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Scared (may trigger)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am petrified, the voices have got even worse and I dont know how to deal with it, they get me to do things that I hate doing, they have made the images worse im just not sure how much more I cant take before I successfully end my life coz its too hard to deal with, I want my head to shut up its too loud, im sorry
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I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible and desperate but posting leaving suicidal notes on here will not help you, it isn't what thesite is for. please access some help. do you have a care co-ordinator, or a crisis team, something like that?
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seriously you should not be babysitting in the state you're in. please ring whoever it is you're babysitting for and tell them you're feeling sick and you need to go home. if somebody was babysitting my children who was struggling to cope and hearing voices I would not be happy, and be worried about their safety and my children's. then try and go to a&e.
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I agree with fireyfirenze, if you're feeling so low I really don't think you should be looking after children. Sometimes children can make you feel worse if you're already feeling low and they try to test your patience. This isn't what you need right now, you need to talk to a professional about this because if you did try to take your life yesterday, and you did end up in hospital, you could do it again and nobody wants that.
Most baby sitters have an emergency contact number you can call if you can't get access to their parents, were you give one? Like external family, etc? But to be fair, it sounds like the first part of call would be getting support for yourself without the stress of the children, could you contact work places/etc?
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" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
RING THE PARENT. I'm sure if you say voices are telling you to hurt their child they would be home like a flash, work or no work. ring the police even! tell them you need help.
god you are frustrating. if anything happened to that baby you would never forgive yourself. ring your mum, ring some family, ring a friend, ask somebody to take over. DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
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" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Even though you're saying now, that you won't hurt the child, the future is unpredictable, you still have urges towards hurting the baby. Which is rather worrying to hear. Call the number for the parent, pass a message on, and ask for someone who can look after the children, it might be worth taking emergency numbers for the future when you are stable enough to baby sit. There must be someone to look after the children. Phone an ambulance, and then they should find someone to take care of the children.
It's no good writing that here - you need to DO something. Call an ambulance / phone the parents / call a crisis team. YOU are in control of your actions, noone else. And it's YOU that needs to do something.
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What are you going to do once she is home?
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Calling her an attention seeker won't help but a lot of u seem to like attention too if ur calling her one.
Im not making excuses or anything but what I want to say and what I need I dont know how to put it into words its there in my head but I cant get it out! I hate being like this ysh....
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I don't think your opinion matters to anyone. You can hardly say anything judging by the comments you have been making recently in other peoples threads.
Just write it down as it is in your head. It doesn't matter if it's not in paragraphs, or worded properly, just write down exactly what you're thinking. Maybe you could rearrange the words once it's down on paper.