Why I need a gf NOW

Former Member

Thanks so much for your replies to my other threads, I've spent a good amount of time reading and thinking about everything, particularly spending a day going through Jim V's Mindgym link.

A few people have said how it always happens when you least expect it, you shouldn't go looking for it, be patient etc, which all makes perfect sense. Except I've come to realise why I really want something now else I'll be miserable for life -

My favourite girls tend to be in the 17-21 age range - when they can be very sweet, fun-loving, a little bit immature in a cute way, haven't aged so I think look stunningly beautiful, and have a fun-filled life with 6th form / university parties etc. I've seen so many friends as soon as they enter the 'real world' quickly age (skin wrinkles), not be so fun / cute, not have such fun parties as you would as a fresher etc.

I met an adorable university girl on Saturday and spent the rest of the night chilling with her. Told her she was the girl of my dreams later on Facebook and she replied

Im soooo flattered by what you wrote (even though its not true!) but unfortunately I just see you as a friend. I did actually have a really good time on friday too and you're a really cool person to have met. I thought we could just be friends and I would still really like to be but I guess i'll leave that to you to decide now..

Just when my confidence had grown a bit on the weekend, with that it went straight back to rock bottom. Reading that I started crying, felt drained of all energy, pretty much collapsed in my work suit on the floor, woke up 13hrs later 2hrs late for work this morning.

But anyway, just meeting her, looking through her photos, she has a wonderful life at university I would really like to be part of, I didn't really have the best of university experiences for various reasons. I would so love to find a beautiful, cute, sweet, adorable girl at a nearby university, spend my time with them and have a great life. Hopefully fall in love with them, and happily settle down, and thus not be worried several years down the line that they've "aged".

But now my problem... I'm 27. Looking back I feel I've missed this important part of my life, I can't look back on 6th form / university knowing I hooked up with cute, beautiful girls. I need to do it this year or next, after which it will seem well dodgy if I'm hanging around with a young uni crowd. So I feel really time-pressured that the clock is ticking if I want to find what I want to make me happy in life - a sweet cute girl who I can fall in love with. And with this feeling it'll be impossible to just not think about looking for someone and be happy to take things slowly when I just know how badly I want a gf asap.

Dunc

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

I met an adorable university girl on Saturday and spent the rest of the night chilling with her. Told her she was the girl of my dreams later on Facebook and she replied

Im soooo flattered by what you wrote (even though its not true!) but unfortunately I just see you as a friend. I did actually have a really good time on friday too and you're a really cool person to have met. I thought we could just be friends and I would still really like to be but I guess i'll leave that to you to decide now.

I'm not surprised. Do you seriously need someone to tell you where you went wrong there?

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

Thanks so much for your replies to my other threads, I've spent a good amount of time reading and thinking about everything, particularly spending a day going through Jim V's Mindgym link.

A few people have said how it always happens when you least expect it, you shouldn't go looking for it, be patient etc, which all makes perfect sense. Except I've come to realise why I really want something now else I'll be miserable for life -

My favourite girls tend to be in the 17-21 age range - when they can be very sweet, fun-loving, a little bit immature in a cute way, haven't aged so I think look stunningly beautiful, and have a fun-filled life with 6th form / university parties etc. I've seen so many friends as soon as they enter the 'real world' quickly age (skin wrinkles), not be so fun / cute, not have such fun parties as you would as a fresher etc.

I met an adorable university girl on Saturday and spent the rest of the night chilling with her. Told her she was the girl of my dreams later on Facebook and she replied
Just when my confidence had grown a bit on the weekend, with that it went straight back to rock bottom. Reading that I started crying, felt drained of all energy, pretty much collapsed in my work suit on the floor, woke up 13hrs later 2hrs late for work this morning.

But anyway, just meeting her, looking through her photos, she has a wonderful life at university I would really like to be part of, I didn't really have the best of university experiences for various reasons. I would so love to find a beautiful, cute, sweet, adorable girl at a nearby university, spend my time with them and have a great life. Hopefully fall in love with them, and happily settle down, and thus not be worried several years down the line that they've "aged".

But now my problem... I'm 27. Looking back I feel I've missed this important part of my life, I can't look back on 6th form / university knowing I hooked up with cute, beautiful girls. I need to do it this year or next, after which it will seem well dodgy if I'm hanging around with a young uni crowd. So I feel really time-pressured that the clock is ticking if I want to find what I want to make me happy in life - a sweet cute girl who I can fall in love with. And with this feeling it'll be impossible to just not think about looking for someone and be happy to take things slowly when I just know how badly I want a gf asap.

Dunc

I personally think you are aiming far too young and the problem is written plainly in black and white above. You're going for young girls who are enjoying their partying and fun times, yet you want something serious, 'girl of your dreams' style with them. Don't you see the potential clash there?!

People often really find out who they are at University, with their friends (or roughly their own age), and so are quite probably not looking for either 1. an older fella, or 2. a serious relationship - at least not with somebody proclaiming their feelings so very soon, as that is just far too full on, and doesn't smack of "fun times ahead", to be blunt. STOP DOING THAT and just keep with the chilled vibe and see where things might go. Play. Things. Cool. Or you're going to get nowhere as you're just coming across as the desperate person you are!!

I also think it sounds like you need to move on past the fact that you didn't have a great time at uni, as it sounds almost like you want to live that again vicariously through these girls.

Former Member

People who seem desperate are less attractive. Just concentrate on having a good time and try get this having to have a gf thought out of your mind.

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote: »

I'm not surprised. Do you seriously need someone to tell you where you went wrong there?

To be honest I'm glad I did what I did. There's all these stupid rules like "wait two days before you get in contact with someone" to not come across desperate / intense, but as someone else rightly pointed out if they like you they like you, if they don't they don't. I could have wasted ages with this girl casually taking her out to more dinners, clubs etc and in the end she'd have told me EXACTLY the same thing. She spent enough time (a good 7-8 hours just the two of us, that's equivalent to 2-3 dates) with me on the weekend to know if she likes me or not, nothing I'd have done in future would have changed that, she just didn't fancy me. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

To be honest I'm glad I did what I did. There's all these stupid rules like "wait two days before you get in contact with someone" to not come across desperate / intense, but as someone else rightly pointed out if they like you they like you, if they don't they don't. I could have wasted ages with this girl casually taking her out to more dinners, clubs etc and in the end she'd have told me EXACTLY the same thing. She spent enough time (a good 7-8 hours just the two of us, that's equivalent to 2-3 dates) with me on the weekend to know if she likes me or not, nothing I'd have done in future would have changed that, she just didn't fancy me. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Errr - no, that isn't the equivelant to 2-3 dates. Not from my experience. If a date is going well, then who knows where it will end.

No, you still fucked it up, even if you said you are glad you did it. Fuck those rules, just don't freak the girl out! Christ! No way would I be taking a girl casually out to dinner (and clubs!?? No chance - no good for getting to know somebody, if you're still not sure. Great place for something to happen though WHEN you've got a good inkling if she likes you or not) many times if I am liking her and nothing is happening, you'd figure it out sooner than that. Just don't tell them after a few hours that you want babies with them FFS. Go out for a few drinks another time after the first meeting (and don't forget that you shouldn't be frickin' paying for everything or you'll be taken for a mug), then you'll get a feeling if she likes you or not. Second date could then follow.

Are you really that obtuse when it comes to this?!?

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

I personally think you are aiming far too young and the problem is written plainly in black and white above. You're going for young girls who are enjoying their partying and fun times, yet you want something serious, 'girl of your dreams' style with them. Don't you see the potential clash there?!

PLENTY of people have long-term relationships at university, in fact plenty of people end up marrying the person they met at university. Like you rightly point out though, maybe they want that with someone also at university, rather than an older guy.. in fact I was with this student a few yrs ago and she broke it off because she said she wants to be able to experience everything at the same time as her bf ie having to revise, take the same exams etc.. so if this is the case I'm always going to look back in immense regret that I'll never be able to turn back time and make the most of what were supposed to be the best years of my life. I don't want to start dating a girl my age, they've all 'lost their magic' :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Former Member

Why exactly do you 'need' a girlfriend now? Or are you having problems and think that having a girlfriend will solve anything?

I'm with G_Angel & Crumbs here.

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

PLENTY of people have long-term relationships at university, in fact plenty of people end up marrying the person they met at university. Like you rightly point out though, maybe they want that with someone also at university, rather than an older guy.. in fact I was with this student a few yrs ago and she broke it off because she said she wants to be able to experience everything at the same time as her bf ie having to revise, take the same exams etc.. so if this is the case I'm always going to look back in immense regret that I'll never be able to turn back time and make the most of what were supposed to be the best years of my life. I don't want to start dating a girl my age, they've all 'lost their magic' :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

I think it is down to how you connect with a particular person, not their age at all. And I know a great deal 'magical' women who are older than 21! In fact more!

Former Member

Yes, when you really vehemently and forcefully talk yourself into needing a girlfriend, then you virtually DO need one and be 10 times more miserable.

And yes, it's true. Girls smell it, your cold sweat, because you are afraid of rejection and will box your wall at home, if you are rejected. It's not helping either. Never seen a desperate guy score.

Crumbs wrote: »

I think it is down to how you connect with a particular person, not their age at all. And I know a great deal 'magical' women who are older than 21! In fact more!

I second this.

Former Member

To pick up on this point a little more:

"you they like you, if they don't they don't"

Ya, sure. But don't bloody barrel them into a corner over it. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes:

"You're the boy of my dreams, and we only met tonight"

At this point I would be thinking "What. The. Fuck?! We barely know each other! How the hell do you know that. Fuck off... Tell you what, I'll use the 'friends' line on them, that'll shift them"

Sure she might like you, but no way to people like being practically forced into either making a decision/saying something back to you that they just don't even know.

Seriously, grow a brain and listen to what people are saying. I've had a hell of a lot of success with women, and I know for a fact that coming across as desperate = instant turn off. It works the other way too.

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

No, you still fucked it up, even if you said you are glad you did it. Fuck those rules, just don't freak the girl out! Christ! No way would I be taking a girl casually out to dinner (and clubs!?? No chance - no good for getting to know somebody, if you're still not sure. Great place for something to happen though WHEN you've got a good inkling if she likes you or not) many times if I am liking her and nothing is happening, you'd figure it out sooner than that. Just don't tell them after a few hours that you want babies with them FFS. Go out for a few drinks another time after the first meeting (and don't forget that you shouldn't be frickin' paying for everything or you'll be taken for a mug), then you'll get a feeling if she likes you or not. Second date could then follow.

Are you really that obtuse when it comes to this?!?

That is excellent advice mate, EXCEPT every time I've taken a girl out on a date I've had no fucking idea whatsoever whether things are going places or not. Thanks to that stupid rule where girls never make the move, the guy always has to, yet I'm too scared to make a move like move in for the kiss in case they turn away and it gets awkward. I've had girls who gave me no indication WHATSOEVER that they liked me, and only through taking the gamble of telling them I liked them did they say they felt the same way, and I've had outrageously flirty girls making it seem obvious they like me to say they only see me as a friend - take the Saturday girl for example who spent the whole time touching me saying "your voice is sexy", "I like your hair" etc etc.. and yet only saw me as a friend! (No, I don't think telling someone they're the girl of your dreams would change them from wanting more to wanting friendship, and anyway this is just one example of what ALWAYS happens) :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Former Member

Like g_angel said, it sounds liek you just want to relive uni through a girl that age just because you didn't have a great time at yours.

As for everyone older being completely jaded, that's just the people you've met, I know people who are at uni but act more 90 than 19, and I have friends in their 30's who are still as outgoing and exuberant as ever.

As stated before, getting into relationship, and it turning serious - great. Saying off the bat i want to be with you forever will freak people out. Meeting someone jsut the one time isn't enough for most people to make a judgement on things, so you running in full steam is going to scare people away who might have been "the one" you're looking for.

How can telling someone they're the girl of your dreams be any more nervewracking or awful than anything else? You'll get the hint fairly sharpish if that's not what they want and if they do then making a move on them is going to work a lot better than doing what you said.

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

To pick up on this point a little more:

"you they like you, if they don't they don't"

Ya, sure. But don't bloody barrel them into a corner over it. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes:

"You're the boy of my dreams, and we only met tonight"

At this point I would be thinking "What. The. Fuck?! We barely know each other! How the hell do you know that. Fuck off... Tell you what, I'll use the 'friends' line on them, that'll shift them"

Disagree, as you can tell a LOT about someone's personality, character etc after spending 7-8 hours talking / dancing etc with them. I did highlight the fact we'd just met anyway -

glad i decided to come out on saturday and get to meet you.. i know we just met but i thought you were stunningly gorgeous, sweet, funny, cute, lots of fun.. everything i could possibly like in a girl! ur the girl of my dreams.. could i possibly take you out to dinner sometime etc..? i'm free any evening from 5.30pm and can easily head west, also free every weekend.
i know you dont hugely know me but if you like a nice / sweet / decent guy he's right here, if you like a dick then look elsewhere..!
up to you, but that's how i feel so hope you'd like to see me again..dunc xx

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

PLENTY of people have long-term relationships at university, in fact plenty of people end up marrying the person they met at university. Like you rightly point out though, maybe they want that with someone also at university, rather than an older guy.. in fact I was with this student a few yrs ago and she broke it off because she said she wants to be able to experience everything at the same time as her bf ie having to revise, take the same exams etc.. so if this is the case I'm always going to look back in immense regret that I'll never be able to turn back time and make the most of what were supposed to be the best years of my life. I don't want to start dating a girl my age, they've all 'lost their magic' :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Trust me, women don't lose their magic! My lass is 28 and turns heads as she is walking down the street.

Just aim for people that are not at frickin' university - i.e. 24, 25, 26. Somebody working, more stable, who is in roughly the same place as you, life wise. Sure, plenty of people DO have LTR at Uni, but they are almost always with people they MEET at Uni (as you seem to be grasping). You have mentioned about the student broke it off with you blah blah. Cross reference with my italics above.

Life is too frickin' short for regrets.

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

Somebody working, more stable, who is in roughly the same place as you, life wise.

I second this.

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

]take the Saturday girl for example who spent the whole time touching me saying "your voice is sexy", "I like your hair" etc etc.. and yet only saw me as a friend! (No, I don't think telling someone they're the girl of your dreams would change them from wanting more to wanting friendship, and anyway this is just one example of what ALWAYS happens) :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Because you frightened her away with this bullshit:

glad i decided to come out on saturday and get to meet you.. i know we just met but i thought you were stunningly gorgeous, sweet, funny, cute, lots of fun.. everything i could possibly like in a girl! ur the girl of my dreams.. could i possibly take you out to dinner sometime etc..? i'm free any evening from 5.30pm and can easily head west, also free every weekend.
i know you dont hugely know me but if you like a nice / sweet / decent guy he's right here, if you like a dick then look elsewhere..!
up to you, but that's how i feel so hope you'd like to see me again..dunc xx


Can't you accept that?!

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

Disagree, as you can tell a LOT about someone's personality, character etc after spending 7-8 hours talking / dancing etc with them. I did highlight the fact we'd just met anyway -

:yeees: :rolleyes: :banghead:

Honestly... You need your head seeing to. Sure you can get an idea, but CHRIST, that's not good enough to scare the bejesus out of the girl!

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

Trust me, women don't lose their magic! My lass is 28 and turns heads as she is walking down the street.

Just aim for people that are not at frickin' university - i.e. 24, 25, 26. Somebody working, more stable, who is in roughly the same place as you, life wise. Sure, plenty of people DO have LTR at Uni, but they are almost always with people they MEET at Uni (as you seem to be grasping). You have mentioned about the student broke it off with you blah blah. Cross reference with my italics above.

Life is too frickin' short for regrets.

g_angel gives the best advice on this site.

People roughly in the same place as me, life wise? Well, I'm in a 90% male environment, any social event I go to is completely cock-heavy with too many guys in the same position as me, most the girls are taken anyway, wahey!! Where in London is female heavy?!!

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

Because you frightened her away with this bullshit:

glad i decided to come out on saturday and get to meet you.. i know we just met but i thought you were stunningly gorgeous, sweet, funny, cute, lots of fun.. everything i could possibly like in a girl! ur the girl of my dreams.. could i possibly take you out to dinner sometime etc..? i'm free any evening from 5.30pm and can easily head west, also free every weekend.
i know you dont hugely know me but if you like a nice / sweet / decent guy he's right here, if you like a dick then look elsewhere..!
up to you, but that's how i feel so hope you'd like to see me again..dunc xx

This would scare me.

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

take the Saturday girl for example who spent the whole time touching me saying "your voice is sexy", "I like your hair" etc etc.. and yet only saw me as a friend! (No, I don't think telling someone they're the girl of your dreams would change them from wanting more to wanting friendship, and anyway this is just one example of what ALWAYS happens) :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

I do think so. Let's see who agrees with me.

If I spend a good evening and a girl is practically proposing to me I feel cornered and will brush her off, even tho I liked her at first and wished to meet again and have something developing.

/e: damn, I'm way too slow for this thread...

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

Because you frightened her away with this bullshit:

Can't you accept that?!

You saw her response, I think there's no way at all she ever liked me, she would have at least said 'friends for now' rather than adamantly brushing me off, if I'd done the slow/casual route I'd have wasted my time.

Although I regret responding to that with a lengthy painful whine worse than anything I write on here about how unfair it is that all the cocks get girls no probs and how people like me get nothing :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: I'm learning... slowly, too slowly...

Skive

dunc2008 wrote: »

To be honest I'm glad I did what I did. There's all these stupid rules like "wait two days before you get in contact with someone" to not come across desperate / intense, but as someone else rightly pointed out if they like you they like you, if they don't they don't.

Yes thosed sort of rules are pretty stupid.

But.

It's not rule to avoid coming on too strong, it's common sense. Telling somebody their the person of your dreams after only just meeting them definately goes againts that.

She don't know each other well enough for you to say things like that.

Even if you've crazy with that special excitment you get only from meeting somebody you really like, you have to play it cool Trig.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

If I spend a good evening and a girl is practically proposing to me I feel cornered and will brush her off, even tho I liked her at first and wished to meet again and have something developing.

Completely agree. I would rather get to know someone first before even thinking about getting serious.

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

g_angel gives the best advice on this site.

People roughly in the same place as me, life wise? Well, I'm in a 90% male environment, any social event I go to is completely cock-heavy with too many guys in the same position as me, most the girls are taken anyway, wahey!! Where in London is female heavy?!!

Noooooooooooooooooo. Not specifically JOB wise, LIFE wise.

As in:

1. Working (not studying - very different lifestyles)
2. A bit closer to your own age, hence a bit more mentally mature, and so they know what they want.

I don't mean doing the same job, or working in the same industry etc!! Just somebody a bit 'closer' to where you are in your life

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

You saw her response, I think there's no way at all she ever liked me, she would have at least said 'friends for now' rather than adamantly brushing me off, if I'd done the slow/casual route I'd have wasted my time.

Although I regret responding to that with a lengthy painful whine worse than anything I write on here about how unfair it is that all the cocks get girls no probs and how people like me get nothing :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: I'm learning... slowly, too slowly...

No, because there was no mystery for her about finding anything out about how you felt about her. You also came across as a bit of a desperate nutter, and so that is instant "noooooooooo". There will be no "friends for now" (or anything else) if she already thinks you're a loon!!

She could well have liked you (and probably did from your other paragraph, but you scared the shit out of her!

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

Noooooooooooooooooo. Not specifically JOB wise, LIFE wise.

As in:

1. Working (not studying - very different lifestyles)
2. A bit closer to your own age, hence a bit more mentally mature, and so they know what they want.

I don't mean doing the same job, or working in the same industry etc!! Just somebody a bit 'closer' to where you are in your life

I know I know I know - what I was saying was where do I find a girl like that, if in my workplace and social environment everything is so damn cock heavy!

Former Member

dunc2008 wrote: »

I know I know I know - what I was saying was where do I find a girl like that, if in my workplace and social environment everything is so damn cock heavy!

What hobbies/interests do you have?

Former Member

g_angel wrote: »

No, because there was no mystery for her about finding anything out about how you felt about her. You also came across as a bit of a desperate nutter, and so that is instant "noooooooooo". There will be no "friends for now" (or anything else) if she already thinks you're a loon!!

She could well have liked you (and probably did from your other paragraph, but you scared the shit out of her!

I still feel that, given historically under 5% of girls I've told I like have said they feel the same way, even though most of the time they've acted as if they could potentially, the chance of her saying yes if I'd played everything perfectly is still tiny, so whilst I know I fucked up the approach I don't think I changed any outcome.

Skive

g_angel wrote: »

I don't mean doing the same job, or working in the same industry etc!! Just somebody a bit 'closer' to where you are in your life

:yes:

You want something serious from girls who generally don't, and you dipslay it by coming on far too strong. Desperation is not an attractive quality.

Play it cool, don't be so hasty to get hooked up.

Former Member

Melian wrote: »

What hobbies/interests do you have?

The usual shit. Socialising - bars, drinking, dancing (even though I hate lots about nightclubs), films, telly, computer games, the gym (where I have zero chance against the sixpack macho twats!).