Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

social services

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in Sex & Relationships
i have just found out that the social services took my little sister away from my mum and step dad last night.

i am so upset, just so upset.

i don't know too much about how the social services work.

will i get to see her again?

are most foster families alright? you hear so many horrible stories in the papers about these dodgy foster parents...

i'm so scared and upset for her. she's only five years old. she'll have no idea whats going on, she'll be surrounded by people she doesn't know and who don't love her, she'll be in a place she's not familiar with. she'll be scared and she won't understand whats going on and i just want to give her a cuddle and i can't because of my stupid bitch of a mother.

i can't stop crying. i'm just so scared for her.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
«134

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The thing you have to remember is that you only ever hear of the bad stories of foster carers. Im not saying it doesnt happen, but what of the stories of all the loving and caring foster carers that are out there.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know there are some nice ones out there but i'm just scared. she's going to be in a house with a bunch of strangers. she's FIVE years old. she's just a little girl :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear, what a horrible situation. Try to stay calm this evening, perhaps do a little internet search to find out who you can contact in the morning. I don't see why they wouldln't allow you to be informed of the decisions and stay in contact with her, but I don't know how it works.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sry to hear what happened to ya
    have u tried contacting social services seeing if they give any info whats happened to your sister
    how old is she becuase it might determine what info can be given out maybe
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she is five years old.

    i'm going to try and contact them tomorrow morning but if i'm completely honest, i have no idea who it is i am meant to contact and well, they probably won't be able to tell me anything anyway.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This must be a very hard situation for you to go through and you are clearly very worried about your little sister. Please read our section on being in care, which will help you understand your sister's situation and her rights.

    The Who Cares Trust is also a good website explaining more in depth what happens when in care, as well as the Children's Legal center. Have a look at both and do not hesitate to contact social services to see if you can find out more on the care order created to place your sister in care.

    Good luck x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks xxx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only people I know in real life who are carers or who have been in care have been nice and normal, remember -you only ever hear the scare stories.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know deep down you are right, my best friend's mum used to be a foster parent and she is lovely. i'm just scared for her you know...it doesn't matter how nice these people will be, they will be strangers to her. she's just five. she won't understand whats going on. she'll probably be scared and confused and thats what really upsets me. she'll be in a place she doesn't know surrounded by people she doesn't know. i just want to give her a cuddle. i'm just so scared for her and i'm just scared i won't see her again (because i can't see my mum getting her back right now). i'm only a half sister so i'm scared i won't have any rights. i love her to bits so its just all very upsetting. i just hope she's okay. i hate not knowing where she is and who she is being cared by. its a horrible feeling that i honestly can't describe. i just want to know she's alright and that i can see her. i'd go and see her tomorrow if i knew i could.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you considered having her yourself?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surely your mum will have a name of a social worker who has been dealing with your sister? I'd start by getting hold of whoeva is dealing with your sisters case and from there I'd imagine you'll be able to arrange some kinda visit with your sister.
    I know it must be hard not really knowing whats happining and you are probable imagining the worst but try not too cause in all reality a foster career will know how to deal with your sister,will have previous experience of these kinda things before,and I'd imagine that they will be distracting your sister from over thinking about things.
    Anyways good luck and hope things work out for you!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Have you considered having her yourself?

    yeah i have but its simply not possible.

    i work for the police and my shifts are all over the show. i'd have to give up work and well, financially, me and my boyfriend can't afford to look after a child right now.

    it wouldn't be fair on my boyfriend either. i can't expect him to take on my sister. (and i don't think he would anyway. i reckon i'd lose him if i decided to take my sister on). we are both are young and not ready to look after a child. that probably sounds selfish but its true :( does that make me a really bad sister?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No of course that doesn't make you a bad sister. The fact that you are this concerned for your sisters welfare, and being realistic about what you could offer her make you a very good sister.

    Have a look at those links that got posted, and be prepared to spend a fair while on the phone chasing around the houses getting passed from one person to another but you should eventually get somewhere.

    Hugs.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course it doesn't. You are worried about your sister because you love her. It's that simple because she's not really your responsibility, you're choosing to try to help in any way you can. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to give up your life for a sibling.
    Having said that, from what I've seen of the system you sister is now their responsibility, so I'm not sure if you have rights. I don't think they'd stop you seeing her, but if she's in a foster home with a lot of other kids, for example, would her foster parents be too busy putting kids to bed to deal with evening visits?
    I'm sure everything will be fine, but if it isn't, would it be easier to deal with caring for your sister yourself or being in a situation where you rarely see her, or have no control over what happens to her?
    Again, I'm sure it will be fine, but I think you need to know which decision you're least likely to regret.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, i've finally managed to get through the right department after being put on hold and put through to this department then that department!

    they've taken my details and they are going to give me a call back. soon i hope :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you got a name and a direct line contact number you can get hol of this person on? If they don't call you back, follow things up yourself.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    blah blah blah wrote: »
    it wouldn't be fair on my boyfriend either. i can't expect him to take on my sister. (and i don't think he would anyway. i reckon i'd lose him if i decided to take my sister on). we are both are young and not ready to look after a child. that probably sounds selfish but its true :( does that make me a really bad sister?

    Of course not - it's you being practical.

    I do hope you find out what's going on.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Have you got a name and a direct line contact number you can get hol of this person on? If they don't call you back, follow things up yourself.

    well, they still haven't called me back. i'm getting a bit annoyed now.

    i don't know why but i didn't ask for a direct line number.

    if i don't get a call back by 12pm, i reckon i'm going to try again. i don't want to annoy them though :( they are probably really busy people but this is MY sister. i want to know how she is, whats happening, etc.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that's fair enough, wait and then phone them back (and remember to get a direct line number and name). What time did you phone this morning?

    Put a pencil and paper by the phone so you can write down as many details as possible, it's easy to forget once you get off the phone. M<aybe write down a few questions you need answers to, your mind might go blank when you do speak to them.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i rang dead on 9am as i assumed thats when the offices would open.

    yeah, thats a good idea katralla. thanks :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would also watch out that social services may well try and guilt you into looking after her as they nearly always place children with a (responsible) family member if at all possible.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have good reasons why you can't so, jot them down too. It might help if you're clear with what contact you want from the outset. Something like a weekly phone call and a visit every other week with one visit a month being overnight (if you hame and shifts allow).
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    I would also watch out that social services may well try and guilt you into looking after her as they nearly always place children with a (responsible) family member if at all possible.

    they just did that and now i'm in tears :( i feel terrible. they guilt tripped me about being the eldest sister, etc..the fact i have a house, etc...they even asked if my boyfriend would be able to look after her whilst i'm at work...i can't ask him to do that.

    they asked for my telephone number and address which i gave them. i asked them not to disclose this information to my mum though (because i don't want my mum having these details) so they asked why. i think i've just dug a very big hole for my mum. the social worker asked about childhood, my relationship with my mum, etc...urghhhh. they can see all that on the file anyway (because the social services were involved when me and my brothers lived with her) but i can't help but feel as though i've made things worse.

    i hope my little sister doesn't hate me when she's older. she might think i've abandoned her or something. i've just spoken to my brother (who is 21) and apparently they've asked him too if he can take her. he can't because he's a student, has no job, etc which is fair enough! my brother thinks i've made the right decision saying no to looking after her but mehhh, i feel crap.

    apparently the little kid is really upset at the moment. she doesn't really know whats happening. the story she's been told is that mummy is poorly and she's on a sleepover for a few days. obviously that isn't the case. she's still going school and stuff.

    regarding visits, apparently there should be no reason why i can't see her. however, i can't go and see her just whenever i want. visits have to be arranged which is what i assumed anyway. nothing can be done until at least next week as everything is up in the air.

    because of the circumstances, its unlikely she'll be going home anytime soon. everything is such a mess.

    i hate the thought of my little sister being so upset. it really bloody upsets me.

    it was my little sister's social worker i spoke to so i now have her name, landline number and mobile number. i just really hope my sister won't hate me when she's older for not taking her. that actually really worries me :crying:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She won't hate you for it. Foster carers are experienced at looking after children, get paid, and have a support network. If you can't do it, you can't do it and it wouuld be more unfair on her to be placed somewhere where no one would cope, and then even have to get moved again. Just try to be a constant person in her life, at the same level as you always were.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What you have to remember is, even if they try and guilt you into it, she is NOT your responsibility. Obviously it sucks that this has happened but all it means is that your mum has fucked up and you shouldn't be held responsible for that. You do have a life to live as well and if they try and make you feel guilty just remember that at the end of the day, she is your sister, NOT your child.

    I can't imagine how you're feeling since the only reason social services would have for taking my little sister from my dad is that she is TOO spoiled, but you have to be firm about it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    obviously the best thing is if you can have her, and they WILL try and encourage you to have her because its sooo much better for a child to stay with family at a time like this than to go into foster care, although can see that would be difficult for you with work. Might be worth talking to your boss and seeing if youd be able to do school hour shifts while its all being sorted out, if thats what you want to do.
    It shouldnt be happening of course, and its shit that it falls down to you, when youre just getting your life started, but it wouldnt have to be the end of the world, nor forever
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my friends had a similar situation with her neighbours daughter, social services really guilt tripped her into taking her in even though she suffers from mental illness herself and was in no way in a position to take on a child. She had her for a few days but in the end my friend's keyworker got involved and eventually social services placed the child in care with somebody that could look after her properly.

    This must be so difficult for you blah blah blah. I hope you are okay :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't think that you can manage looking after her, then the best thing for your sister is not you looking after her.

    She's unlikely to hate you for it when she's older, if the best you can offer her is visits, someone consistent in her life who can visit her and fight her corner then that's a very valuable person for her to have in her life.

    Yes, in a perfect world she could come and live with you and life would be hunky dory, but long term if that's going to risk destroying your life then its no good for you, or for her. Better that you stay useful to her even if she's not living with you.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    blah blah blah wrote: »
    they just did that and now i'm in tears :( i feel terrible. they guilt tripped me about being the eldest sister, etc..the fact i have a house, etc...they even asked if my boyfriend would be able to look after her whilst i'm at work...i can't ask him to do that.

    ...

    i hope my little sister doesn't hate me when she's older. she might think i've abandoned her or something. i've just spoken to my brother (who is 21) and apparently they've asked him too if he can take her. he can't because he's a student, has no job, etc which is fair enough! my brother thinks i've made the right decision saying no to looking after her but mehhh, i feel crap.

    Don't feel guilty. Naturally, social services would rather not take children away from their families, so they try, wherever possible, to find another family member to take them in. But, as Scary Monster said, if you can't manage, it isn't going to be good for your sister. End of.

    However, there is no reason why you shouldn't maintain a link with your sis. I have friends who are foster parents and the kids often go back to family for short visits. Why not arrange to take her for the weekend occasionally, when you aren't working. You usually know roughly what your shifts are well in advance, don't you? If you explain what is going on to your boss, I am quite sure they will make provision for you looking after your sister from time to time. This way, at least, you can keep tabs on her and make sure that she is happy with her foster parents.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    things have gone from bad to worse :(

    its not looking as though she'll ever return home.

    someone said something to me the other day that really scared me...you know if she ends up getting adopted, would that mean that myself and my brothers would have no rights anymore to see her? we wouldn't would we? we'd have to completely cut her out of our lives. is this right? :crying:
Sign In or Register to comment.