Breakup

LolaPumpkin13

It’s my fault and I want to be better but I don’t know how

LolaPumpkin13

I kinda of want him back but he doesn’t want me which is heartbreaking but I can’t keeping living like this

LolaPumpkin13

I think it was because I only had him but I didn’t stop him from going anywhere just didn’t feel comfortable with him having girls on his phone because of my past trauma

LolaPumpkin13

I have friends but I’m not the type of person that goes out but maybe I need to do that

LolaPumpkin13

Meet some friends

LolaPumpkin13

I give up

Azziman

Hey @LolaPumpkin13, sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. We're here to listen to you and support you through this. Thank you for having the courage to keep talking about how you feel here, it can be a difficult thing to do.

I can hear that you're finding the current situation difficult to live through, and that's understandable given the pain that you've expressed. You've mentioned meeting friends, which can be helpful to take your mind off things for a little while and get support - how would you feel about reaching out to friends to do this?

LolaPumpkin13

I’m just not getting any better

Sian321

@LolaPumpkin13 , thank you for making these posts. How are you doing today? I noticed you said, 'I give up' - and I wondered what you mean by this? Can I check that you're feeling able to stay safe at the moment?

I noticed you reflecting on how your experiences of past trauma might have led you to feel uncomfortable with your ex having other girls on his phone, and you're doing so well to explore this with self-awareness and curiosity. What I'm hearing is that those past traumas have been really impactful, and perhaps left you with a sense of fear around what could happen if someone you love is talking to other women. I wonder, have you ever had the opportunity to receive any support and help processing those past traumas? You're so deserving of time and compassion around those experiences, and it sounds like they might have been very hurtful.

LolaPumpkin13

I did try counselling when I was with him but because I was living in hotels moving around constantly going to work spending time with him I couldn’t do it

Sian321

I hear you, @LolaPumpkin13 , it sounds like it was hard to find a 'flow' with your counsellor due to all the changes happening in your living situation and demands on your time. Is counselling / therapy something you're still interested in exploring, or maybe not at the moment?

LolaPumpkin13

Yh I was doing it with the mix but I had some issues with my phone number and just getting up for it

LolaPumpkin13

When I’ve been told to distract myself when it was my fault in the relationship I just want to be better

LolaPumpkin13

I just want to be happy again

LolaPumpkin13

I just want to heal

LolaPumpkin13

I can’t do it anymore I’ve been waiting for therapy for months