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Is this wrong?????

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really know what the solution is, but clearly what this guy did to Lover was way out of order and it appears he's got some serious issues rather than being the type who gets drunk and misreads the signs. I guess by keeping a relatively clear head you can at least stand up for yourself in some of the situations where the guy is just being opportunistic rather than a complete a$$hole.

    You're right. Despite what I said about not getting as drunk, and despite the fact that getting into his bed with your underwear on is leading him on... it still gives him no excuse to do that whilst you were sleeping. That's fucked up, pretty much rape.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    That's true and I in no way defend him or blame her, I was afraid it might come over like that.

    I knew what you meant, and I kind of agree, even though a man should never try and have sex with a passed out women.

    And, for what it's worth, from what Lover's said I'm not convinced she took her own clothes off.

    On a slight tangent, I genuinely don't understand why men would want to have sex with a passed out girl, unless they get off on raping someone. Half the fun of sex is having a fully co-operative woman telling you what a lovely boy you are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As Suzy said, you've been through a lot recently and you're bound to be a bit up and down emotionally.
    I can relate to the drinking as i went through a phase when i was 18-21 of drinking heavily at weekends. I was young, insecure and stupid to be honest and never thought about what effect it could have in long run. I think you just seriously need to sit down and start thinking things through.
    You've had a tough ride with the tosser you were with before but this move to portsmouth was for you to sort your life out. At the moment it seems like you've pushed the self destruct button a bit. Can't blame you, we all do it in some form or other but this episode should really be a wake up call to you about your drinking and the way you're handling things. What that lad did was wrong, very wrong. But if you carry on with the binge drinking/passing out you could find youself in a lot worse situation :( I was lucky as a kid that i didn't get myself into worse scrapes but i look back now and it horrifies me the risks i took and the situations i got myself into. I always thought i was street savvy as a kid but i was just another drunk naive gobshite. :yeees: (not meaning you are by the way) :)
    I just think emotionally and mentally you need to try and get yourself back on track and try not to use the drink as your crutch to get you through the bad/boring times. I'm sorry this dickhead has abused your friendship and you, i'd just stay the hell away from him and ignore him. If he brings up the night just tell him straight that you've had flashbacks, you remember parts of it and you're disgusted.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion
    Hey, really great to see the totally sound advice in this thread so I won't stick my oar in, but just wanted to direct people to this video on drinking sensibly.

    I absolutely agree that this guy's behaviour is the main issue here, but it did strike me what you were saying about binge drinking Lover. You've made a great step by acknowledging the issue and there's no reason why you can't make steps to enjoy drinking safely. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Hey, really great to see the totally sound advice in this thread so I won't stick my oar in, but just wanted to direct people to this video on drinking sensibly.

    I really wish this is some 50s educational video with a very groomed gentleman in a suit and with a parting in the hair. It should be black and white, grainy and the visuals should be a bit shaky and in the background there is gramophone music.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey

    I went into work ready to avoid him but it was his day off 2day, he is in tomorow though..... if he mentions anything about the other night i might just say i had had a few flashbacks but am not 2 sure what happened but something don't feel right. i cringe whenever anybody mentions his name at work but i have not told anybody, apart from one guy, a good mate of mine, to get his opinion on it. He said it was abuse and i should never go round there again. i made him promise not to tell anybody.

    thanks for the video, i watched it and it makes sence but i know i'm not going to stop getting wasted... i'm going out again 2moro and am already planning on what way i'm going to get drunk the quickest. i know its normal for young people to do that but it pisses me off that i always have 2 go too far and never remember the night and end up in random places. im like that girl from that "know your limits" advert with smudged make up and sick in her hair. i have only been living in pompey for a month and a half and i am already known at work as "the girl who drinks loads". we all laugh about it but i wish i could go out and don't feel like i have 2 do shots and down wine to have a good time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't get how you can be so calm about this, surely you want to rip his head off and shit down his neck or even kick him in the baws.. I can see you seem shaken up but surely you must want some sort of revenge?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well yeah but where would that get me? i just want to forget about it. i hate thinking about it and try not to. so im not going to let it take over my thoughts and effect me. i am disapointed becuase i thought this person was a really nice guy who has been friendly to me and was a decent person, but i was wrong. of course i am mad at him, but realisticly what can i do? nothing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just another way in which the legal system fails us :( I would be raging, i just cant understand how your so calm, i mean it's good and I envy you for it,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know... maybe i should of done more to stop him at the time. but i was steaming drunk, half asleep and confused, in no fit state for confronting him when i hardly knew where i was or what was going on. its proberly my own fault for even being there, i won't be making that mistake again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand that, its just you seem remarkabley calm and ok about the situation. alot of people would've dwelled on it for along time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    probably because she feels its her fault which is a common response and why hardly anyone reports even rapes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the important thing is to remember that it's not your fault, Lover. You should be able to stay with a workmate without getting sexually assaulted.

    Dwelling on it or going to the police will do precisely diddly squat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »

    Dwelling on it or going to the police will do precisely diddly squat.

    I would never even consider going to the police because something like this happned to me when i was 17, i was sexually assulted by a 40 year old man, reported it to the police and NOTHING happned. So, that has made me loose any confidence i ever had in the police, i spent hours as a 17 year old girl crying in police interviews... but they are useless. my word against his basically which is the same as this time.

    Work had a big night out on Friday, he was there, he must know that i know, i said hello and hugged everybody else but all he got was a curt "hello" and i avoided looking at him or being near him 4 the whole night.... i could tell by the way he was looking at me he knew something was up.
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