right now and I just want it to end. I just wanna know my piggy is happy and healthy and I just want the obsessive thoughts to leave me the fuck alone :'(
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Millie2787 said:
    Oh my the flashbacks about nan are coming back again , no no no , I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this
     I’m  all agitated and shakey and panic breathing and doing the whole pushing out out of my seat with my hands - I still haven’t peoperly calmed down from the last lot just fuck Off 😥
    Ok well I’ve kinda calmed down now , I’m breathjng slowly again but I’m still doing the whole Hands  things which is really annoying me - I don’t know how to stop it 😥
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    Omg I have bad sharp pains on sides of my stomach

    i feel so sorry for myselfff😭i don’t know why am ill or what is wrong😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit

    OMG

     IAM DYING


    Well maybe sight overaggeration but I woke up this morning feeling better. But being really thirsty. So drank lot of water and that just made me unwell as my body was obvs like oh we have something to her unwell with lol. So now I am going to die of dehydration 🙃and cant drink or eat otherwise will be ill. 

    wouldn't be such of a hypocondratic if I knew why ah

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Nothing's making me happy. Like, nothing feels good enough. It all just feels so "bleeeh" and I feel hopeless and just want to curl up in a ball and give up. I thiiiiink I may be kiiiiind of depressed. :anguished:
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Wish my boo was here to keep me safe 😞😔
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Scared about what all kinds of problems this blood test results could throw up 😞
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I really hope some of the satisfaction and happiness and peace will come back into my life once I've started taking meds (assuming I'm given them. Please tell me I will be.) :pensive:
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Unloveable that’s me 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Millie2787 said:
    Unloveable that’s me 
    aw that's not true xo
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Unfortunately it is @kathleen0172
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    @Millie2787 it's definitely not, but really sorry you feel that :(
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    Omg i am feeling so bad tonight & domt want to see another day 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    i just really hate myself. I feel disgusting everday & everything i do i wish i didnt, when isnt anything with it. I just feel like people judge people a lot
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Shaunie said:
    Omg i am feeling so bad tonight & domt want to see another day 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    i just really hate myself. I feel disgusting everday & everything i do i wish i didnt, when isnt anything with it. I just feel like people judge people a lot
    aw sorry to hear that, and def don't deserve to hate yourself xo
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Fuck sake I’ve got to go out for 2 meals tomorrow - one is party food and the other is a a meal at a pub both for birthday 😭
    i can do this anymore , I hate myself so much and I’m so scared for the outcome of the MDT meeting 😭 please someone just take the pain away please I beg anyone 😔
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Millie2787 said:
    Fuck sake I’ve got to go out for 2 meals tomorrow - one is party food and the other is a a meal at a pub both for birthday 😭
    i can do this anymore , I hate myself so much and I’m so scared for the outcome of the MDT meeting 😭 please someone just take the pain away please I beg anyone 😔
    Huge hugs your way <3
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Now flashbacks of nan are starting again - please wish someone can take this all away 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit

    Just hoping that Facebook post that I just saw, which said "if you do not share this image you will die at 3:35am" is true. 

    Looll. Really Doubt it but suicidal that I literally hold any unrealistic hope of me dying 

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Really really don’t want to go for these meals today - even with dressing up nice and slapping on some makeup it’s so hard to hide how I’m feeling 😣
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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