Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Why I need a gf NOW

2»

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    I know I know I know - what I was saying was where do I find a girl like that, if in my workplace and social environment everything is so damn cock heavy!

    Go out to your bars etc, just avoid the young ones! To be fair, there are piles of bars in London that most Uni students can't afford to drink in - so I have to question your hangouts?! Are you specifically targeting student-rich places?!

    I honestly can't believe you can't find hundreds of stunning women in their 20s in London. I see plenty every night on the tube on the way home (never mind when I go out!).
  • Options
    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    g_angel wrote: »
    No, because there was no mystery for her about finding anything out about how you felt about her. You also came across as a bit of a desperate nutter, and so that is instant "noooooooooo". There will be no "friends for now" (or anything else) if she already thinks you're a loon!!

    She could well have liked you (and probably did from your other paragraph, but you scared the shit out of her!

    :yes: Again.

    You have to give them a chance. You may have made you mind up that she's the girls of your dreams, but she probably hadn't.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    I still feel that, given historically under 5% of girls I've told I like have said they feel the same way, even though most of the time they've acted as if they could potentially, the chance of her saying yes if I'd played everything perfectly is still tiny, so whilst I know I fucked up the approach I don't think I changed any outcome.

    How early do you tell them this?

    Honestly, you have never heard of playing it cool, have you? Even if you're leaping like a spring lamb inside, you need to play it coooooool. Not cold, not arrogant, just cool.

    Chill the fuck out, dude.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    You saw her response, I think there's no way at all she ever liked me, she would have at least said 'friends for now' rather than adamantly brushing me off, if I'd done the slow/casual route I'd have wasted my time.

    No, she wouldn't. Think of a DOG, to make it very easy. If there is a dog and you sprint towards him shouting "CUTY WOOTY DOGGY", he will be scared off before you can pet him, and he will be suspicious, even tho you just wanted to be nice.

    Think of Obtrusiveness as a continuum, with being cool and laid back on the one side, the "girl of your dreams"-confession somewhere in the middle and offering her to come every sunday to hand wash her cashmere panties on the whole other end. Don't you get it? She wouldn't say "friends for now", because that would still keep your hopes up and after 2 days of no facebook message you would write "HOW ABOUT NOW!!!??!?"

    I was just like you years ago, but I luckily had friends who understood those girl mechanics a bit better than I did.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all Dunc you seem to have an attitude towards the problems you're facing. There seems to be a constant clamouring for external reasons why someone didn't like you, or why you aren't dating someone. The idea of blaming 'the rules' or 'cockblockers' is simply an excuse. If someone doesn't like you it's because of what you've done.

    The important thing is that not everyone actually needs to like you. There isn't some perfect formula that's going to make your personality somehow really attractive to everyone. You seem to be hanging out in the same places, trying to pull people of a certain type and wondering why it isn't working. Isn't mental illness defined as repeatedly doing the same thing expecting a different result?

    But two main things - you live in London and you can't find a place outside of clubs full of single women? No offence mate mate, but if you're making up your situation then please just be honest. I really can't imagine any value in going through all the 1000's of different social settings you could find yourself in, outside of clubs, in London. Seriously, be honest - you're a uni-grad in London who earns 80k a year with over a 1000 female facebook friends and you can't find anywhere to go where there's single women?

    If that really is true start a thread in going out and people can suggest places to meet people, because there ain't no shortage in London.

    I mean, 80% male co-workers, you're a catholic bishop priest right? That's the only situation I can imagine that being true. I know you can't be working in the city because of your previous posts and even then none of that would be true.

    On top of that, you haven't once mentioned a girl's name or really described what you liked about her. Every girl you mention just seems to be this generic person you're trying to pull. Maybe spend more time to figure out why a person in particular is attractive to you - because at the moment you seem to want a relationship not to be with a particular girl, and that's unfair on yourself and unfair on anyone you would be with.

    It certainly doesn't make you sound like a guy who would be nice or friendly, and I'm curious - how many female friends, all the women who 'just want to be friends', do you go out with at night - you might find doing that lets you get to know some people.

    Oh and maybe calm down the :banghead: symbol :p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well said Jim!
    On top of that, you haven't once mentioned a girl's name or really described what you liked about her. Every girl you mention just seems to be this generic person you're trying to pull. Maybe spend more time to figure out why a person in particular is attractive to you - because at the moment you seem to want a relationship not to be with a particular girl, and that's unfair on yourself and unfair on anyone you would be with.

    :yes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why does Jim's description sound an awful lot like someone who was recently banned from here :P

    And as for people who say their interests include dancing, im sorry but do you mean that wiggle shaky shaky grind stuff people do in clubs.

    Come back when you've all done exams in something along the lines of latin american dancing, or ballroom. Those of you who go even to salsa classes i commend you.

    Yes i have just openly admitted i can 100% bonafidely dance!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went on a date with a girl a few months back...she asked me out the following day. Was maybe slightly flattering? but scared the shit out of me! Just found it odd! I guess in the end I just felt she was desperate for A girlfriend. And I din't feel hugely special in the end at all!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    glad i decided to come out on saturday and get to meet you.. i know we just met but i thought you were stunningly gorgeous, sweet, funny, cute, lots of fun.. everything i could possibly like in a girl! ur the girl of my dreams.. could i possibly take you out to dinner sometime etc..? i'm free any evening from 5.30pm and can easily head west, also free every weekend.
    i know you dont hugely know me but if you like a nice / sweet / decent guy he's right here, if you like a dick then look elsewhere..!
    up to you, but that's how i feel so hope you'd like to see me again..dunc xx

    *snort*

    Seriously, even if I liked you I would run speeding in the other direction if I read that. I'm sorry but that's just pure creepy. What you should have said (which, incidentally, says pretty much exactly the same thing) was:

    Hey, I had a really great time with you at the weekend, fancy meeting up for lunch/dinner sometime this week? Let me know and we can arrange a time.


    Something like that. Don't ever go in headlong like that because it really does just reek of desperation. 7-8 hours isn't nearly long enough to know whether she's the girl of your dreams or not. Incidentally, there's nothing wrong with being friends first. I was really good friends with my fiance for about 8 months before we got together and we've been together now for over 2 years.

    EDIT: And I'm currently in my second year of uni (am 20), and we got through a Newcastle-London LDR for my first year of uni.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Why does Jim's description sound an awful lot like someone who was recently banned from here :P

    Exactly what I was thinking Gareth! Seems though he's changed his tune a little though...

    Dunc, I'm not going to waste my time saying things that have already been said.

    There's a cracking place for meeting single women around your age. Do you know the Devonshire in Balham? Ideal place for meeting young (24-28) professional single women. For some reason, they all seem to flock there. Dress nice, get some mates and head down there on a Friday or Saturday night. There's a disparate amount of single women there and not your average club quarry.

    Plus there's a lovely bar in Clapham South (have forgotten the name) which does wine-tasting-cum-speed-dating. There you should be able to meet an altogether different type of lady, plus they always have a surplus of guy tickets.

    Failure lies not in falling down but in not picking oneself up again. Best of luck dude.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Plus there's a lovely bar in Clapham South (have forgotten the name) which does wine-tasting-cum-speed-dating

    I soooooo misread that at first :lol:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Back to the original topic, i find it slightly disturbing why you NEED a gf now, as opposed to want one now.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are more women in London than the entire population of this country. What you waiting for tiger? :thumb:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    I soooooo misread that at first :lol:

    And there was me thinking I'd be all fancy and show my education by throwing in a bit of Latin! Dirty boy Gareth!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dirty boy Gareth!

    ..........................nothing has changed then.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Go out to your bars etc, just avoid the young ones! To be fair, there are piles of bars in London that most Uni students can't afford to drink in - so I have to question your hangouts?! Are you specifically targeting student-rich places?!

    I honestly can't believe you can't find hundreds of stunning women in their 20s in London. I see plenty every night on the tube on the way home (never mind when I go out!).
    Actually its only been a recent revelation after my weekend's events with those students that I want to be with someone a bit younger, was so much fun with them on the weekend which I don't get with my crowd of boring overworked employees, then looking at the life they lead - university balls, freshers parties etc seemed so much fun.

    Everywhere I go, a variety of places, is cock-heavy, ie 70% male, which makes it so hard to meet women. What chance do I have of getting with one of the very few single girls there when there's plenty more better-looking / taller etc alternatives? Tell me a venue which is female-majority and I'm there!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jim V wrote: »
    If someone doesn't like you it's because of what you've done.
    No, not in this case - the girls all "like" me as a friend (to the point they actively want to spend time hanging out with me as a friend, even after they've turned me down) but don't "like" me in that way - I'll have done nothing wrong whatsoever else they may not want me as a friend, it's just they're not sexually attracted to me, and I don't think I can just 'learn' how to be 'sexy' in the same way its possible to smarten up your appearance / improve your chat.
    Jim V wrote: »
    You seem to be hanging out in the same places, trying to pull people of a certain type and wondering why it isn't working.
    No I don't - I've said before here I do quite a good variety of socials to meet people, like music / politics / sports-related socials, so meet quite a diverse range of Londoners. Also school friends, friends from uni, friends from work, friends of friends.. couldn't be more different the various social crowds I hang out with.
    Jim V wrote: »
    Isn't mental illness defined as repeatedly doing the same thing expecting a different result?
    Err, what?!
    Jim V wrote: »
    But two main things - you live in London and you can't find a place outside of clubs full of single women? No offence mate mate, but if you're making up your situation then please just be honest. I really can't imagine any value in going through all the 1000's of different social settings you could find yourself in, outside of clubs, in London. Seriously, be honest - you're a uni-grad in London who earns 80k a year with over a 1000 female facebook friends and you can't find anywhere to go where there's single women?
    No, like I've already said, everywhere in London is COCK-HEAVY. Many of the clubs seem to have problems with male groups to avoid "sausage fests", yet its always the same thing - you have so many guys out on the pull, many of them sleazy or a lot more aggressive than me, so what fucking chance do I have in a venue that is 70% male, very few attractive single females, who all get instantly hit on? Like I've said, tell me a venue in London that is female-heavy and I'm there!
    Jim V wrote: »
    I mean, 80% male co-workers, you're a catholic bishop priest right? That's the only situation I can imagine that being true. I know you can't be working in the city because of your previous posts and even then none of that would be true.
    No, I work in Tech as a programming / coding monkey. 80% was an understatement. Try 90-95%.
    Jim V wrote: »
    On top of that, you haven't once mentioned a girl's name
    No, indeed I haven't - why the fuck would I mention a girl's name on a public website?!! Ooh so she can Google me and see I'm writing about her, that'll help remove my desperate / creepy / intense image.
    Jim V wrote: »
    Maybe spend more time to figure out why a person in particular is attractive to you - because at the moment you seem to want a relationship not to be with a particular girl, and that's unfair on yourself and unfair on anyone you would be with.
    No, that couldn't be further from the truth - I've repeatedly said in posts here that I need to be in a happy relationship with someone I like. I've been out with people where I've not quite been into her so didn't feel good about it and quickly ended it. To want to go out with someone I simply need to be 'into' them, but there's no general character traits that make that the case - I've been crazy about sweet/cute girls, feisty girls, white girls, Asian girls etc.. I don't have a 'type'.
    Jim V wrote: »
    Oh and maybe calm down the :banghead: symbol :p
    No. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Why does Jim's description sound an awful lot like someone who was recently banned from here :P

    And as for people who say their interests include dancing, im sorry but do you mean that wiggle shaky shaky grind stuff people do in clubs.

    Come back when you've all done exams in something along the lines of latin american dancing, or ballroom. Those of you who go even to salsa classes i commend you.

    Yes i have just openly admitted i can 100% bonafidely dance!
    Funny you should say that - just had dinner with a mate who recommended some place in Covent Garden where there's really good beginners dancing classes for beginners, intermediates etc. I think I'm quite good at general grinding to the beat but useless at 'couples dancing' and Salsa/Latino, so I'm gonna sign up to that :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    Incidentally, there's nothing wrong with being friends first. I was really good friends with my fiance for about 8 months before we got together and we've been together now for over 2 years.
    Every single time I've been friends first with a girl its always "No we're friends and I don't want to ruin that" :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you learn to dance properly, especially something that can be saucy like salsa, and are not afraid to admit it, then you may yet go far.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Exactly what I was thinking Gareth! Seems though he's changed his tune a little though...

    Dunc, I'm not going to waste my time saying things that have already been said.

    There's a cracking place for meeting single women around your age. Do you know the Devonshire in Balham? Ideal place for meeting young (24-28) professional single women. For some reason, they all seem to flock there. Dress nice, get some mates and head down there on a Friday or Saturday night. There's a disparate amount of single women there and not your average club quarry.

    Plus there's a lovely bar in Clapham South (have forgotten the name) which does wine-tasting-cum-speed-dating. There you should be able to meet an altogether different type of lady, plus they always have a surplus of guy tickets.

    Failure lies not in falling down but in not picking oneself up again. Best of luck dude.
    MATE! Legendary. Just what I'm looking for. Will check out. Cheers
  • Options
    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    Internet dating. That's what you should try.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    Every single time I've been friends first with a girl its always "No we're friends and I don't want to ruin that" :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
    Yeh, he said that too. Except I argued my case (that it wouldn't ruin our friendship, and if it ever started to, relationship over straight away) and you know, we're better friends now than we ever would have been.

    Stick with it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    If you learn to dance properly, especially something that can be saucy like salsa, and are not afraid to admit it, then you may yet go far.

    Then you run the risk of being mistaken for being gay (not neccessarily a bad thing, a woman might see you as a challenge then - ;)) - some women I know innocently assume all/most good male dancers are bennies.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    No, like I've already said, everywhere in London is COCK-HEAVY. Many of the clubs seem to have problems with male groups to avoid "sausage fests", yet its always the same thing - you have so many guys out on the pull, many of them sleazy or a lot more aggressive than me, so what fucking chance do I have in a venue that is 70% male, very few attractive single females, who all get instantly hit on? Like I've said, tell me a venue in London that is female-heavy and I'm there!

    The only clubs you get the 'no all male groups' shit are the crappy touristy clubs, or the cheesy clubs. Go to a 'proper' club like The End, and there is none of that bollocks.

    London is NOT fucking 'cock heavy', FFS. You just *think* it is. Some bars/clubs, yes, but from my experience, not that many - unless you like your shitty RnB clubs. There are SO many women here it's unbelievable.
    No, I work in Tech as a programming / coding monkey. 80% was an understatement. Try 90-95%.

    This is true. I work in a dev environment and there is not a single woman in the department. Not one. Then again, you don't dip your pen in the company ink.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey dunc, have you tried Nottingham? I went to Rock City (AWESOME club!) once and I had to beat the women off with a shitty stick.

    OK that was an exaggeration but seriously, what they say about Nottingham certainly seems to be right, there were loads of single ladies (or at least, women on their own) in the place. Friendly city too - the bouncers would shake your hand before kicking the snot out of you.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    OK that was an exaggeration but seriously, what they say about Nottingham certainly seems to be right, there were loads of single ladies (or at least, women on their own) in the place. Friendly city too - the bouncers would shake your hand before kicking the snot out of you.

    Hmmm - I was there on a stag do... Yes, there were a lot of women, would I touch half of them with a barge-pole? Unlikely.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Hmmm - I was there on a stag do... Yes, there were a lot of women, would I touch half of them with a barge-pole? Unlikely.

    :yes: Agreed.
Sign In or Register to comment.