Coping with relapsing

Former Member

Hello :wave:

I've struggled with self harm for about maybe 6 years on and off.
I'd gone about a month without doing anything, the urges had still been there but I hadn't acted on them until a few days ago when everything just felt too much and I guess it felt like the only way I could cope.
But since relapsing that time harming has now become a daily thing again so I'm not sure whether I can still refer to that as relapsing.
I was just wandering how people coped when they relapse? Because at the moment I think knowing that I have relapsed I'm being pretty hard on myself which is then making me feel a lot worse about myself than I already felt which is causing me to harm again.

Former Member

Hiccup wrote: »

Hello :wave:

I've struggled with self harm for about maybe 6 years on and off.
I'd gone about a month without doing anything, the urges had still been there but I hadn't acted on them until a few days ago when everything just felt too much and I guess it felt like the only way I could cope.
But since relapsing that time harming has now become a daily thing again so I'm not sure whether I can still refer to that as relapsing.
I was just wandering how people coped when they relapse? Because at the moment I think knowing that I have relapsed I'm being pretty hard on myself which is then making me feel a lot worse about myself than I already felt which is causing me to harm again.

Hey there,
I noticed that you are new here so just like to say welcome

I am sorry that you relapsed and are struggling to cope with the after effects of it.I have been self harming on and off(more on though)for just over 7 years.I know how you feel.

Relapses are hard yes but you need to try to focus on the fact that you done so well and didnt self harm for that amount of time.Stay strong.Just know you are not alone and that we are all here for you xx

Former Member

Yeah but focusing on the time that I went without it just makes me feel like more of a fuck up for relapsing in the first place xx

Former Member

Hey Hiccup, well done for posting about this *hug*

You may have already seen it but TheSite article on coping with a self-harm relapse has some good advice that would be worth reading over, including this bit about how to cope:

Think about the things that helped you stop or control your self-harm before. These strategies have already worked for you and may work again. You may have found particular distraction techniques useful so you could try them again or try different ones. Remember: you’re not the only one who has gone back to self-harming after stopping, so don’t see this as a step back, see it as a temporary coping mechanism you used to get you through a tough time.

It also says:

Going back to self-harming after not doing it for a while isn’t anything to be ashamed of – you haven’t suddenly become weak, you haven’t lost your will-power, and you haven’t let yourself – or anyone else – down. There could be a number of reasons why you’re hurting yourself again.

You mentioned you felt a few days ago that you weren't able to cope, has anything happened recently that you want to tell us about? Or was it more a build up of emotions? Try not to be so hard on yourself, maybe think about setting some small positive goals for the next few days like eating well, getting some good sleep and any other things you enjoy to help you de-stress a bit?

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

Hey Hiccup, well done for posting about this *hug*

You may have already seen it but TheSite article on coping with a self-harm relapse has some good advice that would be worth reading over, including this bit about how to cope:



It also says:

You mentioned you felt a few days ago that you weren't able to cope, has anything happened recently that you want to tell us about? Or was it more a build up of emotions? Try not to be so hard on yourself, maybe think about setting some small positive goals for the next few days like eating well, getting some good sleep and any other things you enjoy to help you de-stress a bit?

Hey Jo :wave:


I've tried the distractions that I used to use but I guess the urges were just too strong and I didn't really have the energy to fight them anymore so I gave in to them.

I'm not too sure what's happened recently, I guess I've just felt like I was dealing with things by myself and that I couldn't turn to anybody, don't get me wrong some of my friends have been absolutely amazing and they've put up with me through everything but I guess I just don't see it as fair on them having to deal with me all the time when I'm like that, so I've basically been cutting myself off from the world.

Things have been hard at home and just hard in general. I don't really feel as if I'm part of the family any more, I just feel like I'm there. They only really speak to me if they have to and it's really hard to deal with because I just want to be good enough for them but I know that I never will be.

Former Member

I understand that but you need to tell yourself that you can be strong,will be stron and will get through this! xx

Former Member

AngelFace97 wrote: »

I understand that but you need to tell yourself that you can be strong,will be stron and will get through this! xx

But it isn't that simple.. If it was that simple, I'd have done it.. Xx

Former Member

Hiccup wrote: »

But it isn't that simple.. If it was that simple, I'd have done it.. Xx

I know that all too well but you have to try xx

Former Member

But I am trying. I really am.

Former Member

Good,I am glad to know you are still trying.Trying is all that can be done to be honest.Hope your okay xx

Former Member

But even when I do try it's never enough for anyone

Former Member

It has to be enough for YOU.Try for YOU and nobody else xx

Former Member

I wish it was that simple. But it isn't, it has to be enough for everyone else too. Because if it's not enough for them I'll lose them, I can't risk that.

Former Member

Hiccup wrote: »

I wish it was that simple. But it isn't, it has to be enough for everyone else too. Because if it's not enough for them I'll lose them, I can't risk that.

I understand that but you need to try to put yourself first,which i know is quite difficult xx

Former Member

I just give up with life. Problem solved, everyone wins.

Former Member

No,you dont win,You have the strength and you know you do.Whats making you feel that way?xx

Former Member

AngelFace97 wrote: »

No,you dont win,You have the strength and you know you do.Whats making you feel that way?xx

If I knew I had strength I wouldn't even be thinking about leaving..
I do win, everyone wins. Everyone's happy.

Former Member

You do have the strength though and a relapse shows that.How do you win?

Former Member

It doesn't show that. It shows that I'm weak. I have no strength. I have no energy left.
I win because that way I'm happy too, I'm out of everyone's way

Former Member

No it shows strength in how well you are and were doing.Relapses are normal and natural in habits,and not subject to one person.Hoe your ok xx

Former Member

Just want to die already.

Former Member

Talk to us please,if you feel it will help.

Whats happened?xx

Former Member

What hasn't happened, it's just better if I'm not here. I'm so so tired of being alive, I'm tired of being alone and not fitting in. I'm a mistake, a let down.

Former Member

Your not a mistake or a let down.What makes you feel you are?xx

Former Member

Yes I am. I've been told it enough times to know that it's true

Former Member

Tired of being told I'm not trying

Former Member

Hiccup wrote: »

Tired of being told I'm not trying

Well who has told you this?

Former Member

Hiccup wrote: »

Hey Jo :wave:


I've tried the distractions that I used to use but I guess the urges were just too strong and I didn't really have the energy to fight them anymore so I gave in to them.

I'm not too sure what's happened recently, I guess I've just felt like I was dealing with things by myself and that I couldn't turn to anybody, don't get me wrong some of my friends have been absolutely amazing and they've put up with me through everything but I guess I just don't see it as fair on them having to deal with me all the time when I'm like that, so I've basically been cutting myself off from the world.

Things have been hard at home and just hard in general. I don't really feel as if I'm part of the family any more, I just feel like I'm there. They only really speak to me if they have to and it's really hard to deal with because I just want to be good enough for them but I know that I never will be.

Cutting yourself off from the world can certainly make things feel a lot worse. It's great to hear that your friends have been so supportive in the past - perhaps have a think about reaching out now? You don't have to explain what's wrong or how bad you feel if you don't want to but having some company for a while or making some plans can be a real mood lifter. If one of your friends was isolating themselves, what might you tell them? Try to talk to yourself with the same encouragement and compassion, you're just as worthy of it :yes:

Do you know what was different when you did feel more part of the family? Do you have brothers and sisters? Just be interesting to know what the set up is for you and who you're living with?

Big hug *hug*

Former Member

AngelFace97 wrote: »

Well who has told you this?

So many people. Friends, family, people at work

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

Cutting yourself off from the world can certainly make things feel a lot worse. It's great to hear that your friends have been so supportive in the past - perhaps have a think about reaching out now? You don't have to explain what's wrong or how bad you feel if you don't want to but having some company for a while or making some plans can be a real mood lifter. If one of your friends was isolating themselves, what might you tell them? Try to talk to yourself with the same encouragement and compassion, you're just as worthy of it :yes:

Do you know what was different when you did feel more part of the family? Do you have brothers and sisters? Just be interesting to know what the set up is for you and who you're living with?

Big hug *hug*

Yeah maybe, I know they're there if I do want to reach out, I guess I just don't want them worrying too much about me when they've got their own things going on if that makes sense?

It's hard to talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend who was doing what I'm doing because I guess it feels like lies to me because I don't feel like I deserve it.

I don't know, I've not really felt like part of the family for a while, I'm always seen as a disappointment to them, never really been good enough. I've got two brothers and a sister. I live with my parents, one of my brothers and my sister. I just feel like the outcast there

Former Member

Haven't cut in 8 days. Fucking that up tonight. Absolute failure, wish I was dead.