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I'm going to try and get someone to come with me, but most people i know have gone home, which means i'm relying on one friend who is sane enough to help me.
today wasn't so good. got kinda paranoid, and then quite down...
i know i need help, but i'm still not out of the woods yet, and i'm scared shitless about it...
I once had a Ruminative thought which is a worst case scenario of bad repeating bad feeling/thought about yourself.
I used this technique to get rid of it, and it worked wonders although in your case you could maybe look into something a bit like this for the short term until you can have some professional bring you back to the normal you.
http://alzheimers.about.com/od/caregivers/ht/Loop_Thoughts.htm
ETA: It's hard for someone who doesnt actively seek such solutions like this to see any value in them, but rest asssured if you read and while reading beleive in it, you can change anything you want to.
good luck!
the visions and urges came back quite a lot today, i felt utterly helpless, dispairing and hopeless...
i'm really starting not to be able to cope. Tomorrow is going to be the first day i've had to spend myself not at home for a week...i'm planning to go shopping so that i don't have a chance to consentrate on whats going on in my head.
Hi twisted_trinity,
Like grahaminneed has said distraction and occupying your time with the things you want to do may something positive for you to do.
good luck with tomorrow and please feel free to share how your feeling with forum if you feel you want to.:)
got around edinburgh, felt like screaming or crying most of the time. I'm in a hell of a lot musclar pain my shoulder is really bad, and i still have my bags to carry home.
i can feel my agression rising its almost like its an allergic reaction to being around people i don't know. i want to scream at them all and smash everything up. - i think i still have enough self control until i get home, but i might have to buy some more china next week...
Ibuprofen for the mean time?
i could take paracetamol, but i' rather not because i might take more than i need...
Is there any ways of relaxing that you know of? I don't know about the other stuff and I think it would be patronising of me to try to tell you how to deal with it, but I think if you can try to alleviate some of this stress thats coming through in one form or another and try to get that mental and emotional calmness it won't cure things like I said but it might help you cope.
Best wishes, you know where I am if you need to talk.
Can't take it anyway, pet, because of your citalopram.
Be better soon xxx
yes, my stress levels are through the roof...no, i'm not throwing up much, just was allergic to the medication they gave me. but i've got aromatherapy oils, and tonnes of books on meditation techniques and a hundred and one other things but nothing is stopping the screaming in my head.
just about managed to get home, but i'm a hour late due to the train being delayed and i got mega pissed off at this girl who put her feet on my seat on the way home. i just gave her an evil glare and then nearly sat on her feet, but i felt like punching her.
so, no one to come with me to the hospital, so if they do section me tomorrow, i'm not going to have anything there because theres gonna be no one there to take my keys and get stuff from my flat.
i was hoping someone would be here so i can hand them all of my ceremonal weapons for safe keeping and give them all my stockpiles of medication to dispose of....
my lecturers now know whats going on and my mum is now demanding to know whats happening...i don't want her over here, even if i am going to be sectioned and given ECT i don't care, she isn't coming over to london...
she's a total bitch and i'm beginning to hate her.
they have refered me on to a psychologist, but they want me to go for anger management (wft?! i'm gonna have to go several times a week to sit in a room with a load of wife beaters and ASBO adults...great!), CBT (i really don't want to, but i'll give it a try), and Psychotherapy (but there is a three month plus waiting list). Plus, quite high dosage of citraline and a low dosage of an antipsychotic. i did ask and i can drink moderately on these! yay!
but all of this support is miles away and it takes ages to get to. they keep telling me because of the borough i'm in i can't access the services that are litrally next door to me....ffs!
i also asked if i could have my own worker rather than having different mental health nurses coming and seeing me every day...they said they can't do that...i need my own worker!
so, overall i felt like they didn't really listen to me, they made assumptions and basically made me feel like i'm really not a priority of theirs...which i'm probably not really...but it made me feel like they don't really care...
i had a friend telling me i should just chill out...i felt like having a go at him, because he just seriously hasn't a clue...
i don't know what to do now...
Thats what theyve put me on for my anxiety and its worked wonders
they are basically treating my obessional suicidal thoughts as somewhat psychotic...
if they don't have the facilities surely they can refer me to someone that does...i.e social services?
Its well known that treatment for mental health problems is basically trial and error. I hope they find something that works soon.
Short of a time machine, I dont see how you can sort out your past issues. Therapy helps, but it cant change the past and the way you deal with things as a direct response to all youve learned. Im glad youve accepted the medication because sometimes you have to just go with that because in a lot of cases, its even more effective than therapy at helping you to just lead a normal life, even if deep down youre not "fixed" You just live with what youve got, and you DO have a lot of good things in your life that make it worthwhile, although undoubtedly a lot of baggage too
its so bloody hard
For the record, I'd go visit the doc with you and take you for a pub lunch after.
Keep going, keep busy and keep happy
i'm struggling to keep busy...i need things to do. I want to go food shopping, but i don't feel happy going to the supermarket on my own...i'm gonna have to unless i can sort something else out. i need to do things that make me happy...and i don't know what to do...
i'm meant to go to ju jitsu tonight, but i don't really feel up to it...
The community mental health nurses felt that the consultant hadn't listened to them either! i'm so glad its not just me! They are going to call me later, to see if i can be see 3 times a week instead of everyday, and by the next door hospital not the one 45 mins away! yay!
someone listens!
Yay!
God, sometimes all it takes is to find someone with their head screwed on.
very fragile...
i really need a hug! :crying:
It's the best I can do. This is the internet, after all.
AWW! So cute!
I give one of those too!
argh i jsut wish i had my friends around instead of one with food poisoning, two working, another is ill and everyone else is off in their respective homes...
the meds have made me feel stupidly lethargic, i'm bored senseless, the antipsychotics aren't really working...
still, haven't seen any friends since monday...i'm getting a bit cabin feverish, but i can't really go out myself atm...
had screaming in my head most of the evening, tried to get to sleep and i had flashbacks. i've taken all my meds, and its hasn't really helped, and i feel kinda fragile and shakey. called the crisis team, was told the nurses are coming to see me tomorrow and to stay up if it continues and watch a film or read a book or summat...
so its some like it hot, with flashbacks....great!
is anyone still reading this? because if not i'll start a blog instead of clogging up space here.