Breakup

LolaPumpkin13 · October 14

i just really need some help i dont recognise myself anymore and im scared

LolaPumpkin13 · October 14

I’m just really scared of who I am I have friends I just don’t really see them but I just really lonely and I don’t know if I should go to places who do wellbeing cafes get to know people but it is just my trust issues

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

I’m just really scared where my future is heading tbh

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

i have no clue what to do

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

I want to get better but I don’t know how too and I’ve reached out to a lot of people

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

I just didn’t break up to do it for that but he is not coming back so I don’t know what to do

Nathan · October 15

@LolaPumpkin13 sorry for the slow reply, had a few things going on these last few days. It really is unfair that you're trying your best to reach out, but it's only been falling on deaf ears. It's not fair at all that you're trying to get better, but don't have any support to help you through that. I know this won't mean a huge amount, but it's not you're fault. The UK's mental health support ranks 2nd lowest globally for mental health: https://www.medboundtimes.com/medbound-blog/uk-grapples-with-second-worst-ranking

The lack of support and proper help when you've reached out before is not your fault, it's on the system which is letting you down. I really do get that everything must be incredibly scary, the future, how you see yourself, and so much more. It's valid to be feeling like that. This might not help, but i really do just want to remind you of the fact that you were trying to get help during the relationship, you are constantly still even now trying to better understand yourself and get support, and that isn't something that someone bad would do at all.

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

It’s ok and I just really have any good days anymore since he has left and stopped being in contact with me and thoughts just keep getting disturbing

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

There is just a lot more to it but I can’t do it anymore when I’ve tried I’ve tried to be a good person but clearly I’m not

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

I can’t do it anymore I’ve tried to get help and I’m getting nowhere I’m tired of living the same life everyday except only going to work

LolaPumpkin13 · October 15

Just feel like I’m not getting the help I live the same day everyday unless I go to work

LolaPumpkin13 · October 16

I just can’t keep living like this anymore and no one is listening

LolaPumpkin13 · October 16

The thoughts are getting worse and I can’t do it anymore

LolaPumpkin13 · October 16

He was my absolute everything

Katie · October 16

Hey @LolaPumpkin13 do you feel comfortable sharing what kind of thoughts you are having right now? It sounds like this breakup is impacting you a lot and maybe it feels like nobody is listening to you. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please know your feelings are important. If you did feel at any point that you were going to act on these thoughts, then we would urge you to call the emergency services on 999, or go to your local A&E department to explain your intentions to them, so that they can support you.

You're doing really well reaching out to our Community Lola and letting us know how you are coping with this breakup. I wonder if there's anybody in your personal life you've been able to share how you're feeling with?

I'll also pop a few organisations down below who offer one-to-one support and may be able to support you further:

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org

Shout is a free and confidential texting service that is open 24/7 that is there for anyone struggling with their mental health, and they can offer you crisis support. Text "THEMIX" to 85258.

Papyrus have a HOPELINE247 which is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide or for anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. You can call them on 0800 068 4141, text 88247, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org. Their webchat service is available when there is a chat bubble available on their website, this indicates that an adviser is available to talk to on webchat. They are available 24/7 and their suicide prevention advisers are ready to support you. For more details, visit https://www.papyrus-uk.org/papyrus-hopeline247/

LolaPumpkin13 · October 16

Ive had mutiple ambulance and never taken me to hospital so i just dont see the point anymore and ive told my dad everything as me and him are close and gives advice but he just intrustive thoughts but it messes with my life everyday im stuck indoors im upset

LolaPumpkin13 · October 17

I’ve had enough I’m going out because I’ve been on my own for months and I’ve stayed in I’ve tried getting better but not getting the help

LolaPumpkin13 · October 18

I really can’t take it anymore the thoughts are getting worse

Azziman · October 18

Hi @LolaPumpkin13, thank you for sharing your feelings with us here. I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through recently, and your feelings of frustration are valid. You're trying your best, and that counts. What you have to say matters, and you matter. @Katie has left some helpful resources if you want one-to-one support above - you deserve to be heard and supported through this.

How have you been feeling the last couple of days? You mention the thoughts getting worse, what does this look like for you? We're here to listen to you and support you.

Sian321 · October 18

Hi @LolaPumpkin13 , thank you for your messages here and for opening up as you have. You're doing so well to share these feelings out loud and reach out for support. We hear you, we see you, and we're all here as your Community to support you.

I noticed you said that you can't take it anymore, and it sounds like things are feeling really overwhelming and painful. We're going to drop you a Direct Message to check in.

Please know that the following organizations are here for you to provide support 1:1 if you're struggling to cope or feeling at a point of crisis:

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org

Shout is a free and confidential texting service that is open 24/7 that is there for anyone struggling with their mental health, and they can offer you crisis support. Text "THEMIX" to 85258.

Papyrus have a HOPELINE247 which is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide or for anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. You can call them on 0800 068 4141, text 88247, or email pat@papyrus-uk.org. Their webchat service is available when there is a chat bubble available on their website, this indicates that an adviser is available to talk to on webchat. They are available 24/7 and their suicide prevention advisers are ready to support you. For more details, visit https://www.papyrus-uk.org/papyrus-hopeline247/

How do you feel about contacting one of these spaces?

LolaPumpkin13 · October 18

Or that when I was with him and I was living in our new flat with family I just started finding other people attractive which worried me because I wasn’t like it so I don’t really go out because of it I struggle to work as I didn’t break up with him to do that but get better

LolaPumpkin13 · October 18

We also met at work but he left not long after I moved in here and I think that is where the worry came in of not getting attention of him

LolaPumpkin13 · October 19

I’m just so confused as it was never me

LolaPumpkin13 · October 19

I’m getting really angry probably at him

LolaPumpkin13 · October 19

I really give up at this point

LolaPumpkin13 · October 19

I don’t know what I want anymore I don’t want my career anymore that I worked so hard for I don’t want my current job anymore I don’t want to work anymore or do anything

LolaPumpkin13 · October 20

I just feel really angry and I’m scared

LolaPumpkin13 · October 20

I’ve gone to his house a couple of months ago when he came back from his holiday to sort things out which obviously I shouldn’t of done but I’m just a bit worried about the future

shannon_164 · October 20

hey @LolaPumpkin13 🙂

i’ve just had a wee quick look through your thread and it seems like you’ve been experiencing a really difficult time recently - how are you feeling now?

i know it can be hard to be asked questions like this, but just when you say that you give up at this point, would you like to share more about what you mean by that? no pressure to share unless you’re comfy doing so! sometimes when people say about giving up it can mean that they are experiencing suicidal thoughts so i just want to check in and ask if you’re feeling safe currently?

just in case you need i’m going to pop some support options here - please use them if you need!

if you’re feeling unsafe pls reach out for immediate support from the following:
nhs 111 - england / scotland / wales (option 2 for mental health)

phone first - northern ireland (8am-6pm monday-friday; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

out of hours - northern ireland (6pm-7:30am monday-friday, 24/7 weekends; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

999 - england / scotland / wales / northern ireland

uk helplines - some of these are specific to england / scotland / wales / northern ireland & also depend on age too:
childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

hopeline (24/7) - text 88247

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

i’m really proud of you for reaching out here for support and sharing how you’re feeling as it isn’t easy doing that - you matter so much in this world

LolaPumpkin13 · October 21

I’m not really doing ok no and I’m not sure on how to get better

Breakup

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