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AislingDM wrote: »

Thank you for bumping this and for being so super open with us, I am beyond grateful to learn from you right now I know you mentioned not being able to speak for all CE young people, but I am wondering if you have any insight on whether other adults in your life could have identified that you needed support sooner? like what do you think we should be looking out for to best support children, teens and young adults? (more than okay if you don't want to answer this tho!!) xx

Absolutely a fantastic question. As I said (and you mentioned!) I can only talk from my own experience but I have read some old report cards from primary and secondary school as well as my CAMHS and social work files. Also going from memory here.

I believe the first people who could've helped me was my primary 6 and 7 teachers. A lot of red flags were going off around about those years. I was often late for school, absent days were rising. I was noted as a quiet child. I struggled to form meaningful relationships with my peers but I was still doing well in school.

In P5 I started pulling my hair out and was referred to CAMHS through my GP.

I think my primary school head teacher also could have done a lot more for me.

P7 though was really when I think it should've been picked up. By this time I had been pulling my hair out for about 2 years. My attendance had started dropping, I was regularly late, I often didn't hand in homework and I didn't return school books. Another key thing here was I turned up bruised pretty regularly. I did a martial art too so it was often presumed that the bruises were from my sport, but that wasn't always the case and this was never investigated further.

I moved onto high school and again I never really fitted in with my peers. I struggled with hair loss and bad skin from my living conditions and again we received attendance letters from the head teacher showing concerns. I stayed at this school for 2 years and not once was anything raised. I remember in my English class, I'd shown up to class with a black eye. I'd genuinely been headbutted by my dog and when asked I did say this (to great amusement of my classmates) but again it was never investigated further, they just took me at my word.

I can't remember where on the timescale this was but it was pre 14 years old. A police officer had came because my neighbours got drunk and assaulted my dogs (threw bricks and wood at them) and the police actually came into my hallway. They never did anything about the living conditions even though the hallway was bare, had no flooring and was covered in dog urine and dusty everywhere. I still wonder to this day why they never did anything.

After those 2 years at my first high school, I moved to my next high school and my attendance got noticeably worse. We got called to an attendance officer meeting and my mum was threatened with jail. Looking back they were just trying to frighten me, but it didn't phase me. I can remember thinking that would be great for me if she went to jail.

I was perfectly capable when in class but I was late nearly every day that I wasn't absent and my attendance hit about <60%. I was missing assignments and never did homework but I always worked well in class. They put me in the support classroom to try and provide me with a better environment for me to work and catch up in. I ended up being dropped from my national 5 assessments to national 4.

Again nothing was questioned as to why I was always absent, late and missing work. I think if they'd actually taken the time to talk to me, built a relationship with me then they may have gotten somewhere with it.

I honestly think any professional that I came into contact with could've easily figured out what was going on if they'd taken the time to build a relationship with me. It's important to remember that even if a kid is being abused, it's likely all they know so they may not even realise it's wrong or they may not want to lose the only family they know.

I took about 2 years working with Childline before I built the courage to report my mum to social work, even then I still didn't fully receive the support I should've gotten.

In response to what to look out for, I think it can be anyone. It can be the trouble maker/class clown - they might be looking for the attention they don't receive at home, it could be the quiet one like me, who got on with everything and was well behaved for the most part. It can be the ones you don't notice.

Obvious things to look out for are clothes too small/dirty/smelly, unkept appearance, nervous, forgetting homework (I never received the support at home and didn't have the physical space to do homework, also things got lost due to my mum's hoarding), lack of uniform, possible distraction (can be caused by hunger, tiredness, additional needs or too much on their mind).

I think the ones you really need to look out for are the ones that go under the radar. The quiet ones who do everything that's asked of them.

In my SW files my headteacher described me as a bright girl and said there was no issues when I was in class but then went on to say that I could be manipulative at times (I was 14 btw at this point).

I think looking back, there was a lot of subtle warning signs and potential red flags that went amiss. It's frustrating to know that they could've removed me earlier.

I'd say when working with kids, be the role model and support system that you'd be for your own children - if just one of those professionals in my life had made an effort with me, I'd have felt more able to open up and ask for help sooner.

Just think, I chose to semi anonymously report my mum to a social work department that I knew nothing about, over teachers that I should've been able to open up to and trust.

I think I've answered your question but if I've missed anything or you've got further questions regarding what I've said, feel free to let me know!