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Best Of
Re: Would you rather.....
Re: Help me get more informed!
Hey @LowTrekker
First of all welcome to The Mix, it's a pleasure to meet you, and thank you so much for sharing what you're going through right now. I honestly think that red flags will change from person to person, and you should feel comfortable about what is being discussed whatever person you're speaking to. If this is a concern for you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, then maybe this is a so called red flag personally for you, and that's more than okay. I know we can feel pressured from society to be in a relationship that lasts by a certain age or have your life mapped out but you're still very young, and your journey and pace will be different to someone else and that is perfectly okay!
Also, I again think that casual status of relationships is something that varies greatly from one person to the next, so your definition of casual relationships is probably different to theirs. If you're worried or feel unsure, if you feel comfortable, it may be helpful to speak to them about what they think a casual relationship entails and see if it is in line with what you're looking for right now. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be involved in something that makes you happy and is within your boundaries and comfort. Some people may see casual relationships as friends with benefits, meaning they want to be your friend too and get to know you, whereas others may see it more as just sexual relations with someone they know and that's it.So it may be important to find out what their idea of this is for your own benefit.
As far as I'm aware serious relationships tend to be something where you get to know the other person (or people) in more depth, build a strong connection and have a longer term plan of staying together. Of course, this will probably vary from one relationship to the next. I hope this is helpful and thank you for reaching out! We're always here if you ever need anything
First of all welcome to The Mix, it's a pleasure to meet you, and thank you so much for sharing what you're going through right now. I honestly think that red flags will change from person to person, and you should feel comfortable about what is being discussed whatever person you're speaking to. If this is a concern for you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, then maybe this is a so called red flag personally for you, and that's more than okay. I know we can feel pressured from society to be in a relationship that lasts by a certain age or have your life mapped out but you're still very young, and your journey and pace will be different to someone else and that is perfectly okay!
Also, I again think that casual status of relationships is something that varies greatly from one person to the next, so your definition of casual relationships is probably different to theirs. If you're worried or feel unsure, if you feel comfortable, it may be helpful to speak to them about what they think a casual relationship entails and see if it is in line with what you're looking for right now. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be involved in something that makes you happy and is within your boundaries and comfort. Some people may see casual relationships as friends with benefits, meaning they want to be your friend too and get to know you, whereas others may see it more as just sexual relations with someone they know and that's it.So it may be important to find out what their idea of this is for your own benefit.
As far as I'm aware serious relationships tend to be something where you get to know the other person (or people) in more depth, build a strong connection and have a longer term plan of staying together. Of course, this will probably vary from one relationship to the next. I hope this is helpful and thank you for reaching out! We're always here if you ever need anything
What helps you set boundaries with your family?
Hey everyone,
Family relationships can be difficult and it's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries with whatever behaviour upsets you. I thought I'd start up a thread for everyone to share their advice for someone struggling with a difficult family relationship.
Comment below any advice you have
Family relationships can be difficult and it's important to remember that you have the right to set boundaries with whatever behaviour upsets you. I thought I'd start up a thread for everyone to share their advice for someone struggling with a difficult family relationship.
Comment below any advice you have
Aoife
2
Re: The “last movie you watched” thread
https://youtu.be/YJserno8tyUWatched Tick, Tick...Boom recently and was blown away (no pun intended) by how great it was. A really moving (true) story but done in a really authentic way. Who knew Andrew Garfield could sing!
Ed_
1
Re: Effects, oh dear
Hey @ellie2000 - as others have said, it is probably worth seeking medical advice on this, it shouldn't be the case that problems like this persist. There is some info on the article here that speaks to this, in particular it says:
As Laura said, if you give your GP practice a ring, they should be able to tell you if they are taking in person appointments at the moment, it may be that they have to work out whether they need to see you physically or whether they can diagnose over the phone.
It's not clear from your posts whether or not you wanted this person to have sex with you or not. Please don't feel like you need to share this with us if you don't want to, however if you didn't want it to happen, or for him to have sex with you in the way he did, then there are places that can support with that who may be experienced in the kind of issues you are having. They are called sexual assault referral centres, and you can find your local one here.
You're right that recovery can take time, and we are all here to support you if you would like to talk anything through
Will I be incontinent?
One of the biggest fears is that you’ll damage your arse muscles and constantly leak poo like a drippy tap. Not true. “The sphincters are muscles that can relax and be tightened up, and 80% of your continence (control over when you poo) is controlled by a muscle called the pubo-sling, which isn’t stretched when you’re having sex,” says Barrie.
As Laura said, if you give your GP practice a ring, they should be able to tell you if they are taking in person appointments at the moment, it may be that they have to work out whether they need to see you physically or whether they can diagnose over the phone.
It's not clear from your posts whether or not you wanted this person to have sex with you or not. Please don't feel like you need to share this with us if you don't want to, however if you didn't want it to happen, or for him to have sex with you in the way he did, then there are places that can support with that who may be experienced in the kind of issues you are having. They are called sexual assault referral centres, and you can find your local one here.
You're right that recovery can take time, and we are all here to support you if you would like to talk anything through
Ed_
2
Re: What do you think about straight actors playing gay roles?
Hey @AislingDM
Thanks for your response. I was just going to press agree until I saw "diminish barriers which exist". I very much agree, but I wanted to add that this could be very systematic and much broader than just for the LGBTQIA+ community. If we could apply that to every course, every job, and every opportunity, the world would be a much better place!
Thanks for your response. I was just going to press agree until I saw "diminish barriers which exist". I very much agree, but I wanted to add that this could be very systematic and much broader than just for the LGBTQIA+ community. If we could apply that to every course, every job, and every opportunity, the world would be a much better place!
Re: I went to my boyfriend’s on the weekend etc
@AislingDM Yes I agree I have messaged him about it he hasn’t responded yet and I can’t sleep the phone cut off we normally sleep on call 🥺I think we are really close and it’s just my mom ruining stuff x
Re: Concern over LFTs and PCRs
@AislingDM i empathises with you. How do you feel about not having to isolate when you Covid-19 from March? yeah im looking forward to the end of the pandemic.
Hey @Laura_tigger82 i'm doing well, just working a lot - hope you are well and i like your snowman picture however im ready for spring - cough cough its my fave szn ayeeeeeeeeeeee
Hey @Laura_tigger82 i'm doing well, just working a lot - hope you are well and i like your snowman picture however im ready for spring - cough cough its my fave szn ayeeeeeeeeeeee
Re: I am lost
Hey Kate,
It is hard and stressful when you don't know what to do with your future in terms of work. I'm wondering what kind of jobs interest you? What skills or qualities do you have? And what your hobbies and interests are? It might be wise to try to find a job that matches your interests and strengths. You can also take job or personality quizzes to for inspiration as well.
If you want a certain job but don't have the training, then apprenticeships might be a good idea. Alternatively, you can always volunteer to help improve your skills.
I'd also suggest not rushing your job searching. When we feel desperate, it can feel like we should apply for 100s of jobs each month and we may even accept jobs that we don't really want, just because it's a job. But it's best to target your job search to specific jobs that you actually do want.
It might also be reassuring to know that it's okay to change jobs/careers throughout your life, so that you don't feel tied down to one particular job either.
Looking for work while also dealing with mental health isn't easy. But your future employers and co-workers should not discriminate against you. If they do, then they are breaking the law as well. You might want to look up reviews of companies/organisations that you might apply for to get an idea of the type of environment or work culture. You don't have to stick with a job that makes you feel worse.
Are there any careers advice centres you could go to? Or maybe your university has a careers department? They might be able to help plan your next steps to make the transition into work smoother!
It is hard and stressful when you don't know what to do with your future in terms of work. I'm wondering what kind of jobs interest you? What skills or qualities do you have? And what your hobbies and interests are? It might be wise to try to find a job that matches your interests and strengths. You can also take job or personality quizzes to for inspiration as well.
If you want a certain job but don't have the training, then apprenticeships might be a good idea. Alternatively, you can always volunteer to help improve your skills.
I'd also suggest not rushing your job searching. When we feel desperate, it can feel like we should apply for 100s of jobs each month and we may even accept jobs that we don't really want, just because it's a job. But it's best to target your job search to specific jobs that you actually do want.
It might also be reassuring to know that it's okay to change jobs/careers throughout your life, so that you don't feel tied down to one particular job either.
Looking for work while also dealing with mental health isn't easy. But your future employers and co-workers should not discriminate against you. If they do, then they are breaking the law as well. You might want to look up reviews of companies/organisations that you might apply for to get an idea of the type of environment or work culture. You don't have to stick with a job that makes you feel worse.
Are there any careers advice centres you could go to? Or maybe your university has a careers department? They might be able to help plan your next steps to make the transition into work smoother!
Maisy
2
Take part in a research study - Investigating students’ help seeking behaviour
Hi everyone,
One of our group chat moderators is doing a research study at the moment and wanted to share the opportunity with you all if you'd like to take part.
Here's a bit more information about the study:
One of our group chat moderators is doing a research study at the moment and wanted to share the opportunity with you all if you'd like to take part.
Here's a bit more information about the study:
We would be grateful if you could assist us by participating in our study investigating how much university students know about mental health (sometimes called mental health literacy) and the ways in which students access support (sometimes called help-seeking).
Student mental health has been identified as an area for concern by past research, and we aim to expand past findings by considering the experiences of both home and international students. We really hope that this information can be used to inform University support services and policies.
If you are interested in taking part in the online survey it will be anonymous and take roughly 15-minutes to complete. Following completion of the survey, you can choose to be entered into a prize draw to win a £5 amazon voucher.
If you are interested in taking part, please follow this link: https://forms.office.com/r/rT9Emurf6z
This study has received ethical approval by the University of Reading PCLS School Ethics Research
Committee, project 2021-130-AJ, end date 03/04/2022
TheMix
2
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