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Scared (may trigger)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am petrified, the voices have got even worse and I dont know how to deal with it, they get me to do things that I hate doing, they have made the images worse im just not sure how much more I cant take before I successfully end my life coz its too hard to deal with, I want my head to shut up its too loud, im sorry

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you need to get help from other sources than the board. can you go to a&e?

    I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible and desperate but posting leaving suicidal notes on here will not help you, it isn't what thesite is for. please access some help. do you have a care co-ordinator, or a crisis team, something like that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wasnt meant it that way leaving suicidal notes im just asking for help advice support? I do have a care co-ordinator but I cant speak to her at weekends and she is ill at the moment... I can ring the crisis team but they are useless, I cant go to a&e coz im babysitting right now and all I can think about is the voices and images....

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you posted in the need a hug thread the other day suggesting you were going to commit suicide and this post sounds similar at the end.

    seriously you should not be babysitting in the state you're in. please ring whoever it is you're babysitting for and tell them you're feeling sick and you need to go home. if somebody was babysitting my children who was struggling to cope and hearing voices I would not be happy, and be worried about their safety and my children's. then try and go to a&e.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i did and i did end up in hospital. I cant phone them as they are working they wont be able to come home until 4, what good will going to a&e do? I dont understand that,

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you need immediate help, so going to a&e is a better option as we can't give you that here. You said you posted for advice and support, so our advice is to go to a&e as they can help you.

    I agree with fireyfirenze, if you're feeling so low I really don't think you should be looking after children. Sometimes children can make you feel worse if you're already feeling low and they try to test your patience. This isn't what you need right now, you need to talk to a professional about this because if you did try to take your life yesterday, and you did end up in hospital, you could do it again and nobody wants that.
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Yeah i did and i did end up in hospital. I cant phone them as they are working they wont be able to come home until 4, what good will going to a&e do? I dont understand that,

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    Most baby sitters have an emergency contact number you can call if you can't get access to their parents, were you give one? Like external family, etc? But to be fair, it sounds like the first part of call would be getting support for yourself without the stress of the children, could you contact work places/etc?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I onli have a number for the parent, I cant leave the kids they are so good and well behaved but now im scared coz the voices are telling me to hurt the 6month old baby and im fighting against it I really am... I wouldnt hurt the baby please dont think that I would....

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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Wow you need to contact somebody rght away. Its quite concerning what your saying.

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    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this is my last post in this thread, partly cos I'm sceptical that you like attention and partly because you are not listening.

    RING THE PARENT. I'm sure if you say voices are telling you to hurt their child they would be home like a flash, work or no work. ring the police even! tell them you need help.

    god you are frustrating. if anything happened to that baby you would never forgive yourself. ring your mum, ring some family, ring a friend, ask somebody to take over. DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I agree with FireyFirenze. You need to take control of this situation.

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    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    I onli have a number for the parent, I cant leave the kids they are so good and well behaved but now im scared coz the voices are telling me to hurt the 6month old baby and im fighting against it I really am... I wouldnt hurt the baby please dont think that I would....

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    Even though you're saying now, that you won't hurt the child, the future is unpredictable, you still have urges towards hurting the baby. Which is rather worrying to hear. Call the number for the parent, pass a message on, and ask for someone who can look after the children, it might be worth taking emergency numbers for the future when you are stable enough to baby sit. There must be someone to look after the children. Phone an ambulance, and then they should find someone to take care of the children.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I onli have a number for the parent, I cant leave the kids they are so good and well behaved but now im scared coz the voices are telling me to hurt the 6month old baby and im fighting against it I really am... I wouldnt hurt the baby please dont think that I would....

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    It's no good writing that here - you need to DO something. Call an ambulance / phone the parents / call a crisis team. YOU are in control of your actions, noone else. And it's YOU that needs to do something.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am listening to everything that u all are saying I really am, I have rung the parent and she will be home shortly, I know I am in control of my actions I know I am, I panicked okaii and completely lost on what I should do... thank you...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am listening to everything that u all are saying I really am, I have rung the parent and she will be home shortly, I know I am in control of my actions I know I am, I panicked okaii and completely lost on what I should do... thank you...

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    What are you going to do once she is home?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have a few things that people have said.....

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No really, what are you going to do when she gets home? Because if I were a friend, I'd call an ambulance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didnt tell her the real reason I said I was feeling sick I cant and wont tell her the real reason, im home now relapsed rang the crisis team...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So what's happening now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing coz stupid me lied to crisis team I said that I would be fine

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you actually want help or not? I must admit I don't understand why you constantly make threads like this looking for advice and then don't get help when people advise you to. I'm starting to think you like the attention. Seriously, if you're that bad you need to go to a and e
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do want help I really really do but once I speak to someone I freeze and cant say anything I cant help it... im not doing this for the attention at all I hate getting attention oh I dont know what im saying im not making much sense I will ring them again...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just tell them everything, failing that ring for an ambulance and tell them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How tho? I know that sounds stupid but soon as I hear them on the phone I freeze and tell them something completely different why do I do it?

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you rung them again?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah waiting for a call back...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How about you have a think of what you want/need to say and write it all down in a post on here? And then you can read it out once you're on the phone rather than having to think on the spot?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Do you actually want help or not? I must admit I don't understand why you constantly make threads like this looking for advice and then don't get help when people advise you to. I'm starting to think you like the attention. Seriously, if you're that bad you need to go to a and e

    Calling her an attention seeker won't help but a lot of u seem to like attention too if ur calling her one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How about you have a think of what you want/need to say and write it all down in a post on here? And then you can read it out once you're on the phone rather than having to think on the spot?


    Im not making excuses or anything but what I want to say and what I need I dont know how to put it into words its there in my head but I cant get it out! I hate being like this ysh....

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lorna666 wrote: »
    Calling her an attention seeker won't help but a lot of u seem to like attention too if ur calling her one.

    I don't think your opinion matters to anyone. You can hardly say anything judging by the comments you have been making recently in other peoples threads.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not making excuses or anything but what I want to say and what I need I dont know how to put it into words its there in my head but I cant get it out!

    Just write it down as it is in your head. It doesn't matter if it's not in paragraphs, or worded properly, just write down exactly what you're thinking. Maybe you could rearrange the words once it's down on paper.
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