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15 and pregnant

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
no not me my lil sis, she's involved with a 26 year old who is well known to the police and seems to have a hting for young girls yet she's besotted with him, she is now 8 weeks pregnant saying the baby is her ex boyfriends but terry(the 26 year old) is going to raise it as his own. To me and my family this all seems like a cover up story as my parents were going to prosecute terry for underage sex. My sister is so mentsally immature she cannot handle a baby, the girl still sucks her thumb and crys when she doesnt get her own way and throws tantrums etc she acts like a 3 year old, how can the authorities etc ,let her bring new life into the world when it will onbly end up in care, we ae trying to get her to see sense but now shes saying "i won't even think about an abortion because you lot just keep pissing me off" she just thinks it's all a joke and allgood fun but she doesn;t seem to realise a baby isn't a toy.
Is there anything we can do in regards to getting rid of the baby and prosectuing her bf
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can't just get rid of a baby what a fucking ridiculous thing to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we're desperate, surely theres gotta be some sorta thing to say if mentally shes incapable of making such decisions its up to my parents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we're desperate, surely theres gotta be some sorta thing to say if mentally shes incapable of making such decisions its up to my parents

    I don't think they can force her to have an abortion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they must be able to do something the child will only end up in care anyways
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they must be able to do something the child will only end up in care anyways


    won't you and your family help out in raising it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum has called in social services because she cant have my sister living here as she can't bear to see her getting fat and she has already disowned the baby as have most of the family that know because it's a big mistake and the bloke she's involved with is such a wrongun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum has called in social services because she cant have my sister living here as she can't bear to see her getting fat

    :eek2: That HAS to be a joke, right?? :crazyeyes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    :eek2: That HAS to be a joke, right?? :crazyeyes
    I think what the OP meant was that her Mum wont be able to cope with seeing her daughter putting on pregnancy weight and having to see the daily reminder of her daughters mistake, rather than OMG Im phoning the social cos you ate too many pies.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what's stopping you from still prosecuting him? tbh, you can't make her have an abortion, and telling her to will only make her resist to piss you off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My sister is so mentsally immature she cannot handle a baby, the girl still sucks her thumb and crys when she doesnt get her own way and throws tantrums etc she acts like a 3 year old

    my mum has called in social services because she cant have my sister living here as she can't bear to see her getting fat and she has already disowned the baby


    Is your mum an ostrich with her head stuck in the sand ?

    'Ooooo my 15 year old daughter, who's too immature to look after a baby and acts like a 3 year old is pregnant, what shall i do ? I know, i'll disown the baby and have her removed from my house, that'll sort it' :rolleyes:

    Nice mother you've got there. Your sister is going through the most traumatic time of her life so far and her mother just wants to 'get rid'.

    You all need to step back and consider that the central part of this is your sister AND her baby. If she wants to keep it you should respect that and give her all the support you can. Yeah, it's a pretty crap situation, 15 year old girl pregnant by a 26 year old, but you need to deal with and disowning or pressuring her to have an abortion is not the right way, IMO, to go about it.

    Have you thought about talking to someone like Brook Advisory ? Often someone unconnected to the situation and dispassionate can get through to people and see the realities of the situation.

    More than anything your sister needs her family's, and i would say especially her mothers', care, love and support right now and the help to make the right decision for her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's some really good stuff from Rubberskin.

    How much information and advice is your sister getting? I don't think that there is anyway you can force someone to have an abortion, however incapable you think they may or may not be. Proving mental incapacity for someone who is otherwise a going concern is very difficult and I'd be amazed if you found anyone who would even consider trying to do so.

    You need parental consent to carry out a procedure, but once a child is 15 it is very difficult for a parent to be able to force a medical procedure against their will.

    Getting social services involved may help, but it won't be the answer to anyones prayers. I think what your sister needs is someone to talk the whole thing through with her, what happens throughout the pregnancy, birth, and the long term implications on her life, her education and what bringing up a child entails.

    Brook may be a good place to look for this information, or some other organisation. Your local family planning clinic may be able to help as well.

    However hard it is, try not to push her away at this time she needs you and your support if you can bear to give it, don't bully her but help get get advice and information.

    I'm sure Helen or someone will be along later with some useful contacts, in the meantime you probably need a big hug!

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why do you think the baby will end up in care? lots of girls have kids young and take care of them ok, sure she may still act very young but once the baby arrives she'll grow up quickly and learn to deal with it. I dont think pressuring her to have an abortion is a good idea as she will probably end up hating the lot of you. I understand how you must feel with her boyfriend being so much older than her but unless you actually have proof of the baby being his or of them having sex i dont think you'll be able to prosecute him. I think you should just support your sisters decision and hope it all turns out well
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this will be a quick growing up lesson for her, but theres no excuse for pressuring someone to have an abortion. Ok so having the baby is not ideal, but if she wants it, its her body, her choice.
    Im shocked your mum wants to disown her or put the baby in care.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey Prettygreeneyes,

    This is obviously a shock for you and your family, and I'm sorry to hear the circumstances of your sisters pregnancy. On the upside - what others have said is true - there is lots of support out there for your sis, and for you if you would like it. :)

    In terms of your sisters age, as far as I can see, prosecution would be possible against Terry. If as you say the police are already aware of this guy then there is more chance of a case going somewhere, but then your sister being so close to the age of consent could also make a difference. I guess it's down to you and your family to do as you see fit.

    There are plenty of articles about pregnancy that would be relevant for your sister here - and it may be a good idea to print a couple of for her to see what options she has:

    I'm pregnant: what now?

    Young mums

    Life as a new parent

    For pregnancy advice, your sister can ring the fpa on 0845 3101334

    As already mentioned, Brook Advisory Centres if available in your area, can offer confidential counselling relating to pregnancy. For information on key sexual health issues any time of day or night call their 24-hour information line 020 7950 7700. Here's a map with the locations for all the local centres.

    If you sister decides to go ahead with the pregnancy then the organisation Tommy's has plenty of info and advice about pregnancy health. They have a helpline on: 0870 777 3060.

    Overall, it's really important for you to pass this info on to your sister and really encourage her to get in touch with one of the organisations as it sounds like she could really do with some impartial advice and support.

    From your point of view, if you're finding it all too much to cope with you could also consider seeking confidential support from an organisation like supportline. You can call them on (020) 8554 9004 or send an email to [email protected].

    Take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not that its of any real use but the man sounds like scum - send your da/brothers round and sort him out :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the baby would end up in care because my sister is more interested in going out and getting drunk with her friends, and when we said she wouldn't be able to do that her answer was that she'd take the baby with her. to her it's just a toy it's not real it's just the latest doll, even when we look after my 2 year old cousin over night and have done since she was born whenever she started crying and we was trying to sleepmy sis would get so moany and complain cause she was tired and had the hump so how the hell is she gonna manage it day in and day out and her having to attend to the baby and not my mum. My mum is only 38 and it's a big shock for her to think of becoming a grandma, my sister is her youngest still her baby and she can't bear to see her going through it all as it would break her heart. People have tryed talking to her even the doctor was getting frustrated because my sister doesn't live in reality but in her own deluded fantasy where she has a smart unrealistic answer for everything. And when you try and mention what pregnancy entails and the morning sickness and pain of childbirth she gets all embarrassed by it and will go "lalala i'm not listening to you i don't wanna talk to you" she wouldn't even let the doctor feel her tummy until the doctor got very strict with her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel very sorry for that baby and for your family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's not just the implications it's gonna have on my sister, it's the baby as well it's not gonna have the life it deserves
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well when the baby is born it could go either way, she could take to it like a duck to water, or won't want it. I can understand why you're so frustrated though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Exactly, its not fair and she needs to realise that but as you have said its all just a game for her.

    The things you said that she had said just really pissed me off i don't understand how someone in her position could be so immature and selfish. If i was her id be shitting myself.

    If she isn't going to back down maybe your mum and her should sit down and tell her that your here for her all the way and will support her whatever, tell her what having a baby entails and how it will change her life, maybe then she will consider an abortion as she won't have anything to be rebel against if she knows your ok with it.

    I just hope she comes to her senses or grows up ALOT before it is too late.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's what we all want is for her just to wake up, at the moment we've decided not to mention the subject as she could be using it as a way to get attention so she's got 2 weeks to decide what she's going to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe it'll hit home eventually and realise that she'll have to grow up very quickly.

    Sorry to hear about your situation, it's a terrible one alright.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's what we all want is for her just to wake up, at the moment we've decided not to mention the subject as she could be using it as a way to get attention so she's got 2 weeks to decide what she's going to do.

    Two weeks?

    Then she's 22 weeks gone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suspect she is shit scared, and is dealing it with the way kids do, by going la la and pretending it's not real and it's not happening.

    She's playing along but she's not accepting it as reality, more as a bit of a joke that will go away. That doesn't help anything, all it does is show her immaturity. She needs someone to sit down with her and go through all the pratical details, make her work out what she is going to live on, point out the short comings of benefits, work out what her plans are going to be for child care etc. This may help her come back down onto planet earth and face up to reality and it would probably be better if it wasn't a family member.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Two weeks?

    Then she's 24 weeks gone?

    She is 8 weeks now so add 2 weeks and you get 10 weeks :p I take it Maths wasn't your strong point!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    She is 8 weeks now so add 2 weeks and you get 10 weeks :p I take it Maths wasn't your strong point!

    Shut it, you :p

    No - why 2 weeks, seeing as 24 weeks is the cut off.

    Is the two weeks an ultimatum set by the family?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really feel for all of you in this situation, it must be incredibly frustrating for you and your family... and more than likely a very scary time for your sister.

    I am absolutely in agreement with whomever said she - and you all - should be getting some impartial, factual advice. If a decision is going to be made then the sooner the better. If she's going to have the baby then she sooner she wakes up - and smells the nappies - the better. Other people have posted with similar situations and while I understand that you feel really impotent and helpless in this situation - she makes the decision at the end of the day and her right to make that decision isn't affected at all by her maturity levels. I think if she was better informed about her options and about the fact that if she does continue with the pregnancy then she needs to alter her ways then it might be something of a wake-up call. I don't want to put it across as a scare tactic, I just get the feeling that she might still be in the denial mode that some teen (and older!) mothers-to-be are able to maintain for the whole nine months!

    Is she happy about the pregnancy? Has she even spoken candidly about it? I imagine that she's probably scared witless, even if it is masked by bravado and brattiness and "I'm not going to change my life" talk. The bottom line being that her life has already changed - she is pregnant and the only way she's going to no longer be pregnant is by making a decision to have an abortion or a decision to bring the child into the world (obviously more options become available after-birth).

    It's easy to imagine and expect that when a woman [and especially a young woman who probably had no immediate plans to become a mother] gets pregnant she immediately feels naturally inclined to lead a healthy, virtuous life for her own sake and that of her child. That she immediately grows up. That she knows what she wants, either way. Supporting her is the best you can do, as SCC says it will be a quick lesson - 'How to Grow Up 101' - indeed.

    The boyfriend is a complication. It isn't his child? I'm actually quite surprised that he's so supportive, have you spoken to him about this at all or aren't you on speaking terms with him? There isn't an awful lot of communication going on and that's what you really need to try and do, break down the barriers of family politics and who doesn't like who. It all pales into insignifigance, now.

    I know you must be really concerned about your sister, but at the end of the day it's night and it's her decision. She has to step up to the plate and no amount of cajoling will make her, as unfortunate as that is. Are you able to sit down and talk frankly and seriously with your sister? Don't hold back, she needs to know the facts and that no magic decision fairy is going to take these decisions out of her hands. Be open and honest with her, and encourage her to be the same way. All the best to all of you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    our theory is that it is her bfs baby and she's protecting him by saying it's someone elses. No-one from my family is on speaking terms with him at all and the when we had trouble with my sister running away to his, when the police realised who it was they said "keep her away from him" he really is bad beyond bad.
    The doctor suggested giving her 2 weeks to decide as the sooner a decision is made the better and if she does decide to have an abortion it's easier the earlier it is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm pregnant and when I first found out, I'd just split from my boyfriend (the father of the baby). Over the past few months I've been so mixed up; sometimes I'd be excited but most of the time I was petrified I wouldn't be able to afford a baby, raise it responsibly etc. It's a big thing to have to do, and being so young would be even harder I'd imagine.

    Please don't judge your sister or try and force her to do anything she doeens't want to. If the whole family are constantly going on at her to 'get rid' of the baby or what she sees as having a go, it'll only make her more stubborn and she'll continue making silly remarks like "I'll take the baby with me clubbing". Deep down she probably knows she won't be able to do that, and like other people have said she's probably really scared - she's acting like the doesn't care either to wind you all up or to disguise her fears - or maybe both.
    I know it seems like the best thing to do is to use shock tactics to try and get her to see sense, or to try and guilt her into changing her mind - but it won't help.

    She needs to speak to someone outside the family - are there any friends/neighbours that would talk to your sister? If not then please try and get her to call either a helpline (childline or a brook advisory clinic near you maybe? not sure...) or get her to your gp for a chat.
    You're her big sister, so maybe you could try sitting her down in private for a quiet sisterly chat.
    Tell her you care about her and you're worried she's not emotionally ready for a child. Ask how she'll provide for the baby, whether she wants to continue school and then ask her to do and see your GP for a chat about her options. Not necessarily abortion; this includes keeping the baby too - hopefully your doctor will be able to arrange counseeling or something for your sister.

    Bottom line = don't pressure her into anything she doesn't want to do, don't blame or bad mouth her boyfriend (I know it's hard) as that will just bring the two of them closer together - and you might lose her altogether - and don't shout at her or try and belittle her.
    SUPPORT HER. She'll need it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel really bad for you, I can see why you are so concerned and anxious for your sister to make a decision but I really can't understand why your family are dealing with the situation by contacting Social Services. I know that your mum must be struggling with all this and of course it has probably come as a massive and terrible shock to you all but I honestly believe that suggesting to your sister that the baby will be taken in to care or won't be looked after or she won't be able to do all the things her friends are doing is quite cruel. However shocked you and your family are, it is your sister that is carrying the baby and ultimately has to live with her decision forever.

    If she has an abortion to please your family and to try and correct her "wrongs" it could become the biggest mistake she ever makes and could leave her in pain (emotionally) for the rest of her life. Equally if she keeps the baby she might also regret that for the rest of her life. But I think the most important thing is that she makes a decision that she is comfortable with and that your whole family support her in whatever that choice might be.

    The fact is one way or another her life is going to change forever and that for anyone is a daunting prospect, she will need your help right now even if she doesn't appear to want it!
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