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why does everybody else have a boyfriend and i don't?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Can i borrow one?

    There more my age group ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CoolMe wrote: »
    There more my age group ;)

    Bugger.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote: »
    Well actually, although lots of people do know it's often a bad thing to take things for granted, it doesn't automatically mean they don't take things for granted from time to time - simply because we're just human and so do slip up and can't always see the bigger picture.

    But why do I always have to be the last person to know? i hate looking silly all the while and I'm hurting NO ONE by having the same knowledge as everybody else...
    If you're feeling lonely then it's quite likely it's because you see yourself as separate and different to everyone else when actually you're more similar than you think. To always look for differences in people instead of shared traits is likely to cause you on-going turmoil - and is something that you need help with. Unfortunately it's not something that people on TheSite can help you with as it's not fair to assume that everyone else is in a better place than yourself.
    People on this website will respond to you more comfortably if you're able to be specific about your worries - as you have been here - without assuming you're the worst off. Having more knowledge is a positive thing for its own sake, not because of the amount of knowledge others may have. Are you still having counselling?

    If it's something that everybody knows and is necessary for living, then there is NO reason why I shouldn't know. That's the only thing stopping me from being normal like everybody else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yerascrote wrote: »

    Not everyone has a boyfriend, I don't. Not everyone's life is easy either. I take it you're quite young? When you get a bit older you'll realise that single life isn't as bad as you think now. :thumb:

    Would I? I doubt it.

    I know the steps to take to be normal by default, like everybody else is. i think that is the key for wellbeing for me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think a big issue that seems prevalent in your threads is that you feel you must compare yourself to other people constantl. It should be about your happiness and what you want to do etc. not you have to have a boyfriend because everyone else has, or that you need anything like that.

    Everyone really is different. Someone will always be better off than you and someone will always be worse off than you. There are no absolutes and I fall into the trap of getting annoyed because I compare myself to other people as well. But the trick is not to, to just focus on you, isolated from everyone else. What do you need etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't believe that. I know what would make me happy is being at the same level as everybody else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    When you say this, what do you really mean?

    There is knowledge that everybody knows. I don't see why I should be the odd one out. See? This is helping myself. There really IS no reason why I should be the odd one out. I think the only people who prevent me from being so are abnormally sensitive cowards with small penises. Like some of my family. But I don't care, they should simply accept their lot and not whine and moan about everything that is unfair.
    I don't mean to sound rude, but you're the onlyone who can change things like this.

    Yes. So by stopping being the odd one out is changing myself for the better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I don't believe that. I know what would make me happy is being at the same level as everybody else.

    How do you know having a boyfriend will make you happy?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    they should simply accept their lot and not whine and moan about everything that is unfair.

    Do you not see the irony in this statement?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you not see the irony in this statement?

    :lol: Exactly what I was thinking.

    Back to the OP's first point, I don't have a boyfriend. All of my housemates are single too. But loads of my other friends have boyfriends. It gets me down sometimes, but relationships don't solve everything. If you don't like yourself, its going to be hard to find someone who will.

    Make yourself happy first (without relying on a relationship cos that wont work) and then find someone.

    Why am I even typing this? I know you'll ignore every word any of us say because it doesn't fit in with your belief that EVERYONE knows something you don't and EVERYONE else's lives are perfect :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I don't believe that. I know what would make me happy is being at the same level as everybody else.

    What you need to realise, even if it means you writing it in huge letters above your bed to remind you every morning, is that for a lot of people it takes hard work and dedication to be at the 'same level' as the rest.

    Life doesn't owe you a single thing. If you're not willing to do a goddamn thing about your situation then expect a neverending status quo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I don't believe that. I know what would make me happy is being at the same level as everybody else.

    That's exactly what I said. You are comparing yourself to other people. Your standards are based on what you perceive other people to have. And it seems to me they are unrealistic really. It's like people who say they're so fat because 'everyone else' is a size 6, by everyone else they mean supermodels. And so on. People focus on other people and then make out that they themselves are inferior in any way possible.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    But I don't care, they should simply accept their lot and not whine and moan about everything that is unfair.

    :yeees: :lol::confused:

    Oh dear...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    nothing. i just hate myself really. i hate not being like everybody else ...

    a widespread misconception is, that these things change, and that you'll love yourself for what you be as soon as you have a gf/bf. It's not true, and I've seen it dozen of times: A partner is not your anti-depressant. I was thinking like you a few years back, but I realized that I can't depend on someone else to make me happy. I don't get it, why people always think a partner will mysteriously let all of their problems disappear.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    That's exactly what I said. You are comparing yourself to other people. Your standards are based on what you perceive other people to have. And it seems to me they are unrealistic really. It's like people who say they're so fat because 'everyone else' is a size 6, by everyone else they mean supermodels. And so on. People focus on other people and then make out that they themselves are inferior in any way possible.

    OK, so there is NO logical reason why I can't be at a mental and perceptual level that everybody else gets immediately? ok...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote: »
    What you need to realise, even if it means you writing it in huge letters above your bed to remind you every morning, is that for a lot of people it takes hard work and dedication to be at the 'same level' as the rest.

    No it doesn't. No one is saying why I can't be at the same mental level as everybody else is.
    Life doesn't owe you a single thing. If you're not willing to do a goddamn thing about your situation then expect a neverending status quo.

    I am. That's why I have to be at the same mental level.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    OK, so there is NO logical reason why I can't be at a mental and perceptual level that everybody else gets immediately? ok...

    Not what I said is it? You perceive a default mental and perceptual level based on everyone else. You judge yourself to be less than that perceived level. There are two glaring issues of whether your perception of others is correct, and whether your judgement or yourself vs others is correct.

    But that's besides the point, because my point is that you don't gain anything from comparing yourself to others, holding them up as a measuring stick. I could say, despite being in the top 10% richness in the world (since we live in the UK), that I'm poorer than everyone because I compare myself to millionaires.

    The fact is we get what we're given and at the end of the day that's what matters, not what everyone else is like. You have the mental comprehension to use a computer and come on the internet, you're literate, not everyone can say that. Whilst that probably means little to you, again people with boyfriends or whatever else you covet so much probably don't think it makes them instantly superior. Happiness and contentment starts with you. You could be the most brilliant, most admired, richest person in the world with an amazing husband or three, but with your attitude at present you would still be miserable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is no reason why i can't have the same knowledge of daily life as everybody else. This is the thing that's holding me back and there is no reason why i should be the odd one out. Sorry, but I don't like being duped.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    There is no reason why i can't have the same knowledge of daily life as everybody else. This is the thing that's holding me back and there is no reason why i should be the odd one out. Sorry, but I don't like being duped.

    Have you ever heard the expression 'you learn by making mistakes'?

    Everything I know about 'daily life' as in faux pas or just how to do things, is because I started off not knowing and just did it and normally got it wrong so was corrected. Nobody is born with knowledge.

    But like I said, thats not your problem. Some people have more common sense than others. Your problem is your inability to accept what you have and the only thing you can accept is that whatever you do have is not good enough. It doesn't matter if you become a genius, you still wont think you are good enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's not true. Everyone else is naturally more perceptive than everybody else and i want the same level. I know this is the only thing keeping me back and I don't see why anybody has the right to stop me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody is trying to stop you. What 'level' in real terms is acceptable? What do you want to be able to do as an example. What do you mean about natural perception? I mean, if you're blind, fair does but thats life (well done on using the PC though). If its just how you interpret things, its just a life skill that develops over time. To encourage it to develop you need to throw yourself out there.

    The people with the best developed people skills are the ones who are very social and active.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to same knowledge of daily living that everyone else has by default.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I want to same knowledge of daily living that everyone else has by default.

    My god you are dense/stubborn/obtuse.

    People don't have ANYTHING by default. Can you not get that into your head?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know everyone else has it by default.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I know everyone else has it by default.

    No, they don't. Not in the slightest. People learn as they go along.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't believe that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is anything anyone says to you going to change your mind on anything?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I don't believe that.

    Well then stop bloody posting, whinging and generally being a pain in the arse. You are being told facts, and yet you dispute them as they don't agree with what you think and as always, bring nothing new to the table.

    :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what I have to do and that's be on the same mental plane as everybody else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I know what I have to do and that's be on the same mental plane as everybody else.

    THIS DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST!

    THERE IS NO 'EVERYBODY ELSE' WHEN IT COMES TO THIS KIND OF THING!
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