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i can't really take this anymore
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really didn't want to post this because i thought that i'd either get a "pull yourself response" that i have in the past or get this post ignored. But a couple of people have urged me to get help.
I'm currently suffering from the following:
night terrors
Vivid Nightmares
Flashbacks
panic attacks
depression
paranoia
mood swings
obessive thoughts about suicide
really trying to not be alone - but yet i'm getting worried about being out, so its a case of getting people to come over to mine...
i'm very irritable
never comfortable
completely exhaused after 10 hours sleep
constantly wanting to cry
when i'm alone i pretty much just want to scream
getting very disturbing ideas and thoughts coming into my head...
I keep wanting to hurt myself but i'm managing to stop myself.
I basically think i'm going mad...
I've been told i have PTSD and Panic disorder, but this is way above and beyond that.
I'm going to the drs tomorrow, but i'm shit scared of being sectioned, and i know that i'd run if that was on the cards. She's also the least helpful person in the world and deeply religious.
I don't really know what to do and i feel like i'm going to implode on myself.
advice for tomorrow?
I'm currently suffering from the following:
night terrors
Vivid Nightmares
Flashbacks
panic attacks
depression
paranoia
mood swings
obessive thoughts about suicide
really trying to not be alone - but yet i'm getting worried about being out, so its a case of getting people to come over to mine...
i'm very irritable
never comfortable
completely exhaused after 10 hours sleep
constantly wanting to cry
when i'm alone i pretty much just want to scream
getting very disturbing ideas and thoughts coming into my head...
I keep wanting to hurt myself but i'm managing to stop myself.
I basically think i'm going mad...
I've been told i have PTSD and Panic disorder, but this is way above and beyond that.
I'm going to the drs tomorrow, but i'm shit scared of being sectioned, and i know that i'd run if that was on the cards. She's also the least helpful person in the world and deeply religious.
I don't really know what to do and i feel like i'm going to implode on myself.
advice for tomorrow?
0
Comments
if your doctor seems like she is going to be unhelpful then i'd write everything you are suffering from like you have done here down on a list so that you feel that you're able to cover everything. if she isnt helpful, ask to switch doctors. i dont know all the details about what you're going through but it doesnt seem like she would section you. i felt like this a long time ago, if i went to the doctor i would be sectioned because they would obviously see how desperate i am if that makes sense? but i dont think it works like that, you may feel as if you are going crazy and losing control but you still seem very much in control and taking the step to go see your doc shows this.
i always ache and i feel so old...i feel like i've lived so many lives and that my mind has burnt out and is just screaming at me...i can't even get to sleep without visions and flashbacks and stuff...
i just want to cry and fade away...
Good luck - try not to worry too much.
was given a prescription of citalopram...i don't really want to take it. it feels like its going to be failure, and its just going to block out the emotions not actually help me sort them out...
i spent most of last night on the phone to nightline because i just felt like i couldn't cope. I've called mind today and hopefully someone will get back to me. I know i need a re asessment...why won't they listen to me?
I know you don't want to take citalopram, but neither did my boyfriend. He didn't have any nasty side effects from it but it has done absolute wonders for him. The difference since him taking citalopram is so incredible that I swear it's worth trying if it can help you too.
i wouldn't risk drinking hun. x
Best to avoid it if you can, I had the occasional drinky poo on meds but can really un-do some of the good work that drugs can do.
I know its a real taboo being under the chemical kosh of anti depressants but if you give them a chance they honestly work. Best thing is to get your mood elevated from what it is now with the medication then go from there and try to improve the other aspects of life your not happy with.
I know that there is not much they can do except keep refering you to the crisis team- did you see the psych doc at A&E? did he ask you about self-refferal to the inpatient dept?
Yup! This is how it worked for my boyfriend, anyways.
Was seen by the crisis team, i definatly don't need to be sectioned, i need to be reassessed, and provided with long term 1-2-1 support. They're gonna look at a whole range of possiblities to see what can be done. but they were saying that i'm doing ever so well to have been able to come so far with my background history and the fact that i was able to seek help before it got to stage where i couldn't access it myself...
it feels shit that this is my second break down and i'm not even 20 yet...
i'm getting very panicy about being alone, but i've got the all clear to go up to edinburgh on the weekend to stay with a friend. the thoughts and the screaming in my head comes back more when i'm by myself - i'm trying to keep myself as busy as possible, watching really interesting films that make me think and draw my attention away from whats happening in my head, talking to friends - mainly about politics and other utter shit.
So, i'm gonna get a call tomorrow afternoon to let me know what the plan of action is, all my friends are sending me texts and calls every couple of hours to check i'm ok if i am alone, but its past midnight and this is the first time i've had to be by myself all day.
the CMH nurses were lovely, and seriously helpful - they've told me to change doctors first things tomorrow, and they are going to send me the complaints procedure form and get someone to help me fill it out. There is still some confusion as to whether i am going to be under one borough or another because of where i am, but i'll leave that up to them to sort out. I've got Mind and my social worker helping me out - my social worker sounds more conserned than my mum - who i'm keeping in the dark pretty much because without putting any blame on her, she hasn't really helped me this time around.
i think its now just a case of keeping active and doing what they ask of me.
*huge sigh of relief*
Have a good weekend
i feel really aggitated, theres no one really around, and i don't want to bother the friends that i was with yesterday and the night before. the visions are still coming thick and fast, but i kinda feel agressive but numb at the same time. huge sugar craving....i can feel a binge eatting session coming on....
uncontolable, but for everything there is an answer and a
solution, it's finding them thats the problem.
I had a rough time in life, the beginning wasn't great and
throughout 2008, I found a solution that gave me a
great insight into what was the cure.. there is one
for you too, take time and think about your feelings
and in what way they can become clear.
Don't stress about this being your 2nd time, I had a number of episodes when i was younger but i think that i learned from each one, and in the end ithe illness has made me stronger in a way- so keep on fighting!
had a friend with my most of the day, but as i came home about 11pm the thoughts and the sick feeling and the utter panic and flashbacks came flooding back. i'm trying to focus my mind on other things so i tire out and can get some sleep.
got someone coming to kings x with me tomorrow morning, but then i have 4 and half hours to entertain myself to edinburgh...i'm taking my laptop and hoping that i'll get someone on msn the whole journey or summat....either that or paulo coelho can keep the demons away for just a while.
i really want to cry, but i just can't seem to do it...
the despair seems to be coming back...
the crisis team are coming with a doctor on tuesday...maybe they'll be able to give me something that might help and won't make me sick as a dog.
The hardest thing i'm finding right now is not relying on a particular friend who wants to help me so much, and she's really helpful, but she's only been out of hospital a few months herself, and she's not yet better really. her boyfriend who is also one of my best friends is also being a huge help, he's only at the end of a phone but i wish i could talk to my mum about all of this. she has no idea, and i know its best to keep her in the dark about how bad i am cos her messing around with my emotions is part of the reason i'm in this mess now.
i'm on the train to edinburgh now, i'm hoping that this will help and not hinder things.
not really sure what to do...i kinda want to run back to london now...
Hey Twisted Trinity
How are you doing? Sound's like things are unsettling for you at the moment. It's great that you are posting here to vent your feelings and keep us updated.
Have you looked into any other options rather than travelling all that distance to the hospital? If not, then is there anyone that can go with you, so you do not feel so freaked out? One idea is to travel the hospital route at least once over the next couple of days so that when you do it on Tuesday, it will be familiar. This should help to ease any feelings of being scared?
Take care - :wave: