Want to tell us about your experiences using The Mix and be in with a chance of winning a £200 Amazon Voucher? Click here to go to our survey!
We are now trialing a points system in an effort to be clearer about the consequences for breaking community guidelines. Head over to this thread to find out more and give your feedback :)

Is this wrong?????

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all

I went out and got plastered last night, and ended up loosing all my mates in the club. I was texting this guy from work (just as mates) and he said 4 me 2 go round his cus i didn't wanna go home cus i dont really get on with my flat mate and like to stay outta the flat as much as i can, and i hate going back there drunk.

Anyway, went to my mates at about 2am and ended up crashing out in his double bed, the memory is a bit patchy, but for some reason i didnt have my shorts on?! yet i still had my bra and top and just a thong. i dont remember if i took my shorts off or what but for some reason i didnt have them on. i don't fancy this guy at all and i have never given him any sort of come on at all but i remember passing out drunk and when i woke up he had his hand down my thong and his fingers inside me :eek: i didnt let him know i had woke up, i was so embarased, so i lay still and he thought i was still asleep.... i then passed back out as i was so drunk and in the morning he did it again, he thought i was asleep again but i woke up as soon as he touched me. he un hooked my bra and touched my breasts and put his hand down my thong. he also moved my hand and put it on his dick....this went on for about 10 mins, then he got up and had a shower. i was sitting up in the bed when he came back and he jst acted normal.

i work with this guy, im guna be so embarased when i see him at work, even though he don't know that i know.
«1

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes. It's wrong. To all intents and purposes, it's sexual assault.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Olive wrote: »
    Yes. It's wrong. To all intents and purposes, it's sexual assault.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what am i meant to do/say at work when i see him??? ignore him? or act normal??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I honestly don't know what to say, here...

    Difficult to comment, as 1. I wouldn't have just let him get away with that at the time, and 2. I'd have probably decked the guy. :(

    Perhaps take him to one side and tell him that you know what he did to you, and you are really not happy about it. Tell him that you're not interested in him, and that he has possibly ruined your friendship. Beyond that, I don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a very very tough question that.

    What he did is called indecent assault, it is very very wrong and is a serious sexual assault. But we all know that if you try and take it to the police or anything like that you'll be laughed out of the building. A drunk woman coming to his house in a thong, of course you wanted to be assaulted :rolleyes:

    If I were you I would tell him discreetly that you know what happened, you don't like him like that and that you hope next time he'll wait until you're awake. But I wouldn't go shouting to all about what he did, because you'll be the one who gets hurt. But equally acting normal is probably quite a sensible action.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i think when i see him at work 2mo im just going to be like "oh i was sooooo drunk the other night, i dont remember a thing!" and then just leave it. im far 2 embarased 2 say anything. will just make sure i dont crash round there again! :nervous:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    will just make sure i dont crash round there again! :nervous:

    That would be an excellent idea. You should really try avoiding situations that can get you in trouble like this. Either that, or try choosing your friends better (I know, easier said than done, but...).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah you are right, i never expected him to do that though!

    i do get myself into some sticky situations when drunk, end up in random places etc
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have any girl friends that you could use as a crash pad, instead of guys? That could help a bit.

    If you're not getting on with your housemate, you could look into finding somewhere new to live. It's pointless paying money for somewhere you don't like being, if there are other options available. This would seem the most sensible solution as it would solve a lot of issues.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah im looking to move out in June. And for some reason i tend to be mates with mainly guys, they are a lot friendlier, but i suspect that is for reasons more than friendship. umm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    Yeah im looking to move out in June. And for some reason i tend to be mates with mainly guys, they are a lot friendlier, but i suspect that is for reasons more than friendship. umm.

    Hahaha, yeah, that is sometimes a risk...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yea, the techy term for that is rape.

    It's definitely his fault, because you did nothing wrong. But keep in mind: if you weren't so fucking plastered you would have had more memory and chances to handle the situation better (i.e. not passing out and telling him that's not fucking on). Again: stuff like that happens with men of low morals and it's disgusting, but you took the chance from yourself to defend you from it.

    btw. Maybe it's just me, but if a girl texts me like that (when she's out and had alcohol) and comes back to my place, I would think it's a booty call too. So better make it clear from the beginning that nothings happening. I would then make a separate bed for you, have a happy wank and sleep blissfully.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Perhaps take him to one side and tell him that you know what he did to you, and you are really not happy about it. Tell him that you're not interested in him, and that he has possibly ruined your friendship. Beyond that, I don't know.

    thats exactly what i would do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    i do get myself into some sticky situations when drunk, end up in random places etc

    I'm glad you said that, I didn't really want to mention it, but you should consider drinking less if you're passing out. Especially as you keep getting prosecuted for D&D.

    Strubble, you might be right, but what sort of cunt starts fingering a girl who's out cold?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    I'm glad you said that, I didn't really want to mention it, but you should consider drinking less if you're passing out. Especially as you keep getting prosecuted for D&D.

    Strubble, you might be right, but what sort of cunt starts fingering a girl who's out cold?

    I have to agree with all of this.

    There *are* some nasty fuckers out there in this world, you know this full well, as you've just got rid of one. You've got to help yourself first though, in not getting yourself into these situations, as there will always be somebody out there willing to take advantage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would at least tell him you were awake and knew what happened, even if its just a quiet word. That'll hopefully get through to the idiot. If you say nothing he'll think he got away with it and god knows what else he could do to the next girl.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    I would at least tell him you were awake and knew what happened, even if its just a quiet word. That'll hopefully get through to the idiot. If you say nothing he'll think he got away with it and god knows what else he could do to the next girl.

    I'd do this. I would let him know you were awake and what a twat he is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote: »
    I would at least tell him you were awake and knew what happened, even if its just a quiet word. That'll hopefully get through to the idiot. If you say nothing he'll think he got away with it and god knows what else he could do to the next girl.

    Or, he could swing it back on her and say "you must have been enjoying it blah blah", or some other crap. It's a hard one to play, especially if you don't have the confidence to deal with it very upfront. Hopefully it would have the desired effect, though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he didnt see anything wrong with it when he thought she was asleep. I dont think he's going to change his mind too much if he finds out she was awake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it is wrong. He shouldnt have done it.
    Im inclined to think that he may have thought you were up for it by sleeping with him in his bed in your underwear. DO you think he was trying to wake you up? Did you get the impression that he stopped after he realised/thought you werent going to wake up? Or did you get the impression that he was just after touching you as much as he could whilst you were out cold?

    I think sleeping with guys in their bed in your underwear, is really blurring the lines for them and is easily open to misinterpretation about whether you want sex or not, and whilst it "shouldnt" be like that, If you give those sort of mixed signals, then you really increase the risk of getting into situations that you really dont want to be in
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to say anything to him about it, as Suzy said, i was asleep in his bed in my underware (obviously because i was drunk, i would never do that sober) so he might of thought that was what was on the cards. my memory of it is a bit patchy where i was drunk but i knew i was deffo asleep when he started, he must of known i was asleep cus i snore really badly.

    I'm just going to avoid him at work and forget about the whole thing.

    I get drunk all the time since living in Portsmouth, theres not really much else to do. I spend all my cash on drink and as Kermit mentioned before i was up in court once for drunk and disordly. I wake up with brusies on me and i don't know how they got there plus in the past few weeks i have lost FOUR coats when out! I wake up with random numbers on my phone and get told i did things i have NO recolection on. i know its not big and and its not clever but i just can't help myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing wrong with getting drunk, but you have to do it in moderation. I had a wicked time when I moved to London, but I never got myself in trouble (maybe once or twice, but only minor - like being sick and having to get off the night bus, halfway home in the middle of the Old Kent Road, not nice). Just have to keep your head in gear.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youve been through a lot lately, and it sounds as if youve always used alcohol as your prop. You have to make a decision at some point about when enough is enough.
    Drinking isnt all there is to do, although it might be all you really want to do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, nowt wrong with getting bladdered, you've just got to learn to stay within your limits.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He shouldnt have done it but as posted before you were layed out almost naked on his bed which gives me an impression you wernt too fussed (you were drunk thats why i guess)

    but id talk to him tell him what you know and ..even as this is bad id still keep it secret and warn him never to do it again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »
    I'm not going to say anything to him about it, as Suzy said, i was asleep in his bed in my underware (obviously because i was drunk, i would never do that sober)

    That said, do you know if you took your trousers off?
    I'm just going to avoid him at work and forget about the whole thing.

    That's probably best. Any confrontation and it'll be you who gets hurt. It shouldn't be like that, but it is :(
    i know its not big and and its not clever but i just can't help myself.

    Have you considered talking to your GP or someone like AA about your drinking? If you are regularly getting so drunk you're passing out, you're leaving yourself in a really bad position. There's no shame in admitting that you're in trouble with your drinking, it's actually a really brave thing to do to admit you've got a problem. I'm worried that you'll end up getting really badly hurt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    That said, do you know if you took your trousers off?

    QUOTE]


    You know, i was questioning this myself eairler. i don't remember taking off my shorts, i mean, why would i just randomly take off my shorts and go 2 bed in a thong, a bra and a top? but just because i dont remember taking them off that dont mean i didnt. i was seriously hammered and i always suffer memory loss when drinking.

    About the drinking... i dont think i have a problem as such, just am a huge binge drinker... can't go out without HAVING to get drunk. i mix my drinks on purpose 2 get wasted, i drink red wine because i know it fucks me up, and sometimes i don't eat before i go out so i can get drunk for cheaper. i cant really have any fun unless im drunk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    I'm glad you said that, I didn't really want to mention it, but you should consider drinking less if you're passing out. Especially as you keep getting prosecuted for D&D.

    Strubble, you might be right, but what sort of cunt starts fingering a girl who's out cold?

    That's true and I in no way defend him or blame her, I was afraid it might come over like that. Yea, cunts like that exist, you have to accept that. And because we do not live in an ideal world it is a wise choice if you are in a condition where you can handle that stuff (first off all, do not pass out).

    that's all. (yea, really agree with suzy there)

    /e: that doesn't mean you have to stay half-way sober, just always have a back-up plan since the beginning. Like, taxi, a girl/gay/reputable friend you can crash, friends who bring you home and stuff like that. Being in the middle of nowhere, drunk as shit and tired is really uncomfortable, I know that. So make a plan how to come home in time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ±Lover± wrote: »

    About the drinking... i dont think i have a problem as such, just am a huge binge drinker... can't go out without HAVING to get drunk. i mix my drinks on purpose 2 get wasted, i drink red wine because i know it fucks me up, and sometimes i don't eat before i go out so i can get drunk for cheaper. i cant really have any fun unless im drunk

    Meh, I think most of us can relate to that. You just have to know your limits, each person is different.
    I certainly went through a stage where I'd never remember going home....got myself in a few silly situations, got out in the wrong suburb in a taxi ride home once, had to walk for an hour. And once I was getting a lift home from a sober mate, and I just jumped out of the car at the traffic lights and legged it. Just dissapeared down some alley. Woke up in my bed with cuts all over me, my clothes still on e.t.c.... don't remember any of it.
    After a while though, situations like this occur, and it can be quite embarrasing. Epsescially that 'Oh fuck...what did I do?' feeling when you wake up. You learn to not drink quite as much, to avoid shit like this. You can still get drunk and have a laugh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    You learn to not drink quite as much, to avoid shit like this. You can still get drunk and have a laugh.

    Unfortunately, there are some guys who will still try it on even if a girl is still quite clearly sober. Classic example, a mutual friend of mine and my then boyfriend's. This 'friend' was so drunk he asked to stay at my flat as he had work the next day and there was over an hour's wait for a taxi back to his. I agreed thinking nothing of it, then he decided I was so drunk I would agree to a one night stand - I'd only had a couple of drinks myself. Obviously I told him where to go and he eventually got kicked out, but only after he'd managed to pin me down and take half my clothes off. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since.

    I don't really know what the solution is, but clearly what this guy did to Lover was way out of order and it appears he's got some serious issues rather than being the type who gets drunk and misreads the signs. I guess by keeping a relatively clear head you can at least stand up for yourself in some of the situations where the guy is just being opportunistic rather than a complete a$$hole.
Sign In or Register to comment.