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Scared (may trigger)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its coz I spoke about them to someone, im trying different techniques but not working atm but im working on it...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Trying is good though, at least you're trying.

    If you keep trying as hard as you are, things will most probably get better eventually.

    You're not alone.
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    MrsMcelderry wrote: »
    Its coz I spoke about them to someone, im trying different techniques but not working atm but im working on it...

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    Hey MrsM,

    Just read over your past few posts, and wanted to give you a little reach out, and echo what alternative users have said, you've taken an amazing step by continuously posting on here, which is amazing :) It's also great to see you working towards a goal, what techniques have you used to distract yourself? Maybe we could explore alternative ways to using that coping strategy for example, Mindfulness. Have you even given Mindfulness a go?

    But remember, it's about getting support at your pace, and taking one step at a time, and were always here for you :heart:

    Best wishes,
    Angel
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks all, I got detained again wednesday and got home late last night, I just feel worthless :'(, I just dont want to be here anymore, they are so so loud I cant control them.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear about the other night.

    Have you started the new meds yet?

    Try to remember they are in your head. I understand that must be easier said than done but they can' hurt you. You control your life, not them.

    We're here to listen *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Mrs,

    I'm sorry to hear you where detained on Wednesday. Do you want to tell us what happened?!

    Also, was you able to be honest to the people that spoke/discharged you with how the voices are making you feel etc?

    Best wishes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was babysitting once again and I know what ur thinking, I went for a walk and ended up on top of a building ready to jump as I was about to jump 2 coppers spoke to me and got me away from the edge then they handcuffed me and searched me then put me in the cage in the van and took me to fountain way hospital, I didnt get seen by the doctor until 5pm lastnight I told him about the voices what they say and make me do and that if I get sent home I would try and try again until I succeed but he still sent me home. Philippa rang me today and she was angry with me coz I babysat again even though I shouldnt of, I see her tuesday and im dreading it she has never been angry with me before. Sorry im rambling ignore me...

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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    MrsMcelderry wrote: »
    I was babysitting once again and I know what ur thinking, I went for a walk and ended up on top of a building ready to jump as I was about to jump 2 coppers spoke to me and got me away from the edge then they handcuffed me and searched me then put me in the cage in the van and took me to fountain way hospital, I didnt get seen by the doctor until 5pm lastnight I told him about the voices what they say and make me do and that if I get sent home I would try and try again until I succeed but he still sent me home. Philippa rang me today and she was angry with me coz I babysat again even though I shouldnt of, I see her tuesday and im dreading it she has never been angry with me before. Sorry im rambling ignore me...

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    Hello MrsMcelderry,

    Sounds like you've had a fairly difficult day, things sound rather overwhelming, I'm glad you were able to reach out for support on here though, that's an amazing step to take :) - It's always scary having cops talk to you, and being unsure of what action their going to take, but it's about taking it one step at a time, sounds like they were trying to keep you safe. You said you spoke to someone at hospital, again, WELL DONE - Did the doctor offer any form of support you can contact over the next few weeks?

    Maybe it's worth taking a break from baby sitting for now, MrsMcelderry, and allow yourself to focus on yourself, and your recovery. How do you feel about that? :)

    Best wishes,
    Angel
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really really don't think you should be babysitting hon, for their safety and yours.

    I'm glad you was able to speak out, and I think you should go to your GP and beg for support. They should refer you to the mh team and get you an appointment for there on.

    Also, I'd have a think about voluntarily going into inpatient so you're not alone and you have people who will support you and help you through it. You'd also be a lot safer.

    Well done for speaking out, that was really brave of you *hug*


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was suppose to my little cousins tomorrow but my older cousin (their mum) has said she doesnt want to take the risk and put me near them while im like this, also she said if I dont get my self better she will jump off a big tall church, I cant let that happen to her so ill jump before her! Im sorry :'(....

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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I guess she just wants to make sure everybody involved is safe, yourself and the children. It's very wise for you not to be around the children when you are like this, even though it can seem tough to think about.

    I am sorry that she said that to you about jumping, that must of been very tough for you to hear. Do you think she may need some support too?

    Stay strong, you can get through this. You will get yourself better and back to babysitting.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    MrsMcelderry wrote: »
    I was suppose to my little cousins tomorrow but my older cousin (their mum) has said she doesnt want to take the risk and put me near them while im like this, also she said if I dont get my self better she will jump off a big tall church, I cant let that happen to her so ill jump before her! Im sorry :'(....

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    Hello MrsMcelderry,

    It's strange, but I've always found is useless when people say 'If you jump I'll jump' or vice versa, but you get where I'm coming from, it's a massive strain on the person, so I would imagine being told that if you didn't get yourself better, she would jump would of been quite difficult to deal with. How did you feel when she had said that to you?

    However it does sound like she really does want to look after you, and her own children, and it sounds like you could really do with a break from baby sitting.

    As you're aware, many people on here care about you, and we know that recovery is about taking slow steps in comparison to large jumps at once. You've been involved with a lot of police, and hospital things since getting support on here, have you been offered external support, for example, counselling? :)

    It might help having someone there to talk to and an ear to heard with, but remember were here for you! *hug*'s! Maybe you could do something to distract yourself for now, do you like drawing? Or something creative, I'm a large fan of painting!

    Best wishes,
    Angel
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrsMcelderry wrote: »
    also she said if I dont get my self better she will jump off a big tall church

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    This is really unfair on you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sorry....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrsMcelderry wrote: »
    Im sorry....

    Why are you apologising?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For everything....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have no reason to apologise.

    Hugs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do... im wasting everyones time I dont deserve anything...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do you think that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not worthy enough...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course you are, you're just as important as everyone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not.. why are u being so nice to me? When I upset u....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I care, as do a lot of other people on here, and you are an important and valued member of this community.

    You didn't upset me, I think we both just over reacted. That's in the past anyway, everyday is a new day.

    I don't think you said before, have you started the new meds yet?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did start them but now they have taken me off them they aint sure if they are the right ones

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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey MrsMcelderry,

    Sorry to hear you're still struggling, but do keep reaching out to us. SophiePea mentioned a few days ago, keeping a happy jar, with positive memories in, have you considered doing that, looking back at the positives, as their must be some, even if their just little ones, like having someone to talk to on here? :)

    You said you aren't worthy enough, or don't deserve anything, would you be able to tell us a bit more and why you feel that way? It might also help to look at it as though someone else was in your shoes, would they not be worthy of anything, neither?

    You do deserve stuff, you deserve the support on here, and you deserve a lot more! Do you currently do any general volunteering, for example working with the community in like garden projects and stuff? :) - I find getting involved in those to be very helpful at times as well as a way to distract myself for a bit. As well as random chats with friends.

    I'm surprised they took your medication of you so quickly, how long did they give it to you to try out? :) When do you next see your GP?

    Look after yourself lovely and please do keep reaching out,

    Best wishes,
    Angel
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Angel** wrote: »
    Hey MrsMcelderry,

    Sorry to hear you're still struggling, but do keep reaching out to us. SophiePea mentioned a few days ago, keeping a happy jar, with positive memories in, have you considered doing that, looking back at the positives, as their must be some, even if their just little ones, like having someone to talk to on here? :)

    You said you aren't worthy enough, or don't deserve anything, would you be able to tell us a bit more and why you feel that way? It might also help to look at it as though someone else was in your shoes, would they not be worthy of anything, neither?

    You do deserve stuff, you deserve the support on here, and you deserve a lot more! Do you currently do any general volunteering, for example working with the community in like garden projects and stuff? :) - I find getting involved in those to be very helpful at times as well as a way to distract myself for a bit. As well as random chats with friends.

    I'm surprised they took your medication of you so quickly, how long did they give it to you to try out? :) When do you next see your GP?

    Look after yourself lovely and please do keep reaching out,

    Best wishes,
    Angel

    I have tried the happy jar I look at all the positive things and it just wont register in my head, I mean look at me my family hates me everyone is angry with me for getting detained even people on here are angry and doesnt really want to reply to me but they do coz they have nothing else better to do.

    I dont deserve anything Angel I really really dont I mean why do I? I am part of the Anxiety and Depression project with youthnet. I was onli on them for a few days but all they done was made me sleepy and unwell so they took me off them and I have to wait for a phone call from the doc to see whats what, but the doc I saw who discharged me from hospital says medication isnt the thing I need right now,

    I just dont see the point anymore. If I dont get better my cousin will jump and kill herself I dont want that at all she has 3 kids to think about I have noone so if I die noone will miss me or even care that ive gone...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your cousin should not have said that, but I think her reason for saying that is because she's worried about you and wants you to get better. To me it's clear that she is one person who definitely does care about you and will miss you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sorry everyone but I cant do this! Love u all <3

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You always say that yet here you are still.

    If you're feeling suicidal you need to get help, I suggest going to a&e.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats a&e gunna do?

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