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15 and pregnant
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
no not me my lil sis, she's involved with a 26 year old who is well known to the police and seems to have a hting for young girls yet she's besotted with him, she is now 8 weeks pregnant saying the baby is her ex boyfriends but terry(the 26 year old) is going to raise it as his own. To me and my family this all seems like a cover up story as my parents were going to prosecute terry for underage sex. My sister is so mentsally immature she cannot handle a baby, the girl still sucks her thumb and crys when she doesnt get her own way and throws tantrums etc she acts like a 3 year old, how can the authorities etc ,let her bring new life into the world when it will onbly end up in care, we ae trying to get her to see sense but now shes saying "i won't even think about an abortion because you lot just keep pissing me off" she just thinks it's all a joke and allgood fun but she doesn;t seem to realise a baby isn't a toy.
Is there anything we can do in regards to getting rid of the baby and prosectuing her bf
Is there anything we can do in regards to getting rid of the baby and prosectuing her bf
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I don't think they can force her to have an abortion.
won't you and your family help out in raising it?
:eek2: That HAS to be a joke, right?? :crazyeyes
Is your mum an ostrich with her head stuck in the sand ?
'Ooooo my 15 year old daughter, who's too immature to look after a baby and acts like a 3 year old is pregnant, what shall i do ? I know, i'll disown the baby and have her removed from my house, that'll sort it' :rolleyes:
Nice mother you've got there. Your sister is going through the most traumatic time of her life so far and her mother just wants to 'get rid'.
You all need to step back and consider that the central part of this is your sister AND her baby. If she wants to keep it you should respect that and give her all the support you can. Yeah, it's a pretty crap situation, 15 year old girl pregnant by a 26 year old, but you need to deal with and disowning or pressuring her to have an abortion is not the right way, IMO, to go about it.
Have you thought about talking to someone like Brook Advisory ? Often someone unconnected to the situation and dispassionate can get through to people and see the realities of the situation.
More than anything your sister needs her family's, and i would say especially her mothers', care, love and support right now and the help to make the right decision for her.
How much information and advice is your sister getting? I don't think that there is anyway you can force someone to have an abortion, however incapable you think they may or may not be. Proving mental incapacity for someone who is otherwise a going concern is very difficult and I'd be amazed if you found anyone who would even consider trying to do so.
You need parental consent to carry out a procedure, but once a child is 15 it is very difficult for a parent to be able to force a medical procedure against their will.
Getting social services involved may help, but it won't be the answer to anyones prayers. I think what your sister needs is someone to talk the whole thing through with her, what happens throughout the pregnancy, birth, and the long term implications on her life, her education and what bringing up a child entails.
Brook may be a good place to look for this information, or some other organisation. Your local family planning clinic may be able to help as well.
However hard it is, try not to push her away at this time she needs you and your support if you can bear to give it, don't bully her but help get get advice and information.
I'm sure Helen or someone will be along later with some useful contacts, in the meantime you probably need a big hug!
xx
Im shocked your mum wants to disown her or put the baby in care.
This is obviously a shock for you and your family, and I'm sorry to hear the circumstances of your sisters pregnancy. On the upside - what others have said is true - there is lots of support out there for your sis, and for you if you would like it.
In terms of your sisters age, as far as I can see, prosecution would be possible against Terry. If as you say the police are already aware of this guy then there is more chance of a case going somewhere, but then your sister being so close to the age of consent could also make a difference. I guess it's down to you and your family to do as you see fit.
There are plenty of articles about pregnancy that would be relevant for your sister here - and it may be a good idea to print a couple of for her to see what options she has:
I'm pregnant: what now?
Young mums
Life as a new parent
For pregnancy advice, your sister can ring the fpa on 0845 3101334
As already mentioned, Brook Advisory Centres if available in your area, can offer confidential counselling relating to pregnancy. For information on key sexual health issues any time of day or night call their 24-hour information line 020 7950 7700. Here's a map with the locations for all the local centres.
If you sister decides to go ahead with the pregnancy then the organisation Tommy's has plenty of info and advice about pregnancy health. They have a helpline on: 0870 777 3060.
Overall, it's really important for you to pass this info on to your sister and really encourage her to get in touch with one of the organisations as it sounds like she could really do with some impartial advice and support.
From your point of view, if you're finding it all too much to cope with you could also consider seeking confidential support from an organisation like supportline. You can call them on (020) 8554 9004 or send an email to info@supportline.org.uk.
Take care.
The things you said that she had said just really pissed me off i don't understand how someone in her position could be so immature and selfish. If i was her id be shitting myself.
If she isn't going to back down maybe your mum and her should sit down and tell her that your here for her all the way and will support her whatever, tell her what having a baby entails and how it will change her life, maybe then she will consider an abortion as she won't have anything to be rebel against if she knows your ok with it.
I just hope she comes to her senses or grows up ALOT before it is too late.
Sorry to hear about your situation, it's a terrible one alright.
Two weeks?
Then she's 22 weeks gone?
She's playing along but she's not accepting it as reality, more as a bit of a joke that will go away. That doesn't help anything, all it does is show her immaturity. She needs someone to sit down with her and go through all the pratical details, make her work out what she is going to live on, point out the short comings of benefits, work out what her plans are going to be for child care etc. This may help her come back down onto planet earth and face up to reality and it would probably be better if it wasn't a family member.
She is 8 weeks now so add 2 weeks and you get 10 weeks I take it Maths wasn't your strong point!
Shut it, you
No - why 2 weeks, seeing as 24 weeks is the cut off.
Is the two weeks an ultimatum set by the family?
I am absolutely in agreement with whomever said she - and you all - should be getting some impartial, factual advice. If a decision is going to be made then the sooner the better. If she's going to have the baby then she sooner she wakes up - and smells the nappies - the better. Other people have posted with similar situations and while I understand that you feel really impotent and helpless in this situation - she makes the decision at the end of the day and her right to make that decision isn't affected at all by her maturity levels. I think if she was better informed about her options and about the fact that if she does continue with the pregnancy then she needs to alter her ways then it might be something of a wake-up call. I don't want to put it across as a scare tactic, I just get the feeling that she might still be in the denial mode that some teen (and older!) mothers-to-be are able to maintain for the whole nine months!
Is she happy about the pregnancy? Has she even spoken candidly about it? I imagine that she's probably scared witless, even if it is masked by bravado and brattiness and "I'm not going to change my life" talk. The bottom line being that her life has already changed - she is pregnant and the only way she's going to no longer be pregnant is by making a decision to have an abortion or a decision to bring the child into the world (obviously more options become available after-birth).
It's easy to imagine and expect that when a woman [and especially a young woman who probably had no immediate plans to become a mother] gets pregnant she immediately feels naturally inclined to lead a healthy, virtuous life for her own sake and that of her child. That she immediately grows up. That she knows what she wants, either way. Supporting her is the best you can do, as SCC says it will be a quick lesson - 'How to Grow Up 101' - indeed.
The boyfriend is a complication. It isn't his child? I'm actually quite surprised that he's so supportive, have you spoken to him about this at all or aren't you on speaking terms with him? There isn't an awful lot of communication going on and that's what you really need to try and do, break down the barriers of family politics and who doesn't like who. It all pales into insignifigance, now.
I know you must be really concerned about your sister, but at the end of the day it's night and it's her decision. She has to step up to the plate and no amount of cajoling will make her, as unfortunate as that is. Are you able to sit down and talk frankly and seriously with your sister? Don't hold back, she needs to know the facts and that no magic decision fairy is going to take these decisions out of her hands. Be open and honest with her, and encourage her to be the same way. All the best to all of you
The doctor suggested giving her 2 weeks to decide as the sooner a decision is made the better and if she does decide to have an abortion it's easier the earlier it is.
Please don't judge your sister or try and force her to do anything she doeens't want to. If the whole family are constantly going on at her to 'get rid' of the baby or what she sees as having a go, it'll only make her more stubborn and she'll continue making silly remarks like "I'll take the baby with me clubbing". Deep down she probably knows she won't be able to do that, and like other people have said she's probably really scared - she's acting like the doesn't care either to wind you all up or to disguise her fears - or maybe both.
I know it seems like the best thing to do is to use shock tactics to try and get her to see sense, or to try and guilt her into changing her mind - but it won't help.
She needs to speak to someone outside the family - are there any friends/neighbours that would talk to your sister? If not then please try and get her to call either a helpline (childline or a brook advisory clinic near you maybe? not sure...) or get her to your gp for a chat.
You're her big sister, so maybe you could try sitting her down in private for a quiet sisterly chat.
Tell her you care about her and you're worried she's not emotionally ready for a child. Ask how she'll provide for the baby, whether she wants to continue school and then ask her to do and see your GP for a chat about her options. Not necessarily abortion; this includes keeping the baby too - hopefully your doctor will be able to arrange counseeling or something for your sister.
Bottom line = don't pressure her into anything she doesn't want to do, don't blame or bad mouth her boyfriend (I know it's hard) as that will just bring the two of them closer together - and you might lose her altogether - and don't shout at her or try and belittle her.
SUPPORT HER. She'll need it
If she has an abortion to please your family and to try and correct her "wrongs" it could become the biggest mistake she ever makes and could leave her in pain (emotionally) for the rest of her life. Equally if she keeps the baby she might also regret that for the rest of her life. But I think the most important thing is that she makes a decision that she is comfortable with and that your whole family support her in whatever that choice might be.
The fact is one way or another her life is going to change forever and that for anyone is a daunting prospect, she will need your help right now even if she doesn't appear to want it!